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September 23, 2004


Today is international Restless Legs Syndrome Awareness Day.

(Thanks to Paul Levine)


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well, its about time. this is such an all-encompassing problem. uno

I know a few people with Restless Leg Syndrome. Around here we call them 'drummers', though.


Hooray! This is perfect!
*jumps up and runs out of office*

"Did you get the TPS reports finished?"
*kicks boss in crotch*
"OOOOOWW! What the hell? You are SO fired!"
"Couldn't help it. My leg was restless. I have a restless leg!"
"What the hell? Take your restless leg and park in the unemployment line, bucko."
"I can't believe you're discriminating against me for my internationally recognized disease!"
*takes boss over to computer*
"Oh. Gee. Why don't you take the day off then."
*kicks other bosses in crotches on way to bar*

IRLSAD would be a good vanity plate for a prozac addict.

I prefer to steal a line from Seinfeld and call them "Jimmy legs"...

A friend's husband had RLS...his restless legs kept walking over to a female neighbor's house, whose legs were also "restless". His legs are now tied up in court, along with his nether regions.

I wonder if he will be observing IRLSAD?

Kind of reminds me of the "crazy legs" blue jeans commercial a couple of years ago.

Isn't that just happy feet?

Day 52: IRLSAD Dance-A-Thon

Judge1: I don't think they're ever gonna frikken stop.

Judge2: Whose idea was this, anyways?

Isn't "Restless Legs" a country music song?

Old Joke Alert
Q: What happens when you play a country music record backwards?
A: You get your house back, your wife back, your dog back, your truck back...

Patient: Well, it's just that my legs move uncontrollably and I get a creepy crawly feeling.

Doctor: Ah, yes. You've got Creepy Crawly syndrome, named after Dr. Creepy in the 1940's. It's usually fatal.

Patient: Oh no! Is there a national awareness day?

Doctor: Of course! It's right after National Neutered Mongolian Llama Awareness Day.

Patient: Whew! As long as people are aware of my cause.

Doctor: Here's some Tylenol. That'll be $847. And, of course, we'll need to take some blood.

I wonder if this applies to the male's third leg?

It would seem apropos, wouldn't you say, boys?

I usually get the creepy crawlies on my legs after I take codeine, rita.

Yeah. I've got RLS.

So, I've just learned to type with my toes.

Freeze my hands up to do other important things, like keeping all the chocolate from settling in the bottom of my glass of chocolate milk. I have to keep stirring and stirring and stirring and....

Disappointed Wife: So... let me get this straight - these two legs are gonna jiggle all over the place forever, and especially at night, while your third leg just lays there like a spent balloon?

Husband: Looks like it. Like I said, the viagra simply locks my knees, which hurts, and doesn't seem to bring you to any lusty crescendo.

Disappointed Wife: Great. How long 'til you die?

I was temporarily diagnosed with RLS. I was doing a sleep study, and they claimed that my legs kicked around too much at night. The kicking couldn't have been due to the fact that I was attached to 5 gazillion wires and woken up every hour to be told that I needed to sleep on my back and I had again rolled over to sleep on my side. How inconsiderate of me to roll over while I was sleeping! I was asked to try a drug normally used for Parkinson's Disease to see if that helped me. It was a great sleeping pill, but given that (a) I couldn't tell if I was still kicking at night (or, for that matter, if I ever had), (b) I didn't feel any different the following morning, and (c) it cost $40 a month after insurance, I decided to let my legs be restless.

i go to school at PSU. i'm glad to see that my tuition is going towards such important research!

You would think that more people would know about this being IRLSAD. Should be lots of people running around putting up signs.

Sleep walking cures this disorder.

At the ILPS Meeting

"Ok, next on the agenda, sponsoring 'International Limp Penis Syndrome Awareness Day'. All those in favor? Opposed?"


"Ok, defeated once again."

I always hear that a restless leg is a sign of being over-sexed...

[cut to bathroom scene at ivy league university]

stall 1: "Greetings peasant, I am Wolfgang Von Wienerschnitzel, professor of biobehavioral health and pharmacology AND founder of International Restless Legs Syndrome Awareness Day. Who are YOU?"

stall 2: *looks around* "Me? Uh, well shucks, I am Joe Don Smith, plumber AND founder of that leaky pipe getting poopoo all over your fancy shoes right there."

I had a sleep study done, too -- because boyfriends were complaining that I a) snored and b) snored really loud. I also occasionally c) stopped breathing (briefly). After the sleep study they told me I had RLS, and gave me a drug that the FDA has since started investigating ... don't know if it helps the RLS, but my snoring is LOTS worse. Gee, thanks, Modern Medicine!

I know this is a humorous blog, but this topic really hits home with me. I feel a depressing story coming on.
Buford, my half-step-uncle twice removed on my brother's side, had everything going for him: a somewhat dedicated mail-order wife from Urzbekistan, two beautiful adopted third-world goldfish (Dinkle and Fud), and a wildly successful armadillo ranch near the Great Felt Mines of southwestern Texas.
Then, one fateful afternoon, he got the call that all armadillo ranchers dread; his hair transplant physician was on the phone to alert him that he had contracted Restless Legs Syndrome from an unsanitary toilet seat.
Devastated, he sold the ranch to a humor columnist, fed Dinkle and Fud to the armadillos, and retreated to the mines to live out his days as a felt hermit.
They say that on clear nights, when all is quiet, you can still see him dancing around the mines; you know, if you go out there and, well, look at him and stuff.
So laugh if you will, cruel bloggers! It could happen to you!
Although I doubt it.

Is there a form of limited narcolepsy called "restful legs syndrome"?

Fed - wow. Your half step-uncle twice removed from your brother's side (can't blame your brother - I'd remove him too) became a felt hermit just because his hair transplant doctor got RLS from a toilet? Sensitive old soul, isn't he?

I was taught that Restless Legs = Guilty Conscience. I am pretty sure that's not true, but it'd be interesting if it turned out that it was.

I have never been diagnosed with it, but I believe I have a very mild form of RLS. Although for me, I don't believe I have ever kicked anyone (I'm sure my wife would inform me of that), nor does it happen all the time - only once in a while will I get this feeling that my legs need to move. It's kind of weird.

That is all.

Actually, this is a real problem for those that have it, and I do if I don't watch my diet carefully. It gets so bad that sitting becomes impossible. I'm glad somebody recognized it as for years I've tried to explain it to people but nobody seemed to either understand or believe me.

What helps are vitamin pills rich in B vitamins, and also, an over-the-counter tablet (name escapes me) that helps to build up cartilage in the joints.

Believe me, this is really no laughing matter for those of us who suffer from it!

We need to combine this with Talk Like a Pirate Day:
"International Restelss Peg Leg Talk Like a Pirate Day"

We need to combine this with Talk Like a Pirate Day:
"International Restelss Peg Leg Talk Like a Pirate Day"

Your Honor, you mist find him innocent of the DUI charges, my client has Restless Legs Syndrome. And as an expert witness I'm going to call this Penn State scientist whom is doing a $7.9 research study funded by the goverment.

Your Honor, you must find him innocent of the DUI charges, my client has Restless Legs Syndrome. And thus could not complete the Field Sobriety Test. And as an expert witness I'm going to call this Penn State scientist whom is doing a $7.9 research study funded by the goverment.

*"This grant will make it possible for us to learn more about this syndrome and to begin to explore treatment options that may bring relief to sufferers," said James Connor, professor and vice chair for neurosurgery, Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical Center.

..."though we are absolutely positive it has nothing whatsoever to do with rich, delicious, silky milk chocolate."

My dog masseur also suffers from this disease.

"There you go Fido...ease that tension out..."

"Calm down, that was just my RLS acting up... eeeaase that tension...

My dog gets it when you scratch his belly.

But I don't have a real dog, just a make-pretend one . . .

The lyrics of "Mr. Bojangles" takes on new meaning...

Christobol needs to write a really twangy country song about Federal Duck's half-step uncle's yadda, yadda, yadda cuz that's a real sad story.

LMD, we are sorry that Dave put this here to make fun of. Bad boy, Dave. We are glad, however, that you have found a way to relieve the symptoms.

If the blog starts to get like "Lord of the Flies" I'm leaving. And I'm taking my glasses too.

Robert Klein did an old blues bit with a harmonica and a restless leg. "I can't stop my leg!!!"

Don't leave MKJ! Where will we find orgiastic swan-boy statues and really ugly pens and all the other vital paraphernalia that makes this the blog it is, as opposed to a sensible one?

Here ya go Jessica (but i can't always come thru on requests)

The Ballad of Bufurd, Fed's half-step-uncle twice removed on his brother's side

Blame it all on his fate
The armadillos ate
his goldfish named Dinkle and Fud
His hair wouldn’t grow
and it started to show
he didn’t think his bald head looked good
So he saw lots of docs
Tried to replace his locks
And look like a youngster again
Told his gal from Uzbekistan
I’ll be sexy again
But all she could do was complain

'Cause his old legs wouldn’t quit shakin’
He’d be kickin’ her shins during love makin’
just about every day
And it was not ok
He wasn’t big in the right places
Teeth weren’t too straight, coulda used braces
buy mainly he wasn’t big, in the right places

Well, I guess he was wrong
their love wasn’t’ strong
But then, what’d he think was in store?
A mail order bride
won’t stay by your side
I guess he got just what he paid for
Now he wasn't mean
’Least not that I seen
Just seems that he couldn’t win
He’d go for an hour
Without taking her flower
Coulda been the gin

