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October 22, 2004

CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE

Now they're taking away our right to whale suits.

(Thanks to Mike Billips)

Comments

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first

So long, and thanks....

I haven't been able to fit into my whale suit for a very long time so this has no impact on me.

*awaits in anticipation for C-bol's story on this on......gets popcorn ready. This has got to be good.*

*awaits in anticipation for C-bol's story on this on......gets popcorn ready. This has got to be good.*

Will DAVE still BLOG after retirement?????

Key quote: The court "said it saw no reason why animals should not be allowed to sue but said they had not yet been granted that right"
---

Bailiff: Do you, erm.. Porpoise, promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you... erm.... Flipper?

Porpoise: Squeek!

Spongebob, Esq.: I object!

Prosecution: To what?

Spongebob, Esq: Erm... Man's inhumanity to inhuman things?

Judge: Both of you shut up.

Recorder: How do you spell 'sqeek'?

Porpoise: Squeek!

*dies*

Bailiff: Crap! Another one died!

Judge: Dismissed! Let's grab some lunch and then bring in the Whale.

....and I was not disappointed.

Popcorn was good, too.

....and I was not disappointed.

Popcorn was good, too.

Whales don't have a standing to sue....yet sharks can be lawyers?

Go figure.

"The lawsuit was brought ... on behalf The Cetacean Community -- defined as the world's whales, porpoises and dolphins -- by their self-appointed lawyer, marine mammal activist Lanny Sinkin."

Anagrams ==>
Sly Iran Rink
Irk in snarly
Sir Link Nary

"The lawsuit was brought ... on behalf The Cetacean Community -- defined as the world's whales, porpoises and dolphins -- by their self-appointed lawyer, marine mammal activist Lanny Sinkin."

Anagrams ==>
Sly Iran Rink
Irk in snarly
Sir Link Nary

"If Congress and the President intended to take the extraordinary step of authorizing animals as well as people and legal entities to sue they could and should have said so plainly," Judge William A. Fletcher wrote in an 18-page opinion for the panel.

It took 18 PAGES to state this opinion?!

These 31 words said it just fine as far as I'm concerned.

Man this p!$$es me off. I was driving to work the other morning when a sperm whale cut me off in traffic. I very politely flipped him the bird and was about to whip out the ol' winky and wave it at him when he brake-checked me.

I can't be expected to have one hand flipping the bird and the other one operating my zipper and still swerve. But did Judge William A. Fletcher of the 9th circuit court see it that way?

NO!! They ruled in favor of the whale, who then counter-sued me for negligence and defamation of character when I yelled F#%K Willy!! in the middle of the courtroom.

I get no respect, I tell ya.

'Cetacean Community' anagrams
A nice muttony mecca
A NYC accent mime out
comic mutt cayenne
Mace a cynic, mute not
A NYC mutt cocaine 'em
Contact my niece, Uma

one more -
A comic nutty menace

'Cetacean Community' anagrams
A nice muttony mecca
A NYC accent mime out
comic mutt cayenne
Mace a cynic, mute not
A NYC mutt cocaine 'em
Contact my niece, Uma

What is the deal with multiple posts today?!
Curse you, Windows XP SP2!

What is the deal with multiple posts today?!
Curse you, Windows XP SP2!

MOTW - it's not just you or Windows XP SP2. You may want to get your alien-abduction-prevention helmet on just in case tho...

Aw come on guys, it's Friday. If you're not up for a little alien abduction today, when will you be? Maybe you'll just end up one of those bitter old people who mutter to themselves about how "no one ever tries to abduct ME!". Is that what you want?

Then set aside the helmets... at least until 12:52pm CST, October 22, 2004 in the year of our Giant Squid Overlord from Alpha Guano Monkey Joy Joy #6.

Wait, did I type that out loud?

This belongs in another thread, but oh well...

Alien abduction runs in my family. It's a genetic flaw. It started with my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather Herman "DON'T LET THEM GET ME!" Schade. Since then, every male in my father's line has been abducted at least 3 times. I'm determined to break the chain, though. I've only been abducted once, so far.

Since then, I've started building a super matter-transmogrifying liquid ion pellet gun. I've almost got it perfected. Just a couple more adjustments, and I'll be able to turn anyone (including aliens) into John Kerry.

Must resist...must resist obvious joke...

Of course they can't sue. They don't have a leg to stand on!

Must resist...must resist obvious joke...

Of course they can't sue. They don't have a leg to stand on!

If they can't sue, poor Mr. Sink-in, motto:swim on in for a suit and a squid, is out of a job representing his friends the cetaceans.

How come no one mentioned that Whale Suits wbagnfarb? Not as good as Whale Blubber, perhaps. I know, you did that on porpoise.

Fed Duck: you win.

Why am I not surprised? The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals is a bunch of f%$#ing loonies. They've made soooo many idiotic and simply insane decisions (not to mention often attempting to legislate rather than judiciate) that even a lot of the far-lefties are going "huh?"

Mind you, I'm not saying that they made the wrong decision here in denying animals the right to sue. But the official comment from the court is one of those loony gems you'd only get from the 9th Circuit: "I see no reason why animals should not be allowed to sue but said they had not yet been granted that right." Um, yeah.

Mind you, I'm not saying that they made the wrong decision here in denying animals the right to sue. But the official comment from the court is one of those loony gems you'd only get from the 9th Circuit: "I see no reason why animals should not be allowed to sue, but they have not yet been granted that right." Um, yeah.

Mr. Crapweasel: Your Honor, my client, Chester, was sexually harassed by Humpy, a sex-crazed rodent. It is our position that he should be incarcerated, hung by his tail until his eyes fall out and be required to register
as a a sex offender.

Mr. Sinkin: Your Honor, it is ridiculous that this case has even come this far. Citing, The Cetacean Community v. Donald "Rummy" Rumsfeld, whales, porposes and dolphins have no standing and cannot file a lawsuit. Sharks, however, can be be lawyers. Ergo, forsooth and hence, I submit that a submissive rabbit cannot bring a suit against a horny hamster.

Judge William A. Fletcher: I really gotta stop smoking crack.

I guess this means the Sheep vs Bill Clinton suit will be tossed out of court as well.

Tina, I changed the species (not specie) to protect the innocent.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

*N E W S F L A S H*

Judge Judy has announced today that a new editon of her popular reality court show will begin filming at Seaworld this week. She is quoted as saying "It's a cross between my current show, LA Law and Flipper. Corbin Bernsen has signed up to play my bailiff and the son from the original Flipper series will be the prosecuting attorney. People have proven that they will watch anything if it means that they don't have to think, and they can laugh at other people's idiocy."

Network analysts predict a ratings hit.

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