CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE
Now they're taking away our right to whale suits.
(Thanks to Mike Billips)
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October 22, 2004
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first
Posted by: E | October 22, 2004 at 06:11 AM
So long, and thanks....
Posted by: Blue Meanie | October 22, 2004 at 06:12 AM
I haven't been able to fit into my whale suit for a very long time so this has no impact on me.
Posted by: SteveB | October 22, 2004 at 06:18 AM
*awaits in anticipation for C-bol's story on this on......gets popcorn ready. This has got to be good.*
Posted by: slyeyes | October 22, 2004 at 06:18 AM
*awaits in anticipation for C-bol's story on this on......gets popcorn ready. This has got to be good.*
Posted by: slyeyes | October 22, 2004 at 06:20 AM
Will DAVE still BLOG after retirement?????
Posted by: andy lichter | October 22, 2004 at 06:22 AM
Key quote: The court "said it saw no reason why animals should not be allowed to sue but said they had not yet been granted that right"
---
Bailiff: Do you, erm.. Porpoise, promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you... erm.... Flipper?
Porpoise: Squeek!
Spongebob, Esq.: I object!
Prosecution: To what?
Spongebob, Esq: Erm... Man's inhumanity to inhuman things?
Judge: Both of you shut up.
Recorder: How do you spell 'sqeek'?
Porpoise: Squeek!
*dies*
Bailiff: Crap! Another one died!
Judge: Dismissed! Let's grab some lunch and then bring in the Whale.
Posted by: Christobol | October 22, 2004 at 06:29 AM
....and I was not disappointed.
Popcorn was good, too.
Posted by: slyeyes | October 22, 2004 at 06:34 AM
....and I was not disappointed.
Popcorn was good, too.
Posted by: slyeyes | October 22, 2004 at 06:36 AM
Whales don't have a standing to sue....yet sharks can be lawyers?
Go figure.
Posted by: slyeyes | October 22, 2004 at 06:50 AM
"The lawsuit was brought ... on behalf The Cetacean Community -- defined as the world's whales, porpoises and dolphins -- by their self-appointed lawyer, marine mammal activist Lanny Sinkin."
Anagrams ==>
Sly Iran Rink
Irk in snarly
Sir Link Nary
Posted by: MOTW | October 22, 2004 at 07:28 AM
"The lawsuit was brought ... on behalf The Cetacean Community -- defined as the world's whales, porpoises and dolphins -- by their self-appointed lawyer, marine mammal activist Lanny Sinkin."
Anagrams ==>
Sly Iran Rink
Irk in snarly
Sir Link Nary
Posted by: MOTW | October 22, 2004 at 07:30 AM
"If Congress and the President intended to take the extraordinary step of authorizing animals as well as people and legal entities to sue they could and should have said so plainly," Judge William A. Fletcher wrote in an 18-page opinion for the panel.
It took 18 PAGES to state this opinion?!
These 31 words said it just fine as far as I'm concerned.
Posted by: Trystan Shout | October 22, 2004 at 07:31 AM
Man this p!$$es me off. I was driving to work the other morning when a sperm whale cut me off in traffic. I very politely flipped him the bird and was about to whip out the ol' winky and wave it at him when he brake-checked me.
I can't be expected to have one hand flipping the bird and the other one operating my zipper and still swerve. But did Judge William A. Fletcher of the 9th circuit court see it that way?
NO!! They ruled in favor of the whale, who then counter-sued me for negligence and defamation of character when I yelled F#%K Willy!! in the middle of the courtroom.
I get no respect, I tell ya.
Posted by: Federal Duck | October 22, 2004 at 07:41 AM
'Cetacean Community' anagrams
A nice muttony mecca
A NYC accent mime out
comic mutt cayenne
Mace a cynic, mute not
A NYC mutt cocaine 'em
Contact my niece, Uma
Posted by: MOTW | October 22, 2004 at 07:50 AM
one more -
A comic nutty menace
Posted by: MOTW | October 22, 2004 at 07:51 AM
'Cetacean Community' anagrams
A nice muttony mecca
A NYC accent mime out
comic mutt cayenne
Mace a cynic, mute not
A NYC mutt cocaine 'em
Contact my niece, Uma
Posted by: MOTW | October 22, 2004 at 07:52 AM
What is the deal with multiple posts today?!
Curse you, Windows XP SP2!
Posted by: MOTW | October 22, 2004 at 07:59 AM
What is the deal with multiple posts today?!
Curse you, Windows XP SP2!
