YEAH, THAT'S THE TICKET

(Thanks to Lord Greg)

Comments

[The Honorable Stinky Butt Guy]

I wish I had that excuse before. Damn!

[Trankster]

Second?

[anonymous blogger with almost half of a mind]

Mr Buchanan said almost half of all sleep sex cases were associated with psychological problems and, in the case of the woman he described, psychotherapy helped.
----

duh.

anyway, what exactly is almost half?

I mean, at what point does not quite half become almost half?

[punky brewster]

Umm ... Ok ... so she sleepwalks into some person's house in the middle of the night, without getting shot, bitten by a dog, arrested or hurt and then manages to climb into bed with a complete stranger and convince them to have sex with her even thought they have no idea who she is ... while making sure that the wife lying next to him doesn't wake up? ..... Or.... maybe she walks into the teenage boy's room ... in which case, nevermind. I get it.

[Kilmeny]

Honest, honey, I was dreaming about you the whole time!

[Trankster]

That's true. They never mention what the name of the disease is that is willing to have sex with complete strangers who are sleeping?
Solumnyphomania?
What are they doing to address these sad individuals?

[outside observer]

Keep you eye on the watch....you are getting sleepy...you are getting sleepy....you are getting horn...er...sleepy....

[outside observer]

Keep your eye on the watch....you are getting sleepy...you are getting sleepy....you are getting horn...er...sleepy....

[Corn]

So, wait...there are enough willing strangers just hanging around her house at all hours of the night for her to be able to just stroll out in her sleep and proposition one?

I'd say that word must've gotten out about her sleep habits.

"Hey Bob. What are you doing Friday night?"
"I'm gonna go down to the Buchanan's house and hang around again all night. Might get lucky this time."
"Hey, that's what I was going to do too!"

[slyeyes]

sound asleep....yet still practices safe sex?

[EyesWideShut]

"You only remember your dreams if you wake up during them." That's rich comming from a sleep expert.

Come on, the woman had her eyes closed the whole time (she was in REM sleep phase), and her partner took it as a blind date? How did she call him to the house, psychokinesis?

[Corn]

Trankster: It's called somwambamthankumambulism.

[Corn]

Come on, the woman had her eyes closed the whole time (she was in REM sleep phase), and her partner took it as a blind date?

Well, she is a blind date after all...

[Federal Duck]

I'm gonna go take a nap. Anybody wanna come?
Er, with me, that is. I know how you people like to take things the wrong way.

Huh huh. With me.

[Federal Duck]

I would like to continue to point out the fact that John Cleese has kissed Lucy Liu. On film. I hate to bridge threads like this, but...wait. No I don't.

Tout le Bulge!!

[*tami*]

did she buy the condoms in her sleep too?

[whatysiwyg]

With my luck I'd go sleepwalking and end up with the ugly sister.

But then my eyes would be closed, wouldn't they?

[Rockchild]

I think if you are get dressed, crab the car keys, and meet someone else, your not sleep walking, but you could be possessed.

I just feel sorry if a sleep walker has a dog, because the sleep walker may not be able to tell the difference like my crazy uncle Cledus from Kentucky who looks like uncle Fester!

[Rockchild]

I think if you get dressed, crab the car keys, and meet someone else, your not sleep walking, but you could be possessed.

I just feel sorry if a sleep walker has a dog, because the sleep walker may not be able to tell the difference like my crazy uncle Cledus from Kentucky who looks like uncle Fester!

[Rockchild]

I think if you get dressed, grab the car keys, and meet someone else, your not sleep walking, but you could be possessed.

I just feel sorry if a sleep walker has a dog, because the sleep walker may not be able to tell the difference like my crazy uncle Cledus from Kentucky who looks like uncle Fester!

[Cheesewiz]

Key quote: "In some people, it can be genetic or in others it is triggered by alcohol or stress, they do not lose the muscle tone."

I'll bet it's triggered by alcohol. "Sorry honey I was drunk and asleep. I couldn't help it."

No comment on the "muscle tone" comment.

[Rockchild]

I don't think I wants to come, Federal Duck, because I'm not gay!

[Sarcasmo]

I'm pretty sure if it were a guy "SleepScrewing":

1) he wouldn't have such an easy time finding a willing participant
and
2) his sig. other wouldn't let him get away with such a lame excuse

-now that the obligatory "relevant comment" is out of the way, did anyone else receive their "Official Pitman Keychain" in the mail? It's even more frightening and vulgar in real life than on screen.

[Rockchild]

I hope that never happens to me because I don't think my hamster Duckie will survive!

[smartaleck]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... huh? What am I doing at the keyboard? I think I was sleep posting.

[Trystan Shout]

"Honey, I wasn't fooling around with the next door neighbor. Er, I was having sleep sex! Yeah. That's it! That's the ticket!"

[sarah]

It must have been a very deep, deep sleep.

[punky brewster]

Actually, sarah ... I hear she kept going in and out of sleep ...

[andy lichter]

RUDE awakening !!

[kgeez]

What muscle tone is the doc talking about?

