WORDS FAIL US

You will not believe what they're using now.

(Thanks to many people)

Comments

[Tracey Smyser]

Pickled Kittens?

[service pack 2]

so much for nine lives....

[Chris Puorro]

Senate Majority Leader Bill FIRST (R-TN)

[Zaphod]

What a catastrophy!

[Christobol]

Dave, wasn't at least one of those people Jeff Meyerson? It's his birthday, you know.

Key quote: "Police say there was nothing amusing about the encounter as the jar was full of highly toxic formaldehyde."

Dude, when people throw jars of pickled kittens at me (and yes, it happens constantly) it's the kittens that bother me, not the formaldehyde.

[Zaphod]

And Toxic Formaldehyde wbagnfarb?

[justsayin]

How can they not explain why this woman had jars of pickled critters at her disposal?
Don't know about anyone else, but I have a hard time keeping my pantry shelves filled with pickled kittens n snakes.
And my screen clearly says 'Thanks to Jeff Meyerson'

[punky brewster]

Huh ... so that's where they put all the kittens that die when you masturbate.

Pickled Pussy Parts wNbagnfarb

[Zaphod]

We need more information. Why did the police confiscate the pickled snakes to begin with? Are there laws against pickled snakes? Shouldn't this have been listed under Dave's "Creeping Fascism" category? Would Pickled Snakes bagnfarb? Why am I asking so many questions?

[John]

Was the lady pickling kittens and snakes herself? Maybe she just needs to learn home canning of tomatos or something instead.

[mudstuffin]

Punky: Maybe not. Perhaps "Formaldehyde Kittens"
or "Shattered Pussy"

"Police say there was nothing amusing about the encounter..." yeah eacept she THREW A JAR OF PICKLED KITTENS. You just can't get much funnier than that. Maybe a pickled Spongebob.

[mudstuffin]

I'll be moseyin' off now to butcher the cranberries and skin the pumpkin, etc. I may check in with y'all over the long weekend, but if I don't, have a good holiday, and don't forget to eat your stuffin' (not 'stuffin).

[jamester]

This is great news.
First, Happy BDay to Jeff!
Second, people can be arrested just for behaving in an offensive manner!
Query: why wasn't Chaney arrested when he told the Senator to "go f*** yourself"?

[Christobol]

That "you'll go blind" threat used to terrorize me, until I experimented and found that I could masturbate with my eyes closed.

You don't need vision! It's an empty threat!

[phobic]

when dead pickled kittens are outlawed.....

[Christobol]

By the way, for the record, I've quit killing kittens while I masturbate. Not out of niceness to the kittens, it just got old, that's all.

[John]

phobic, are LIVE pickled kittens an issue?

[LabSpecimen]

I pickled my liver once. No, twice.

[Christobol]

"Beep""beep"
"Beep""beep"
"Beep""beep"

"What are you doing?"
"Echo-locating my penis so I can masturbate. I am blind, you know."
"Well cut it out. You're frightening the kittens to death."
"They told me that might happen."

[aye]

obviously she kept the pickled kittens for feeding to the pickled snakes. and the police clearly misinterpreted her humanitarian (serpentarian?) efforts to lob a snack over to her confiscated pets.

my seventh-grade science teacher's hall passes were jars of pickled dead things. NOBODY ever had to go to the bathroom during his class.

btw, Pickled Pussy Parts might not bagnfarb, but it's a great way to get at least one reader to spew diet coke all over the computer screen.

[pogo]

Jamester - I have heard from several sources that the Senator to whom Cheney suggested the anatomical impossibility was himself an offensive person.

[punky brewster]

I can see why that would be, cbol ... I'm not a big fan of multi-tasking when it comes to "tweaking the bean" or "tickling the little man in the boat".

When I was about five, I was told that every time a boy masturbates, God kills a kitten. Guess the evil little witch of a babysitter that told me that didn't realize the nudey magazine in the sand box was mine and not Jonah's ... and since she didn't say that the rule applied to little girls as well, I never felt bad about it.

