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January 25, 2005

24 UPDATE

Well, we were totally wrong. Jack defied orders and went in there and killed three dozen bad guys. So now Secretary of Defense William Devane and his daughter, Romantic Plot Element Devane, are safe, but the terrorists are about to melt down every nuclear plant in the United States, using a Top Secret device called a Nuclear Plant Remote Control Meltdowner, which exists for totally plausible plot reasons that were covered very quickly last night. So the only hope for the survival of the nation is that Jack, acting alone, can stop the terrorists. It should be no problem, because there are only 104 nuclear plants, and Jack is a really fast driver.

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Wow, all that in a nutshell

Does Jack have one of those cars that we saw yesterday for sale on E-bay???

I'm sure that would help him get around...

I also learned that if we arm every teenager with a shovel, we could take out terrorists. I'm not sure which brand of shovel though.

Steve: That was the TK-5000 "Terrorist Killer" model shovel, manufactured by Rockwell exclusively for the Defense Department. Those babies go for $11 million apiece.

OOOOooooh a remote controlled meltdown.

Terrorist 1: press the button!!
Terrorist 2 *furiously leafing thru manual*
: WHICH ONE?!
Jack: AHA!
*fight with shovel ensues*

Fortunately, we shall learn next week, Jack has a Top Cat secret device, the Nuclear Plant Remote Control Meltdowner Meltdowner. Plus, he gets David Hasselhoff's Kitt car.

Also, "Aisha" was originally the name of a cute Neopets kitty.

*stands in awe of Dave's Funny Powers...um his power to be funny...er*
*SILENTLY stands in awe*

.. all that in a nutshell

A nutshell deviously packed with cayenne pepper, which is not created equal to any other terrorist deterrent or detergent. When the terrorists receive a gift packaged in a Harry & David box, little do they suspect that it's chock full of such nutshells.
'Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!' the semi-retired humor columnist thinks to himself as he watches the scene unfolding via special surveillance camera cleverly disguised in platter of haggis. 'They'll never suspect that I alone hold the key to ..'

I don't know Jack. I really don't.

After reading all of the posts about 24, I decided to watch it. I switched over to it about 15 minutes late and watched about 10 minutes of it before I decided that I was too tired to figure it out.

However, during the 10 minutes that I watched, I got to see the following:

Keiffer Sutherland killed two individuals with a silenced pistol from a distance of about 200 yards.

He then slid down a hill on his butt while holding the pistol perfectly level in case he had to kill someone else.

He then hid behind a stairwell and killed another individual by first shooting him in the knee and then in the chest.

He then captured another individual and made that guy point to the location of the hostage before knocking him unconscious with his silencer.

He then evaded another individual and entered the secret underground lair of the bad guys.

He made a date with the beautiful hostage by shining a flashlight into her cage and inquiring about her health.

It was at this point that I turned the tv off because I my brain hurt.

I'm waiting for Jack to find the terrorists' main cache of secret weapons: a room full of huge wooden crates labeled ACME MANUFACTURING COMPANY.

Jack will overcome the threat of nuclear holocaust by interrogating Aisha and finding out why she's trying so hard to be Omarosa. And by interrogating I mean shooting her in each of her appendages until she's totally ready to talk, as is the Jack Bauer way. Then Driskell will tell Jack to stand down because of a commercial break. I'm sure after that, Jack will beam aboard the terrorist ship and convince them of the benefits of solar power in an elaborate, chart-filled powerpoint presentation. This lets them know that there's no point in blowing everything up because we've decided to turn off all of the plants and use the sun for power, and have also become a peaceful nation of buddhist monks. After that, in an unforseen plot twist, Jack is killed by a weasel with a shovel.

BTW...Anyone else give themselves a coronary laughing at Jack as he effortlessly slid down that grassy knoll?

I just LOVE this show, 24!! I only watch it here on the DaveChannel, and it is FAR more entertaining than anything that could possibly be on television!

I just LOVE this show, 24!! I only watch it here on the DaveChannel, and it is FAR more entertaining than anything that could possibly be on television!

I hate it when people act so facetious about one of the greatest dramas on television. I thought it was too cool when Jack slid down the hill without moving his head or arms, or legs for that matter. Just too cool! He is totally a one man operation that never sleeps or eats, but does find time to make love to his new gal. His superior, whatever her name is, is a total incompetant. Who would ever, in their right mind, pick such an imbecile to head the LA office of CTU. I mean this is a serious lapse in judgement, especially when they could have the one man band: Jack Bauer, who never makes any mistakes whatsoever! I could go on and on, but I do enjoy watching the show and then reading about it on these blogs!

Actually, in a rare twist for modern day dramas, Jack has almost nothing to do with saving America this time.

Villian: Buwahahahahaha! My plan is so perfect even a child could execute it! America! Prepare to melt!

