PLEASE, MISTER POSTMAN

Stay the hell away.

(Thanks to many people) .

Comments

[Eleanor]

no -

*now is really going back to bed*

[Christobol]

"Mail's here!"
"Rats"
"Oh, didn't your order come in?"
"No, I mean rats"
"Ewwwwww."

[julietine]

That guy is a piece of work!..

[Eleanor]

Rats! Dead birds! Used condoms!

Someone with too much time on their hands and a very sick mind!

Am I ......?

[Higgy]

"So, what did you get from Fred?"
"A dead bird - and you?"
"A dead rat - what did John get?"
"A deflated balloon, I think..."

EWWWWWWWWWWW....

[Eleanor]

how did my "no comment come in first

where will this one be???
when there (not their) were 3 others when I posted it???

Just lucky I guess!
where will this one be??? *thinks there is a Zen thing going on - is Richard Gere lurking???*

[kat]

It was good to note that he was being held without bail. Unfortunately, the terrioists may be taking notes.

[queensbee]

i lived in binghamton when i was in grad school. believe me, there is nothing else to do there. my question is did he FIND dead rats, or did he uh, do em in????

[punky brewster]

Mmmm ... used condoms.

Mom: Sweetie ... your uncle sent you a gift for your brithday ... do you want to open it?

Susie: Yeah!

*grabs package, shakes it and shruggs shoulders*

Susie: I wonder what it is?

Mom: Open it!

*stares as used condom at the bottom of the box (no pun intended)*

Susie: I think it's a balloon animal, but the air got out of it. And it has vanilla pudding inside. Uncle Buck is weird, Mom.

Mom: Um .. uh ... *cough*... why don't you go play outside, honey, while Mom makes a call to Uncle Buck to "thank" him ...

Susie: Can I bring my new toy?

Mom: No. Mommy needs to save that as evidence when she gets arrested for killing Uncle Buck.

Susie: Um ... OK.

*scampers off*

Action, cut, print.

[mudstuffin]

My Dear Sweetheart:

I'm writing you
just a few lines to
tell you that I'm blue
Oh, Baby, my baby
funny, but I still love you

I miss your love - so it seems
I still remember how I used to make you scream
Oh, Baby, my baby
funny, but I still love you

I don't care who was right
and who was wrong
all I know is I'm so tired
so tired of being alone

So if you care
Like I care
grab the next train
and bring yourself back here
Oh, Baby, May baby
funny, but I still love you

P.S. Please ignore the dead rat and used condom - not one of my better moments, that.

[Christobol]

"Buck?"
"Speaking."
"What the hell are you thinking sending Susie a used condom?"
"Oh, dammit. That means the Chief of Police got a My Little Pony."

[mudstuffin]

*gEEzer*

*bus*

[punky brewster]

My Little Pony, pretty parlor
I pretty up my little pony there
My Little Pony, pretty parlor
Lovely hats for my pony to wear
My Little Pony, pretty parlor
A saddle, bridle and a kitten, too
My Little Pony, pretty parlor
Little pony it's all for you
My Little Pony, pretty parlor
Little pony it's all for you.

[mudstuffin]

No no, Punky, off the bus. You're much too young.

[insomniac]

Creep: How much to mail these ?
Postal Person: What you got there?
C: The usual. Dead birds. Used Condoms.You know ,same old,same old.
P: Do I ever ! Well, first class, is $4.00, but we can overnight for $7.50
C: That's kind of steep! I'm not really in a hurry, those rats aren't getting any deader, you know.
P: Were you harrassing anyone with these?
C: Well, errr. you see...
P: Because if you were, we've got special 'Stalker Class' where for $2.00,we'll
deliver it in the middle of the night,with a note attached using the misspelled obscenity of your choice !
C: Great !

[pogo]

It's quiet out here. Too quiet. I get the feeling theres a blogit behind every clump o' sagebrush. Waiting, just waiting...

[queensbee]

right on insomniac - and they would charge you extra to "insure" yer dead rat. i'da sent it with not enough postage so that the anoy-ee would have to pay for his own dead rat. yuck.

[jamester]

"Albatross!"
"Get your Albatross here!"

[Alex D.]

So, what's the difference between an alliator and a mailbox? The question finally has a direct answer: You feed rats to the alligator.

[kat]

What's the difference between an alligator and a change machine? Answer; You feed dollars to the change machine.