ATTENTION LAWYERS

A defense strategy that would insult the intelligence of a gerbil will probably not work. Please make a note of it.

(Thanks to billions of potential jurors.)

Comments

[notta lawwwyer]

'No sir, your honor. The fact I was swinging an ax at my husbands head wasn't an intent to kill him. We were playing farmers wife and soon to be chicken dinner. Just a little spice in the bedroom.'
uh huh. ya sure.

[wysiwyg]

Yahooooo! First! First! First!

[whatysiwyg]

Damn!!!

And I sat up specially until 1am in the morning and everything!

[MOTW]

I wonder if his brain cells are La Crosse'd.

[punky brewster]

Nothin' says "I Love You" like an electric cord strategically placed in a bath tub in which your wife is bathing.

Ah, love.

[Rachel]

There once was a man
Who would do what he can
To add to his marriage some spice

It seems that this fellow
Could be seen as yellow
For his lame way of offing his wife

If you're going to murder
Or even just hurt her
A bath and a live wire won't do

Especially if you
Have a 15 IQ
And speak using words such as "Moo"

"Attached to a grounder"
He said as he floundered
To come up with a decent excuse

Well, Mr. LaCrosse*
You're convicted, you're lost
I hope this lesson's been of some use

* "LaCrosse" is Quebecois slang for masturbation. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

[Flukey]

I like it when he tried to push her back in. That's a "can-do" spirit! :)

[Rodney Dangerfield]

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

I'm so ugly. My mother had morning sickness ... AFTER I was born.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap. He was in the electric chair.

[Higgy]

*hums "Love is in the air"*

Note that is "IN THE AIR" - not in the bathtub!

ALthough love can be in the bathtub - right, Punky? That's what, like 5 points on the Kinky Score?

[Mr.Fisher]

Tina - Thanks for putting on my nets. ;)

And does anyone else find this story SHOCKING?

[punky brewster]

Rachel ... that was great.

You're my new hero.

I'll send you the job description in the mail, along with your cape, belt and truth lasso.

[Mr.Fisher]

Tina do you have any idea what my (fish) nets are?

Will I be needing them back soon?

And while you have them, will you check their temperature?

[Rachel]

Thanks Punky!

I already have a cape, but you know what they say - a girl can't have too many superhero accessories!

[wysiwyg]

djtonyb: I would so too have said something witty, but I was in the middle of downloading three weeks worth of mail on a dial-up link and at 1am in the morning (here) I knew my reflexes would not be sharp enough, so I just went for the brass ring.

Pity I fell off the horse instead.

By the way, there have beena few additions to The Climbing overnight - I've just left it in need of a Barry/Cher song, but I'm not about to admit I know enough of their work to suggest one.

[Higgy]

djtonyb - thank you for including the "r" in that link...

Otherwise that would have been a WHOLE different story...

[queensbee]

and he probably wants to sue the company that makes the radios for making a defective product! asshat!

[vladias]

Another case of "attempted first-degree intentional homicide". Is there such a thing as "attempted unintentional homicide"?

[Corn]

"When I'm around my true love, you can just feel the electricity in the air. And the water too."

[wysiwyg]

djtonyb: Hmmm? What? What?!? I must have fallen asleep at the keyboard. Actually, I went to sleep at that point, because it was about 2am and the Honey has me tearing up carpet in the lounge room this weekend as of the spring cleaning frenzy she's currnetly in.

Yes, I was around then. Actually I've been lurking around since the original blog went to air, but I the shy type, you know.

*blushes*

I hadn't caught on to the joke however until Dave did his post, but because of the timezone difference, and because Judi apparently needs several cups of coffee in the morning before she starts to post I almost never get the chance at fiRsting.

Just by chance however, while waiting impatiently to download multiple-megabytes of powerpoint presentations some turkey needs me to work on, on the crap slow dialup link, I thought I may as well watch the blog slowly load as watch the progress bar on the file download unwind.

And there it was: the holy grail. A post with 0 comments, shining with a sort of etherial glow. In my haste to grab the mouse I did in fact click on the actual link instead of the comments line, and pieces of the web site started to load slowly, gif by gif. Nooooooo! Frantically I scrabbled for the back button. Tension mounts as the Blog was slowly reloaded. YES!! there are still no comments! I'm in! I'm in! I cry as I jab at the link.

However, once there, I wasted precious seconds typing "First!" multiple times and some smartass with the luxury of a T1 link and a lunchbreak had the time to not only read the article, but compose a lengthy reply and POST IT FIRST. Arrrgh! I'll never get a chance like this again! Its worst than being a Cardinals fan at the moment!

*wails in agony*

*Considers: I must be getting over my shyness...

[Kat the bastard lovechild of Mr Language Person]

wysiwig... just a minor point... there is no 1am in the afternoon..

[wysiwyg]

Kat/Tak (you know, that sounds almost like someone cocking a pistol)...(therefore, from a crouching position):

It can be, if its 1am in the morning HERE and lunchtime over THERE where the lazy no-account probably has nothing better to do than click on the refesh button constantly.