Jack: Don't you see? America is more than buildings and people and cars and plants and roads and non-contaminated drinking water! Even if you do succeed in killing everyone, and destroying all the property in North America, and causing a nuclear winter from which mankind never recovers, you won't have won! Somewhere, the spirit of America will endure.

Villian: Whatever, dude. I'll call it a "win".

Jack: No! *struggles to pull shovel out of his pants. it's no use.*

Villian: Buwahahahaha! *pushes button on remote. All over America, garage doors open.* What's this? That isn't terror. It's not even mildly annoying! Gunther, where did you buy this Nuclear Plant Remote Control Meltdowner?

Gunther: Erm...Radio Shack. It said it's universal.

Villian: Arrrrgggghhh! You haven't seen the last of me, Jack! I'll senselessly destroy America, even if I have to come back tomorrow to do it!

The following message came to all employees in my building this morning - but I am not fooled. I know it was really a message for Jack.
Subject: Device found in parking lot
Body: I have what looks like a navigational device that was found in the parking lot this morning. Its battery is missing. If this sounds like something you may have lost pick it up in room #XXX. It will be on top of Max’s gray file cabinet.
I am not making this up.

* addressing the Villian in Christobol's script *
You mean, 24 hours from now?

* commercial break, announcer says in somber tone *
Undeterred squirrel problems?

A couple of thoughts on 24:

1) I knew that Aisha's character was going to be evil because each season 24 has had the token evil African-American gal. Sherry Palmer was this person, then it was that rich guy's wife that let him die on the floor while holding his life-saving meds; since they're gone, they had to replace the role with someone else. It was so obvious that I turned to my wife the first time Aisha showed up on screen and told her that she was this year's evil woman. I was hoping that I was wrong.

2) Don't people ever have to eat or go to the bathroom in 24 hours?

3) Since when did Jack become Rambo? Not only can he take out a bunch of terrorists with only a pistol and his boyish good looks, but he makes it look easy.

4) Driscoll tells him that he only has six minutes to get the Secretary out before the missle strike, so what does he do? He spends a minute or two talking to his girlfriend. Unbelievable!

5) What was in those crates that Jack was hiding behind? Because an AK-47 or AR-15 assault rifle bullet isn't going to be stopped by a couple of 2x4 wooden planks. In fact, those bullets can penetrate a standard bullet-proof vest in some cases.

6) Why didn't the kid take that dude's gun when they were unloading the girl from the trunk? He had more than ample opportunity...I guess it's just more fun to beat someone to death with a shovel. I hope he doesn't run into a mountain lion on his way home.

7) If there is a lot of internet traffic, does that really make it easier to hack into a firewall? Specifically, the firewall of every nuclear power plant in our nation? I really don't know, but that sounds a little too easy.

8) In spite of all of this, I still love this show. WHY???

How come no one has mentioned Sec. Heller as a possible nominee for Father of the Year?

"Curtis, do whatever you have to do to get me son to talk."

Right on, Rumsf-, er, Heller.

Just kidding. I woulda done the same.

I'm glad I checked the blog this morning, because unfortunately I missed the first 15 minutes of the show, and consequently; Jack sliding majestically down a hill on the seat of his pants, and making out with hot babes in times of extreme crisis.

The reason I missed the beginning portion was because I had to drive 5 minutes to pick up the Chinese food. I did however drive at a fast rate of speed (100 knots), and also shot numerous pedestrians with with a silenced Tommy gun. I could have just run them over, but that would have just been too pedestrian.

I'm glad I checked the blog this morning, because unfortunately I missed the first 15 minutes of the show, and consequently; Jack sliding majestically down a hill on the seat of his pants, and making out with hot babes in times of extreme crisis.

The reason I missed the beginning portion was because I had to drive 5 minutes to pick up the Chinese food. I did however drive at a fast rate of speed (100 knots), and also shot numerous pedestrians with with a silenced Tommy gun. I could have just run them over, but that would have just been too pedestrian.

"8) In spite of all of this, I still love this show. WHY???"

See numbers 1-7.......

Oh yeah, and what about Heller giving his daughter a bunch of crap about seeing Jack without being divorced yet? He decides to do this, what, 20 minutes after they've been freed from certain death? Father of the year, indeed...

Also, wouldn't almost dying from inhaling too much natural gas at least give someone a headache?

FIRST! double post that is.

Back off, or I'll shoot you with my silencer(not to be construed in a sexual context).

Thanks everyone! Our satellite dish is toast and we don't know when it will get fixed. Reading the plot summary here means I won't have missed a thing. My imagination is handling the Jack Bauer sliding on his butt scenario beautifully.

So, what's going on with Heller's son? I thought they did a nice job of depicting the left-leaning liberal offspring with his sweaty, greasy hair falling into his shifty eyes. That's how all those lefty liberals look, right?

I mean, this is a FOX show, after all.

justin, thanks for mentioning the firewalls. that is clearly the most important plot development from last night. but the terrorists screwed up. if they really wanted to increase traffic on the internet, they should have paid tommy lee to have sex with paris hilton. add the obligatory cell phone call to paris in the middle of it. and make sure the ring tone is terrorist son's girlfriend's ring tone. that would do it.

*ring*
"Paris speaking!"
"It's Tommy."
"That's so weird! I'm having the worst sex with Tommy right now!"
"No, it's me! Tommy!"
*looks back at Tommy*
"Erm...wrong number!"
*hangs up*
"Ooh....Baby."

Thanks Jeff. I was originally going to suggest that they pay Tommy to have sex on videotape with an old woman. For example, Pamela Anderson. But the Paris "angle" (pardon the pun) allowed for that ringtone to mean something. Maybe TerrorSon's Girfriend's Mom could walk in on them. Would make a great cameo, doncha think?

(queue's Christobol...)

Don't be so modest, Mister Meyerson. "Rally" sounded perfectly acceptable to me.

I'm glad terror son lived, but it's hard not to live when your killer thinks a good hiding place for his gun is halfway up his butt. I also enjoyed Jack's desperate 4 minute long attempt to for some reason touch that lady's fingers through those bars. I guess he thought it would make her feel better.

Oh, I forgot. Why couldn't they work the reactor that is below the Physical Sciences building at UC Irvine into this? It's only 60 miles south of CTU and on the way to San Onofre, where they're gonna have to end up anyway. Then, they could work the whole underground tunnel system at UCI into the plot. Hey, when I went there, we didn't have a football team, and our claim to fame was that we shocked #1 UNLV in basketball when Tark forgot to pay his players one night. So the reactor and mysterious underground tunnel system are what put us on the map.

Anyway, are there any reactors closer to CTU? Getting to San Onofre or UCI should only take a commercial break, as CTU now has enough bandwidth to send themselves over the Internet.

I'm glad terror son lived, but it's hard not to live when your killer thinks a good hiding place for his gun is halfway up his butt. I also enjoyed Jack's desperate 4 minute long attempt to for some reason touch that lady's fingers through those bars. I guess he thought it would make her feel better.

Hmmm...my computer's messed up.
Anyways, my dad, who works at a nuclear power plant, tells me there's 110 nuclear power plants in the US, not 104.

ZZZzzzz

ZZZzzzz

Ya know, if the terrorists really want to cause a nuclear meltdown, they should just take out all the donut shops.

Come to think of it... that would perpetrate a double-whammie and take out the police departments, too.

Oh... that's just evil. I'm so ashamed I thought of it.

(I'm sure that FOX will now steal that idea and use it next season on 24... or maybe The Simpsons).

"Anyways, my dad, who works at a nuclear power plant, tells me there's 110 nuclear power plants in the US, not 104."

Well there's 104 in the states, the other 6 are in commonwealths of the US such as Puerto Rico and Disney World.

After some googling magic, there are:

103 operational commercial reactors. 104 in total.

This does not count national lab/university research reactors, which usually do not contain enough in them to be considered to be a large scale threat.

(Special Thanks, Nuclear Regulatory Commission.)

elle, you just radiate with nuclear knowledge today. I love it.

Uh, now you did it, the FBI and homeland security will be on your door step asking "why" you are interested in the reactors...

My best friend works for Homeland, so I'm sure they have a file of WAY more interesting stuff than that on me by now.....

elle,
We certainly do.

see?

*winks at igloo*

elle,
I see that you have penetrated our cloaking devices. Your name wouldn't really be Jack, would it? If that is so, I am ordering you to stand down!

*ROFLMAO--wipes tears from her eyes* Whew. You guys really crack me up. I may be a newbie here and may not always have something to contribute, but rest assured, even when I don't, I'm laughing in the aisles!

Keep the 24-talk coming, Dave. Good stuff.

Ah, Disney World. Of course. I'll have to tell my dad that.

After reading that nitpicker's commentary, I have this nagging question flitting around in my skull, where a normal person's brain would be ...

Were Jack's parents also Secret Agents?

As in: 86 and 99?

(Hope I got those numbers correct ... it's been a long time ... Would you believe ... two cops in a rowboat?)

Vince - those must be some pretty large nuts ... to have shells big enuf to hold all the twists and turns of that plot treatment ...

Justin asked:Don't people ever have to eat or go to the bathroom in 24 hours?I just figured they go during the commercials.

Prior seasons saw the ladies room at CTU a couple of times, but I don;t believe Jack does go to the toilet.


And at age 50, he will explode.

Shouldn't you be calling Sean Hannity?

I try, believe me I try!

I love the guy, but enough with the Country singers already! Each hour he spends 40 mins talking to guest and take 3 phone calls

Justin asked:

Don't people ever have to eat or go to the bathroom in 24 hours?

They don't. That's how come they're so mean.

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