ATTENTION, ANYONE WHO HAS TIME TO DO THIS

We want your job.

(Thanks to Alanboss)

Comments

[Sarcasmo]

Tina,

You caught me just in time, but alas, my class is in middle tennessee, nowhere near the pacific northwest, and I have a presentation tonight, so no hooky. (heh heh, i said hooky - and thought nookie)

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

Tina, I gotta say *looking at arms tied to chair* I don't know whether I'm doing really good or very, very, bad. But I've got to get up in the morning and watch the North Wind rise, bringing fire down from the skies. Hey, we've got a long way to go, so keep on... well, I don't know if it's gonna get to the next part of the song.

[Federal Duck]

Sarcasmo- what part of middle tn? I'm in Cashville.

[Federal Duck]

And Tina sweetness, if sarcasmo has to leave, I'll be glad to "get strapped in the chair."

I wonder why I put that in quotes? It sounded as dirty as I meant it to. Strange.

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

ah, Mr. Duck, I thought it would come down to this. I'd be glad to keep on truckin' if you get my drift.

lurches away, singing Rusted Root...I wouldn't wanna be...livin' in a world of ecstasy with you.

[Federal Duck]

*is pounced upon*

Much better at the moment.

*gives up and lets Tina do as she tends*

That catsuit might restrict your circulation. As a qualified medical professional from watching a few episodes of ER, I recommend you take it off immediately.

[Sergeant-Major]

Stop this! Stop this! This is getting far too silly! What started out as a perfectly reasonable pointless game has degraded into some nonsensical farce about the love between a woman and a duck. This is just far too silly for me to allow to carry on. Move along, there is nothing to see here.

[Sergeant-Major II]

and Tina! You are to come with me for further interrogation in the rumpus room! Immediately! Mr. Duck, you are free to go, but I've got my eye on you.

[Sergeant-bartfast II]

how about a disrespectable officer impersonator? OK, Mr. Duck, you can stay, but the ball gag comes no where near me. I must be able to shout orders, and whatnot, you know.

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

Look at what Dave and Judi (or lack thereof) have brought us to! 380+ posts because there's no dilution solution! If you can't make it fit, you must acquit!

Bye Tina...*sings softly* his wicked sense of humour suggests exciting [something or other] his fingers focus on her touches, he's venus as a boy...

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

Man, there's so few people, I feel like I should pounce on someone.

So, how 'bout them Yankees?

[pogo]

Ya'll hear Dave and Judy up there laughing maniacally, don't you? "Hee hee, we didn't give them a single post today and they're *no I won't do it* still down in there commenting away and can't find a way out! MWWAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Tomorrow we'll tell them to get over the damn clock again!"

[pogo]

Uhh, that's Judi - I meant JUDI! I really did!

[Federal Duck]

Welp, I'm off for another gripping night of nothing.

Keep 'em in line boys, they get frisky at night.

-Sir Duckius of the Lake

[sandy beach]

The Alaska contingent is still here. Still just the middle of the afternoon, yawn...

[pogo]

Yo, Sandy. This part of the Georgia delegation is getting ready to shut 'er down for the night. Pushin' 7:00 here. The refressing psshhhht has already happened.

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

yay sandy! Now if only there was something worthwhile to do around here, now that the game has been beaten...

[sandy beach]

Have a good evening. Maybe the Hawaiians will show up before long...

[sandy beach]

i've been passing the time by pulling tufts of dog hair off my carpet. Probably not what you had in mind... sorry

[Eleanor]

I just came back and everyone's leaving - y'all (not yawl) should know how sensitive I am, to say nothing of paranoid *sshhh, say nothing of paranoid, they're all listening*
and I brought my penguin thong - bummer!

[wysiwyg]

I have to say at this point that I hate being timezone challenged, and that my watch did not cost $8.00, it was $9.95 and $512.00 postage and handling from the US.

And it only beeps when my blood pressure gets up, and yes, co-workers, I will take it off before reading any more Dave Barry blog posts that Tina has contributed to.

