NO, I WILL NOT TAKE UP GOLF

But starting next year, I'm gonna be out of the paper for at least a while.

Update: To answer some questions in the comments: I do plan to keep the blog going on some random basis. As for judi: She will be working as an exotic dancer.

No, really, judi will keep doing her job. One of my goals is to find out what that is.

Comments

[Sarcasmo]

First?!

What a terrible time to make first . . .

There's probably a reason there aren't any comments, because all the bloggers are speechless.

[slyeyes]

Arrrggh.. You will be missed. It's already been discussed, and we have two questions:

1. What about Judi?

2. What about the blog?

[tinkerbell]

NO! (firstish)

[slyeyes]

That's all I read. I just read the papers and go, 'Well, that's stupid'. And I write 800 words and when it boils down to it, it's 'Well, that was stupid.' They can do that without me.'''

We just don't want to.

[Lou Bricant]

*(moment of silence)*

[MOTW]

"And they can actually read the news, which is hilarious. That's all I read. I just read the papers and go, 'Well, that's stupid'. And I write 800 words and when it boils down to it, it's 'Well, that was stupid.'

"They can do that without me."

* Sniffle *

Yes, Dave, we can all say 'Well, that was stupid.', but not in the same eloquent way as your gift. Especially after 9/11, this country (and world) has needed a humorist who can still point to everyday things and say "Ha, Ha!" to keep our spirits perked up. Shuttling you from event to event, keeping you away from your family and throttling your home with hurricanes was not very nice thanks for all you do.

Rest up, Dave. Enjoy Sophie while she is growing up. You will be sorely missed.

[Zpahod]

To sum up my feelings on the matter:

* Clears throat *

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

That is all.

[wolfie]

Ditto what Zaphod said

Not that we don't want you to take time off and watch your (not you're) children go, but you will be missed
*wipes a tear and trys to be brave*

[Ms. Nomer]

I have that feeling you get when a really good friend moves far away. You know you're going to miss them, but are happy they're going to be happier where they are. You know -- smiling and crying at the same time. So it will be a little different from here on, but it's not really a good-bye. Brave decision, Dave. Good for you.

[Ryan]

You've got to be kidding me! Say it ain't so. Please tell me that you will continue on with your blog?!?!?

[neophyte]

I know you need time with your family, Dave. I don't begrudge you that. But it feels like I've been socked in the gut. Where will I go for my humor fix?

[MzVette]

*cries* I have been reading Dave for so long, I don't know what I will do without him! I guess he has to have his own life too *snif*

We will defiantly miss you!

[Fort]

Dave,

Do what you got to do. You deserve a break, no doubt about it. Just remember that you will be missed so much and all of your loyal fans are here for you if you decide to come back.

It says in the end of the article about your departure that we can look at stuff and say it is stupid for ourselves. That may be true but NOBODY can say things are stupid like you. Your talent is so rare and incredable, it has helped me to cope with all of the weirdness that is my life.

You are not just a humor writer, you have provided much needed laughter in an unpredictable world that gets entirely too serious entirely too often. Making people laugh is not only difficult it is noble and down right heroic when it helps them get through tough situations.

I will say it again, do what you have got to do but remember you are much loved and always will be.

A major fan for 14 years,

Fort aka Kim

[queensbee]

BUMMMERBUMMERBUMMERBUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMER. BOOGER.

[Rachel]

"And they can actually read the news, which is hilarious."

Just to clarify, Dave, the news is hilarious, or the fact that we are capable of reading it?

[Brian B]

For some reason I keep getting "Candle in the Wind" repeating over and over in my head.....

Anyway, good luck this coming year Dave, enjoy your time off.

The Blog will stay vigilant in anticipation of your return.

[Kate]

Well, he's going to be busy running the country after he's elected next month, right?

Seriously: AUGH!!!! Happy for Dave, sad for the rest of us....

