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October 01, 2004

A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE WILL BE RUSHED BY AIR TO...

...this woman.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

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Whew... blog's back!

Just send it directly to the airport, she'll come pick it up.

"I'M A COM'IN TO GIT CHA GRANPA! JUS KEEP ON THAT THERE LUGGAGE BELT!

Hey - I don't like walking all the way to my gate, either. I can't wait to be old. I'll just act confused everytime I do crazy things.

Officer: Sir, do you realize you drove your hummer right over the Cher Farewell No Really Dammit Tour bus, and then backed up and did it again, uh, forty-three times? And your blinker is on.

Christobol: Huh? Are you my mother? My blinky thing is working fine! Do you want some cheetos? Can I hold your gun?

Officer: Alrighty then, just, you know, be careful old guy.
---
By the way, Dave, there has got to be a more efficient way to distribute these Florida DLs. You're going to go broke on the airlift charges. Here's an idea: Put one in each 12 pack of Budweiser.

I love how now they're going to install a barrier. I mean, how often do they think this is going to happen now that they need to take preventitive measures? Isn't it a little "closing the gate after the horse has left the stable."

"Cher Farewell No Really Dammit Tour"

Heh heh... good one.

Miriam - are you saying my barn door's open?

I'm so embarrassed.

"Please note that the RED zone is for loading and unloading passengers only. You should not be having a tailgate party there, dude. The YELLOW zone is for long, public, nearly pornographic good-byes. Please note that bleachers have been setup for viewing convenience, and that videos can be purchased when you pay your parking fees. The ORANGE zone is for slowly cruising thru the wrong gate looking for a loved one who arrived yesterday and will not be speaking to you again. Please note that you should NOT drive into the baggage claim area. Thank you."

I'm now rethinking my plans of riding my Vespa through security....

Does anyone else feel humiliated when you have to walk through 6 empty lanes of the monkey maze before you get up to security? Why don't they take them down so you can walk straight up there??

/rant>

I usually just say "Moo" when walking the maze. Just for a little added humiliation.

That's ok David, it's easier access. ;-)

Well, I just cut through, going under the strap-thingies... I don't think anybody minds.

Whoops...

Well, nobody seems to mind when I do it.

Maybe it was the fact that Tina had a maniacal glint in her eye and 14 pairs of handcuffs hanging from her belt.

Tina - it's ok, lemme 'splain - there's no time, let me sum up. Grew up Country Mouse, currently living City Mouse. Rednex in the City.

Penny lane is in my ears and in my eyes

I know we have dungeons in the city, so maybe barns too? But I've never seen one in all my years here.

Moo through the stock yard maze works for me.

Along with a little "Get along little doggie!"

Leetie Personally I Baa like a sheep when I go through these. I save mooing as an opinion for people who have no clue.

Hey Dave, are you having an affair with Claire Martin or what? I sent this story in yesterday but do I get any credit? NOOOOOO! I guess I better change my name to Claire Martin too.

Jeff - will this help?

*hands Jeff a triple tequila*

Sorry about the above. Not as humorous as intended, obviously. Need caffeine. Ignore.

Jeff - you can email these things to Dave and Judi, or you can submit them over their PayPal server....

*found in Dave and Judi's in box, dated June 22, 2004*

Dear Dave and Judi,

I am really having fun submitting clever funny things for you to post, and will continue to do so as much as possible.

Just for the sheer wackiness of it, I think I'll also start submitting them under the name Jeff Meyerson, but if you decide to blog them, just use my name.

Thanks!

Claire Martin

Jeff - I found it funny. Seems like EVERYTHING you send in, Claire Martin sends it in first. Or Drew Harchick, or someone whose name isn't Jeff Meyerson. I'd be upset too.

*hands Jeff another tequila, with a lemon wedge this time*

Christobol - that's funny, really, but you need to be careful. Claire Martin knows people if you know what I mean.

*hands Christobol an invisibility blanket*
*hands Jeff another tequila*

Mike Zlotnick has nabbed much fame and fortune on the blog as well.

Does anyone remember that group that wanted to be on the cover of Rolling Stone, so they wrote a song about it? Well, guess what?

Jeff, you are now assured of being posted tomorrow. Make it a good one.

"The woman drove past the baggage claim area before coming to a stop."

Does the car count as a carry-on item? Or is the driver a carry-on, and the car is the...wait...can't be a passenger...then again, the car's computerized parts were probably smarter than the person operating them. And how'd it get through the metal detector?

gong

Thanks, Dave. And Shadow. And the U.S. Navy.

OK?

Message to: Judi<daveblog@herald.com>
From: Meanie the Blue<someaddress@somedomain.some>

Subject: URGENT!!!!

Hi, Judi,

Anyone who makes a request and fails to include a "please" AND a "Thank you" deserves only to know that they lack the common sense of a herring.

PS, this is not a request, but PLEASE and THANK YOU anyway.

*Bows and thanks Annie.*

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