SPORTS UPDATE

Robin Big Snake has been reassigned.

Comments

[Eren]

First!

Is anyone awake? (except Dave and me)

[Eren]

I feel alone.... alone... But, it is my 3rd first of the week.

[pogo]

Eren! It's after 9 freaking AM! Of course you're not alone out here.

[Hawk Two Dogs Humping]

He's an excellent addition to the team

[Christobol]

"Hi Robin."
"Hi. Do I know you?"
"I'm Jeremy."
"Ok. Do I know you?"
"No. So they call you 'big snake'?"
"Yep."
"Well, I have the biggest cock in Britian. I thought we should hang out."
"We can't really help but do that, can we?"

[Leetie]

C-bol, you just can't get Jeremy out of your mind, can you? Me neither.

[MOTW]

Key quotes:

"Big Snake impressed New York Ranger GM Glen Sather during a summer rookie camp..."
"...they liked what they saw. He showed them some things. Now, they will monitor his performance with us as a 20-year-old this season."

[Polly]

Big Snake should be ready for duty this weekend...

Woo hoo!!!! I'll be your drill sergeant, baby!

[Polly]

*Big Snake and girlfriend in bed*

GF: Hey! Where's the big snake? I feel cheated. I'm going home.

BS: I hate my parents.

[Zaphod]

This wouldn't even be a story if not for the NHL lock-out. Even though the NHL lockout, IMHO, belongs in the "Who Cares?" category.

Although it may take a bit of creative deductive reasoning, the IMPORTANT thing to conclude from this story is that college basketball begins in less than four weeks!

And I might add that Big Snake wbagnfarb.

[PETER]

rita, didja notice that "MELVIN" authored the margarita recipe? Talk about your multi talented
rooster!

[SMFTC]

Way to go Dave! When I try to bring up this article, I get a 500 Internal Server Error. Not quite sure what that means though. Did we flood the site?

[artist formerly known as mudstuffin]

Sure Big Snake is pretty good with a slap shot, but I think Rusty Anus is better on defense.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Bet this guy made up the name himself

[Jeff Meyerson]

"they liked what they saw. He showed them some things."

I'll bet he did. But who was "they"? Rita, Leetie, Tina, Punky & Bangi?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Sorry Polly, didn't mean to leave you out.

[Polly]

Jeff,

I would just like to say that I am highly offended I was not included in your list of female bloglits when referencing a big snake.

*looks up at ceiling and fans eyes so the tears stop*

[Polly]

HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*gives Jeff big ol' kiss on the lips*

I'm sorry I doubted you.

[Federal Duck]

Big Snake: *strutting* Hey girls, you know why they call me "Big Snake?"

Blogettes: Because you're a full status native who is half-Cree and half-Blackfoot?

Big Snake: *really bringing it home* 'Cause I've got a BIG...wait. What?

Blogettes: Don't hurt yourself there "Big Snake" C'mon girls, I hear there's ball gags and butter back at the moat.

[Leetie]

Yea! And they're auctioning-off Federal Duck!

That sounds dirty.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

No, this is the most important thing

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

rita: dare 'ya

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Tina: who's cires? Wasn't that like a goddess or something?
;-)

[MOTW]

rita, go to Hawaii and have a sag-fest with Cher on her 60th birthday suit shoot. (just kidding!)

Anyone ever think the clothing line "Sag Harbor" a poor choice of names?
Sag Harbor - for women who sag!

[Mike Weasel]

Photoshop can work wonders.

[Christobol]

Jim "Manly Bollucks" Smith: Hey everybody! It's Robin Big Snake. Welcome, Big Snake!

Frank "Impressive Girth" Jones: Yes, welcome. Our pucks will now be flying straight and true.

Sam "Dayam Sam!" Johnson: Well have you spoken, Frank and Jim. It is our pleasure to have you on our team, Big Snake.

Thad "Flaccid Worm" Edwards *mumbling* oh great. i hate those guys.

[Joe Giantpenis]

who would ever make up such a name?

[Phil Hugeboner]

yeah, really

[Lookie Mighbigtits]

Huh?

[Sasha Payne-Diaz]

Hey, guys, the potato goes in the front.

[slyeyes]

Just heard one of those Bud-Lite Men of Genius commecials. I didn't catch it all, but I think it's for a plumber. One of the lines is "and everyone will be saying 'Hey, are you the guy with the big snake?'"

Is that you, Robin?

[Hugh "COD" Peece]

We better get the puck out of here, before someone gets hurt.

[nam]

Speaking of sports, does anyone know where I can get a hold of Dave's column about football and trying to explain it to a non-American person?

[jason]

Oooohhh! That's why everything's been all crazy. Hah, I thought I was losin it!