BTW, Fed Geezer, I remember when I was a lad, by gum, back when they used to pay you to take gas away, and kids not only respected their elders, they lived in fear of them, and my Pa used to work 28 hours a day lugging pooh-buckets from outhouses to the local sewerage pit, and twice as long on Sundays just so as we had enough money to afford to go to the local dump on Christmas day to scavenge our dinner, and we not only did we have to travel 12 parsecs to school and back uphill both ways, we had to do it on our knees because we couldn't afford shoes and we knew better than to come home to our shoebox on the side of the road with dirty feet, because Pa would thrash us to death if we did, and....

*12 pages of diatribe deleted*

....and you tell that to the kids of today and they won't believe you!

*sigh*

*cracks knuckles to get the craps out from inserting more than the average number of italics in that last bit*

So. "Yankees". They were the northeners the civil war, right?

And Sandy, do they really have beaches in Alaska, or is it just sort of dream you harbour? And have you found anything useful to do with the dog fluff?

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

OMG! (DYWWINAS)

That's so, like, not true, wysiwyg! You don't get craps from typing, unless you are seriously old, and then you get craps from everything, even dice games. But (haha) seriously, there're lots of people here, you know, you just have to draw them out...like, um, asking questions you know they can't resist!

Who stole the polyurethane and "jelly"?

[sandy beach]

OK, we'll skip the Hawaiians then. The Aussies are up and about! Of course we have beaches! Beautiful expanses of sand, waves lapping the shore, shorebirds, the whole thing. The only problem with the picture is it's f***ing freezing. Sideways rain--make that sleet--howling wind--it's supposed to snow tonight...

So far I haven't found a use for all the golden retriever fur. Maybe I could knit a scarf with it.

[wysiwyg]

Last I heard (towards the bottom), Sly was using it for Plan B.

Which, by the way, we have heard no more of, and least of all have we heard about whether my offer to bring the bottle of back massage oil, featuring the unique combination of 8 essential oils and nerve enhancers, was being taken up or not...

[slyeyes]

*peeks in*

Is it safe?

Someone stole the polyurethane and jello?

*hides hands behind back*

I have no clue who would do such a thing.

[slyeyes]

Oh, you don't actually "hear" about Plan B, until it's w-e-e-e-el under way; and then it's too late.

Anticipation is all part of it.

[slyeyes]

I was #400!! And this thread wasn't even about whizzing, ramparts, orgasmatrons.....well, at least it didn't start out that way.

There is always a natural progression/disintegration towards that 'round these parts.

[slyeyes]

Well, that seems to have shut down the west coast. Sandy must have gotten frozen to that golden retriever fur.

Time to close up shop and head home.

outta here====================>

[wysiwyg]

Sandy, looks from this thread that you could do a brisk trade in turning it into handcuff linings.

It is of course starting to heat up over here - 32c yesterday, which makes it...carry the 3...subtract 32....hotish. And a damn fine time of year it is for geezers as well - coming out of spring into summer, the neck-lines are dropping and the hem-lines are rising.

*Beep* *Beep *Beep*

Damn this watch!

*Takes a pill*

Anyway. Any particular reason why you live up there with a golden retriever? Sins from a past life? Evading the IRS? A desire to see just how big goose-bumps can get before you actually expire from hypo-thermia?

[Mike Weasel]

Wait...still one west coaster here. Um... what are we doing?

[wysiwyg]

Sort of mulling around with the ball given all the other dogs have gone home to change their socks, the self-involved slackers.

[Mike Weasel]

Oh boy, a ball! *pounces*

[Mike Weasel]

Oh boy, a ball! *pounces*

[wysiwyg]

*ball rolls to a stop a short distance away*

You'll need to do better than that....

[Mike Weasel]

Oh crap! A double-post!

[sandy beach]

Hmmm. Don't know about the handcuffs--too many people allergic to dog fur...

My watch beeps at odd times, too. Can't figure out how to turn off the alarm. Anyhow, it really isn't so bad up here. When you live where the weather is nasty you really appreciate those sun breaks. And with global warming, we're getting more and more of them! (It was reported today our senior senator doesn't believe the new study that says that fossil fuels are responsible for global warming. He hasn't read it, but he's sure it isn't true.)

Seems like necklines and hemlines are weather-independent around here. Alaskans favor t-shirts, shorts, and rubber boots.

