IS NOTHING SACRED?

Now they're dissing Cher.

Comments

[Federal Duck]

I can't believe they would stoop to that level.

[Monkey]

When people start dissing Cher we're in scary, out-of-control times.
:-(

[Dr. Doggie]

Hmmm. The farewell tour may not> be coming to a livingroom near you.

[Federal Duck]

"Regardless, producers aren't taking any chances so British singer Joss Stone has re-recorded "Alfie" for the new version"

I have a special place in my heart for Joss Stone. She's just yummy.

Having her mentioned in an article about Cher sends my testosteronical (not a word) yearning in opposite directions, which is dizzying.

[LabSpecimen]

*wildly waving arms in a futile and stupid gesture*

[jamester]

Sorry, I just face another Cher link this early in the morning...
or later this afternoon...
*considers proposing a one-week moratorium*

[Grumpy]

Not sure what's more funny - that the original singer of the tune is being unceremoniously kicked off the soundtrack, or the thought of being in the same room as the test audience.

[Mr.Fisher]

I can't believe it.

Cher, Stoned again.

[punky brewster]

I'm not a huge fan of Cher's music, but did anyone even consider that the test audience was laughing at the song title ... I mean, who names their kid Alfie? Better yet, who'd date an Alfie? Alfie just doesn't say "hot", ya know. It says "long-nosed furry alien from outer space"

[Tony Brent]

Ha! Fools! Cher will outlast all of them! Joss Stone will be a whitered old hag on a moterized scooter while Cher will still be doing her farwell tours.

[Brainy Jello]

"Cher's title song for the remake of "Alfie" has reportedly been dropped after test audiences laughed at the track."

[mudstuffin]

Did anybody else look for Cher on the frozen critter page in the last thread? I'll bet at least parts of her are for sale.

MKJ?

[outside observer]

Personally, I think that Ozzie Osborne or Marilyn Manson would have made MUCH better replacement singers.....or Pat Boone...

[outside observer]

Do I hear a vote for Wayne Newton?

[Christobol]

Brad Pitt *ripping shirt off* Hi Punky! How are you?

Punky: I'm good Brad, thanks for asking. Say, want to go hunting?

Brad: Sure, just let me get rid of these pants.

Punky: Suit, erm... unsuit yourself, Brad.

Brad: Mind calling me 'Alfie'?

*Punky feels conflicted...*

Brad: Hello? What are you doing?

Punky: Feeling conflicted.

Brad: That's not my conflicted, Punky.

Punky: oops.

[Rachel]

Christobol, you should be ashamed of yourself. Busting in on Punky and Brad like that.

And didn't I tell you NOT to strategically place that Hershey's bar?

Oy.

*winks at C-bol*

[Christobol]

I didn't bust in, I just eavesdropped, and I have written permission from Punky for that.

[slyeyes]

The most surprising part of that story is that Cher sang that song originally. whodathunkit.

[Federal Duck]

Brad: No, it's fine! Keep feeling conflicted.

Punky: I see that your confidence is growing.

Brad: I'm having a hard time following your double entendres, can we get off the subject?

Punky: Ah Brad, your naivete is touching.

Brad: If we're going hunting, I'll need to grab my rifle.

Punky: Here, I've got it. I'll help you load it. I'd hate to see you go off half-cocked.

Brad: I'll load yours for you. I'll just slip this bullet in your chamber.

Punky: Be careful, Brad. I use a really high-caliber.

Brad: I see that. Uh oh, your clip is empty. I'll just load it with this bullet, and this, and this, and this, and this...by the way, what are we hunting, again?

Punky: *really about to unleash the cannon* ...beavers, Brad. We're hunting beavers.

Brad: There's one! *blows off a few rounds*

Punky: Wow. You're a great hunter. Want some gum? Pine flavored, for her pleasure.

Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Double Entendre Theatre

[punky brewster]

It's true ... c-bol has written permission to watch, videotape, direct, reenact and critique all my sexual escapades. Little did he know, when he accepted the position, it would turn into a full time job. He doesn't mind though ... the perks can't be beat (unlike my men).