[Edelweiss]

Soonerboy, I have just one thing to say:

Ahem,

♪ ♪ ♪ Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, OKU
I'm Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead
Rah Oklahoma, Rah Oklahoma, Rah Oklahomaaaaaa...
OKU!

[Federal Dick]

Just can't get enough of the name possibilities.

[Crabby Appleton]

Actual people I have met (albeit not necessarily shook hands with): Dick Wacker, Dick Burger, Major Johnson, Gay McNutt,(a mixed message if you ask me) and finally, Willy Ball (and he assures you that he.. um ... will.)

[Blue Meanie]

Mr. Appleton, allow me to introduce you to Dick Kuntz, a real live employee at my company. (Google says there are 10,700 of them out there!)

[Blue Meanie]

Sorry - make that Ms. Appleton.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Thanks Polly & Tina; I needed that.

Rita, from the pictures I've seen I'd much rather see you than scrawny Amy any day of the week. Really. Do I get my kiss now?

Blue: But do you know Dick Hertz?

[Crabby Appleton]

I forgot an interior designer:

[Crabby Appleton]

I also forgot to say this interior designers name: Anita Goodkuntz.

[Blue Meanie]

No, but I can have him paged for you.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Here's an adorable Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast costume for Little Snake to wear trick-or-treating

[Christobol]

That is adorable MKJ!

Wait, "adorable" means "has what looks like a big penis sticking out of it" right?

That's how I always use the term, anywho.

[Witchie-coo]

My favourite -
Real Estate Agent: Anita Hoare

[eavesdropper]

ScadeBoy,

I'm sorry to be so dense, but the only really important things in life are family, God, Home Depot and Star Wars? I think I'm missing something.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

What about Lowes?

[eavesdropper]

Oh, I see what I was missing. It was the "h" in SchadeBoy's name. Sorry 'bout that.

[Mike Weasel]

I knew a guy in school named Harry Sachs.

[Brad]

"He Hate Me" was a better name.

[SchadeBoy]

Eavesdropper,
What more to life is there? Without family and God, you're alone. Without Star Wars, you don't have imagination. Without Home Depot (or Lowe's) you don't have a good place to buy power tools.

[Doug]

Does nobody want to invent an anagram? I can't do everything.

[Graz]

Well, I see some things that you have missed in the list of important things.

They are:

1) Soft, nice-smelling ramparts.

2) A lady wearing frilly see-through underwear.

And 15) A MOATarita.

Not necessarily in that order.

[bbescuela]

Robin Big Snake anagrams to "skin a big boner."

[Doug]

Good. Thank you.

[Spyware Remover]

The lock-out is going to stink. It (obviously) is not just hurting the fans, but your up and coming stars too.

AJ

[PBrain]

Will we also be seeing links to articles about non-aboriginal people with names like Cox? No? Gee, I wonder why.

[Christobol]

Erm... because it's not funny enough?

PBrain, find a story headline with a person named 'Big Cox' or 'Enormous Cox' or even 'Small and There's a Wart on One Side Cox' and I promise that Dave or Judi will link to it.

Oh, unless the person in question isn't one of those heap'm big choctaw injun bingo monkeys - they're funny!

[queensbee]

the funniest name i ever heard of was dr. zoltan ovary - not making this up - he was a gyno. fer reall.

went to school with a girl named candy canes. no double entendre or anything, just stupid parents.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

The most important thing has to include this or something similar

[my two cents]

honest to the big guy, i worked with a guy named Dick Eder (can't tell you why he didn't go by Richard), and know there were Jack Offenberger, Dick Small, and Dick Burns among the employees too

two pregnant engineers made a pact: one would name her son Wade N. Poole if the other would do Stu D. Baker

[MzVette]

You guys are missing another vital part of life...

motor vechiles

[MzVette]

There is a coastie named Harriman... Petty Officer Harry Man... haha

[Sarcasmo]

The greatest "joke" name ever: Barry McCockiner

The stupidest real name ever: Anus Brown

Seriously, a co-worker's mother-in-law is named Anus Brown, and get this, her nickname - "Muddy"

How unfortunate.

[PBrain]

Christobol -- I ain't holding my breath.

[Christobol]

PBrain, you actually found a headline containing the name "Small and There's a Wart on One Side Cox" and emailed it to Dave and Judi and they refused to blog it.

Wow, you're right. They hate the red man.

I wasn't going to say anything, but the other day, when I was driving (well slaloming) thru Miami, I saw Dave and Judi littering on the side of the highway just to watch a big tear slowly trickle down a Native American Indian's cheek.

[rhealist]

There's a doctor in my town who does penile enlargement surgery. His name? Dr. Stubbs.

[Federal Duck]

First!

[Rachel]

Twenty...five...hours...with no...new blog...fodder...