[Elvis]

Dave, best of luck with wherever your life takes you in the next year and in the future years. I only discovered your columns recently, but you already feel like an old friend. Your column is my favorite thing about Sundays.

(also,)
Dave

[Susy]

Well that does it! My Monday mornings will never be the same. The one thing I looked forward to was that weekly shot of humor to start my week off and I will surely miss it and you Dave! Now people at the office won't think I'm nuts while I was pretending to work and instead - read your column. (I'd chuckle, laugh out loud, snicker).
Having said that, I wish you the best! Enjoy your family, rest up and just come back to us once in a while. God Bless!

[slowlayne]

Rumor has it Dave is going on tour with Cher.

[Scott McDonald]

Hardly anyone cares about newspapers anymore - So Yay! Now Dave will have more time for the net.

[Anagramically Challenged]

*sniff*

:-(

[Dave D.]

Now that the one and only reason I subscribe to the Washington Post is going away I can finally cancel that rag. I guess every dark cloud does have a silver lining.

[dead broke columnist]

*wipes tears*

I know the timing may be less than appropriate, but, dave, can I have your column space?

[chumbucket]

No columns. Sporadic blogging.

Suddenly I feel like an orphan.

[HULK for President]

What Dave hasn't told his fellow pirates (Ahhy Matey!) is that he has accepted the Hulk's offer to be his running mate for the presidential race - the combination of the Hulk's strength and Dave's brains and humour (well, one outa two isn't bad) will make for an unbeatable ticket - Bush/Kerry don't stand a chance!

[Capt. Pike]

Dear Dave:

From a devoted fan who's been laughing ever since your first column about babies - which became "Babies and other Hazards of Sex - thank you for every time you made me laugh so hard that I fell off the couch/chair/emergency room gurney. In all sincerity, you have brought a tremendous amount of happiness into the lives of many - often during times when it was pretty hard to find something to smile about - and I'm sure that every one of us appreciates all you've done.
Thanks, Dave.

[Jessica R.]

Wow! Talk about a vacation! I hope you can find enough giant Cheetos and large balls of string to go and see to last a year, Dave. Rest up because judi will have a year's worth of research piled up on your desk when you get back. Really, though, you are going to find out what the rest of us stay-at-home parents know, we are busier now than when we worked full time AND get no compensation.

[DC Blogger Susan, geocacher extraordinaire]

I got nothin' to say. Too busy cryin'...

I love ya, man... Thanks for the awesome laughs...

[Rachel]

The only time that "Dave" and "Cher" should be in the same sentence is in the following example:

"Dave is much funnier than Cher."
"I wish Dave would go on a farewell tour instead of Cher."
"Dave has Cher-ed his humour with us all, and we are richer* for it."

*pulls empty pocket inside out*
Well, not literally richer, but, you know...

[former liberal]

well, john kerry will be needing a real job soon.

not that writing in liberal publications is a real job or anything.

[Drew]

What's going on here? The only thing I got out of the post was judi and exotic dancing.

[queensbee]

and dave, your news is SOOOOO important that its on the website of our local albany all news channel. and its on the cbs-nyc website, and all over already. clearly, many people will be crushed. but take your time. dont come back tooo quickly on our account. sorry for the guilt trip man. will the herald let you blog on their site if you are on leave????

[punky brewster]

Dear Dave,

Thank you.

Thank you for all that you have contributed to our lives.

We are eternally grateful.

Be well and keep laughing.

Punky Brewster

[Tony]

Okay, my Sunday is shot now.

[Flukey]

Well of COURSE Dave is taking some time off! He's going to be elected president shortly! You can't expect him to fight Congress about low flow toilets and write a column at the same time, can you?

* sigh * Miss you Dave.

[The King]

Aiiieeeeeee!

The world grows a little dimmer this morning.

Still - enjoy the break Dave!