[SchadeBoy]

I'm beginning to suspect I might need to add this blog to my porn filter list...

[MeganBNL]

Poor Cher. Our society just has no respect for its elderly citizens anymore.

[punky brewster]

Schade ... Is you filter intended to catch porn sites, or prevent them?

[punky brewster]

Schade ... Is your filter intended to catch porn sites, or prevent them?

[slyeyes]

Fed, are you C-Bol's not-so-evil twin?

[punky brewster]

Oopsies.

[slyeyes]

did you double post a double entendre?

[nullportal]

That's too bad. First she doesn't get her driver's license because she can't find her most responsible outfit, then her singing is criticised.

[Higgy]

Punky - you forgot to mention "star in" for C-bol's list of permissions on your sexual escapades...

Lucky guy - I only have the rights to the Bwang-Schwacket soundtracks....

[punky brewster]

c-bol is not permitted to "star" in my sexual escapades ...

Well not the ones that happen outside my brain, anyway.

[queensbee]

how original. why do we need a remake of alfie anyway? i guess so many people wore out their records for that soundtrack. right.

[Mr.Fisher]

CBol- If you ever need a stunt double. I'm your Fish.

[Mr.Fisher]

*twix*

*butterfingers*

[Rachel]

Ooh ooh!

*100 Grand*

[Rachel]

*boom ka-chhsss* etc. (beatbox sounds)

Yo yo yo
My and my friends we's jus postin' da blog
Wondrin' why Cher is out there... please spare
Us from anymore tours of farewell
It's hell
Someone grab your whip baby, it's time to flog

Snickers and Twix, we're in a fix and we
Seem to be cruisin on pornography... but really
Shirtless guys such as Brad Pitt and
We're smitten
judi is the best at playing the sex kitten

Hey hey hey
What up wid da Cher she's still out there
We still don't care
Her tour keeps going on and on like Manilow and it's not fair
Humanity is losin' sanity and profanity
Is crossin' through our minds
It's time
To Cher and Cher alike so take a hike, close your blinds

This tour ain't comin' to MY livin' room!

[Mr.Fisher]

Word.

[Rachel]

*takes Tapioca Pudding out of desk*

What? There aren't any Hershey Bar sellin' kids here.

Hey rita - trade ya?

[Mr.Fisher]

*Whips out mini-Crunches from desk drawer that I took from the Cauldron at home that we plan on handing out to the Kiddies on Haloween, Hope I don't eat them all before then*

*Evil laugh*

What's in your desk drawer?

[Rachel]

I'm eating my pudding with chopsticks right now.

Heehee! I'm eccentric!

Oh, wait, I'm not old and rich. I guess that means that I'm just stupid.

Also in my desk drawer is an apple, a box of crackers, and some fruit cups.

[MOTW]

Angie, there was also this interesting article on homing snakes

[insomniac]

umm... what else is TMI ?

[Federal Duck]

My and my friends we's jus postin' da blog
Wondrin' why Cher is out there... please spare
Us from anymore tours of farewell
It's hell
Someone grab your whip baby, it's time to flog

Rach, that was awesome! *Hands Rachel the Freestyle of the Day award*

[Mike Weasel]

I've got some Caramel Nut Buddies for sale. What?

[PETER]

Of course, Homing Snakes wbagnfarb!!

[PETER]

Or treasury management interface.

[Rachel]

Thanks Fed! *clutches Freestyle of the Day award*

This one's for you:

I'm compilin' and freestylin' and makin' the rhymes
In time to post the most on our host
The DB Blog, yo
Fed, you da shizzle, watch as I fizzle

[Rachel]

(in a british accent)

And now for a more refined assessment of Ms. Cher:

Cher is all plastic
No wonder they make Barbies
That look like she does

[MeganBNL]

Anyone else on the geezer bus automatically think of a nuclear power plant in Pennsylvania when they see the letters TMI?

Posted by: rita on October 28, 2004 02:38 PM

I do! I do! But I caught on to that one pretty quick. 'IMHO' is the one that stumped me for a while...I mean, I kept wondering why people were referring to themselves as a ho.

