ATTENTION, PEOPLE WHO CANNOT STOP THEMSELVES FROM WATCHING 24 NO MATTER HOW LUDICROUSLY IMPROBABLE THE PLOT GETS (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)
OK, so the president of the United States is about to launch a missile strike against a building in California in an effort -- assuming I understand the plot correctly -- to kill Secretary of Defense William Devane before the terrorists can kill him first. Jack Bauer is also on the scene, but he has been ordered to -- as they say on 24 -- "stand down." So the question is: Will Jack defy orders and go in there and kill a dozen bad guys? Or will Jack defy orders and go in there and kill two dozen bad guys? The suspense is killing us.
Man am I glad I stopped watching 24 before the first season.
Posted by: Marvin | Paranoid Android | January 24, 2005 at 12:23 PM
Jack, in his inimiatable style, will charge in, kill the SecDef, then just before the missile strike, he will hop in his recently purchased double naught vehicle that resembles an old steam iron, and intercept the missle, sending it to LaJolla, Ca., where nothing interesting happens.
Posted by: igloo | January 24, 2005 at 12:23 PM
At least two dozen bad guys, and probably ssome cops for good measure.
Posted by: Duckie | January 24, 2005 at 12:23 PM
William Devane is the Secretary of State?
Whew!! At FIRST, I thought it was going to be Condoleeza Rice.
Posted by: slyeyes | January 24, 2005 at 12:24 PM
Booger! If I hadn't made sure I spelled Condie's name correctly, I WOULD have been first.
Posted by: slyeyes | January 24, 2005 at 12:25 PM
sending it to LaJolla, Ca., where nothing interesting happens.
I don't watch the show so I don't know if igloo's remark has any relevance, but, living the the San Diego area (of which La Jolla is a part, contrary to what La Jollans wish) I feel compelled to defend it by pointing out that Tiger Woods won the Golf Tournament in La Jolla yesterday!!!
GO TIGER!
Posted by: Eleanor | January 24, 2005 at 12:27 PM
Double booger for you, sly. Condoleezza has a double z as well as a double e.
And why does Eleanor's "defence" of La Jolla sound more like she is proving igloo's point?
Posted by: LabSpecimen | January 24, 2005 at 12:31 PM
If I've been following the show correctly over it's lifetime (and I have, not missed an episode yet DESPITE the fact that there's one single government agent who continues to have the worst day of his life to the delight of FOX affiliates everywhere), I believe Jack will kill about 73 people and 2 very "suspicious looking weasels" (WBAGNFARB?). Then, he'll somehow find yet another accessible vehicle, make his way to where the missle is being fired from, latch onto it, and disarm it mid-flight, all while riding it a-la Slim Pickens. The aforementioned events seems to be kosher with how the show progresses..........and yes, I am STILL going to keep watching.
Posted by: Rainy Daze | January 24, 2005 at 12:31 PM
Wowser a triple simulpost! Well at least on DBT.
Not to mention that Blog Clock Thing.
Posted by: igloo | January 24, 2005 at 12:31 PM
From the Episode Guide, 11:22 AM
"As Chloe is escorted out of the building, she stops to taunt Sarah about her poor spying skills"
Fired employees can really bring the house down, eh?
Posted by: Marvin | Paranoid Android | January 24, 2005 at 12:32 PM
Honestly, I'm just in it for Kiefer. That, and it's addicting to watch the first two seasons within a week. (2nd Season took 3 days at 8 episodes per day).
Oh, and I don't like the new president. They should bring back Palmer at some point.
Posted by: Jules | January 24, 2005 at 12:33 PM
And the correct spelling in this use would be "defense," not "defence." *grumble*
Posted by: LabSpecimen | January 24, 2005 at 12:34 PM
Jack, thinking quickly, will "stand down" while at the same time sneaking into the building and converting the terrorists to an aggressive form of pre-emptive pacifism involving self mutilation with a sponge singing Kumbaya (and who doesn't love a sponge singing Kumbaya?).
Unfortunately, Secdef Devane will also be converted, and the United States will be forced to save social security by feeding members of Congress to an Orca on payperview.
Wait, did I say unfortunately?
