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November 22, 2004


Now they're puncturing our cheese.

(Thanks to Barbara "queensbee" Goldstein)

NOTE: "The Cheese-Puncturing Bastards" WBAGNFARB.


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Damned cheese pokers. What dastardly deed will they conjure up next?

I wonder how much money they lost? Now they're offering a reward to catch the cheese pokers? Sooo...they're going to lose more money?

I suppose "Who cut the cheese" was bound to turn up here sooner or later. I guess it's better sooner.

and i heard that the people in wisconsin are arming themselves already!!

"What do you want to do tonight?"

"We've been dating long enough that I was hoping..."


"Well, I really want to poke the cheese."

"Oh Dave! I thought you'd never ask!"

*breaks into cheese shop*

"So... you really meant 'poke the cheese' huh?"

*zip* "Oh yes"

"Wait, you REALLY meant poke the cheese!"

Aww... heck.
Used to be those damned college kids would tip over cows. Now they're poking cheese?
Then again.. do the holes appear in strange other-worldly designs? Could it be....
.... aliens?

I'm licking for them now.

It was the french! Think about it! Cheese pokers... poutine. Not that far apart.

Okay maybe it is....

So, they're going to throw away 237 cheese wheels just because they've got holes in them?

Couldn't they donate them to a homeless shelter or something with a disclaimer.... I mean, what did they puncture them with? I just don't get it...

Reminds me of the time a toy store downtown was flooded and the health department said all the toys had to be destroyed, even the plastic ones.... Because they got wet....

I'm so confused.....

At first I thought, "Its gotta be those steenkin' Kurds, but then I thought, "No whey!"

Thanks Cbol-

Although, now we could give Kraft a good run for their money, how's Macaroni and Cheese Gushers?

Who's with me?

Hello (echo, echo, echo, echo, echo)

hmmm, was it something I said?

Who moved my cheese?

Seriously. They're in for a spirited noodle flogging.

Holey cheese, Batman! I say we should investigate the Swiss. I bet they had something to do with it.

*meanwhile, in about a month, when the cheese vandals (which would be a better nfarb) remain at large*

Orb Weaver Farm Announces It's Christmas Cheese Blowout!

Tired of giving family and friends the same old tired Christmas presents? Who really needs another DVD, CD, electronic device, or article of clothing? Who wants FDA inspected food reasonably free from deliberate poisoning?

Why not come select from any of 237 wheels of cheese, each priced for holiday fun! Vermont! Come for the exceedingly strange isolationists, stay for the cheese! (but then please leave).

"Orb Weaver announced it is Christmas Cheese Blowout?"


"Ok, just checking."

I guess their (not they're) security was just no gouda...

These must have been diabolical criminals.

Regular cheese-whizzes.


and now we can't edam...

You guys all missed it:

"Cheese Sabatuers" wbagnfarb. I mean really, you guys are slipping.


Frat boys with broom handle axles needed wheels for the annual "cheeze cart races".

Good of them to return the wheels. It does explain the cheesewiz lubricant around the hole AND the gravel stuck to the perimeter.

Look for a new CSI episode "ripped from the headlines".

Hey, I fell off a long time ago, but I can still see that you slipped up on saboteur.

Maybe they're just looking at this wrong?

Maybe this is a miracle, worthy of an ebay auction.

Order While They're Available - Only 237 In Existence!

These organic cheese wheels were lovingly hand crafted over several months using a secret family (we can't tell you the family name, because they're secret) recipe (but we'll sell you their recipe).

Then one day we came in and found that EVERY ONE OF THEM bears the image of George Washington

's bunghole. Bidding starts at $1999.95 plus shipping.

It's pretty un-brie-lievable. I mean, what kind of muenster would have the marbles to break into some cottage industry farmhouse. You'd have to be in-saanen! Hope the farm owners aren't too blue.

Hope they smoke out the perpetrators.

C-bol, I'll take the whole lot for $2.

I had a good cheese pun with a slice of salami for lunch today.

Frat Boy: Duuuude, this is gonna be awesome. We're gonna carsurf over to the cheeze place, do disgusting things with candy corn, carry hundreds of wheels of it back to the kegger!

Fed: Rawk!

*sneaks in*

Frat Boy: OH MY GOD!!

*christobol and elle, filming American Cheeze*

Fed: Christobol?!? Elle?!! You two are making a cheese porn? And you didn't invite me?!

