ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS DANCE, DANCE
(Thanks to James Bellinger)
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(Thanks to James Bellinger)
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First!
Dude, that booger mask has extra nostrils or sumpin'.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | September 29, 2004 at 12:18 PM
FIRST! Wahooooo!
Posted by: Dave B(ickle) | September 29, 2004 at 12:18 PM
Damn. So much for THAT little spark of joy in my life...
Posted by: Dave B(ickle) | September 29, 2004 at 12:19 PM
Sorry Dave...
*goes off to stand in the corner for a while*
Posted by: D'Artagnan | September 29, 2004 at 12:20 PM
Booger! Woo!
Posted by: Susan | September 29, 2004 at 12:20 PM
*runs giggling from penis gourd*
Posted by: MeganBNL | September 29, 2004 at 12:21 PM
The Booger Dance? Is that what your friend does when you pick your nose and try to rub it on his shirt?
Posted by: punky brewster | September 29, 2004 at 12:22 PM
Hey who let that writer into the MOAT after dark. I thought we weren't going public with our BOOGERS people!!!!
Posted by: Mad "Big Booger" Scientist | September 29, 2004 at 12:40 PM
That's snot funny.
Posted by: srp | September 29, 2004 at 12:41 PM
Hey, I know(s) funny, and that's funny
Posted by: Dave B(ickle) | September 29, 2004 at 12:42 PM
punky - with friends like that who needs tissues
Posted by: Mad Scientist | September 29, 2004 at 12:45 PM
You can pick your (not you're) nose and you can pick your (not you're ) friends; but you can't pick your (not you're) friend's nose. Actually, you can pick your (not you're) friend's nose, but you can't wipe your (not you're) friends on the couch.
Posted by: Dick (T)ickle | September 29, 2004 at 12:45 PM
Atleast it's not Dance Magic Dance. ::shudders::
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 12:55 PM
BOOGER!!! AAAAAA!!!
*dancing badly like a westerner trying to be eastern, or talented*
"Ooga-booga Ooga-booguer Ooga-boujoulais"
*drinks swig o' wine, breaks into chant/dance again*
Posted by: Targetgirl | September 29, 2004 at 12:55 PM
Hey, it's not dirty unless you make it dirty.
- Spoken by a certain Blog Presidentelle
Posted by: D'Artagnan | September 29, 2004 at 12:58 PM
As the chief Booger posts a blog, the Booger tribe becomes antsy and excited. "Is it him?" they ask. "Does he bring the sacred blog of nonsense from the mythical land of Miami?" The whispers quickly turn to joyous shouts, as cries of "first" ring out across the dusky web, and another ceremony begins. Many have come to participate in this sacred time-wasting ritual, blogging at a feverish pitch, basking in the humorous essence of their combined lunacy. Yet, many blurk in the corners, afraid of being overtaken by the wild Dance of the MOATers. The Booger known as Christobol arises and casts the first coffee-spewing post into the mist, and the ceremony reaches a feverish pitch. Many a Booger and Blurker alike sacrifice keyboards and monitors to appease the Great Funnybone. The goddess Boogers slink around the blog, with their witticisms, puns and ramparts flying merrily in the office air. Many more build off of the previous posts, quickly losing sight of the mundane ideals of "original topics," favoring a sort of tribal reinvention of meaning and slipping into a TPS report-induced state of hallucination. The dance slowly calms itself, as the crescendo of time-wasting slowly ebbs. The Boogers briefly return to a normal state of consciousness, eagerly awaiting the next... the most revered ... Booger Dance.
And some screwball always says, "Neener."
Posted by: Federal Duck | September 29, 2004 at 01:00 PM
Fed Duck! Your wry prose matches the wit of C'bol's silky poetry.
You know you've both handily turned me from blurker to booger. Be wary of the unfurling of my ramparts at any opportune chance...
((.)(.))
Posted by: Targetgirl | September 29, 2004 at 01:08 PM
Oooh, a 2 gun salute!!
Posted by: Dr Dog | September 29, 2004 at 01:08 PM
Bravisimo, Fed!
---
"Mommy! I'm the school play!"
"That's great, honey! What's it called?"
