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November 30, 2004


I know you never post anything I send you anymore because you hate the French, but that's a real shame, because this would be a good candidate. But oh well. (I also contemplated sending you this but you'd be capable of encouraging your readers to make comments about the French and anuses, so I advised against it). You francophobic *#$&%^!, the frog revolution is coming, sacrebleu!

*shakes fist*

Axel E., révolutionnaire


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OMG!.... Furst! maybe not though...

we reserve the right at all times to review them and to remove any information or materials that are abusive, libelous, defamatory, obscene, vulgar, pornographic, profane, indecent or otherwise objectionable to us

I agree, Jeff. That is truly a top-ten weird death story.

Police found no evidence of drug or alcohol use.

Oh, I don't know....isn't heating a lava lamp on a stove enough evidence??

Is the lava lamp story (truly horrendous) from the 60's? I had a lava lamp but it never occurred to me to cook it - thank goodness!

The second link scared the bejinkies out of me - AMAZON is selling this stuff? Yikes - time to update my wish list!

Are those comments at the Amazon page for real?? If they are...well..nevermind...I am speechless

I was going to send the lava lamp story in .. but I thought it would be inconsiderate to the dead guy ... having just died and all.

Actually, that's a lie ... I just got side tracked by a steaming hot cup of coffee and never got around to sending it. I mean the guy is dead ... how offended could he be, really?

Lit Lava Lamp Loogies wbagnfarb.

"but you'd be capable of encouraging your readers to make comments about the French and anuses"

Isn't French and anuses redundant????

And I nominate the Lava Lamp guy for the Darwin Awards..

On the OMG side... did ya'll see the link to "Nina Hartley's Guide to Anal Sex" (the REAL gift for the man who has everything?) ??? Apparently there are only 5 of them left in stock... so ya better hurry and get your order in before christmas!

No offense, but if I brought that guide home, I would be the one on the receiving end - with said guide.

*slinking down a little lower in seat at BigD's post*

And after Julietines post I HAD to go look... lmao @ I'm a high tech worker, so my job is basically to sit on my poor, aching anus, warming my "ergonomic" seat all day long.
Most days my anus is numb by my 3pm coffee walk, so I have to tell you that found this DVD to be a true godsend.

Now I can't wait to get home after work, drop my pants, and gingerly relieve the pressure that's been building up all day long.
Some of the techniques in the DVD for a mare even subtle enough to do at work, while you sit there in your own cubicle!
Suddenly, all your concerns just fade away, and you're ready for whatever action items come your way.

Helps keep that seat warm too.

I just find that highly funny! And yes, I am 12 yrs old.

Just...did you read the reviews? They are almost as hilarious as the whole website premise.

Grr... Itals didn't work! *pout*

Le poisson n’est plus dans la bibliothèque, mais vous pouvez trouver ce livre très utile . . .

OG -YES. I did. And THEY are why I can't stop laughing here... luckily, I've got the radio on, so no one in surrounding offices can hear, but for some reason I'm completely tickled by them....

If you gold plate my parts
encase them in plastic
I promise to call
when I'm drunk and spastic -
I love you that much

My lamp will erupt
and rain shards of glass
while I am gently
massaging my ass -
don't make such a fuss

at least I'm not french
and say "I'm not french"
and you're not a bloglit
and Doug's little shnozzle-
is cute as a bug

If you gold plate my parts
encase them in plastic
I promise to call
when I'm drunk and spastic -
I love you that much

if you gooold plaaaate my parts!


I'm wondering what action items could be coming that person's way that's going to require a relaxed anus.

Only 2 customers preferred Bill O'Reilly to anal massage (no word on what Mr. O'Reilly prefers) and 2 preferred Fahrenheit 9/11. So ,besides red states and blue states ,I guess the remainder are brown states.

Tina -
Again, I'm scared of what this says about my mind to admit it... but on reading that part, I started wondering exactly how one would go about *massaging* whilst at the office... cuz one of the secretaries out in the sec. office always seems to be moving around in her seat....

How about the guy in the comments who says that he basically bought the DVD for masturbation purposes??....OMG

"On ze whole, I sink zee Anuse de la Stroke ees a fine prodookt."

You would say that, you weenie french sniffer of other people's bottoms. And you said "on the whole"

"Yew cannot insult moi een zat honky tonk fashion, yew beer-swilling Amaireekan visigoth! I am frume Paris, wheech yewre seemple Americain mind cannot encompasse!"

Oh, and while you were rubbing yourself you left your lava lamp on the stove again. And stop talking in that outrageous accent.


There was a police doctor in my 'home town' called to the police station to remove a wad of bills from a 'lady of the evening' that had 'rolled' a farmer that had come into town all on a Saturday night. (The doctor took the bills to the bank to get them 'exchanged' for clean ones. He told the teller to use a kleenex to pick them up before sending them in to the Federal Reserve.) That's a strange way to get a massage!

LOL Tina! Did somebody then try to sharpen a pencil in his butt?

Bill O'Reilly sheds such light on American politics that I truly believe that he uses a 'lava' lamp when he is writing his editorials.
His 'art-tickles' are so luminous, I just don't SEE how in the world he does it?
*maybe I need to use a 'lave lamp' to read by.*
*I know what I'll use,---my grandmother's old oil lamp! Purrfect!!!!

Did anyone actually understand what Alex said?

Kibby, I understood that he spelled his name wrong.

*fires up diamond-tipped archlamp (Grandma) and hands to kat*

Here, this'll give out more light than your grandmother's oil!

...and it won't smell like mothballs

Oh, well he claims to be French, maybe he is an Axel? They have names like that.


mudstuffin, that was great.
MKJ: I'm French impaired (not necessarily a bad thing). Translation, puh-leez?
Fed Duck: excellent, as usual.

that is all

Have we been on a field trip recently? We could all offer our own special reviews, couldn't we?

oh yeah - lava lampman is a darwin. and living in a trailer - extra added bonus.

uh! Oh! My newspaper caught on fire. Guess I won't be able to read Bill's ar-tickle! Thanks, Grandma!

"Police found no evidence of drug or alcohol use." Well there goes that excuse.

There was a review (which has since been removed) of the item that I thought was pretty funny. As I recall it went something like this:

"Grandpa said that his doctor prescribed this as therapy. Great for Granddad. Me? I just go in the shower and cry."

This one had me laughing my head off.

No Boo, we haven't had a Field Trip recently. And I've been wondering how our Activities Director has been doing.

MOTW: "The fish is no longer on the bookshelf, but you might find this book to be very useful"

n.b. book is only useful if you know French, the author literally translates French expressions and does a cartoon illustrating each. For example, "vachement chouette" is a slang expression that means "really cool", but translates as "cowly owl!" Why? Je ne sais pas.

"was found dead in his trailer home"

I can't believe how surprised I wasn't that they fond him in a trailer home.

Tina, Fed was farting a noise that resembled the plural of your first name. At least that's how I interpreted his post...


Jeff- I looove robert schimmel... and I am suprisingly pleased that you thought of me when attempting to describe his humor....


Slyeyes, you beat me to it. The disadvantage of being on the west coast.

"Go East, young man! Go East!!!"

merci voo yoplait, MKJ

(transaltion: "My yogurt, she begs for mercy, but I give her none!")

pencil sharpener story, Tina?

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