[Geoff Brown]

Dave, I've been reading your column since I was a freshman in high school, and now I'm pushing 30, and I've always had something new each week to read from you, plus the books (including one that catapulted one of my websites to a small amount of fame), PLUS you took the time to send me some information when I had a paper to write in college. That's a long time, and a lot of work, and it seems to me that if anyone could use a break, it's you. I hope you enjoy the time off, I hope you're back in the saddle sometime not too far in the future, and above all, thanks for all the laughs.

[Federal Duck]

Dave,

What a long, strange trip it's been.
I hope above all that this is not a permanent goodbye, as it would most assuredly leave a gaping chasm in the humor of our world, which, without someone of your caliber to maintain it, might be filled with the mundane, or even worse, the serious or frightening.
Understanding that you are a humorous and lighthearted man, many would refrain from telling you of a serious impact that your gift has had on their lives, for fear of casting a somber shadow in a sunny place.
This does not mean that this impact has not been made. So many times have I been down about the world, confused about the dreadful state of it, or searching for some sort of meaning in it, as I know so many others have as well. During these times, I have always sought solace in a Barryesque turn of phrase or comical figure of speech. So many times has one funny sentence assuaged sorrow or turned a bad mood into good.
This is the power of humor. An ability loved by so many but possessed by so few. And it is for your wit, wisdom, humor, vision, and untiring commentary on the nonsensical elements of this crazy mudball on which we live, that I give you the most poignant salute that I can muster:

Booger!

[punky brewster]

Hey Judi!

There is an opening at my club for Saturday nights ... one of the dancers broke her ankle trying some weird new yoga move called "fiesty fox in heat" while on stage. Not to mention, the tips are unbelievebale. Like the other day, a guy told me how to fix my shower head without having to buy a new one.

Call me!

[Higgy]

Wow - it's like finding out your puppy died chewing on your favorite toy wrapped up in your favorite item of clothing while simultaneously breaking your most beloved LP....

Or something like that.

Bummer.

Dave - we'll miss you. The blog won't be the same without your brand of wackiness...

Now I'll have to do my own research into Weasel Snot....

[bert]

Well, maybe instead of golf, *you* can take up exotic dancing. Just make sure to take the blue shirt.

[Lighting a BBQ with Liquid Oxygen]

The Liquid O2 story is still my all-time favorite - I can't find the original Dave column on the net, but click on the link below to read about it ...

[Trystan Shout]

Dave -

Although you will be missed, all I can say is *good for you!*

I never understood why people wait until they are 65 or older to take a break, an age when they are perhaps not physically able to do the things the have been waiting to do.

As someone who also took a year off, I know why you are doing it.

Don't follow my lead in this respect: When I "came back" I began an entirely new profession, something I love. A little less money but much more satisfaction. You will hopefully stay with what you do best.

Fellow bloggers, just think of Dave's pal Steven King. Remember when he threatened to retire a year or two ago? Since then he has been more prolific than ever. And he tells "Entertainment Weekly" that he was depressed when he said that, and that he is no longer depressed.

[kat]

No! NO! No! No! No!
I will have to go back on Prozac now!!!
I guess that I will have to get out my great big lawnmower and mow over some a--es on the blog after Dave is gone but not forgotten. Dave, how could you do this to me? I know you love Rock and Roll. But do you literally have to "roll?"
So long, friend! And Bon voyage! God speed.
Granny Short Legs

[gotlucky]

I came here expecting to find the site draped in black and very, very quiet. I feel a little more hopeful to know Dave isn't totally outta here. Dave, enjoy your days and know that your readers will take anything they can get. Really. Anything. Thanks.

[Doctor Worm]

You will be greatly missed, Dave.

[rhealist]

*whimper* *sniffle*

I wish you all the best. Thank you for all the years of laughs you have given me, as well as the important public service pronouncements about exploding toilets, escaped snakes, and the only terrorist alerts that I take seriously. You will be sorely missed.

*clutches book collection to chest*

All I can say is

BOOGERS!

[fort]

WOW! Look at all the lives you have touched and how much you mean to everyone. You have made one hell of an impact on the world, Dave.

That has to be a wonderful feeling.

[Dr Worm]

You can't go!!?! All the plants'll die!!!

[slyeyes]

Dave,

I’ve been thinking back over my favorite columns of your.....the one about babies being a dangerous side effect of sex ....the lobster in the pants...the Olympic updates....your columns after Hurricane Andrew. I read one of those during lunch one day and my boss asked what was so funny. I told him it was a humor column about the hurricane. He looked at me somewhat with disgust and said “What could possibly be funny about a hurricane?” I gave him the article and a few minutes later, heard him howling and banging his hand on the desk as he laughed. I turned him into a fan.

And I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of “Dave Barry Slept Here.” My daughter and her husband had their first date and got engaged in Nebraska. I tell them, “Nebraska’s state motto is ‘Bring something to do...and I guess you did.’”

I’m glad Sophie will be having another guest at her Barbie tea parties.

This may be sounding like a memorial service. In truth, it’s a tribute and thanks for the laughter through the years. “I come to praise Dave, not to “Barry” him.*

*From the Ministry of Nonsensical Puns.

Booger.

[mudstuffin]

In the office is heard
the click-clicking of words
as I type and stroke the F5 key

my cubicle neighbor
supposes my labor
productive, erroneously.

For I'm, blogging, not working
and sometimes just blurking
it's Dave's humor that keeps me afloat

and when I'm brain-weary
my eyes blinking and bleary
I strip down and jump in the MOAT

Yes, "that was stupid" says it all
yet I find that I don't recall
and need reminding, again and again

So I'll keep on blogging,
through monkey shit a slogging
and occasionally verses I will throw up

So Dave, take you time
hang with your peeps, drink some wine
But for the love of God, please don't grow up.

[Targetgirl]

Well Dave, have a GREAT TIME, I for one am jealous. I'd love to take a year off, but I don't have a nicely feathered nest egg to live on. Glad to hear the blog will blog on, and you will pop your head up now and then to chirp in cute Prairie Dog fashion, and nod briefly to your devoted fans.

Oh, and one more thing.

BOOOOOGERRRR!!!!

I love you Dave.

[Cheekygeek]

Dave sets the example of how journalists SHOULD handle a sexual harassment accusation at work.

Just kidding, Dave.

[Federal Duck]

And you better darned-well not take up golf. If I hear that you're playing gol...or shuffleboard, now that I think of it. If you get caught playing golf or shuffleb...or bingo, for that matter. If you get caught playing golf, shuffleboard or bingo, we'll come down there...or wearing hats. Or driving 20 mph in the passing lane.
You get the idea. You're absolutely allowed to retire whenever you wish. But you're *never* allowed to act like a retiree.
I recommend drinking beer and setting things on fire.

[Isabelle]

Dave,

Sniff, sniff, we'll miss you!

[Limerick-ly challenged MOTW]

The bloglits will try to be brave
In a world bereft of their Dave
Yes, he deserves a break
Tho our hearts will ache
For the humor style that we all crave.

[Rayne]

Ah, Dave. You do what you must -- and I'll be placing wagers on your return in a year. You'll miss us, and the writing, too much, but I totally agree -- sometimes one needs to walk away in order to see the bigger picture.

Blessings to you,

Laura, lover of Ewan and all his three hands.

[dude]

I hope you enjoy your time away from the column. Just, you know, not so much you don't come back.

[PETER]

KEY QUOTE

"I do plan to keep the blog going on some random basis."

I need clarification of, "on some random basis", but the important thing is the blog goes on! Yea!

Dave, I too will miss your (not you're) columns and ditto all the wonderful sentiments posted here today. Best of everything!

[Brainy Jello]

Dave,
Thanks for everything! We love you!
-Alert Reader since 1990

[PETER]

Oh, I can't believe I forgot:

BOOOOGGGEERRR!