'Cause his old legs wouldn’t quit shakin’
He’d be kickin’ her shins during love makin’
just about every day
And it was not ok
He wasn’t big in the right places
Teeth weren’t too straight, coulda used braces
buy mainly he wasn’t big, in the right places

Now he’s a felt hermit
As if you give a sh*t
And his legs shake worse than before
But everything is alright
You can see him each night
Just dancing around out-of-doors
Now he doesn’t mean to cause a big scene
Just wait 'til he guzzles his glass
Then he’ll mosey along
Those shakey legs are quite strong
And all you will see is his ass

'Cause his old legs won’t quit shakin’
He’ll be kickin’ your shins during love makin’
just about every day
Would that be ok?
He ain’t big in the right places
Teeth aren’t too straight, could use braces
buy mainly he ain’t big, in the right places

cbol, you da man.

and c'mon, give us a valid email address so we can spam you or something.

Christobol is my friend in low places! (I somehow recognized the cadence of a Garth Brooks song) That was freaking beautiful man. We should start a band for writers! Nobody's done that before!

I don't know what Christobol's current occupation is, but if it's not related to making up poems and skits on the fly, he's a hidin' his light under a bushel basket.

I say we show up at christobol's office and erect a shrine, and announce over the intercom whenever his legs start to get restless and has to go to the bathroom before he makes his bosses sterile from all the kicks to the groin.

Talk about a run-on sentence.

Is this like Tourette's Syndrome for the legs?

I agree with pogo...I think...

Kim Possible...

huh huh...you said "erect."

like this kim, but without the spaces.


my three guesses on cbol's occupation:

1. mental health patient
2. former twinkie sales rep
3. top homeland security department executive

Of all the stupid earwigs to get...."I can't stop my leg" has been mine since I read Jeff's post earlier today. I cracked up the first time I saw Robert Klein do that bit...and it's been cracking me up today.

boy when people jiggle their legs, it bugs me

Ladies, the handyman can, oh the handyman can . . .

MKJ, that's one of my favorite jokes...
Great Minds Think Alike Dept: I posted it about 3 days ago...
can't remember which thread...
I feel strangely closer to you...
*Considering a "side career" in stalking*

I have to go change clothes because Christobol made me pee my pants.

C: You rock!! Like I told Peri, I'm still not completely convinced that you aren't actually Dave in disguise you're so good.

jamester: oops. Well I did say it was an old joke.

I'm trying to find the lyrics to "I've got tears in my ears from lyin' in bed cryin' over you ...", any hep?

Is this the one you were lookin' for, MKJ?

I've got tears in my ears
From laughin all these years
Dave cracks me up all the time
It could be all those beers
But now I've conquered all my fears
Dave cracks me up all the time
Don't know why when I'm here
I ever start to drink
Cuz I spray it thru my nose
Lord knows what the IT folks think
Cuz there's tears in my ears
From laughin' all these years
Dave cracks me up all the time

Last night reading his book
I swear the whole house shook
Dave cracks me up all the time.
No matter what I go through
I never could stay blue
Dave cracks me up all the time.
I’m gonna keep on sittin’ here
Till I can’t take no more
And then curl up in a ball
My gut will be so sore.
Cuz I've got tears in my ears
From laughin' all these years
Dave cracks me up all the time

Lord, I’ve tried and I’ve tried
But I can't hold it inside
Dave cracks me up all the time.
Co-workers think I'm half gone
I guess they ain't half-wrong
Dave cracks me up all the time.
I’m gonna keep on reading
'til I can’t even see
And if they come lock me away
Just send me some more Barry
Cuz I've got tears in my ears
From laughin' all these years
Dave cracks me up all the time.

Update on MKJ's handyman

I'd just like to say that I think Mahatma Kane Jeeves is a genius!

That is all.

Carry on.

p.s. well done, c-bol.

pb: aw shucks.

Hey, it's Tony the handyman!
. . Again! . . . (Okay Ton' that's enough now)

So THAT'S what that is. And by golly I developed it after I'd quit taking iron supplements.

It's a sad commentary on the medical profession, but I get more useful information from Dave Barry's blog.

Sorry for the interruption, back to your regularly-scheduled mayhem and witticisms, nothing to see here, move along, people....

Thanks, Christobal. That was beautiful. *wiping tear from my eye*

I wish I could hang out here more often, but busy mommas work non-stop - laundry, dishes, vacuum cleaners, and meal prep beckon me at the moment. I'll check back late tonight if I can keep my eyelids up.

So are multiple posts a symptom of restless-right-pinky-finger-syndrome?

Is anyone studying that?

Has Dave ever taken out a restraining order against any of you blogits? 'Cause you seem to know an awful lot, like where he lives, his phone number, the color of his eyes...

heh heh.

I was wondering if anybody would catch my use of the word "erect" and rise to the occasion...
Thanks, SchadeBoy.

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