Posted by: Christobol | January 24, 2005 at 12:35 PM
I've also noticed that between 10 and 11 AM, someone imprisoned has heart problems and some girl (also imprisoned) asks for 'nitroglycerine' for his heart. Now, wouldn't it be just uber-convenient if they used that to blow up something in order to escape?
OK, so the nitroglycerine they want is really diluted and for medicinal purposes and what-not, but from what I've read so far, it's not beyond the realm of possibility.
Posted by: Marvin | Paranoid Android | January 24, 2005 at 12:43 PM
I scratch my earlier post, and agree with Christobol... sponge's are deadly creatures, but have such beautiful singing voices......
But there HAS to be a weasel in the episode somewhere, they're man's only natural enemy.
Posted by: Rainy Daze | January 24, 2005 at 12:48 PM
And the correct spelling in this use would be "defense," not "defence." *grumble*
Yes, Lab, it (your incorrect spelling) did take something away from your "dig" at me:)
Actually, I don't give a hoot about La Jolla - I just used it as an excuse to talk about Tiger!
Posted by: Eleanor | January 24, 2005 at 12:53 PM
At the risk of being unwelcome in this thread (ha! has that ever stopped anyone before), I'll proclaim total and complete ignorance about what is being discussed here. As a result, I'm not subject to the kind of gripping, killing suspense Dave describes.
I mean, I haven't the foggiest clue who this Jack is. I think I'm OK with that, though. Should this attitude be cause for alarm in anyone's view, somebody please set me straight, quickly.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | January 24, 2005 at 12:55 PM
i've got some meat 'tween my kiefer.
Posted by: donaldsutherland | January 24, 2005 at 12:57 PM
You're all wrong. It's "La HOY-a." Condolezza is a town 15 miles southeast. There's a Walmart, and a Starbucks, and also the World's Largest Corn Plaster.
Posted by: Bob | January 24, 2005 at 12:58 PM
donald why don't you get a toothpick and get that meat out from tween your kiefer
Posted by: elliotgould | January 24, 2005 at 12:59 PM
Duh, it is so obvious!
There will be a dance-off, where Jack pairs off with guest star Quentin Tarantino to successfully out-dance the terrorists, who do not contest the dance-judge's decision and agree to go directly to jail. The president will shake his head in mock disgust, but chuckle good-naturedly at Jack's crazy-but-effective tactics. As the credits are about to role, Jack will open the locket around his neck, which will be shown to contain a photo of his estranged biological mother holding a machete. Jack sheds a tear, but quickly adopts a care-free smile when Quentin comes back with four hot supposedly-non-terrorist chicks.
Posted by: Tamara | January 24, 2005 at 01:00 PM
i've got some meat tween my kiefer too.
Posted by: hotlips | January 24, 2005 at 01:00 PM
D'Art, I haven't seen the show either, but I gather it follows Jack, a spunky hairdresser struggling with his sexuality and lack thereof who gets caught up in International drama through a Three's Companyesque mishap involving trying to throw a surprise enema for his friend, who is, I guess, a weasel.
Posted by: Christobol | January 24, 2005 at 01:00 PM
898 point kiefer
Posted by: keith | January 24, 2005 at 01:01 PM
french, get your beard of my kiefer
Posted by: brian kiefer | January 24, 2005 at 01:02 PM
I don't know anything about this either. I'm just hiding here on this thread from 15' Winnipeg snakes. Jack sounds like MacGuyver to me.
Posted by: Peri | January 24, 2005 at 01:04 PM
Well thanks, C-bol, I reckon Siefer Gutherland (or whatever his name is) is perfectly cast, then.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | January 24, 2005 at 01:09 PM
I know McGuyver, and I can tell you, he is no McGuyver. In fact I met McGuyver in LaJolla, Ca., while researching the care and feeding of corn plasters.
Posted by: igloo | January 24, 2005 at 01:09 PM
I'm with Peri...
Posted by: Di | January 24, 2005 at 01:11 PM
Booger! I googled "Condoleezza" and mis-typed "condoleeza".
P.S. I don't recommend googling Condoleezza. She gets all pouty when you do.
Posted by: slyeyes | January 24, 2005 at 01:11 PM
lol slyeyes. Condy looks like she's experiencing a painful enema, while angry pygmies flog her with rattan canes.
