« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

September 18, 2004

HALLOWEEN'S A'COMIN', MATEYS

'N if ye can't be a pirate, ye can come as ye arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

(Thanks to Theresa Hogue)

AHOY, LUBBERS

See that ye forget not, me hearties. Tomorrow be the day.

September 17, 2004

BOOK TOUR UPDATE

It's nonstop excitement here on the road, as we see by the look on Ridley's face as he prepares for a San Francisco radio interview.

ridleyasleep.jpg

REMEMBER THE SONG SURVEY WHERE YOU NAMED SONGS YOU ORIGINALLY LIKED BUT WERE SICK OF BECAUSE THEY GOT TOO MUCH RADIO AIR PLAY?

This wasn't one of them.

(Thanks to Cheese Days attendee Kathy Lovett)

A WORD OF WARNING TO DAVE AND RIDLEY

Finish reading all books before attempting to board another plane.

(Thanks to Jessica R.)

WHY WE LOVE COMPUTER STORM PREDICTIONS

Because they are so darned helpful.

ARRRRR (UPDATE)

I assume you're making preparations to observe Talk Like a Pirate Day this Sunday. Ridley and I have been getting into shape for it by talking like pirates a lot on this book tour. In addition to "ARRRRR," we sometimes say "Avast!" although we have no idea what this means. We also have been calling women "wenches," which they seem to like, once we explain that it is a very positive thing for a pirate to say. Although at one point Ridley accidentally called a woman a "wrench." That's what jet lag can do to a pirate.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR, MATEYS

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum,etc.

EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE A HOBBY

We're just not sure about this one.

(For the ladies, more or less)

RESPONSE TO CAR-DART COLUMN

(Thanks to Tom DeCoursey)

September 16, 2004

AREN'T THESE SUPPOSED TO GET EASIER?

(Thanks to all who sent it in)

HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME...

floridacane.jpg

(Thanks to Nancy Ollick)

TIGGER UPDATE

Perhaps he's just a little too bouncy?

(Thanks to several alert readers)

TRAVEL UPDATE

We had a scary moment going through airport security at Dulles: They went through Ridley's suitcase and confiscated his set of little screwdrivers. Fortunately, they did not go through my suitcase, which as fate would have it contained both coconut brassieres.

NERVOUS?

Why should we be nervous?

ONWARD

The Ridster and I are off to San Francisco today. We're going by plane, so we decided to dress conservatively, as airport security people tend to look closely at passengers wearing coconut brassieres.

September 15, 2004

A BIG MOMENT FOR LITERATURE

Some members of the Blog Community showed up at our signing tonight and gave us coconut brassieres, which of course we donned immediately. We will do anything to advance the cause of Literature.

cocobras.jpg.jpg

A NEW KIND OF SPAM


Dear Sir/Ma,
My name is Norah Cole ,i reside in the U.S and i am The Manager of Norahs Cosmetics i do distribute perfumes overseas and i
recieved an order from one of my customer's in Nigeria. And which i am out of stock of the product they ask for, so please i will
like you to help me get this perfumes and give me the total cost so that i can pay it up including the shipment via Fedex 2 to 5
days delivery .And I will be paying with my credit card and i will also supply you with the shipping details in nigeria.

1. Calvin Klein CK Be Deodorant 100g
2. CK One 1.7oz EDT Spray
3. Gucci Perfume for Women by Gucci - 1 oz EDP Spray

Qty: 10 pieces each respectively with discount.
With Best Regards.
Norah Cole

Ummmm....?

WORTH A TRY

If this doesn't work, maybe someone could try lighting a cigarette.

(Thanks to Heather Lubay)

UH-OH

(Thanks to James McCall)

POLITICAL UPDATE

I've decided who will get my vote for president.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

BOOK TOUR UPDATE

I'm blogging this from a train heading from New York to Washington, D.C. It's kind of nice to take a train. They don't make you take your shoes off, for one thing. For another thing, at no point does the train hurtle down a runway and leave the surface of the earth.

Incredibly, Ridley and I are both still alive after several days on book tour. Last night we made the very serious mistake of attempting to get from New York City to Long Island and back by car. This seemed theoretically possible, because on a map these two places appear to be fairly near each other, but as we determined last night they are in fact several thousand miles apart.

September 14, 2004

LIVE BLOG FROM THE TODAY SHOW

Rumor has it that Ridley and I will be on in a few minutes. Or else this is a giant prank.

ATTENTION, CONCERNED VOTERS

Illinois is holding an election to pick the Official State Amphibian and Reptile. So far it has been a clean campaign, although it is only a matter of time before the American Toad and the Eastern Tiger Salamander begin exchanging charges about what they did or did not do during the Vietnam war.

September 13, 2004

HOLY HOUSECALL

Maybe she turned on the bat-signal before she left.

(Thanks to CJBLOHM)

ATTENTION, MEN AND OTHER HUMANS

Do not read this.

(Thanks to Lord Greg)

CONFIRMATION OF A LONG-HELD BELIEF

"Dutch Bunnies are wimps," declares alert blogreader Paul Berry. And here's proof.

COWS AGAINST SEX

Mayor Ellen van Hoogdalem-Arkema explains.