[kat]

Have they tested the pickled kitty's brains yet to see if there have been any improvements or increases in neurons?

[frennzy]

Wait a second...the last sentence says she was arrested for 'behaving in an offensive manner'.

We can have people arrested for that??!?!?!?

WOW! Hold on a second while I put together a list of behaviors that offend me, and send it to the cops. First on the list...'Wearing too much perfume/cologne.'

[JusTom]

This is the funniest thing I have ever heard. It is a good thing my boss is out today. We are all RPTL. I know should know but what is bagnfarb?

[JusTom]

Boy did that get garbled. it as meant to be ROTFL and "I know I should ...."

[Christobol]

Gone for Your Sins

Gerald: Do you mean to tell me, Katie Scarlett O'Hara, that Mopsy - that kitten, doesn't mean anything to you? Why, kittens are the only thing in the world worth working for, worth fighting for, worth dying for, because they're just so damned cute and cuddly.

Scarlett: Oh, Pa. You talk like an Irishman. I don't care if they get pickled, jarred, and thrown at policeman, I'll still tweak the bean, if you know what I mean, I guess I'm just a wild thing.

Gerald: You sound like Ton Loc. It's proud I am that I'm Irish, and don't you be forgetting, Missy, that you're half-Irish, too, maybe more, depending on whether Tim at the circus has any Irish in him. And, to anyone with a drop of Irish whiskey in them - why, their kitten is like their mother. Oh, but there, there. Now, you're just a child. It'll come to you, this love of the kitten. There's no getting away from it if you're Irish.

Scarlett: I thought Irish loved sheep?

Gerald: No, that's the Scottish.

[LabSpecimen]

Not a bad idea, djt. Maybe I should show up drunk for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Then when it comes my turn to say what I'm thankful for, I can just mumble incoherently.

[LabSpecimen]

wbagnfarb = Would Be A Good Name For A Rock Band

[Boo Augustus]

I like Angry Lady and the Pickled Kittens. In fact, I think they're (not "there" or "their") opening for Cher.

[cuzn ed]

This would be a great place for a wildly inappropriate quip referencing both pickled, er, kittens and Cher.

[Somewhere North]

Why aren't the police concerned about the pickled snakes? What other pickled mammals does she have at her house? Is she in any way related to Jeffrey Dahmer, another culinary artist in the pickling field?

How does one get arrested for being offensive? And how is formaldehyde, which we routinely had to handle in Biology, now considered a hazardous substance? Can I sue my high school?

So many unanswered questions...

[Targetgirl]

"Tweak the Bean" wbagnfarb!!

[Targetgirl]

*Nerf*

[kat]

Why heck fire! I've seen cannabalis plants growing wild here in Kerrville along a parking lot in front of a restaurant. In Lawrence,KS I've seen them growing in ditch banks. The police probably wanted a fix themselves and decided to see if there was anything inside already dried and packaged. What about her civil rights? I guess that doesn't apply in NZ.

[wysiwyg]

Sarah: thanks for the link - the longer story has a MUCH better line in it:

"I walked in the door and said 'You've taken my snakes - here, have my pussy as well'"

I can just imaging the eyes of the desk sergeant bugging out at what she could possibly mean by that, let alone ducking the formaldehyde.

And "Pickled Pussy Parts" just sort of rolls off the tongue doesn't it:

Pickled Pussy Parts
Pickled Pussy Parts
Pickled Pussy Parts

Much more satisfying than "wombat".

and:

"How many pussy parts could Peter Piper pickle, if Peter Piper could pickle pussy parts"

would be a good tongue twister

BUT, what made me snork the loudest was that the very next words posted after Punky's was Zaphod starting his post with "We need more information".

[Corn]

Oh god, I'm flashing back to my high school physiology class, where we had to dissect cats. They had indeed been "pickled" in formaldehyde. Let me tell you, a dozen pickled cats laid out on lab desks in the classroom is NOT a good smell. I sympathize with those poor cops that had it thrown at them. Yecchh...

[Mad Scientist]

WEll since noone else went for the obvious:

Peter Piper Picked a pack of pickled kittens?