« Previous | Main | Next »

November 22, 2004


Turns out squirrels are not insane. Which means they know exactly what they're doing. And, like fools, we are giving them aid and comfort.


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

well, first. and i say, let them go to college if they are so smart, hanh? that squirrel probly turned out the lights because he [it?] could find its nuts better in the dark. [sorry].

Do people really have time to form groups like supporters of Nutkins?.

I mean it's not time spent as well as contributing to a blog, right?

they are, on a daily basis, making very careful behavioral decisions that are critical for winter survival."

...and dashing into traffic accomplishes this how?

This reminds me of a study conducted at University of Kentucky. They gave some frat boys beer, and then waited for them to set them down (generally to demonstrate an athletic feat involving falling down very hard), at which point they would take the beers and give them to squirrels.

The frat boys never demonstrated any consciously deceptive behavior (really no "consciously anything" behavior was observed), but they did date and often marry the squirrels.

supporters of Nutkins


If I've sent one terror alert letter I've sent a thousand to this supposed "homeland security" about the Assault Spy Squirrels who sit outside my window and film me in the shower. I'm getting sick of being ignored, and it's high time we...

There's one now, the sneaky little commie barstids. I think they're attracted to my shampoo.

Steve Grant is a good writer. I wonder if he is married or wants to be...

Speaking of useless animal studies, my ex-mother-in-law did her thesis on how LSD influenced web-making behavior for spiders. Apparently, Charlotte's web gets pretty funky when she's hyped up on goofballs...

Anybody want a goofball?

"they are, on a daily basis, making very careful behavioral decisions that are critical for winter survival."

that must mean all of the senior squirrels here in Ohio are all headed to Miami Beach, St. Pete, Naples...

at least they won't be driving.

Assult Spy Squirrels, my foot! We've got djtonyb working on the sound track for those shower scenes, Federal Duck. Once these clips hit the net, you won't feel ignored any longer. ;)

I like articles about nuts and bush...

Squirrel Custody? These people are nuts.

(And would it be agnfarb?)

Polly, did your mother-in-law's research get written up for Life magazine ? I remember seeing in a Time-Life book pictures of the different webs done'under the influence' (this is your web, this is your web on drugs..)

This summer, a particularly hungry, or just bold, squirrel, chewed through my kitchen window screens. I would come home and he (she?) would be sitting on my kitchen counter, helping himself to a bagel.

Meanwhile, my two dogs would be sound asleep on the couch.


I dunno, to be honest. But wouldn't be surprised. My question is, how do you administer illicit drugs to a spider?

*scratches head*

Ooh! Thanks for reminding me, elle!

*puts on Baba Ghanooj costume and heads for the nearest dorms*

or wee lil bongs? you can lead a spider to a joint but cant make him inhale?

maybe they're so angry because they all saw the
"Squirrel Skull" link that Dave posted.

Nice goin', Mr. Candidate.

Brian B,

That's great!!! I especially love the caffeine web. Ecstacy for spiders... Looks at Diet Coke with newfound respect for effing up potential.

Funny, the web of the spider on caffeine looks a lot like the Excel sheet I'm working on.

*looks in coffee cup*


elle - don't fault the squirell for wanting to watch you in the shower. Most of us wouldn't mind doing that.

Puts me in mind of this line from Croc. Dundee

Sue Charlton: That croc was going to eat me alive.

Dundee: Oh, I wouldn't hold that against him. Thought crossed my mind once or twice.

Charlotte's Web 2: Charlotte's Wayward Daughter...

Farmer: Let's see what Charlotte Jr. has written in the web today

Farmer's Wife: oh my god....

Web: Sell the pig
I need more crack!

I'm about ready to pull a "George W."
*I'll get out my little red hatchet and cut down Nutkin's Nut Farm!*
That will fix the little Booger!
*Uh, oh! I forgot about the oaks.*
Maybe a chain saw would do the mob quicker.

Mob? I meant job. Sorry. (Maybe mob is better)

The Zig-Zag Squirrel Run reminds of the scene from the first "In Laws" when Peter Falk yells at Alan Arkin "Serpentine Mel Serpentine!"

Forget Homeland Security...They're all tied up busting "money-laundering beavers" these days and waiting for the newly bloodied axe to fall in their direction... Anybody else notice that no squirrels have been seen on the grounds of CIA HQ in Langley for more than two weeks?

They haven't been seen in Langley because they're all down here in the Hill Country, where all of the ""nuts" are.

OH MY GOD! I'm from Winchester!!! My mother works for the Winchester Sun! We laughed so hard when we read that article...to have it show up here is even funnier.



The worst thing is, this isn't the first time this has happened. Couple of years ago, we heard a sound like a cannon shot and all the power went out. Turns out that a squirrel had stepped onto an unprotected wire and then exploded, shorting out all the electricity in the neighboorhood.

That is a common everyday occurence down here in South Texas. Pecan trees grow all over creation as well as white and red oak. We've not been able to harvest the pecans from our tree because of the squirrels. They are so brazen that they bring their lunch upon the patio and eat at the picnic table, sitting in the chairs! "Power outtage" is the name of the game the 'little terroists' play. They are high-wire performers.

Nutkins required a state superior court judge to pass a ruling? Nice use of the American legal system - maybe that's what the terrorists are really trying to achieve.

Time to promote Dave's Farewell Card some more. With apologies to those that have already contributed:

Dave’s Weekly Column Tribute and Farewell Card

Have YOU signed the card yet?

philintexas: it's "Shel" (short for Shelly) in The In-Laws. That's the best scene in the movie, though I also like "There are flames on my car!"

"...they are, on a daily basis, making very careful behavioral decisions that are critical for winter survival."

Squirrels buying natural gas futures, wow!

The comments to this entry are closed.

Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise