YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHO IS STAYING AT OUR HOTEL IN BEVERLY HILLS
There are security people everywhere, and police outside, and they keep closing the elevators, so I asked a hotel employee who the VIP was, and he said, quote, "I think it's some king from some place."
Is it Elvis????
Posted by: punky brewster | September 23, 2004 at 08:32 AM
The King of Zanzibar is in town I hear
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 23, 2004 at 08:33 AM
Elvis has left the building.
Posted by: The Colonel | September 23, 2004 at 08:34 AM
It's King Kong -- aaaargh!
*runs screaming from the room*
Posted by: Higgy | September 23, 2004 at 08:38 AM
Could be King Henry, the Lionspleen.
Look for the guy who has a minstrel following him banging two coconuts together - that's a dead giveaway.
Posted by: Christobol | September 23, 2004 at 08:38 AM
Maybe it's Stephen King! If so, you can do a quick Remainders gig tonight at the Sam's Club!
Posted by: Mike Weasel | September 23, 2004 at 08:39 AM
Maybe it's Larry.
Posted by: punky brewster | September 23, 2004 at 08:39 AM
could be Carole.
Posted by: iolite | September 23, 2004 at 08:41 AM
is it rodney king?
Posted by: former cop | September 23, 2004 at 08:41 AM
or of course just Carol
Posted by: iolite | September 23, 2004 at 08:42 AM
Check the hair. It's Don.
Posted by: No Mas | September 23, 2004 at 08:45 AM
Well,
It MUST be a king!
Why, you ask?
'Cuz he hasn't got s(%#t all over him.
Posted by: Brian B | September 23, 2004 at 08:48 AM
Burger?
Posted by: Brainy Jello | September 23, 2004 at 08:48 AM
"Sorry sir, we're all booked."
"But I'm King."
"King? King of..?"
"Pain. See that little black spot on the sun, today? That's my soul up there."
"Ok... if you can just wait right over there we're gonna go ahead and get the royalty room all readied up for you."
Posted by: Christobol | September 23, 2004 at 08:49 AM
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Posted by: MOTW | September 23, 2004 at 08:51 AM
possibly 'the Lion'? *checks nervously around for Disney legal reps on the hunt for copy right infringers*
Posted by: iolite | September 23, 2004 at 08:53 AM
Well I did fax the hotel about the King of blogs staying there....maybe they're referring to YOU Dave.
Posted by: philintexas | September 23, 2004 at 08:53 AM
"Sir... please come with us."
"See that blue whale beached by a spring tide's ebb? That's my soul up there."
"Good. If you can just come with me."
"I'll always be King of Pain."
"Nice. I'm the Duke of Rashes. We need to head on back to the palace, ok?"
Posted by: Christobol | September 23, 2004 at 08:54 AM
Burger?
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 23, 2004 at 08:58 AM
Curses, Brainy Jello! (reminds self to read before posting)
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 23, 2004 at 09:00 AM
"Excuse me sir, we'll need you to drop to one knee and divert your gaze."
"But I'm Dave F#&*ing Barry"
"Yes, well this is His Royal Highness Majesty King Asshat the Third of Some Little Diseased Foreign Cesspool Island Way The Hell Out In The Ocean Somewhere."
"Where's Ashton? I'm being Punk'd, right?"
"You shall address him as Your Asshatedness"
Posted by: Federal King | September 23, 2004 at 09:00 AM
Dave: You want me to tell him I hate his assness?
Minstrel: No. I meant 'Your Asshattedness'
Dave: But I don't have an asshat.
Minstrel: Not Your (or You're)! His.
Dave: Oh, him? Yes, I hate his asshattedness.
Posted by: Christobol | September 23, 2004 at 09:04 AM
Cristobol and Federal are about to unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension - a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. They're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. They've just crossed over into the Dave Barry Blog Zone.
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 23, 2004 at 09:13 AM
Rodney?
Posted by: Leetie | September 23, 2004 at 09:14 AM
oops, sorry cop
Posted by: Leetie | September 23, 2004 at 09:15 AM
Fec?
Posted by: Leetie | September 23, 2004 at 09:16 AM
doesn't Volkswagen make an Asshat?
Posted by: tire kicker | September 23, 2004 at 09:16 AM
MOTW: Considering the problems with the current system, I'm all for trying the watery tart lobbing a sword approach. I think, on November 4th, all of America should show up at, say, Boston Harbour, and then some watery tart, say, Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears, should throw a sword and the first person to get to it, wins. Congratulations President Phelps.
Posted by: rhealist | September 23, 2004 at 09:20 AM
Not very familiar with being around a King. But, since I live near SoBe, I am really familiar with being around Queens.
Posted by: Chaz Stevens | September 23, 2004 at 09:21 AM
Fuh.
Posted by: golfwidow | September 23, 2004 at 09:21 AM
"Hey Thad, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"What's up Tamara?"
"I'm afraid it's not working out."
"But. You. I haven't even asked you out."
"What? Oh jeese *pauses to vomit* No, I mean you working here."
"You're firing me?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Well, you just comped a Penthouse for a 'Big Earl'."
"So? He's a king for crap sakes."
"He claims to be 'Mattress King' of greater Louisville. It's in dispute. That other guy over there says that for sheer volume he sells more mattresses than Earl."
"Wow. I didn't know."
"Yeah. Well. Good luck with your script and all. Maybe this will be for the best."
"I don't see how. I'm already late with rent and they're gonna kick me out now that I got no job."
"Oh. I didn't mean for you. Bye."
Posted by: Christobol | September 23, 2004 at 09:26 AM
The wife of Prince Michael of Kent is in Beverly Hills promoting a book. By the way, what's the penalty for saying 'booger' to a member of the Royal Family ?
Posted by: insomniac | September 23, 2004 at 09:26 AM
I completly agree with rhealist! Except I wouldn't pick Britney or Christina... we need a big woman with some serious arms... Say one of the WWE chics?
Posted by: MzVette | September 23, 2004 at 09:27 AM
I didn't know that kings stayed at the Super 8.
Or has our beloved presidential candidate gone all Super-Star on us and is now staying at a posh places where he can meet with foreign royalty.
Next thing you know he'll be marrying some condiment-fortune widow. Geez.
Posted by: Lily | September 23, 2004 at 09:28 AM
It is Nosmo King.
Posted by: queensbee | September 23, 2004 at 09:32 AM
Chicken Al La?
Christobol has whole one-act plays going off in his head!
Posted by: pogo | September 23, 2004 at 09:41 AM
I have absolutely nothing to say here.
Posted by: SchadeBoy | September 23, 2004 at 09:43 AM
* what's the penalty for saying 'booger' to a member of the Royal Family ?
Guy 1) Crucifixion?
Guy 2) *nod*
Guy 1) Good.
Posted by: Moe | September 23, 2004 at 09:51 AM
Also, Dave, it would probably be a real boost for your campaign if you were able to get said monarch to endorse your candidacy.
Posted by: Moe | September 23, 2004 at 09:53 AM
Dave: Excuse me, Charles? Could you put this coconut bra on for a picture? It's for ..erm..charity.
Charles: Splendid! Be happy to. Do I need to take my bra off or what? Want me to flash a bit of lace panties?
Dave: Uh. No. Just kinda leave your clothes on Charles. The coconut thingy can just go over your shirt, if you don't mind.
Charles: You Americans! So strange. How's this?
*click*
Dave: Perfect. Please don't be offended by my running away. It's just... a deadline.
Charles: Cheerio!
Posted by: Christobol | September 23, 2004 at 10:05 AM
And don't forget to have them hold a sign that says, "Upoma loves Shoeab" ;)
Posted by: Leetie | September 23, 2004 at 10:06 AM
Leetie: is that an anagram gone horribly wrong?
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 23, 2004 at 10:08 AM
I've already got said sign ready for Dave. You don't mind, do you? Hello?
*wonders why security has doubled at Sam's Town*
Posted by: Mike Weasel | September 23, 2004 at 10:14 AM
Ah yes, the honorable Some King from SomePlace. I visited SomePlace last summer but never got to meet the King, you are one lucky guy!
Posted by: Kacey | September 23, 2004 at 10:21 AM
*snork*
Mahatma, I know that you know what I know.
Posted by: Leetie | September 23, 2004 at 10:25 AM
Maybe it's the President of Murray State University, F. King Alexander.
OR it's Neil Diamond's bongo player, King Errison.
or Queen Latifah.
......however, it's probably just someone who used that goofy royal name generator, the one that gave me the moniker of Viscountess of the Black Forest Savings and Loan.
Posted by: slyeyes | September 23, 2004 at 10:43 AM
It's ME
Posted by: Queen of the World | September 23, 2004 at 10:44 AM
Moe: They shove a live snake up your asshat.
Posted by: Brainy Jello | September 23, 2004 at 10:46 AM
I just figured it was Dave -- they just don't know HE'S Dave!
Posted by: Rayne | September 23, 2004 at 11:01 AM
I so love reading the blog when I'm eating lunch -- I sit in my office laughing my arse off! I've actually had people come in to see what I'm laughing about.
Christobol -- you are on a major roll today, clever man!
Posted by: Blue Cat | September 23, 2004 at 11:03 AM
Maybe it's the King of Hearts? or Nat King Cole? (Or, Old King Cole!)
Posted by: Guin | September 23, 2004 at 11:06 AM
Ooo! If it's Old King Cole, are his Fiddlers Three with him?
Posted by: Guin | September 23, 2004 at 11:07 AM
Hey! Could be the Sultans of Swing or the Duke of Earl!
Posted by: Guin | September 23, 2004 at 11:10 AM
rhealist, I totally agree. That would be a good democratic way, plus it can't be much worse than who wins now. Okay, so it can, but at least we would all have a more valid whining reason than, "Hey, I voted for the other guy!"
Posted by: Anne | September 23, 2004 at 11:24 AM
King Tut
"Buried in his 'jammies!"
All together now . . .
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 23, 2004 at 11:30 AM
Nevermind the king of something, have you seen Ellie Mae or Jethro?
Posted by: kb | September 23, 2004 at 11:37 AM
"He gave his life, for tourism."
Posted by: bigonbnl | September 23, 2004 at 11:43 AM
That would have made so much more sense if I had not posted prematurely...
"He gave his life, for tourism"
I understand he also has a condo made of stone-a....
Posted by: bigonbnl | September 23, 2004 at 11:45 AM
The King of Kings?
Although I guess He wouldn't need a hotel room, or security, for that matter.
Posted by: AndyDan | September 23, 2004 at 11:50 AM
James "I'm king of the world" Cameron ???
Posted by: iolite | September 23, 2004 at 11:58 AM
Duchess of Prunes
(anyone?)
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 23, 2004 at 12:02 PM
Maybe it's the Burger King?
Posted by: Chris Cypser | September 23, 2004 at 12:06 PM
I don't believe it.
Posted by: Jon | September 23, 2004 at 12:26 PM
duke, duke, duke duke of earl,... or as they say in my old neighborhood - dukaoil.
Posted by: queensbee | September 23, 2004 at 12:36 PM
Lets play match game.
See if U can get it at home.
I'm sofa "BLANK" we Todd did.
Contestant1: Shoes?
Contestant2: King?
Posted by: Psycho_Joe | September 23, 2004 at 12:48 PM
psycho joe ... that's not nice.
funny.
but not nice.
Posted by: punky brewster | September 23, 2004 at 01:05 PM
(have no idea what p joe is talking about)
Posted by: peter | September 23, 2004 at 01:09 PM
Hey! That Click'nBid sidebar just flipped me off!
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 23, 2004 at 01:09 PM
maybe theyre filming another commercial for Budweiser...the king of beers?
Posted by: dullknif3 | September 23, 2004 at 01:14 PM
Peter: Maybe this will help. There's this sofa company in my city called "Sofa King" And written on the side of all their vans is the phrase "Our prices are Sofa King Low!"
Posted by: rhealist | September 23, 2004 at 01:51 PM
It's me baby, you know, The King. I'd give you a Rolex but I hocked it for a handfull of yellow jackets and a few reds, so here's a Swatch I found on the steps of Graceland.
Posted by: Elvis | September 23, 2004 at 01:57 PM
Finally my dream is realized.
I am aknowledged by punky.
My life has a reason to continue.
All this posting, nothing but confused stares.
(I DON'T SEE THOSE)
And then, Finally, a post.
I'm so happy.
Thank you all.
P.S. I too have one act plays in my head. But christobol's are admittedly funnier than mine.
Posted by: Psycho_Joe | September 23, 2004 at 02:34 PM
Thank everyone. This is all the social interaction I have at all.
8>
Posted by: Psycho_Joe | September 23, 2004 at 02:35 PM
Oh crap...it's King Harvest! Run for your lives!
"Dancin' in the Moonlight...Everybody's feelin' warm and right..." AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEE!!
Posted by: Corn | September 23, 2004 at 06:54 PM
(doesn't Volkswagen make an Asshat?)
nope - they make a toe-rag. Not quite the same thing
Posted by: jumpin'shits | September 23, 2004 at 10:55 PM
It's The Return Of The, doncha know!
Posted by: Windshield Viper | September 23, 2004 at 11:28 PM
King Crimson?
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | September 24, 2004 at 04:20 AM
MKJ: Rutab-a-e-a-ga Rutab-a-e-a-ga
Rutab-a-e-a-ga, etc.
Posted by: mudstuffin | September 24, 2004 at 07:06 AM
Let's see:
Martin Luther King?
BB King?
King Arthur?
Return of the King?
King James?
Scorpion King?
Larry King?
King of the Hill?
Cash is King?
Posted by: Michael Jackson | September 30, 2004 at 08:49 PM
I can't resist appreciating the owners of this blog. Good information. Well Done.
Emory Reabs
http://www.beverlyhillshotelslist.com
Posted by: Emory Reabs | May 04, 2006 at 09:41 AM