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October 27, 2004

THE WHIZZARD OF OZ?

Sorry.

("Thanks" to Jeff Meyerson)

Comments

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Crikey! Judi, please- Make 'em stop!

Modern girls just can't do squat anymore!

"Crikey indeed! Western-ers-- they don't know squat."

The Western Squat Whizzards would be a silly name for a band, but maybe good for a powerlifting team.

So this vital peece of research is "on hold" until less "squat challenged" research subjects can be identified and told "urine"?

... or a good name for a Wastewater Skills Competition Team ...

What I want to know is WHY can't they squat? Is it because western women have more weight distributed to the rear, making balance in that position difficult?

(ducks)

Key quote: "Equipment collected data such as how fast volunteers could urinate, their maximum speed, average speed, how long it took to attain maximum speed and the volume of urine."

Clearly, Women's Freestyle Urinating will be in the next Summer Olympics.

Carl: Next up is Jurovasia Sklemektepee of Outer Eastern Mongolia, the Goodwill Games Champion pisser and world record holder for volume and maximum speed.

Jim: Not to mention she won the X-Games Pissing Acceleration on a Skateboard in Zero Gravity competition this year.

Bob: We get to see her naked here in a minute, guys.

i'd say it's the ducks.

Does this mean Western women can no longer claim squatter's rights?

*hangs head sadly and trudges away, dragging cardboard box house behind me*

Only 100 volunteers? I've been in more than 100 public restrooms that looked like they had been visited by amateur squatters. Maybe they forgot a zero or two on that number.

and the volume of urine.

Yes, I am often waken in the middle of a good nights slumber to the painfully loud urinating sounds coming from the neighbors.

Maybe here on the blog there is a Whiz Kid who can come up with a quite pee formula.

Just sayin....

Cbol, if it get into the Olympics, the Greeks would be the favorite, because they are excellent pissers

"Equipment collected data such as how fast volunteers could urinate, their maximum speed, average speed, how long it took to attain maximum speed and the volume of urine."

Ignatius: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the 3rd Annual "Urine The Big Leagues Now!" Pee Olympics and Girl Scout Bake Sale.

Percival: That's right Ignatius! These ladies are primed for an evening of highly competitive peeing.

Girl 1: *to another competitor* Oh my god! Is that Gertrude Weinerbunker, who set the world land speed peeing record last year?

Girl 2: She's got nothing on me this year. I've been squatting in a cow pasture with a roll of toilet paper and a garden hose for the last 6 months. Bring it on!

mudstuffin - kind of like the problem Western men have, with their feet permanently inserted in their mouths?

Christobol,

That's a little scary. I hadn't refreshed when I posted my olympics thing and it turns out we locked on to the same idea and did basically the same thing with it. You beat me to it, though. Touche! (or Tushy! as the southerners say it)

Maybe we should write the prequel to Peter and the Starcatchers. We wouldn't even have to compare notes.

Federal Duck,

That's a great idea. Plus, with it being the prequel to the prequel, we can probably do scenes of Peter's conception, with consultations from Punky and Polly.

*gets in line now for Federal Duck and Christobol's book*

*runs to the facilities, but will not be squatting*

The reason that Western women can't squat is that too early in life we are forced into chairs. Our muscles and joints forget how to balance in the squatting position because we just don't do it all that often.

I know, terribly unfunny, but someone asked. Oh, and booger.

Bravo, Tina!

Carl: Next up is Jurovasia Sklemektepee of Outer Eastern Mongolia, the Goodwill Games Champion pisser and world record holder for volume and maximum speed.

Jim: Not to mention she won the X-Games Pissing Acceleration on a Skateboard in Zero Gravity competition this year.

Bob: We get to see her naked here in a minute, guys.

Carl: Sklemektepee prepares. She undoes the rope from around her waste and...
Wait a minute! We may have an illegal sex change operation here Jim! Yes! Yes it is! Sklemektepee is disqualified for illegal equipment!"

Bob: Well, that certainly was a disappointment.

... Living In A Van, Down By The River!

Priceless.

uh yeah Jeff. thanks for sharing.