[sandy beach]

Sorry if the ball got covered with dog hair while it was up here...

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

Look at how desolate this place has become. And all because there aren't any new topics to make fun of.

In other news, -32C could probably be a name for a boy band, and maybe hypoexpiration wbagnfarb.

*swats at ball half-heartedly*

[Jeff Meyerson]

Back after dinner and...

Wow, Tina, thanks. Coming from you that's special... disturbing but special. No, really, Little Richard is an icon. (And having read a biography of him I could tell you some disturbing things about him... sexual things if you get my drift, subtle as it is. nudge nudge wink wink, know-what-I-mean?)

BigD, that was a classic (the 45 stab wounds story). I sent it to Dave several days ago, but nuttin'. (I guess Claire missed it too.)

Just, your turn to the right stuff makes me think Rocky Horror. Surely I can't be the only one. (I know, don't call you Shirley.)

[sandy beach]

wow, that was a really well-written piece of journalism...

[wysiwyg]

Sandy: T-shirts and shorts? Rubber boots?

No wonder you're cold! Go put on a sweater or something!

By the way, in Australia, you have to be careful to admit to wearing rubber boots. Popular rumour has it that New Zealand farmers wear rubber boots to stick the sheep's back legs in to hold them steady while.....never mind.

*ducks for cover to wait for NZ outrage to pass over*

Just kidding guys and girls! Really!

Slarti: I knew some smarty would figure out the trick to the last level. I suspect the clue was something to do with the way the bird was picking up the piece of paper, but I have to admit to only a limited amount of patience with these things. Give me a chainsaw and an alien any day.

[sandy beach]

Good idea about the sheep. I'll pass it on...

[punky brewster]

*comes back with the polyurethane and jelly*

Sorry. I needed these. Hope no one was looking for 'em.

Sandy Beach ... I don't think that's dog hair. It's curly like a pu ... ew! It's on my finger and it won't come off! And it's sticky!

*voice over announcement*

Got sticky hairs on your wet balls ... never fear. Wax Man is here. Avoid those awkward situations next time you're on a date. Just 20 seconds is all it takes. Pop the lube, er tube, in the microwave ... rub it all over ... and PRESTO! Bald balls.

*fast mumbled voice over*

Wax Man is not responsible for lost, swollen or uprooted balls. If used correctly, hair should not grow back before skin. Please consult a psychic prior to using any hair removal product and remember ... icing balls after application may result in freezer burn and is not recommended... do not apply Icy-Hot to broken skin ... do not attempt to speak, sing or sleep for the 48 hours following application. Redness will fade over time ... but warping may not.

And now back to our regularly scheduled blog.

[Eleanor]

The MOAT won't load
The MOAT wont'load
Hi ho the derry-o
The MOAT won't load

So I'm killing time here
so I'm killing time here
Hi ho the derry-o
The MOAT won't load

My brothers leaving tomorrow for Sierra Leone - I hope it's safe there right now - anyone have any info?

I'm off to check the MOAT
I'm off to check the MOAT
hi ho the derry-o
I can't believe that's what they do in NZ

[Slarty Barty Mark II]

muahaha! punky, I knew you'd come...er, respond to my question. After all, it was aimed in the general direction of the plan-B'ers. Slyeyes got to it first, but it seems to have had a scatter effect.

Oh, and I'm sure that's not the only thing they do in NZ. After all, they have a lot of bananas and a mysterious penchant for small animals...

[Ford Prefect Mark II]

hmm..maybe it's time to play that game again, so I won't be here (not hear) when the NZ'ers hear (not here) what's been said here (not...etc).

[wysiwyg]

Eleanor: there are a lot of NZ sheep jokes. In Australia any way. It all started, from what I understand, from someone observing that there were more sheep in NZ than people.

*pushes sticky wet hairy MOAT ball WAY to gone over there somewhere so as to be nowhere near the Icy-Hot tube weilding bloglits*

"Icy Hot and the Tube Weilding Bloglits"...wbagnfarb

Does it come with a scrotum-back guarantee?