"Booger Dance!"
"I didn't know Dave Barry wrote plays, too."
"I get to dance!"
"Are you a booger?"
"Yep!"
"How many boogers are there?"
"Seven! I'm 'Big Testicles'!"
"What?"
"I know, I tried out for 'Sweet Phallus' but everyone pretty much voted for Dick Honeyman to get that part. Wanna see my dance?"
"I... you... what sort of costume will you wear?"
"I dunno, I guess a large brown hairy sack, who cares? Wanna see my dance?"
Posted by: Christobol | September 29, 2004 at 01:10 PM
For the flashing of Ramparts, does Targetgirl get Booger Beads?
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 01:11 PM
Heh...heh...heh...ramparts...heh...heh
Posted by: Beavis | September 29, 2004 at 01:15 PM
HAHAHA .. terrible.
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 01:16 PM
There's a place in France
Where the big testicles dance
And the dance they do
Always hypnotizes you
And while you're in a trance
They might poke with their lance
But if you've had a few
Then you might enjoy it, too
Booger
Posted by: Christobol | September 29, 2004 at 01:24 PM
BOOGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Johnny Fever | September 29, 2004 at 01:34 PM
WHat the hell does "brain-tanned deer skin" mean? I've never seen brain-tanned anything, before.
Posted by: SchadeBoy | September 29, 2004 at 01:36 PM
Is that GOURD NEWS to you too?
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 01:37 PM
just enough?
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 01:42 PM
Hence the witty but rarely used retort: "You ain't got enough brains to tan the hide I'm not going to bother peeling off you after I thump you with this here big rock, asshat."
Course, it's also a bit on the wordy side, which why a simple "asshat" will usually suffice, for most people, but not me, since I'm a traditionalist, and gramps always said "say the whole insult and carry a big rock."
Posted by: Christobol | September 29, 2004 at 01:47 PM
my grams says things like "popped his head off like a rattlesnake's."
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 01:51 PM
After the boogers make their entrance, they move clumsily about, lurching at the spectators, groping for the women and girls, chasing them across the room. The girls giggle at being chased. A few of the boogers fall to the floor pretending to be stricken by convulsive seizures. Some of them wear gourds between their legs, occasionally thrusting them towards the women and releasing the water held within. Soon the boogers settle down and take seats against the wall.
Once they are against the wall, are the guests allowed to shoot them?
Posted by: penny | September 29, 2004 at 02:00 PM
So you tan hide with brains? I thought tanned hide with hide tanning stuff?
Posted by: SchadeBoy | September 29, 2004 at 02:01 PM
After my heinous mispost last time:
Run for your lives! The boogers are coming! We are all going to be offed by boogers!! AHHHH!
On the plus side, it would be a good Halloween theme- The Masked Boogers Ride Again!
Posted by: Anne | September 29, 2004 at 02:04 PM
Mah Paw always tole me he wuz gon' tan mah hide; now ah know I's about tah git kilt.
**editor's note: If you can read the preceding sentence quickly and clearly, then you are from the south. If it makes more sense than this editor's note, you are a redneck. If you're trying to get the playboy channel by pressing the contrast knob on the monitor, you are a hillbilly. If you are licking dried coffee off of the monitor, you are a dog. Thank you.**
Posted by: Federal Duck | September 29, 2004 at 02:09 PM
Well, these boogers evidently have more than enough capers... I think they like to caper around to serve themselves, but I am not sure that they HAVE brains, so thaey can't be sauteed.
Posted by: Anne | September 29, 2004 at 02:10 PM
Duck, you forgot the Neener.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | September 29, 2004 at 02:14 PM
Sooty Anus and Sweet Phallus
BOTH
wbagnfarb
Posted by: Psycho_Joe | September 29, 2004 at 02:19 PM
No elle, its not just you, I want to see the big testicles dance too, along with the Rusty Anus dance. How does it get rusty? And what do you have to do to fix that?
No, no, no wait, I don't want to know that answer.