Posted by: narf | January 24, 2005 at 01:18 PM
Well, I googled Booger and well, I did not get Condelezza, but I sure saw some interesting and trendy sites. What are Boogers made of; A Booger board for the gamers amongst us.
I would not be suprised to find that his Daveness has already pursued this source, but those of you who I haven't, I find it on a par with many of the recent sites that we have been blessed with visiting, including the Hasselloff Bikini site that has traumatized untold 10's of the followers of Dave.
Posted by: igloo | January 24, 2005 at 01:22 PM
Ooooooh, MacGuyver!
*drool and slobber*
Posted by: patti and selma | January 24, 2005 at 01:25 PM
I've only been reading these for a short time now, but I want to compliment all of you on your wittiness! It brightens my day to come in here and read all this - even though I don't understand all the acronyms! And yes, I'm hooked on 24...Keifer will save the day, literally. And now that you mention it, he is like MacGyver, but with guns! (MacGyver would hate it!) Thanks all for the laughs!
Posted by: Melissa | January 24, 2005 at 01:26 PM
That reminds me of Alias...
The freeze-drying W.O.M.D. was pretty cool.
Vaughn makes one sexy priest *drool*. "Tell me all about how you killed your wife and now you can't sleep. Let Witchie-coo make it all better for you."
Neela is pretty clueless for a CIA operative in a black ops unit.
Jack is catching up to Sloane in the slime department.
Why didn't anyone try out any real bad accents this time? It's like there's something missing from the show.
That is all.
Posted by: Witchiecoo | January 24, 2005 at 01:31 PM
WANT TO DRIVE LIKE JACK BAUER?
July 17, 2001 21:00 hours- Bauer, Jack L. DUI >0.29 blood/alcohol while operating a motor vihicle on the left-hand side of a sidewalk
July 18, 2001 00:07 hours- Bauer, Jack L. DUI >0.33 blood/alcohol while driving a motor vehicle from a police impound upon a marked fence and or other municipal property
Posted by: Brian McClure | January 24, 2005 at 01:31 PM
Hmmm, pouty... condoleeza... pouty... lips... condoleezza... as my mind puts these things together in a single frame, I come up with
*drum roll*
Condi's Camel Toe
Which is both a GNFARB and something that gives me the willies.
Posted by: random thunking | January 24, 2005 at 01:31 PM
I see patti and selma had a simulpost.
Posted by: igloo | January 24, 2005 at 01:32 PM
Triple simulpost! Nice. :)
Posted by: Witchiecoo | January 24, 2005 at 01:33 PM
Somehow I don't think that if I watched 24 this thread would be significantly more comprehensible.
Posted by: pogo | January 24, 2005 at 01:35 PM
I don't want to spoil tonight's episode for all you guys; but Jack dies. You heard me!!
But he comes back later on in the show wearing a white shroud and sticks around for, oh, three days, healing lepers and stuff.
Next week he takes a vacation bungee jumping in the Himalayans, upon which a Nazi white supremist group attempts to whack a village of peaceful Tibetan folk. He kills them all with a fork.
Posted by: narf | January 24, 2005 at 01:39 PM
Y'know, Dave, I took a sabbatical and got addicted to "All My Children". I spent a worrisome number of hours daily THINKING about the show. Thank God you've gotten hooked on a show that makes you look like a reasonably smart guy.
Posted by: captainunderpant | January 24, 2005 at 01:41 PM
Or she got front row seats to Cher's Farewell Tour all 6 times.
Posted by: Mr.Fisher | January 24, 2005 at 01:42 PM
But there HAS to be a weasel in the episode somewhere, they're man's only natural enemy.
I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille!
Posted by: Mike "Mad's Dork" Weasel | January 24, 2005 at 01:56 PM
Kiefer Sutherland = 'Eh, I farted lunkers'
Posted by: Marvin | Paranoid Android | January 24, 2005 at 02:06 PM
"ATTENTION, PEOPLE WHO CANNOT STOP THEMSELVES FROM WATCHING 24 NO MATTER HOW LUDICROUSLY IMPROBABLE THE PLOT GETS" anagrams to "Ha, what a bunch of noofheads!"