[Rachel]

Megan - me too! I just figured that out a couple of weeks ago.

BTW, IMHO, "Caramel Nut Buddies" WBAGNFARB.

[Deon]

[checks drawer]
Dove chocolate easter eggs... Hmmm. Why do these have a "best by 4/99" on them? Oh well. *munch munch*

If Punkyvision were to go public . . .

Deon: Hello, Stockbrokerdude?

StockBrokerDude: Yes?

Deon: I got this insider tip about a new public offering.

StockBrokerDude: Really? Where did you hear about it.

Deon: Uh, on a blog.

StockBrokerDude: Oh? a stock tip blog?

Deon: No, a humor columnist blog. Dave Barry? Ever heard of him?

StockBrokerDude: No, doesn't ring any bells.

Deon: Well, anyway the stock issue is for an outfit called "Punkyvision." Its a sort of free-form cable network featuring anonomous people doing unspeakable things with supernatural humor. I tell you its going to be big.

StockBrokerDude: Hmmm. Never heard of this "Wonkavision"...

Deon: No, I said "PUNKYVISION." Named for the founder, a Titan named Punky Brewster.

StockBrokerDude: Who is the market for this, er Punkyvision?

Deon: Really really smart people with a sense of humor and who are nice.

StockBrokerDude: Oooh, thats a fairly narrow demographic; will there be advertising?

Deon: Naw, these people are too clever to be taken in by ad schlock. There might be parodies of ads which would encourage people not to buy things.

StockBrokerDude: Er, yea. Right. Well, good luck with that. *click*

[Rachel]

Rachel: I'd like 10 Million shares, please.

[mudstuffin]

Rachel is the bomb
her rhymes keep comin on
the words she interject
ain't TMI so respect
the content and reflect
just what did you expect?
Just free-stylin' ever smilin'
blog lovin fools they ever are beguilin'
what? agin' womens wicked wile'n
walk a camel for a mile and
here's some TMI

yo

Briefs!

[Rachel]

Hey, speaking of Cher, anyone dressing up for Halloween? What are you going to be?

[punky brewster]

I'm going to be a "festering boil" this Halloween.

I'll be sure to take pictures :-D

[Mike Weasel]

I'm torn between pirate and Scotsman. Maybe I could be a Scottish pirate.

[Rachel]

A kilted pirate! Killer idea.

Punky - I'm looking forward to pictures. That one should be interested.

I'm lame, so I'm going to be "The Cat's Pajamas" - cat ears, tail, whiskers, etc., and wearing pajamas. Hey, I'm cheap, what can I say?

[mudstuffin]

I'll be dressed as Mr. Chollie. (White Guy in a suit)

I like the no-prep or low-prep costumes. In the past I have been Pee-Wee Herman, (White guy in a suit) Dilbert (white guy in a tie, with a piece of coat hang wire making the tie go up) and "Falling Man" which was exactly the same as the Dilbert costume, Homer Simpson (White guy in a white shirt with no tie)and Satan (white guy in a suit).

[scaredycat]

I'm going to be the scariest thing I can think of -- a really heinous math equation. Hey -- that stuff makes me start sweating just thinking about it. I can make a sandwich board with scary math equations on the front and back. (Quitcher snickerin' -- it could scare other likeminded people -- okay -- all three of them!)

[Rachel]

In the past I have been:

Dopey (the dwarf)
Tin-Man
Juicy Fruit
Jelly Beans
Donkey
Construction Worker

[Rachel]

scaredycat - here's one for your costume:

(76x^2)^45/6.89 = (67.004x + sqrt(x))^0.03

[scardeycat]

That one's too cute, though, Rachel -- looks like the little numbers are hugging and high-fiving each other. Tee hee!

[mudstuffin]

scaredycat: watch out or you'll have nerds scribbling on you all night.... unless that's your thing.... just sayin'.

[scaredycat]

erm....do any of them look like Brad Pitt??? *snark!*

[Deon]

Gives new meaning to "hired gun"

[mudstuffin]

Tina: Ooh! Ooh! do the Lilly Von Schtupp "I'm so Tired" song from "Blazing Saddles"! I Love that one!