[Rachel]

HAIKU
Dave Barry's leaving
We will have to find humour
To fill this big void

LIMERICK
Outside there is wind and there's rain
Dave is needing some time to be sane
So you wish us farewell
But we'll all be in hell
Until we hear you say "booger" again

FREEFORM
Dave needs to have some time off
We understand but
Our lives will seem
Less funny

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S CALLED BUT MUDSTUFFIN IS GOOD AT IT
The day just got quiet
As we found out and sigh at
The fact that Dave Barry is leaving

He needed a break and
We can't say we blame him
But that won't stop the begging and pleading

"Dave, please don't go"
We say, although we know
That this is something Dave has to do

So we'll hang in and try
To not sniff and not cry
And hope that we'll see him again soon

[Zaphod]

To quote the only other author whose (not who's) writing makes me laugh out loud (even when I'm alone):

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

[brat]

Dave..... I have an empty "Brat Cave" you are welcome to use any time you want to drop by the MOAT.

[blurker (& longtime fan)]

Dave, you had me at the first exploding cow. I knew it was too good to last, but please don't let this be the end.

[Corn]

If I were Dave, with 30 years of columns, a bunch of books, a TV series, and a handful of movies under my belt (and a new one on the way), I'd probably be a little burned out by now too and in need of a vacation. Good for you, Dave...you've made the choice to spend quality time with your family. I'm bummed that I won't be getting as many laughs now, but still, I salute you.

[MOTW]

that was great, Rachel.

[jamester]

''They can do that without me.''

As if.
I choose to believe that Dave will become even more active on the blog when he has more time, God knows that's what happens to most of us...
My favorite column of all time (I lived it 2 months ago) was the one about he and Beth having the Mongolian Death Flu, while toddler Robert was happily unaffected...

You Get One Year. ONLY.

[elizabeth]

Dave,

I will miss your humor. You are an incredible person, and I am officially already in mourning.

I can only hope you are taking time off to make a serious run at the White House. We could use you in Washington, Dave! Count me in as a campaign worker.

Elizabeth

[Melt'n]

NOW the terrorist bastards have - DAVE!

Say it isn't so.... JUST say it isn't so...

[The Kip]

KHAAAAAAN!!!
Ahem, sorry, meant to say...
DAAAAAAVE!!!

I've been a fan since I was 12. At a time when most of my friends were getting their booger jokes from Mad magazine and TV cartoons, I was getting them from a Pulitzer-winning author.

I'll really miss your unique brand of humor.

Hey, if you want to squeeze a little more profit out of your existing work by releasing one or two books of collected columns, I'll buy them. That seems to work really well for people like Scott Adams, and you're seventeen jillion times funnier than he is.

Aloha, Dave, and may your soul always be safe from Elizabeth Dole.

[DHSCUBS]

There's always room for more sewer inspectors in the world.......

[waterboy]

Dayum.

A toast for Dave, bloglits.

*Clink*

[Melody]

You are my hero.

Monday used to have a glimmer of hope because it was "Dave Barry's column time." Now Monday will go back to being the suckiest day of the week.

I wish you weren't leaving. But I hope you have tons of hours in a comfy chair with Sophie and your wife. ( You'll need a big chair.)

You are the greatest.

Melody

[PETER]

CLINK!!

[MOTW]

*Clink*
We need a black stripe (mourning) to go down the side of this page.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Well Dave, I guess this is kind of reading your own obituary while you're alive, right? At least I got to shake your hand and get your book signed and my picture taken with you before you left us (sniff). But it really isn't that surprising. On the way home from Vegas we were discussing all you've done this year: the books and tour, the movie, the Olympics and both conventions, and now the Remainders tour. No wonder you need a break!

Still, all I can do is quote the Cowardly Lion:

"What a revoltin' development."

Hurry back.

[Susan]

Dave,

I can certainly understand you wanting to spend more time with your family.

My Sundays will be a little darker with no column, but I will go on. (but will my heart go on?)