Posted by: Kilmeny | September 29, 2004 at 02:49 PM
I was expecting to learn something new, today. But I was expecting it to be more along the lines of something to do with the room remodeling project I'm doing in my home. Not dealing with tanning someone's hide with their (not they're) brains. That's just gross. I'm going to have to think twice about buying that leather jacket I've had my eye on...
Will someone please tell me what's up with correcting themselves when they type something like their (not they're)? I did it because it seems to be the norm around here. But I think I missed why it was done in the first place.
It's kind of distracting, you know? Takes the punch out of the joke.
Posted by: SchadeBoy | September 29, 2004 at 02:51 PM
Brain Tanning WBAGNFARB!
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 03:04 PM
Mad & Punky, should we practice this and perform it in front of Dave in Vegas? How far do you think we'd get before they get the nets & strait jackets?
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | September 29, 2004 at 03:12 PM
SchadeBoy- - it's from Ask Mister Language Person
Posted by: jo | September 29, 2004 at 03:19 PM
Dang elle,
Such a game might actually make the Debate interesting! Only perhaps the viewers should be divided into teams...one sips when Kerry pushes a button and one sips when Bush does.
The most sober by the end tells you who "won" the debate (or if you are jaded, the sober indicate the loser)
Posted by: Deontologist | September 29, 2004 at 03:22 PM
Someone explain the yellow bracelet to me.
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 03:26 PM
Fed Duck, damn you've been funny lately. Which pills you been takin'?, or have you stopped taking any at all?
Posted by: jamester | September 29, 2004 at 03:40 PM
I bet they wear clogs to dance in..Clogging comes naturally to Boogers.....
Posted by: Sean | September 29, 2004 at 04:19 PM
"Among the gifts are tobacco, a buckskin for moccasins, an iron knife, various pins, buttons, and other personal adornments....and a jar of Vick's Vapo-Rub."
Posted by: Sean | September 29, 2004 at 04:25 PM
Oh Sean. Now you've gone and made me hurt myself!
Posted by: pelagicsal | September 29, 2004 at 04:35 PM
"Folks, can we be just a little more discrete when we pick our boogers?"
It appears the editor of the Chatooga Quarterly doesn't know the difference between discreet and discrete.
Posted by: ShaWnA | September 29, 2004 at 05:05 PM
crash...the yellow "LiveSTRONG" bracelet is a cancer fund raising project supported by Lance Armstrong.
Posted by: slyeyes | September 29, 2004 at 05:11 PM
Fed, I've been loving your posts. Having southern roots, I'm especially loving your editors note.
It's caused me to quit licking coffee off my computer monitor after a spewing episode.
Posted by: slyeyes | September 29, 2004 at 05:13 PM
Fed, I read that sentence far too easily. I was really embarrassed at myself when I read the disclaimer.
Posted by: rita | September 29, 2004 at 05:38 PM
By the way, did you know that leather can also be tanned with urine?
Posted by: rita | September 29, 2004 at 05:45 PM
I learn so much useless stuff on this blog!!
Posted by: slyeyes | September 29, 2004 at 05:49 PM
Me too, isn't it great?
Posted by: rita | September 29, 2004 at 05:54 PM
Thank you slyeyes.
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 08:25 PM
did anyone else notice that the article was written by a guy name E.Orr... well Eric Orr, but E.Orr makes him sound like more of an ass if you say it out loud..
oh... and "Tanned Brains" WBAGNFACalifornianRB
Posted by: Kat | September 29, 2004 at 08:49 PM
wasn't Orr the tent-mate in Catch-22? weird i thought of that.
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 09:01 PM
Cherokee Nation will return, Will Return, WILL RETURN!
and are not a people of mystery.
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 09:04 PM
Am I the only one who caught a whiff of satire in that story?
Oh, what the heck...
BOOGER!
Posted by: Alex D. | September 29, 2004 at 09:47 PM
will return, WILL RETURN
Posted by: crash | September 29, 2004 at 10:26 PM
i thought you're (not you're) was from the warning on posts that might make your mom think you are or are not gay? Is it also from mr language person. Have I been blogging so much I cant remember the origin of jokes?
Fed - I could read that no problem. Sigh I miss the south. Like slyeyes I pick up my accent when aroung other southerners.
Jeff - umm I doubt anyone in Vegas would even notice. As long as I don't have to pick a Yankee nose it is ok with me.
Posted by: Mad "reading this crosseyed" Scientist | September 29, 2004 at 11:05 PM
Here's the random ramparts auction of the morning for y'all (time for coffee)
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 30, 2004 at 04:30 AM
Here's the random ramparts auction of the morning for y'all (time for coffee)
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 30, 2004 at 04:32 AM
Well just go ahead and look at them twice then!
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 30, 2004 at 04:36 AM
Well just go ahead and look at them twice then!
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | September 30, 2004 at 04:37 AM
You can get rid of Rusty Anus with WD-40. Fixing Sooty Anus takes a fire extinguisher and a bottle of "Goof-Off." Thank God there is no cure for big testicles, though some have tried a herd of strippers and a machete. Oh well, I'm off to elle's to dance.
Posted by: "Big (singed) Dancing Testicles | September 30, 2004 at 05:00 AM
Dunno, blinding white-light headed girlfriends are rare finds now a'days.
Suppose that would justify my continued wearing of sunglasses to bed.
Posted by: kibby F5 | September 30, 2004 at 05:06 AM
Oh, and did I say nice profile?
NICE PROFILE
Posted by: kibby F5 | September 30, 2004 at 05:10 AM
Okay - I'm a long term blurker, first time blogger - and I'll admit I have been swimming in the MOATarita's tonight. But I wanted to say, that I've watched two music video's tonight - first Michael Jackson, Thriller... I have to say that was the very first time we (kiwi's in general - my fourth form class in particular) thought he might be a bit iffy, after that he just kept proving himself. Not to say some of us don't enjoy his later music, but those of us not in denial are like - yeah, I'm sure I saw that coming. And the other clip was Don Henley's (You Rock) New York Minute, which I remember playing quite a lot post 0901. The heart breaking aspect of the clip - that which means that your friends and mine can actually die in a New York minute , whereas in actual fact more 'John Does', or worse - people who's names can be found - are found on the streets of NY every day. I'm am in no way trying to sideline what has happened to people that you and I care about - but I do want to say that what is one person's trash is another's treasure.... your John Doe is my uncle Dave. And in conclusion - I'm so sorry, I didn't intend it to start out like this - but for god's sake how much would you pay to save my Uncle Dave.... okay, now how much would you pay to save your mum???
Signed someone who believes everyone older than her should out live her - AND DAVE, CHANGE YOUR SHIRT
Posted by: KJ Enzeder | September 30, 2004 at 05:15 AM
Okay - I'm a long term blurker, first time blogger - and I'll admit I have been swimming in the MOATarita's tonight. But I wanted to say, that I've watched two music video's tonight - first Michael Jackson, Thriller... I have to say that was the very first time we (kiwi's in general - my fourth form class in particular) thought he might be a bit iffy, after that he just kept proving himself. Not to say some of us don't enjoy his later music, but those of us not in denial are like - yeah, I'm sure I saw that coming. And the other clip was Don Henley's (You Rock) New York Minute, which I remember playing quite a lot post 0901. The heart breaking aspect of the clip - that which means that your friends and mine can actually die in a New York minute , whereas in actual fact more 'John Does', or worse - people who's names can be found - are found on the streets of NY every day. I'm am in no way trying to sideline what has happened to people that you and I care about - but I do want to say that what is one person's trash is another's treasure.... your John Doe is my uncle Dave. And in conclusion - I'm so sorry, I didn't intend it to start out like this - but for god's sake how much would you pay to save my Uncle Dave.... okay, now how much would you pay to save your mum???
Signed someone who believes everyone older than her should out live her - AND DAVE, CHANGE YOUR SHIRT
Posted by: KJ Enzeder | September 30, 2004 at 05:15 AM
butter - I'm so sorry.
I had a feeling I was going to be a double poster....
Posted by: KJ Enzeder | September 30, 2004 at 05:17 AM
*looks at double post*
"Hey folks! We got another Kiwi over here!"
Now just relax and enjoy the blog. This isn't going to hurt, much. Welcome from blurkdom to blogger. The change in status suits you well.