I am SO time-zone challenged! All the witty comments have been made, all the best off-topic links have been used, and most people have gone home and never go back to see what I've said!

Don't mind about me, I'm in therapy for this at the moment, and I'm told a good long rest away from the internet is just what I need at the moment. That's the Honey talking, by the way, not the therapist - I'm dragging my heels at the moment to delay start of my part of the spring-cleaning...

[kat alias tak]

You can find me on two (not too) e-mail sites. [email protected] or [email protected]
My pen name; kat alias tak (tak; tom and kat or tomkat) exception: I am not a tomkat! I am just a fluffy white persian with blue eyes and I always have a tale (not tail) to tell. (I do have bangs that I have to trim every day because they grow so fast. I can't do anything with my fur because it keeps growing so fast and won't part. (Thus the bangs) I like fish.

[Kat (TBLCOMLP) usually just Kat]

OK.. to be clear... I am Kat.. not Katarbonne.. or Kat alias Tak...
I was just being nitpicky while I cruised around ... but it's always 1 am somewhere I suppose

[wysiwyg]

Ooops. Now I'm confused and embarrased as well as time-zone challenged. There appear two different Kats here. Thankfully, Halle Berry is still on the bus.

I'll refer the first respondent above as "Kat who can be found on two (not too) e-mail sites", and the second one as "Kat the bastard lovechild of Mr Language Person". That should simplify things.

Now Kat-the-bastard-lovechild-of-Mr-Language-Person, as you posted that post of yours at WAAAY past a reasonable bed time, did you realise it was lunchtime here? Quirky eh? The only difference was that it was YOU sitting in a room somewhere in the middle of the night, while I was cleaning the garage. Try find something interesting enought to comment on in Australia, I dare ya!

By the way, do you know that TBLOMLP is almost PRECISELY the sound a body makes as it falls to the floor after Kat-who-can-be-found-on-two-(not-too)-e-mail-sites cocks her pseudo-name and fires it?

[Kat]

OK.. I'm not gonna start a fight.. just gonna say it's taken 2 years or so to get my timezones straight, (I am in New Zealand, not the US), but I'm pretty close to sorted now... and as a good Kiwi chick I do happen to have a copy of the "Official Aussie-bashing Jokebook" somewhere, but I try not to use it too much because half of my ancestors were/are Australian, and some of the jokes are a little close to the bone! And my Australian father (as opposed to Mr Language Person, who has never officially denied paternity) is the one who turned me into a grammatical pedant.. I blame him for most of my faults and quirks.. nurture vs nature..

*smiles at wysiwyg and offers hand to shake*

[wysiwyg]

*bows gracefully*
*falls flat on face - grace not being his strong suit*
*from reclining position extends hand to Kat and smiles*

Kat, you are a sweetheart, and much too patient with assumption-bound conclusion-jumping idiots like me.

I didn't realize you were even more time-zone challenged that I am, and I take back every skerrick of the words I ill-advisedly wrote, and the associated inuendo about you posting in the middle of the night.

As to being a pedant, I wouldn't let that worry you - in fact in my experience its a hall-mark of every successful senior manager in both the public and private sectors.

Tell you what: we should form a sort of evil alliance. I have a Dave-farewell-oriented work-in-progress at the moment that requires the skills of a suitably talented pedant to proof read before I expose it to wider criticism. If you are interested, email me at the address on the tag, and I'll send you the URL.

David P. (aka wysiwyg)

[Kat]

'Tis a pleasure to meet such a gentleman, and many thanks for your gracious apology... and I would be honoured to help in any way that I can.

[SmtAzzBlnd]

Reminds me of a scene in a James Bond movie-which one was it and what was the line Sean Connery had when he pushed the guy in the bath with the heater?

[Geoff Brown]

Dave,

As someone who used to look upon lawyers with scorn, but somehow became a lawyer anyway, I'm able to see cases like this from both sides. On the one hand, it's easy to say, "who would ever buy THAT story?!" On the other hand, though, it's not like Mr. Criminal Mastermind left his attorney with a lot of options.

You see, defense attorneys pretty much have to try and make SOME kind of a case for their clients at trial, because that's their job. Their job isn't so much to set guilty people free as it is to ensure that the prosecutor truly has the evidence to convict. Sometimes that puts the defense attorney in the unenviable position of arguing against the conviction of someone who couldn't be more obviously guilty if he had a signed note from God saying "He's guilty." The defense attorney can't just say, "I got nothing -- might as well convict him," or he'd be disbarred. And if the client and/or the prosecutor doesn't want to enter into a plea agreement (and here, I can't think of why the prosecutor would do so), then it's off to trial.

In this case, I'm frankly amazed that the guy came up with any kind of a defense at all. It's actually a pretty good defense, because if the jury really believed that there was no risk of death, then they'd have to find the guy not guilty. Of course, electricity and water usually equal death, ground fault interruptor or not, so I'm not surprised they didn't buy it.

[Sarah]

You think this story is bad? How about the other news from here in Wisconsin? Both candidates have converged on Milwaukee. Since they are giving speeches only blocks from one another, they've just given up on talking and have started throwing rocks at each other.