(Thanks to Claire Mooooartin)

ATTENTION, FANS OF REALLY GOOD MUSIC

This post has nothing for you. But if, on the other hand, you have low musical standards and would like to find out about the World Famous (But Not For A Good Reason) Rock Bottom Remainders' upcoming Wannapalooza Bus Tour of the Heartland, check this out.

wanna_logo.gif

September 12, 2004

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

ridleydavebooksnbooksSML.jpg

(Thanks to Ryan Weiss)

JOB TITLE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Tasmanian Frogs Coordinator.

TROPICAL DEPRESSION HAIMA UPDATE

I don't like the looks of this at all. I'm thinking of buying another generator.

TRAVEL ADVISORY

Over the next few weeks my buddy Ridley Pearson and I will be shamelessly shilling for our new book in basically every U.S. city that has indoor plumbing. I'll try to engage in regular blogging during this time, but if this a typical book tour, there will be times when pretty much all I'll have the energy to do is drool on the keyboard. Not that this will necessarily be any different from regular blogging.

NEXT TIME YOU FLY

...ask to be seated in the no-snake section.

September 11, 2004

BOOK TOUR

Starts tonight.

See Dave's or Ridley's or Peter's web sites for details.

September 10, 2004

SAME CONCEPT, DIFFERENT DAY

My boyfriend and I have developed an unusual (I assume) expression for using the bathroom in a way that sometimes takes a little longer. Since we keep all of your books in the bathroom, we have taken to referring to such sessions as "hanging with Dave."

Yours,

Jill McClain

Personally, we prefer "using the bathroom in a way that sometimes takes a little longer," or UTBIAWTSTALL.

SURVEY QUESTION

What is the most overplayed song on the radio -- a song you used to like, but it just gets played to death, so now you can't stand it? I'm thinking this would most llikely be a "classic rock" song, but I could be wrong. I often am.

UPDATE: Thanks for all the excellent nominations and commentary. I regret that these songs are now stuck in your brain, possibly for weeks, but trust me, it was for a very good cause, although I frankly can't see how you, personally, will derive any benefit. But thanks!

WEATHER AND CHER UPDATE

Tropical Depression Ten remains a concern for everybody in the general area. Meanwhile, Cher is in Duluth, on a trajectory that could take her to Corpus Christi.

September 09, 2004

IN AN EFFORT TO STAY AHEAD OF THE CURVE

This blog has decided to go ahead and get nervous about Tropical Depression Ten.

PORNOGRAPHIC FRUIT

Where will it end?

(Thanks to Laura Rayne McEwan)

UH-OH

Hurricane Ivan.JPG

(Thanks to Susan Rodin)

HURRICANE PREPAREDNESS UPDATE

If you're girding, bracing and hunkering, you'll appreciate this email we received from a Miami Herald colleague, full of practical advice:

Given the current weather patterns I am recommending that all my friends get the following supplies and immediately put them in the trunk of their car or
stow them in a safe place in their home.

1) A length of rope long enough to HANG yourself if you wind up trapped for
three days in a shuttered house listening to the same blathering nitwits on
TV or radio,standing outside with a microphone mouthing variations of
"yep...it is windy...only an IDIOT would be out HERE".

2) Bottle of tequila, margarita mix and box of kosher salt.

3) Several cases of beer (preferable Guinness which can be consumed warm if
necessary).

4) Pistol (this is Florida...it is always a good idea to have a pistol).

5) A garbage bag full of sleeping pills.

6) Scrabble AND a dictionary (the dictionary is really necessary because
otherwise disputes may be settled with use if emergency item #4).

7) Carl Hiaasen books and a flashlight.

8) Tim Dorsey books and extra batteries.

9) Shotgun (this is Florida...it is always a good idea to have a shotgun).

Patrick Ogle
Miami Herald/Action Line

SPORTS HEADLINE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to Gene Weingarten)

JUST A SUGGESTION

I say we put this guy on a raft far out in the Atlantic Ocean with a sign that says "COME TO ME, IVAN, YOU BIG STRONG FIST OF NATURE! I AM ROOTING FOR YOU!"

CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE

Now the bastards are confiscating pythons from the set of the blockbuster Sipahi, a Kishore Ramsay production starring Akshay Kumar, Lara Dutta and Ajay Devgan!

Key Quote: ‘‘We rushed there and saw that the snake was being used for a dance sequence. "

WHEN PUPPIES FIGHT BACK

Go ahead, make my day.

(Thanks to Lord Greg)

September 08, 2004

WHY WE DON'T BICYCLE

We don't care for the view.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

GOOD NEWS

No hurricane will ever again approach South Florida. Why? Because I just bought a generator, that's why.

THE WAR ON HOVER-PEEING: ADVICE FROM THE FIELD

Ms. Smith,

As this weeks Dave Barry column was the second to mention the use of public restrooms by the "toilet impaired",
(I happen to work in a large mall which many of those inflicted with this terrible disorder seem to frequent.)
I thought I would give you a bit of "inside advice".
Use the last stall, It's usually the cleanest one.

It seems many of these messy people are also quite lazy,
although I hold no official TP (Toilet Psychology) degree I do feel quite qualified in making this satement.
The last stall is waaaay too far for them to walk.

Hope this information proved useful to you.

Sincerely,
-Laura Vona
��

THOSE BASTARD SNAKE RUSTLERS

They have struck again.

 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise