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December 28, 2004


Stay the hell away.

(Thanks to many people) .


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no -

*now is really going back to bed*

"Mail's here!"
"Oh, didn't your order come in?"
"No, I mean rats"

That guy is a piece of work!..

Rats! Dead birds! Used condoms!

Someone with too much time on their hands and a very sick mind!

Am I ......?

"So, what did you get from Fred?"
"A dead bird - and you?"
"A dead rat - what did John get?"
"A deflated balloon, I think..."


how did my "no comment come in first

where will this one be???
when there (not their) were 3 others when I posted it???

Just lucky I guess!
where will this one be??? *thinks there is a Zen thing going on - is Richard Gere lurking???*

It was good to note that he was being held without bail. Unfortunately, the terrioists may be taking notes.

i lived in binghamton when i was in grad school. believe me, there is nothing else to do there. my question is did he FIND dead rats, or did he uh, do em in????

Mmmm ... used condoms.

Mom: Sweetie ... your uncle sent you a gift for your brithday ... do you want to open it?

Susie: Yeah!

*grabs package, shakes it and shruggs shoulders*

Susie: I wonder what it is?

Mom: Open it!

*stares as used condom at the bottom of the box (no pun intended)*

Susie: I think it's a balloon animal, but the air got out of it. And it has vanilla pudding inside. Uncle Buck is weird, Mom.

Mom: Um .. uh ... *cough*... why don't you go play outside, honey, while Mom makes a call to Uncle Buck to "thank" him ...

Susie: Can I bring my new toy?

Mom: No. Mommy needs to save that as evidence when she gets arrested for killing Uncle Buck.

Susie: Um ... OK.

*scampers off*

Action, cut, print.

My Dear Sweetheart:

I'm writing you
just a few lines to
tell you that I'm blue
Oh, Baby, my baby
funny, but I still love you

I miss your love - so it seems
I still remember how I used to make you scream
Oh, Baby, my baby
funny, but I still love you

I don't care who was right
and who was wrong
all I know is I'm so tired
so tired of being alone

So if you care
Like I care
grab the next train
and bring yourself back here
Oh, Baby, May baby
funny, but I still love you

P.S. Please ignore the dead rat and used condom - not one of my better moments, that.

"What the hell are you thinking sending Susie a used condom?"
"Oh, dammit. That means the Chief of Police got a My Little Pony."



My Little Pony, pretty parlor
I pretty up my little pony there
My Little Pony, pretty parlor
Lovely hats for my pony to wear
My Little Pony, pretty parlor
A saddle, bridle and a kitten, too
My Little Pony, pretty parlor
Little pony it's all for you
My Little Pony, pretty parlor
Little pony it's all for you.

No no, Punky, off the bus. You're much too young.

Creep: How much to mail these ?
Postal Person: What you got there?
C: The usual. Dead birds. Used Condoms.You know ,same old,same old.
P: Do I ever ! Well, first class, is $4.00, but we can overnight for $7.50
C: That's kind of steep! I'm not really in a hurry, those rats aren't getting any deader, you know.
P: Were you harrassing anyone with these?
C: Well, errr. you see...
P: Because if you were, we've got special 'Stalker Class' where for $2.00,we'll
deliver it in the middle of the night,with a note attached using the misspelled obscenity of your choice !
C: Great !

It's quiet out here. Too quiet. I get the feeling theres a blogit behind every clump o' sagebrush. Waiting, just waiting...

right on insomniac - and they would charge you extra to "insure" yer dead rat. i'da sent it with not enough postage so that the anoy-ee would have to pay for his own dead rat. yuck.

"Get your Albatross here!"

So, what's the difference between an alliator and a mailbox? The question finally has a direct answer: You feed rats to the alligator.

What's the difference between an alligator and a change machine? Answer; You feed dollars to the change machine.

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