Christobol: We we overcome by its natural buttery color and smooth creamy texture.

Fed: Well, save some for me; you've already shagged 237 of them and I'm feeling particularly saucy this evening.

Frat Boy: This is the most ferked up thing I have ever...ever...in my life...

...how smooth and creamy? And where's the candy corn?

Orb Weaver Fram wbagnfarb -
Oops - so would Orb Weaver Farm

*went to grocery store to buy cheese and when I came back all the cheese jokes were used up -

Where'd everybody go?

*sniffs self*

All clear. Don't run away; we didn't actually shag 237 cheese wheels guys. More like 187. I mean we're not total pervs.

C-bol and elle: Anyways, we did too invite you!

Fed: When?

elle: When I said, hey, let's go to Vermont and break into a cheese factory and make porn there.

Fed: Oh yeah. Thought you were kidding.

C-bol: Two things we never kid about: Cheese, and Porn, and beer, and twister, oh, and midgets, well, no, we sometimes kid about midgets.

But never joke around about beer drinking midget porn stars playing twister.

I mean, you gotta have standards.

The squirrels did it! They have found a new place to hide their "nuts"! Or they were planning to make nut covered cheese logs for the christmas Season.

I've tried to warn everyone about those little "Boogers." They are so smart that we could take lessons from them. Just imagine,---now they have started "cottage" industries. What next?

Cottage cheese?

queensbee - Dave osted something you sent in - congrats! You're not Claire Martin in disguise, are you?

and besides osting it, he posted it as well!

"Blessed are the cheesemakers!" ... "I think he's referring to all makers of dairy products."

Ok has anybody noticed how many witty comments there are on this and the previous post?...and NO HELPFUL SOLUTIONS TO DAVE'S PROBLEM???...Just wondering...

I guess they poked the wheels with a Sharp object and were running Till-amook. Not a great break in. I guess they don't know Jack. And did they have help, or did they act Provolone?

Cheeze, guys, that a bunch of really curdy jokes....

Time to promote Dave's Farewell Card some more. With apologies to those that have already contributed:

Dave’s Weekly Column Tribute and Farewell Card

Have YOU signed the card yet?

BigD: thanks. Don't know how I missed that one, but I'll continue to do so.

Way to go, queensbee, you cheese whiz.

I wonder if it was done by The Balaclava Bandits? They seem dumb enough.

not to get off topic, but I was just flipping through channels and one of the popular songs today is "I wanna freak you." Later on, I heard this conversation:
"Do you always keep a human finger in your purse?"

"I found it on the street last night. I put it in a baggy for safe-keeping."

The glories of tv! It's no wonder people are bored enough to 'poke holes' in cheese.

Last time I started a sentence with "off topic" I got dissed, but I will respect yours, Slart, because I don't think it's a sin - and the amazing thing is that I saw the "finger in the purse" episode - I think it was Law & Order"! They took the finger out of a cheese wheel -

*goes to make grilled finger - er cheese sandwich for dinner*

Nope, nothing is sacred to those terrorist bastards. That's what makes them terrorists. However, I am not sure whether they were born out-of-wedlock. You'll have to interview them yourself. I guess what I'm trying to say is...

Cheese Vandals wbagnfarb.

It's a cheese shop, isnt it?


do you have any cheese?

uh, well, just this lot that's been poked . . .

I wish people would quit POLK-ing fun at the cheese wheels on my new bicycle. I just started as a new volumteer with the Meals on Wheels program.

What sort of person would do this ? They must be crackers

we are a wonderful bunch o cheesy punsters. i havarti to go now......

how about cheesy pokesters wbagnfarb?

"We're just a luv-er-ly bunch of cheese coconuts,
Bidding out time upon the Blog!
One, two , three, look at me!
I'm just sitting up here in the tree!

(Was just sitting up there in the tree.)

can't they just pass it off as swiss?

man, that joke really....... bleu.

i guess im no jerry seinfeta.


think about it, who likes cheese with holes?

it must have been the Swiss?!

all the Vermont State police have to do is find some Swiss person or even a Swiss wanna-be with one of those tiny Swiss Army knives, especially one who has quite a thing for poking cheese all night long and, I bet they will have their cheese vandal(s).

check out the link for this particular comment, this one actually will work and, as should be obvious to one and all. is rightly dedicated to elle who said it first.

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