Must...have...new...post

*gasp*

[queensbee]

a friend of a friend of an acquaintance knew a guy named Brown Corner.
not sure which corner was actually............

[Federal Duck]

If this keeps up, I'm going to have to work. And that would make me thwarted by the Man.
I will NOT be THWARTED!

New post...*whine*

[cheesefondue]

In a recent issue of Sports Illustrated:

Somewhere in the U.S., a company called Reliant Energy, a electricity providor, sponsered either a college or professional football stadium enough to have it named after the company. Thus, Reliant Stadium.

But at the first game played at the new stadium, the lights went out for 10 minutes.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

You can suit up and the ladies will think you have a big snake

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Don't fret, I sent in something they're SURE to put up.

(But that NEVER works . . .)

[BigD]

It would be nice if they would at least have someone put up a message like "Look, we are too busy to play with you today" or something, anything but ignore us.

[rhealist]

Sheesh, MKJ, I just checked out that suit. Don't women already suffer disappointment enough? ...oh... that's just me??? Well, nevermind then.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

(Psst! Guys! Check out these ringers)

[SchadeBoy]

MKJ - You mean for only $1,200.00 I can have muscles?! Gosh, I thought I had to use my cheap Crossbow exercise machine. I was going about it all wrong! Now I feel like such a dork!

And by "cheap", I mean "not really".

[Jeff Meyerson]

Thanks, Rita. You're a real woman.

And speaking of dumb parents, a friend of my wife's taught a kid with an odd name. Turns out the mother thought when the hospital put the little bracelet on the kid they were naming her, hence the name: Female (pronounced like Tamale).

And let me remind everyone again to look for John Train's book Remarkable Names of Real People, which includes Rita's favorite (Dr. Zoltan Ovary) and many more, including:

Mrs. Belcher Wack Wack
Gaston J. Feeblebunny
Hyman Peckeroff
Ave Maria Klinkenberg
Cinderella Hardcock
Caresse Pecor
Aphrodite Chuckass
Siddhartha Greenblatt
Daphne Reader's Digest Taione
and my personal favorite:
Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin Pond

As Dave would say: I am not making this up!

[Charlotte]

I have an uncle with the name of Dick Champ. His sister, my aunt, calls him Richard.

[queensbee]

mahatma - that "phone' with the ringers looks oddly like the coconut bra Dave was wearing on the book tour, doesnt it??? hmm.

[SchadeBoy]

As a child, my parents used to joke with me saying that they had considered naming me Lamp, seeing as how my last name was (still is) Schade.

Instead, they chose to give me a first and middle name that results in the initials of BS (first and last) and BM (first and middle). The first set of initials got me through college, so I guess it came in handy.

[Crabby Appleton]

A man named Dick Hyman, who is both a pianist and an organist. Am I so juvenile that both these disturbingly phallic sounding professions are almost too funny to be true?

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

It must be time for random ramparts (scroll down to last image)

[Klynn]

MKJ, I tried to do as you asked (scroll to last image) but couldn't make it past the object in the 3rd photo...I mean, I've seen similiar things before, but never with HOOKS on it...what are those for?

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Klynn: you can check out their ramparts display in their ebay store

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

As far as the bazooka hook is concerned, it does look rather deadly, no idea what it's for

[Klynn]

Oh, "bazooka", that's what you call it, huh? I call mine, I mean the one I saw one time, oh, never mind. And BTW, thanks for the link to the ramparts display but having quite the lovely, well-rounded, (and all natural) pair of my own, all I have to do is look down. Any time I want. Like right now....

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Klynn: stop!

[Bella]

Somewhere in Texas:

A friend of mine works as a guidance counselor for a middle school. One of the girls (pregnant middle school girls--it's a small town with nothing to do...) actually named her little girl Abcde. Pronounced: Ab-suh-dee.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

And the Lear family (who named their daughter Shanda)

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Klynn: we need proof now . . .

[Federal Duck]

Hey Klynn,
This is a dangerous place to make a statement like that. There's a lot of raging hormones floating around this blog (or so I hear).
You're liable to start a riot *grin*

[Klynn]

Sorry guys, didn't mean to start anything, just sayin' ya know?

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Proof! Proof! Proof! (insert panting noise here)

[Mr.Fisher]

*Starts RIOT!*

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

YEEEAAAARRRGH!

signed:
Howard Dean

[Crabby Appleton]

This thread is taking on many of the characteristics of a Tailhook convention, only without, sadly, the adult beverages. We shouldn't be unsupervised for this length of time on a Friday.

[Klynn]

Well, normally, I wouldn't reveal this, but what the hey, we're all one big happy family here, right? This little secret stays here in the blog, kay? Remember the pic of those ramparts that MKJ linked us to...that was ME!