Posted by: kibby F5 | September 30, 2004 at 05:25 AM
So is that tank supposed to distract you from armpit hair?
Posted by: crash | September 30, 2004 at 05:53 AM
From the rampart auction: I offer combined shipping!
I mean, really, what does anyone do with just ONE rampart in the mail.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | September 30, 2004 at 06:28 AM
Brian B.
Should I find any hidden meaning in the fact that the following text was at the bottom.
If you like this title, we also recommend...
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
Maybe if it had be Lord of the Schwing ...
Posted by: markhh | September 30, 2004 at 06:29 AM
Rita and Bangee, Jean Auel is working on book #6- I can't wait to read it!
And, urine is best used to tan leather only when you want white leather, and only after the urine has fermented for a few days. But you knew that, the Crane Hearth taught you well.
BOOGER!!!!!
Posted by: Targetgirl | September 30, 2004 at 07:02 AM
Credited cast:
Balsac The Jaws Of Death
Beefcake The Mighty
Flattus Maximus
Gusher Jizmax
Oderus Urungus
Sexecutioner
Slymenstra Hymen
Sleazy P. Martini
EXCELLENT
Posted by: crash | September 30, 2004 at 07:16 AM
Long time blurker, occasional blogger...
Had to weigh in on the Jean Auel conversation. I waited 10 years for her to write the fifth book (Shelters of Stone) and then it turned out to be just a big re-cap of the first four. I was really disappointed. If it takes her another 10 years to finish the 6th book it better be worth my time or I'm hosting an Earth's Children bonfire and weenie roast!
Posted by: Edelweiss | September 30, 2004 at 07:25 AM
Edelweiss, I was just reading your post from June regarding the time being off on the blog clock. Was wondering if you were still around. HI!
Posted by: kibby F5 | September 30, 2004 at 07:44 AM
Yeah, well, so what, I've been a long time blurker and only two times have I had the courage to blog and nobody ever acknowledged me, or welcomed me, so BOOGER!
I feel so left out..
Posted by: Klynn | September 30, 2004 at 09:13 AM
Bangi, the first one was really good. It was the best of the series in my opinion, but the second, third, and fourth were also good. The problem with the 5th was that she wrote it so that someone who hadn't read the previous 4 could understand what was going on...so at least half of the book was a refresher course and another quarter of it was introductions to new characters, leaving only about a quarter of it for the plot.
Klynn, consider yourself acknowledged! Now, pass the liquor, please!
Posted by: Edelweiss | September 30, 2004 at 09:28 AM
Someone after my own heart! Here ya (not you) go! Bottoms up!
Posted by: Klynn | September 30, 2004 at 09:33 AM
Do! I! sound! excited!
Sorry, I'll take my meds now and calm down.
Posted by: Klynn | September 30, 2004 at 09:44 AM
Klynn: what djtony said. Welcome! (happy now?)
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | September 30, 2004 at 09:58 AM
I would like to thank Edelweiss, Jeff Meyerson, djtonyb, my parents, my boss (for keeping his door closed so I can play on the blog)....
Posted by: klynn | September 30, 2004 at 10:45 AM
Ha, I must admit, the ONLY reason I read those books was for the "pleasures". After a while tho, even that got boring.
Posted by: Klynn | September 30, 2004 at 11:48 AM
Rita, my mother was a huge Auel fan too. She got very annoyed waiting 10 years for the newest one.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | September 30, 2004 at 12:31 PM
elle ... I can totally picture you doing that.
Too funny.
Posted by: punky brewster | September 30, 2004 at 01:08 PM
Ok shawna you busted me on the discreet thing. And Kat, I am an ass. I do know, however, you cannot tain a hide with urine. It just makes it smell bad.
Get your finger out of my nose.
Posted by: eorr | October 03, 2004 at 08:58 PM
Eorr: Well, technically you're right. You can't tan a hide with urine. But you can bleach and preserve it with urine. The trick is to let the urine go stale so that it becomes pure amonia before you work the leather with it.
Posted by: Edelweiss | October 05, 2004 at 04:43 AM
Making the text color red
Posted by: Dave | November 12, 2005 at 11:25 PM