Posted by: Doug | January 24, 2005 at 02:17 PM
Slyeyes,
I haven't seen 24, but now I have been scared out of my wits by the pictures of Condy! (The Queen of Pouts!) What about a 'real life' series on TV featuring the 'Pouty Queen.' How about calling it "Mission Impossible,Deaux"
The series will be all about how Condy spies on the terrioists in the White House (1600Penn.Ave.),
how she has to make quick and decisive movements to avoid being caught by 'Tricky Dick'and still stay on the 'good' side of her boss. (sometimes she has to make time for a quick enema to adjust to her mantra.
Once, when she was scubba diving down in the Indian Ocean, she was attacked by a giant sponge. Condy realized immediately that this was the work of her favorite 'terrioist,' Kiefur.
The next episode is set back in Washington,but only briefly for Condy is on her way to California. She has set her mind on investigating the Movie Industry or possibly having a 'screen test'. Will she locate Kiefur? Will they or won't they have a brief affair? Will Tricky Dick miss Condy? Will she get a part in the new movie they are making about the life of one humor columnist before he passes on into the 'great beyond?' Will Condy ever return to Washington? If she doesn't return, will the President win a 3rd term? (God Forbid)woowoo.no.poopoo
Check the channels for more info.
Kitty Kalen
Posted by: kat | January 24, 2005 at 02:59 PM
next hour Jack Bauer singlehandled kills all the arabic looking and sounding terrorists, rescues the Condi and his daughter, escapes from the terror-online bunker gets out in the sunshine, sees his shadow and there's 6 more weeks of winter.
Posted by: big stu | January 24, 2005 at 03:15 PM
next hour Jack Bauer singlehandled kills all the arabic looking and sounding terrorists, rescues the Condi and his daughter, escapes from the terror-online bunker gets out in the sunshine, sees his shadow and there's 6 more weeks of winter.
Posted by: big stu | January 24, 2005 at 03:15 PM
Damn chris, PayPerView?
I can't believe you went there.
You're a braver man than I.
Good job.
Posted by: Psycho_Joe | January 24, 2005 at 04:27 PM
In case you are not watching, keifer fills about 20 bad guys who seem vaguely arabic, and the marines get to kill the rest. Oh yeah, William Devane gets to kill a couple too.
And SecDef's daughter is taken hostage by the weasel.
Posted by: random thunking | January 24, 2005 at 05:15 PM
sending it to LaJolla, Ca., where nothing interesting happens.
hey waaait a sec. i live in la jolla :(
Posted by: kevin | January 24, 2005 at 05:24 PM
"Weaseling out of things, is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel." - Homer Simpson
Posted by: insomniac | January 24, 2005 at 05:36 PM
Jules -- I'm glad I'm not the only one who's been on a 24 marathon. It was very helpful when the boy was out of school for the summer. As a result we mastered two key phrases from the Jack Bauer communications set: "You'll just have to trust me" and "I'll explain later." It really cuts down on excess conversation in daily life. You'll just have to trust me.
Posted by: everysandwich | January 24, 2005 at 06:28 PM
Ya, C-bol - I fail to see a problem with that scenario ...
ECTually, I b'leeve that "defence" is the preferred spelling in the British language ... does that mean 007 can be far away ???
(Or, "defence" is what keeps "decows" out of "decorn.")
ORB THOSE FANGS on the Princess of Pout!
Definitely part weasel!
(On second thought, definitely part beaver, too.)
Posted by: Ramo Elcnu | January 24, 2005 at 06:35 PM
Okay, I just have to ask. Did any bloglits click on any of those links posted by ddd at 5:46am blog standard time (BST)?
It's a scary world out there boys and girls and ddd is trying to remind us of that.
Posted by: SteveB | January 25, 2005 at 02:58 AM
Yeah, I tell ya, this triple-d is a LOT scarier than that double-D Eleanor was talking about on the other threat ... and I mean that. Not trine to be funny.
Posted by: u.o. | January 25, 2005 at 03:44 AM
Sly,
You shouldn't have googled Condi in the keifer. I would pout too.
And about the ddd postings, they are trying to get attention or be shocking so give them neither.
Posted by: shredder | January 25, 2005 at 06:34 AM