[mudstuffin]

Here I stand, the goddess of Desire,
set men on fire,
I have this power,
morning noon and night it’s drink and dancing,
some quick romancing,
and then a shower,
stage door johnnies always surround me,
they always hound me,
with one request,
who can satisfy their lustful habits,
I’m not a rabbit!
I need some rest!

I’m tired,
sick and tired of love,
I’ve had my fill of love,
from below and above,
tired,
tired of being admired,
tired of love uninspired,
let’s face it,
I’m tired!

I’ve been with 1000’s of men,
again and again,
they promise the moon,
they always coming and going,
going and coming,
and always too soon!
Right girls?

I’m tired,
tired of playing the game,
ain’t it a crying shame?
I’m so tired,
God dammit I’m tired!

Hello cowboy, what’s your name?
Tex ‘mam
Tex ‘mam ? Tell me Tex’mam, are you in show business?
No
We’ll then why don’t you get your freaking feet off here
La ha
Ah ha he hu…
Hello handsome, is that a 10 gallon hat? Or are you just enjoying the show?
Ah ha ah…
Oh miss lilly, oh my laby, oh my pussy cat, put it there baby, put it… ohhhhh

I’m tired,
tired of playing the game,
ain’t it a crying shame,
I’m so tired

[soldiers:]
she’s tired
-she’s tired
sick and tired of love
-give her a break
she’s had her fill of love
-she’s not a snake
from bellow and above
-can’t you see she’s sick?
tired
-she’s bushed
tired of being admired
-let her alone
tired of love uninspired
-get off the phone
she’s tired
-don’t you know she’s pooped?

I’ve been with 1000’s of men,
again and again,
they sing the same toon,
the start with Byron and Shelly,
and jump on your belly,
and bust your ballons!
oy!
tired,
tired of playing the game,
ain’t it a freakin shame,
I’m so…
let’s face it,
everything below the waist is kapput!

[Federal Duck]

Tina, you go as a saloon girl and I'll go as horse.

*was going to make a 'riding off into the sunset' joke, complete with spurs and saddle references, but thank god, good taste prevailed.*

[Federal Duck]

BTW, I kick-started Ch. 6 of the Climbing (the never ending story)

[pogo]

Anybody 'sides me see a similarity between Dylan's "Subterreanean Homesick Blues" and Rap?

No?

Never mind.

[mudstuffin]

pogo: of course

[pogo]

Well how about "Subterranean Homesick Blues"?

[pogo]

Thanks, Mud. That must confirm something.

[Rachel]

Fed - I continued it. Thanks for the heads up.

[pogo]

Tina -

I'm with you but I don't like to reveal any more of my curmudgeon-ness than is necessary. (Any seats left on that bus?)

A Rap number or two is entertaining, then I'm bored. Yet there are many younger folks I have worked with who think a steady diet of it good stuff.

[Federal Duck]

Way to go pogo, you scared everybody off. And just when I'd perfected my Marilyn Monroe "happy birthday, mr. president" impression. I was gonna strip and everything, and now I'm just wasting away again in Margaritaville.

[kingw]

Go ahead Fed I just don't want to see it.

[pogo]

Sorry, Fed. My whole day has been like that. Had to tell a high-dollar customer "No, you didn't contract for that." The phone has been ringing all day.

Want a beer?

[Fed]

As a matter of fact, yeah. I could use a beer.

I had to tell an expatriate that their H1-b visa wasn't renewed, and they have to go home whether they like it or not. I hate seeing nice people get deported.

[pogo]

Well that kinda evens things out. The customer I had to say no to was a "government entity", albeit of the state persuasion.

I've worked with some folks who held such visas. Most were good people.

[sj]

"I'm torn between pirate and Scotsman. Maybe I could be a Scottish pirate."

beware, weasel, you'll be shivvering your timber cause everyone knows what scots pirates don't wear under their kilts.

[rhealist]

*blinks innocently* I don't know... mind if I look, Mike?