As long as you show up on the blog now and then.

Booger.

[punky brewster]

*CLINK*

[PETER]

*CLINK CLINK CLINK CLINK CLINK CLINK CLINK*
(Not Colonel)

My supervisor just dropped by and apologized for interrupting my work! Hee Hee

[Christobol]

On the other hand...

Dave just chopped off my other hand! Geez this is a crappy day.

[Sharon]

I hope this winds up being a haitus as opposed to a permanent departure. But in any event, thank you so much for the laughter you have brought to this world - there is a special place in heaven for people who have made the world a happier place!

[brat]

*Clink*

[Rachel]

*Clink*

Bottoms up!

Well, not literally...

Okay guys, enough mooning.

[punky brewster]

*uses sheep goo to reattach christobol's hand*

Now, you were saying??

[Bereft]

This is indeed a sad day. My sundays will never be the same again. I wish you well so that you may return. I will take any crumb you toss this way. Thanks for all the laughs and now tears too.
Betsy

[frogstein]

This is almost worth it, just to get a picture of Dave's 1988 hair published in the Herald.

Almost...

[ribbet]

Frog glue used in sheep knees, punky.

[fort]

>>>moons Dave

[Cin]

I have been a long time lurker on this awesome blog but I've never felt the need to post before now. As one of the many, many millions of fans of yours, Dave, I just gotta say - We'll miss ya, have a good one, and come back. Soon.

[punky brewster]

ribbet ... damn.

So close.

[First!]

Dave--

This is my first time posting on the blog, but I just wanted to let you know that you have enriched my life with laughter from your books, columns, and the blog.

Also, I'd like to note that there will be considerably fewer laughs coming from the men's room here at work.

TIPIYOTKI!

[Obi Wan]

I sense a great disturbance in The Force...

It's as if a million Alert Readers cried out at once,

And suddenly had no idea what to name their rock and roll band.

[queensbee]

i know, after you are done w your sabbatical -- a talk show!! you could be on comedy central right after the daily show. then we will surely not know real from, well, not real. and you could do it from your living room. sit behind a big desk, hey, you could do it without pants!!

[slyeyes]

Punky, the mixup is understandable. It's (not its) difficult to think clearly on such a day.

*sniff*

[Ike Jones]

Dear Dave,

I hate to break up all the funny stuff but I want to say a couple things that need to be said.

I’ve been reading you for a long time…almost as long as you’ve been writing, and I’ve enjoyed it all – from boogers to babies to Nash Metropolitans and I want to say a real and heartfelt “Thanks” for all the laughs.

You deserve some time off and now is a good time to take it. You have new projects going on and you have a kid to watch grow up.

But when you’re done, come back to us, Dave.

We need you. Yeah, we all can read the papers and say, “This is stupid.”

But too many of us say it and get mad.

We need somebody like you to point out the funny side so that we can laugh at it and go back to living our lives.

So go – take a year and make a movie, write a couple more novels, watch Sophie have fun – enjoy yourself. But then come back and point out all the stupid things and make us laugh about them again.

Ike Jones

[Zaphod]

Just as I always suspected...Dave IS a force in uniting humanity in a common bond. Ya see, 106+ comments on the same topic. When has that ever happened?

[punky brewster]

sly ... I seldom think clearly on good days ...

but thanks for the encouragement :)

[Lucy Ricardo]

* to address the lack of parody in this thread *

Well, I'm your Daily Dose of Dave Girl. Are you tired, run down, listless? Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular? Well, are you?

The answer to all your problems is in this little ol' bottle, Daily Dose of Dave. That's it. Dose of Davey Dail contains vitamins, meat, humor and boogers.

So why don't you join the millions of happy peppy people and get a great big bottle of Dave's Daze of Doily Boogers. I'll tell you what you have to do. You have to take a whole tablespoonful after every meal. It's so tasty too. It's just like candy!

So everybody get a bottle of this stuff!