[rhealist]

I didn't think people dreamed continuously. So wouldn't you be dreaming of sex one minute, then dreaming you were scuba-diving, or trapped in a closet the next? How do the sleep-sex partners adapt to all of this? Are there training programs or seminars?... I'm just asking out of an interest in acquiring knowledge... that's all... um...

[Targetgirl]

So, she's got the sleep-sense to grab a condom on her way out, find a partner, wrap his business, and do the deed? Then why in tarnation is she forgetting to throw away the wrapper!?? X(

And is she only using protection during random sleep-sex? I'd be one suspicious husband, if I were hers...

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

It's such an insult when the girl doesn't even wake up . . .

[Just Another Dave]

Is no one going to comment about the guy mentioned farther down in the story who was beating his wife with a camcorder?

A few questions:

1.) A camcorder?
2.) Is it normal to dream about bludgeoning your spouse to death? I would have to go out on a limb here and say...no.
3.) And, for the grand finale, she says, "I love you."

That is one very tolerant wife!

[cheesefondue]

I've heard of things like the Missionary position and something that rhymes with Doggy Isle, but...

Anyone heard of the Rapid Eyemovement Position?

[cheesefondue]

er - the Rapid Eye Movement position. Or was the the fetal position, the zombie position, or the all the lights out position?

[cheesefondue]

Either I'm totally annoying or on a roll.

REM - WBAGNFARB

[Federal Duck]

Darndest thing:

Recently, I awoke with a start (whatever the hell that means) and found myself in a carnal-oriented relationship with a gang of blogettes, surrounded by ducky sponges and goats. I don't know what was going on, but there was a bugle involved.

While I consider myself to be a very laid-back (pun intended), new-millennium sort of guy (millennium never looks like it's spelled right), I still find this somewhat disconcerting, and I think someone should definitely look into it.

As soon as we're finished.

[PETER]

Few years ago I sleep walked(gr?) several times. I would dream about taking a nap on the couch and wake up on the couch! Also, once at my sisters' house I went to the bathroom in my sleep. Walked past a bedroom where my sister was talking to my little nephew - he had nightmare or something. I just stood in the doorway and my sister asked if I was sleepwalking, I said yes and went back to bed! It was very weird... So, I can see how this could happen.

[Anne]

I don't think this excuse is ever gonna fly though.

"Honey, I was asleep and had no idea!"
"Really. Were you dreaming about me then?"
"no. YES! YES! I WAS!"
"Riiiiiiiight... and you were asleep the whole time, too...."
*WHAM* *POW* *KICK* OWOWOWOWOWOOWWWWWWW!!!

"Hey buddy, whatcha out here for?"
"Sleep sex"
"ummm, no thanks" *edges away*

[SchadeBoy]

While I do find this somewhat "out there", I do understand the concept that people can appear to be awake but still be completely asleep and in the middle of a dream. It's actually happened to me several times, and to my sister and, recently, my son. So I suppose it does run in the family a bit.

It's a very strange sensation, to say the least. You see your surroundings, but their augmented and distorted "reality" your dreaming mind inserts into it.

When it happened to me, I remember seeing my mom (I was a teenager at the time) and my house who were in the "real world" and also seeing the aspects that my mind was inserting into the image. It was kind of like digital imagery before that was technologically possible. The situations in my dream were influencing my behaviors in the real world. I even remember my mother, who was asking me what I was doing, wondering what the hell was going on with me.

At one point, I even recognized what was going on in the "dream" and told her that what I said probably won't make sense because I was still asleep.

My eyes were open the whole time, but I was fully asleep and dreaming as well. It's very strange. So I can see how it would be possible how this could happen, but there are still unexplained questions. Namely, who are the participants, where are they, how is she getting to them, and so forth?

In regards to the man beating his wife, all I can say is that we have no control over our dreams. The article doesn't say anything about their real world relationship, nor how he reacted once he woke up. I have had many dreams that were very disturbing to me and dealt with situations and behaviors that I would never have to deal with in real life. How many of us have had dreams where, say, you could fly? Is that something that you could do in real life? I'm thinking...no. Who's to say that this guy would never have imagined he would beat his wife (with a camcorder, none the less), and wasn't terribly disturbed afterward that he even dreamt the whole thing?

I hope this all made sense. I was dreaming when I wrote it.

[rhealist]

SchadeBoy: so we'll forgive you if it goes astray...

[Rachel]

I dreamed a dream of getting laid
With random strangers who could not see
That I was sleeping while we made
Love unbeknownst to my dear hubby

But the sex just comes at night
When I don't know what I'm doing
And one time I woke to find
My husband angry and ungluing

(to the tune of "I dreamed a dream" from Les Miserables)

[jason]

this is disappointing because a lot of promiscuous narcoleps are gonna try and hide behind this rather than change their ways. shame.

[Rachel]

This good new excuse
Gives new meaning to the phrase
"Sleeping together"

[Deontologist]

What I learned from this story:

1) It is a slow news day at BBC news.

2) Unexplained used condoms around some homes don't raise concern until there are several of them.

3) "Sleep sex" can be triggered by alcohol (wait, maybe I already knew this, it just never occurred to me that some might have another name for it).

