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January 17, 2005


Have we got a catch for you.

(Thanks to Jim Mogle)


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And by catch, you mean he is a fish?

Oh, you mean 'fish for brains'

Why the terrorists hate us #1

Key quote: "If you're going to do something, do it right. Don't half-ass it."

Well, he certainly isn't half-assing being a moron, you have to give him that.

"Probably the most elemental meaning he derives from the movies' various editions is Yoda's, "Do or do not. There is no try."

It fits in with his approach to life: "If you're going to do something, do it right. Don't half-ass it.""

and then at the end of the article:

""But I don't want to regret not doing this. If I end up not making it, and my will is broken, and I go home, at least I'll have tried.""

So, he says you shouldn't 'half-ass' anything, but if he fails, then 'at least he tried?'

"Pity him not" the article urges.


Still trying....

Oops. Just went all Mr. T on his ass...

Are my tax dollars somehow getting into his pockets? If so, I'm aginnit. If not, who cares?

WHY!?! For goodness sakes, WHY!?!

If I have to take my car every other year to get an emissions test, WHY does this guy (and so as not to discriminate - others like him) not have to go to a psychologist to make sure that they aren't a red sponge nose short of being a clown?

The world would be such a better place... collect all the whackos and send them off to live in Neverland with the Prince of Pop.

By the time I reached the end of the article, I couldn't remember why I was reading it; I think it took about 10 points off my already-low IQ.

Or maybe I just shouldn't have been fooling around with that nail gun over the weekend.

This person just may well serve as further proof of the non-existence of our Lord Je...er...uh...Darth Vader.

"Fortunately, a former job in telemarketing prepared him well...".
Any of you who may feel pity for this person, read the above. I for one wish Biblical level weather on him throughout is vigil. Perhaps throw in a few locust to boot.

"Catch?" throw him back.

Why is this writeup so long? The snake article was a mere 4 sentences, instead of 50+ here.

I mean, it's belly-dragging slitherers that are being covered in both cases. Why the favoritism?

Please tell me he's on welfare. I like to know that my tax dollars are well spent on useful members of society. Speaking of welfare, did anybody here that Ontario (those wacky liberal Canadians) just caught a major crime figure wanted by Interpol who was... you guessed it! Living on welfare!

Jamester - Texas translation of your Mr. T comment.... I'm agonna visit some serious Whoop-Ass on that thar varmit!

He's not on welfare, he's not hurting anybody and he's having a good time... There are a lot of people who are searching for exactly what he has. I applaud the man and through his inspiration I'm going to camp out on Dave's front lawn until he writes another column.

lWC, I would(not wood)be careful about that camping on the lawn thing. Dave lives in Florida, and the creepy-crawly index in South Florida is extremely high. Having lived there, I can tell you from experience that the things that go "bump in the night" defy human comprehension. I can also tell you from experience that those large men that hang around Dave are not there to learn the ins and outs of writing a humour column.

I had not seen that.

*looks at watch* Jeez that probe is taking a long time getting here.

igloo qoute ....human comprehension...

When did you get promoted from creepy-crawler to human?

C-bol, what drew you to that site. The marvelous video or the "legal Marijuana"?

igloo - I have only ever watched videos of legal marijuana, and I squinted during the inhale scenes.

plus, I was in Europe at the time.

Not sure what qoute means(I got headaches last week over the "quod erat demonstratum thingy"), but if I surmise your question correctly, I was promoted after my wife decided to head to the "left coast" with some fat guy who was constantly bitten on the butt by sharks.

The kid's not hurting anybody (but himself)...sure, he's being an idiot, but at least not an aggressive one.

It's not going to work with the chicks though.

I have to say that I'm totally with WC on this one.

Don't worry, I'm arranging for a friend in Seattle to have him "arrested" May 18th. I'm sure he's a prank-loving guy.

wow..thanks Dave...now I know I have found my man...

as a fellow star wars nerd, i'd just like to say, "may the force be with you, jeff!"

i've already found myself a star wars nerd, so i guess i'll leave this one for another girl.

His friends (??) did that to him. Poor guy...I feel awful for him and I hope his so called friends get infested with the fleas of a thousand camels.

You do have to wonder exactly how he supports himself. Maybe he's the guy selling his soul on E-Bay. Any takers? I dunno, but I lean toward the I-just-got-evicted theory.


*shrugs* You know, I went to the midnight showing of the special edition ROTJ and Episode One (the latter of which has a lot to do with why I'm no longer into Star Wars), and saw all three Lord of the Rings movies in a row the day ROTK opened, but I always thought that the fun side of waiting in line was doing so with other fans. Around here that means the day of the opening. Although I can see why in bigger cities it might mean a bit before that- bigger population equals bigger competition for tickets- I don't understand why it would be fun to get there that much before everybody else.

All in all, I'm with WC, too- though I'm glad my geek's another more moderate one like me.

My husband got up at 4 in the morning to go to the Jewish bazaar which is where you can basically buy a ferrari for under $20 and I refused on the general principle that I really like my sleep and refuse to dig through bins of stuff looking for what I want.

The only time I ever made it to a first showing was when I had someone stand in line for me. (Hey - I paid for his ticket). I figure the movie will be in theaters for about 100 years so I would never sacrifice personal comfort to be first.

Then again, I didn't get interviewed on Larry King Live...

Hmmmm... how did I do that?

Blog Gods - where are you?

Interesting. Now my previous comment (which had a link to my secret identity) is gone.

Apparently my appeal to the Blog Gods worked!

i agree - throw him back. get a job, bub!

Is it too late for me to snap this guy up? He still has more committment to a goal than my ex ever did and I married that last loser. Besides, he's sleeping on a periwinkle blue sofa - it must be fate.

I agree with Tamara - see above - I fell asleep halfway through the article - did anything actually happen???????

Peri - Thats not a sofa - thats what we called in college a flip & "a not so nice word that I cant use here, because Dave will delete my comment".
A sofa is not made entirely of foam covered in a thin film of so-called fabric....

Then again, better you than me! Have at him!!!

Cbol - I'm looking forward to perusing the Star Wars Kid Site when I have a bit more time.

Until then, the Probe!

I agree with you, Jeff. Never have so many years of anticipation been concluded but such utter disappointment.

Except for maybe my first wife's disappointment on our wedding night.

huh. wonder why anyone would ever call that guy a loser? weird. seems like a total winner to me.

A productive member of society! I wonder if he's also a pool man?

I think it would be great to show up the day of the movie opening and then wait for him to get up to go to the bathroom and take his place.

Then when he comes back, you know no one in line will back him up, that's just part of being the loser he is (not that there's anything wrong with that, other than, well, a lot of things actually).

The only problem with the plan is the whole having to touch his couch aspect, so I say we burn it. Ok, there's actually more than one problem: the whole having to go see the movie, but actually we don't have to.

That would be the best, you steal his place, which he's been holding forever, burn his couch, have everyone deny it, and then, when the ticket window opens, say: "Nah, don't feel like going," and walk away.

You are all terrible, horrible, loathesome, vicious people! Plotting against this young, impressionable graphic designer who chooses to live on the streets in order to fulfill his dream of not getting caught with all those nickels... SEARCH HIS SOFA! SEARCH HIS SOFA! SWARM! SWARM!

Christobol - excellent column this week, as usual! Post link on all MB's and elsewhere

*feels like C-bol's shill - wonders if she'll get a nickel for this*

Thanks Eleanor - I stapled a sack of nickels to a migratory squirrel and sent him your way!

Jeff M.I fell asleep halfway through Episode 1
Outraged I am ! No Claire Martin you are!

if he were camping out for the original star wars trilogy, i'd be one of the women hooting, "yeah baby, where do i find me one of those?"

but for the current marketing-nightmare sellout flop trilogy? ugh. okay, he needs his head examined.

I fell asleep for the feature, but woke up for the trailing credits and commentary ...

tnx bloglits ... I needed that ...

This guy makes me think I've wasted my whole life ... working for a living, raising kids, sending them to college, paying taxes, going to church, reading books (instead of waiting for someone to spoon-feed me an imaginary world), flossing, buying car insurance, supporting worthwhile causes like Puck Whacker and the American Cancer Society, sharing stories and memories and hugs with relatives on special days, reading Dave Barry ...

Yup. This guy is what it's all about, and I'm a loser ...

Don't worry, u.o. Most people come to realize that fact before they die.
Of course, for many, realization and death are not separated by long lengths of time.

I went to see the last one at the midnight showing and me and my b/f were the only ones in costume.
Therefore, from the previous sentence you may safely conclude that this guy is my new best friend.
"Don't get cocky kid!"
heh heh

M/PA -

... thud ...

"Do or do not. There is no try."

Bum or bum not? There is no want.

Remind me: Why isn't this guy married? Because he's stupid! He could be sipping Mai Tais on the beach for four months? Last time I checked, Hawaii had movie theaters!

I heard about this guy listening to the Bob & Tom show about a week ago. One thing they mentioned that wasn't covered in the article is:

They don't know that the theater he's waiting at is even going to show the Star Wars movie when it's released.

I liked his comment about being interested in fine dining...
I'm sure if I lived on a foam sofa on a sidewalk in Seattle, I'd be mighty interested in fine dining. I wouldn't actually be doing any fine dining, but I sure would be interested in it.

Heard this on the radio this morning.
"I was homeless for awhile, but I didn't want anyone to know. So I camped out in front of a Ticketmaster."

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