Posted by: MOTW | October 22, 2004 at 08:01 AM
MOTW - it's not just you or Windows XP SP2. You may want to get your alien-abduction-prevention helmet on just in case tho...
Posted by: Higgy | October 22, 2004 at 08:04 AM
Aw come on guys, it's Friday. If you're not up for a little alien abduction today, when will you be? Maybe you'll just end up one of those bitter old people who mutter to themselves about how "no one ever tries to abduct ME!". Is that what you want?
Then set aside the helmets... at least until 12:52pm CST, October 22, 2004 in the year of our Giant Squid Overlord from Alpha Guano Monkey Joy Joy #6.
Wait, did I type that out loud?
Posted by: Christobol | October 22, 2004 at 08:40 AM
This belongs in another thread, but oh well...
Alien abduction runs in my family. It's a genetic flaw. It started with my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather Herman "DON'T LET THEM GET ME!" Schade. Since then, every male in my father's line has been abducted at least 3 times. I'm determined to break the chain, though. I've only been abducted once, so far.
Since then, I've started building a super matter-transmogrifying liquid ion pellet gun. I've almost got it perfected. Just a couple more adjustments, and I'll be able to turn anyone (including aliens) into John Kerry.
Posted by: SchadeBoy | October 22, 2004 at 09:22 AM
Must resist...must resist obvious joke...
Of course they can't sue. They don't have a leg to stand on!
Posted by: DRC | October 22, 2004 at 09:22 AM
Must resist...must resist obvious joke...
Of course they can't sue. They don't have a leg to stand on!
Posted by: DRC | October 22, 2004 at 09:23 AM
If they can't sue, poor Mr. Sink-in, motto:swim on in for a suit and a squid, is out of a job representing his friends the cetaceans.
Posted by: Jessica R. | October 22, 2004 at 10:30 AM
How come no one mentioned that Whale Suits wbagnfarb? Not as good as Whale Blubber, perhaps. I know, you did that on porpoise.
Fed Duck: you win.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | October 22, 2004 at 03:42 PM
Why am I not surprised? The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals is a bunch of f%$#ing loonies. They've made soooo many idiotic and simply insane decisions (not to mention often attempting to legislate rather than judiciate) that even a lot of the far-lefties are going "huh?"
Posted by: Corn | October 22, 2004 at 04:34 PM
Mind you, I'm not saying that they made the wrong decision here in denying animals the right to sue. But the official comment from the court is one of those loony gems you'd only get from the 9th Circuit: "I see no reason why animals should not be allowed to sue but said they had not yet been granted that right." Um, yeah.
Posted by: Corn | October 22, 2004 at 04:40 PM
Mind you, I'm not saying that they made the wrong decision here in denying animals the right to sue. But the official comment from the court is one of those loony gems you'd only get from the 9th Circuit: "I see no reason why animals should not be allowed to sue, but they have not yet been granted that right." Um, yeah.
Posted by: Corn | October 22, 2004 at 04:41 PM
Mr. Crapweasel: Your Honor, my client, Chester, was sexually harassed by Humpy, a sex-crazed rodent. It is our position that he should be incarcerated, hung by his tail until his eyes fall out and be required to register
as a a sex offender.
Mr. Sinkin: Your Honor, it is ridiculous that this case has even come this far. Citing, The Cetacean Community v. Donald "Rummy" Rumsfeld, whales, porposes and dolphins have no standing and cannot file a lawsuit. Sharks, however, can be be lawyers. Ergo, forsooth and hence, I submit that a submissive rabbit cannot bring a suit against a horny hamster.
Judge William A. Fletcher: I really gotta stop smoking crack.
Posted by: slyeyes | October 22, 2004 at 05:53 PM
I guess this means the Sheep vs Bill Clinton suit will be tossed out of court as well.
Posted by: Randy Smith | October 23, 2004 at 08:24 AM
Tina, I changed the species (not specie) to protect the innocent.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Posted by: slyeyes | October 23, 2004 at 08:28 AM
*N E W S F L A S H*
Judge Judy has announced today that a new editon of her popular reality court show will begin filming at Seaworld this week. She is quoted as saying "It's a cross between my current show, LA Law and Flipper. Corbin Bernsen has signed up to play my bailiff and the son from the original Flipper series will be the prosecuting attorney. People have proven that they will watch anything if it means that they don't have to think, and they can laugh at other people's idiocy."
Network analysts predict a ratings hit.
Posted by: Kat | October 23, 2004 at 11:14 PM