[Marvin Mark II]

anyone see the Tetra-Vaal video linked from the "Flash Games" page? Your tiny brains may not realize the importance, but I can say it was not the worst thing I have ever had the displeasure of not going unviewed. I'm sure it's a remarkably stupid machine, relying on weapons as it does. Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and all I get is this clunky metal box and a terrible pain all down my left side. The military gets all the good stuff...

[slyeyes]

Oh, look! A new thread!

*spins around vortex created by bloglets rushing to new thread*

[wysiwyg]

Punky, if you are still there, the sub-conscious has been working on a photofit of what you look like. I'm sorry about this, but I'm getting no peace of mind while its hamming away in the background there.

Would you say you looked most like

a) this
b) this
c) this or
d) this?

[punky brewster]

e) none of the above.

Try again.

[Trystan Shout]

Okay. So I finish the bloody game and all I can say is:

Is that all there is?!

All that work for . . . that?

[wysiwyg]

You don't look anything like any of them?

poop!

[slyeyes]

Trystan, Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

[wysiwyg]

Trystan: having just finished the game as well, I have to agree. Funky little tune at the end tho....

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

Hey, now, don't dawdle! There's a whole new post to fill up now, and it has to do with beavers and Christobol even made a song and there's Ronald 'Gun' Ficklin and 70 grand!

[punky brewster]

wysiwyg ...

nope ... don't look like any of them.

I'll give you three hints in your search for a better picture ...

1. My best feature is my smile. My jaw line is similar to Jennifer Aniston's when I smile, only a little less so.

2. My hair is past my shoulders, straight and layered for body ;)

3. My eyes are warm, yet mischievous ... and angle down at the corners slightly, kind of like a cute puppy :)

4. I am of European descent, so I have a light olive complexion that tans exceptionally well.

Good luck.

[punky brewster]

oops ... make that 4.

Math is a new concept for me.

[wysiwyg]

Ah HAH! I'm sure I saw one like that!

And thanks for the fourth hint, by the way. It will now kill me to be able to do nothing until this evening as I am locked up in meetings this afternoon....:-(

[Nibbles]

This game sucks! Seriously, that anteater level was as far as I could get, worst form of procrastination ever!

[alanboss]

My God! 435 comments!!!! On my one little contribution to the blog!!!! I must have set this place on fire!!!!! This must be some sort of blog record!!!!! And all because of my post!!!!!!! I am a blog god!!!!!! I... uhm... oh. Or not. > Nevermind.

[Trystan Shout]

slyeyes -

My reference exactly. After completing the game, drinking would have been a good option - except that I don't drink. [g]

wysiwyg -

I'm glad to know it wasn't just me!

I expected fireworks or something . . . not just a return to where I started. What a gyp.

[Mike Weasel]

Make sure the anteater is busy munching on an ant before attempting to walk past. You may have to do something to divert the ants near the anteater.

[JB]

thank you, judi. I ama teacher and I managed to save the world while my kids were taking a test. If you want my job, come and get it! (High school math for learning disabled students - fantastic!)

[Kimmy]

I can't get through this whole thread, but did anyone try the Quest for the Rest? I can't seem to get anywhere with it.

[Sarcasmo]

Kimmy,

try clicking on the little nubs on the cactus
you will have to click on them 3 times each
they turn into buds, then flowers, then pods
and then click them again and they will fall off

Then click on the turtle thing and he will wake up and head for the food.

Let me know if you can't get any further.

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

These games are so easy! just click on everything as much as possible and the right solution is bound to crop up! Well, if you don't want to think, that's the best way. But if you actually think about it, then these games are really easy. And did you watch the Tetra-Vaal video? It's nifty.

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

QFTR:

Level 1: click on the three cactus buds until they all turn into little green round things. Then click on all three so they all fall to the ground and the mouse comes out and takes one. Then click on the turtle head and he will eat the rest. then click on the guy next to the bag of air thing. And that's the end of level 1.

[Mike Weasel]

Where do I find this Quest for the Breast you people are talking about?

Oh.... REST.

Um...

Never mind.

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

Mike, the Quest for the Breast game is played at all times right here on this very blog. It's taken a turn south for a bit right now at the Toilet Day comments section, wherein elle's 'sweet ass' is in question (or something)

[featheryfiend]

this game was easy. sorta like crimson room. but really easy.