Clearly, Women's Freestyle Urinating will be in the next Summer Olympics

You mean like a pissing contest of Olympic proportions?

umm... how exactly do you measure the velocity of urine? You know what... forget it. There's some stuff I just do not need to know.

Let's not even get into how this research might be applicable. As I am not a woman, I won't try to speculate. I might even understand if a female researcher led the team that she might have a very personal interest in the results of the study.

However, this study was led by a man -- apparently a man who sought and found a way to get somebody to pay him to satisfy his fetish for watching women pee.

(I guess you could say that he might have a very personal interest in the study, but probably not the results)

She likes me! She really likes me! I knew the way to Judi's heart, or whatever.

I'm surprised no one mentioned that Third World Squatting wbagnfarb. Or, maybe not.

And for equal time for men, how about this:
a 10 ft. 7 inch [origami] penis. Got you going for a second, didn't I?

I suppose it'd be just too obvious to state that Third World Squatting wbagnfarb.....

Megan: I love you.

I used to work for an architecture and engineering firm. In the basement, they had this big room that they used for brainstorming ideas. It was usually bare, with no furniture, and bulletin boards on all four walls. For some reason, they called this "The Squatters Room."

Maybe they were doing research there...

See, the reason Western women may not be able to squat is because most don't have to go out in the bush very often. I, however, being from Lakeview OR (look it up on a map somewhere) have had lots of practice. They can't hold a squat? What wimps! Okay, so what underdeveloped muscles. Either or.

The health benefits being I got to pee. A very big benefit

Hey, guys gotta squat sometimes, too. They use this from Uncle Booger.

Well, if it becomes an Olympic sport, can Professional and Youth teams be far behind? I'm copyrighting and trademarking the phrase Pee Wee Pee Pee League. And isn't there already a pro/semi-pro sports team called the Whizzers?

Conch women know how to squat.
Don't ask for an explanation.

I can catch, so I can squat. Not that you wanted to know.

Ahh the Bumper Dumper, advertising slogan "Fit one of these and end the scourge of tailgating"

Doug - you're right. I called the researchers to ask a few questions and the phone was answered "Golden Showers Research Corporation. How may we watch you?"

I once witnessed an un-official cross-gender facility peeing contest. It was at a concert in Dallas. The "girls" was lined up 1/2 around Reunion Arena. So some of them just marched into the "boys". I never new a stand up urinal could be used that way. I also never thought of straddling a sink like that, much less the trash can.

Somehow, it was pretty diffucult for some of us "guys" to finish what we started.

Ewwwwwwww

oops difficult, I never could spel.....much less tpye

Dave Barry's Blog -- Your premiere source of up-to-the-minute breaking news on squatting and hover-peeing. We have all the hot scoops (not to mention LOTS of other phrases that conjure up unpleasant mental images)! Fair and balanced, always with equal weight distribution!

It's the little things that count.
My ex-son-in-law in Round Rock used to go around the house fertilizing my daughter's indoor house plants while she was away at work. (Handy little urnials, I'd say.) What?

I see someone has partially assumed my identity. Marvelous. Go wild with that.

Hey, I live in France, where squat toilets are still all the rage, even in the 21st century. My question is did the subject pool contain any French women? They should have lots of practice.

I was relieved to see that OUR GOVERNMENT did not pay for that study. All the research money was probably used to develop the BUMPER DUMPER.

There is a website that nce caried instructions on how a woman can pee standing up without any hesitation after a little practice. It was run by a nurse and she had writers who wrote in a bout how some of them could even pee through the fly in their jeans after they got the technique mastered. Some of these women claimed to be able to outdistance men in contests, too. It was "www.restrooms.org" but now only sells devices to assist in peeing. If you try a search engine and seek "Denises mailbox archives" you may find some of the posts.

As I briefly mentioned in my last post, next week we are excited to welcome the Visa Freestlye International World Cup to Park City Mountain Resort and Deer Valley Resort. After watching the skiers go big in the X Games the last few days, I can say I am now even more excited. Here is a comparision on how the X Games Skier Halfpipe ended up and who we will be expecting here at the Eagle Superpipe next week. I'll start with ladies, because ladies first, right?

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