[Higgy]

My Halloween outfit two years ago was a mammogram machine. Old TV box, covered in tinfoil, with two half-circles cut out in the front - simple sign "Free Mammograms - Insert breasts here."

This outfit was worn over my head.

The only person to insert any ramparts was a guy dressed as a Valkyrie.... Oh well... it's the thought that counts.

[Lmd33]

Um, didn't Dionne Warwick do the original "Alfie" title track?

[pogo]

LMD - According to the article, Cher did the sound track but Warwick released it on an album, or maybe a 45, if you know what those were.

[MeganBNL]

Would anyone like another schnitzengruben?

[Dirk McSporan]

Last time I wore my kilt to a haloween party a bonnie lass asked me what scotsmen wear under thier (not there) kilt. I told her to put her hand up there (not thier) and find out. She did it and said "Oh, it's gruesome". I said "Put your hand up there again lassie, it's grew some more!"

[Jeff Meyerson]

Other than Lili Von Shtupp (and Young Frankenstein, of course), my favorite Madeline Kahn part was Miss Trixie in Paper Moon, for which she should have won Best Supporting Actress (and if Tatum hadn't been 10 she would have won Best Actress). Favorite line: "Why don't you let Miss Trixie sit up front with her big tits."

She was also great on Broadway in The Sisters Rosenzweig (sp?).

Pogo: yes on "Subterranean Homesick Blues."

Mudstuffin: your Halloween outfits sounds a little like my five year old niece, who always goes as "some variety of princess" as my sister put it. One year she was Cinderella, another year Belle, not sure about this year.

Tina: My advice to you is to start drinking heavily. (I guess I'm really LTTG on that one.)

[MeganBNL]

I agree, Jeff. Paper Moon is one of my favorite films, and Madeline was superb. I also loved her as the Empress in History of the World.....

o/~ Yes! No, no, no, no, no, no...yes! No, no, no, no, no no...yes! No, no...yes! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... o/~

But I digress. Oh. Cher!

[alanboss]

The best costume I've heard this year... A guy in a Ralph Nader mask and his girlfriend in a T-shirt that said "Vote" carrying a whisky bottle. They were a couple of wasted votes!

[slyeyes]

I heard this in a Mel Brooks interview about Blazing Saddles. The censors were going nuts about the campfire scene, they weren't going to allow it.

Next to be filmed was a love scene between Lilly Von Schtupp and the black sheriff, Cleavon Little. What is in the movie now is:

Scene: Dark room. Camera shot is of window, with moon shining outside. Sounds of Lilly and the Sheriff making out.

Lilly: Eez it twooo what ze zay about your pipple?"

Sound of zipper.

Lilly: Ees twooo, ees twooo.

WHAT WAS IN ORIGINAL.

Lilly" Eez it twooo what ze say about your pipple?"

Sound of zipper:

Lilly: Ees twooo, ees twooo.

Sheriff: That's my arm you are licking.

Mel and the censors made a deal and the campfire scene is the one that stayed.

[Federal Duck]

Morning all,

I see we've done nothing useful for society over the night. Well done!

[kat alias tak]

Went to see "Cabaret" at the "Point" Theatre on the river last night. Could this be a commentary on our present day society in America?

[Jeff Meyerson]

sly: great story! True or not I love it.

[pogo]

Kat - no, no comparison

Fed - I have too done something to improve society - I slept. The world is a far better place now.

[insomniac]

An aging chanteuse named Cher
Kept touring. She said 'I don't care.
I'll visit each town,
Be it east, up ,or down.
As long as there's somebody there."

oh, and last!

[Mr.Fisher]

um, not so much.

[Kimmy]

Will someone please tell me what wbagnfarb is?

Lurker!

[Mr.Fisher]

Kimmy- WouldBeAGoodNameForARockBand

Pass it on.......

And I'll take a beer while your up. Thanks sweetie.

[noni]

It's Only a Paper Moon

[Kimmy]

Fisher - Thank you - that was driving me crazy. And do you want your beer in a glass or a bong??