4) Some people will have sex with a sleepwalker and not tell the sleepwalker when awake.

5) Saying "I love you" can break a euphoric trance.

6) People who are using stories like uncontrollable "sleep sex" are willing to pay psychotherapists to substantiate their claims.

7) Some psychotherapists will take money to substantiate incredible claims.

See? This blog has social redeeming value!

[slowlayne]

Of course Promiscuous Narcoleps WBAGNFARB

[Just Lisa]

I too have done some strange things while sleeping. (While sleeping alone in the buff, I got up in the middle of the night to put on a one piece bathing suit, I have no idea why. When I woke up, it was on backwards, with the sisters just hanging out there.)

So, since I'm generally shy, I think sleep sex could solve some of my anxieties of meeting men people. You think I could train myself to do this? I do have my eye on one of my neighbors...

[Deontologist]

I thought so too, slowlayne. Actually, if I ever get to name a rock group I will go for "Accelerated Entropy" if the band is a "balls & chunk" band.

[OverClerked]

A former lover of mine had the same problem. I always thought he was lying, especially after one particularly grueling three-hour session on my couch. How can someone NOT remember something like that?

It's a pity he's still the best I'd ever had.
=p

[Anne]

I guess he can rightfully claim he had no idea who she was afterwards.

[PETER]

Well said Shade. Ditto re: explanation of the experience, state you're in. I'm glad I haven't done it in a long while because the thought of me having a sex dream at a relatives house just makes me shudder!

[MzVette]

I think this could actually help out relationships... your spouse not quite looking up to par any more.. fall alseep, dream of someone nice (Usher for me) and BAM.. both you and the spouse are happy.

[carl]

Making love with the wife and suddenly she starts to snore. Hate it when that happens! At least now I can think that maybe she was already asleep before. ;)

[carl]

I mean, not that it has ever happenned to ME, you understand. Just hypothetical. Yeah, that's it.

[no one]

An intriguing thought
Erotic yet frightening
Sex while you're sleeping

[punky brewster]

I've pretended to be sleeping to get out of sex more than once ... but I've never actually had sex while sleeping ....

well, that I know of ....

[carl]

According to the dream dictionary "To dream about sex refers to the psychological completion and the integration of contrasting aspects of the Self."

Huh. And I just thought it meant I was horny.

[PETER]

Josh - LOL!

[rosso!]

this is wonderful blurking just before I go to bed (it's after 10pm in germany already.) guess I better lock up my teddy bear tonight. here teddy......

[PeeJay]

I wonder if there is sleep masturbation. Probably not because I would lose muscle tone.

[PETER]

Yea there is Peejay, it's calle a wet dream!

[PETER]

Hey, who stole my "d"?!!!

[PeeJay]

Peter you are a "d"

[me]

From the Mamas and the Paapas

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM SEX WITH ME
(Kahn-Schwandt-Andre)

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singin' in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream sex with me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream sex with me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream sex with me

------ piano ------

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream sex of me

[me]

Sorry, I meant Papas, not Paapas. Wouldn't want to be accused of pulling a Maria Alquilar.....

[me]

This is the 69th post. Don't you just love sleep 69s?

[Graz]

I would leave this comment thread at 69.......but I'm sleep posting.

If I've had this sleep sex thing, I hope that it was the times I dreamt of some really hot women, including some of the fine bloglit ladies we have here.....but hopefully not the time I had that really weird dream about John Madden.........

[e]

I know what you mean Graz. I would enjoy dream sex with some of the she-bloggers here, especially slyeyes who knows how to hold her liquor. In her words "Personally, I hold my liquor by his ears."

I too once had a really strange dream, but involving Richard Gere. And when I woke up me bum was really sore. But that's a thread for another day.....

[THBowers]

I just wonder how much she paid the doc & what she paid?!

[slyeyes]

Once, my boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night and we had a r-e-a-l-l-y rousing time. At breakfast, when I brought it up, he didn't know what I was talking about.... apparently, he was asleep the entire time --- and not having any problem with muscle tone, either.

Unfortunately, I later found out he was sleeping around when he was fully awake....so that ended that.

BOOGER

[Phoenix]

From my own personal experience, I've had _several_ female companions swear that I started fondling them in my sleep, as if to initiate intimacy. They usually thought I was awake the first few times, but quickly learned that I was sleeping (after bringing up said incidents the following day and discovering I had no idea what they were talking about). They usually handled it by waking me up, and if they did wake me up, I would remember what I was doing (and I wasn't always dreaming the same thing I was doing).

My current girlfriend, though, will only tell me in the morning. "You did it again." "What?" "Grinding, etc" "Why didn't you wake me up?" "You seemed to be enjoying it."

:( But, if she doesn't wake me up, I don't remember it.

I wonder if this explains something else....a few years ago, my roommate suddenly started acting weird around me. I mean, one day, everything was fine, and the next, he was very nervous in my presence... hmm.....

[kgeez]

I'm still trying to figure out what muscle tone the doc is talking about.

[kgeez]

I'm still trying to figure out what muscle tone the doc is talking about.

[jerajdai]

I have the same problem, except replace the "sex" part with "duct tape".