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August 29, 2004

TRAVEL UPDATE

I'm in transit, by which I mean Airline Hell, from Athens to New York City for the Republican Convention and "Big Apple" style Fun-a-Palooza. I will be writing daily reports for the Miami Herald. Or I will be lying in the gutter gasping from pepper spray. Either way, I am looking forward to it.

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It's a fun time for everyone. Look at me! I'm FIRST!

Dave, just stay out of Central Park today.

And if the cops come towards you with pepper spray or a stun gun give them your best steely journalist glare and say the magic word:

"Tipiyokti"

That should work.

No need to thank me.

OK, who is going to mention as-salt-ing with pepper spray? Not me, that's for sure.

My sympathies are with Dave. I made the mistake of flying home as the Atlanta Olympics were ending. I don't know why I did it. I was going to Lexington, Kentucky, from Mobile, Alabama, as the 1996 Olympics ended. To top it off, I am blind, so here I am needing assistance changing planes in Atlanta--me and a bunch of screaming kids traveling alone. Now that's "airline Hell!"

Go to McSorley's. They make their mustard from scratch. It has beer in it.

I think it should become Dave's goal to convince one of the RNC speakers to incorporate the word "tipiyotki!" into his or her speech.

I think this would have been easier to do at the DNC. Hey, if John Kerry will trade jokes with Jon Stewart on The Daily Show, he shouldn't have trouble tipiyotki-ing to all of Dave's fans.

Dave' leaving on a jet plane...let's hope it won't make him insane...to the convention,he must gooooooooooo!

So frisk me,empty your pockets please...tell me why you came from Greece,have your ID and ticket...ready to showwwww!

Oh, yeah, everybody, just laugh at poor Dave. Some of the rest of us have to be in NYC this week as well.

Some of us arrive in the city on Wednesday and - this is the scary part - must take the Long Island Railroad to a business meeting out on the island.

Where does one catch the LIRR if they are staying in Manhattan? At Penn Station. Where is Penn Station? Adjacent to MAD-ison Square Garden.

AAAAAaaaarrrgh! I can't stand it already and I'm still in Fort Lauderdale! Just mace me and Tazar me now, arrest me and get it done with!

Ahem. (Reaching for a Valium. It's okay, it's okay. I'll be okay.) I'll just need to keep my middle digits to myself and control my use of the f-word. If I DO use the f-word, I MUST remember not to use the words "George" and "Bush" immediately thereafter. People get arrested for that. Can't miss the taping of the "People's Court " on the 8th.

Dave,
Did you learn any funny Greek words while in Athens? If so, please use them in you column. Sagapo, for now.

And I thought I was developing a wicked nasty headache.

Just remember that there's always beer....there's always beer....Republicans attempting to dance are better with beer....

I hope Dave had time to find a Greek laundry. Granted, if he didn't, he will probably get a wide space at the convention.

Hey, some of us have to LIVE here... Welcome, Dave.

Tell Dan LeBatard hello. Ask him if he's had any more exclusives lately.

It could be worse. It could be New Jersey. Be thankful things are as they are, Dave.

P.S. Don't you have some terrorist paraphenalia left over from the DNC? You could use that to protect yourself, at least the gas mask. And if anyone gets too close, you can always whack them over the head with your flashlight (providing the highly-trained DNC security guards finally gave it back to you.)

Welcome back and have fun!!

AUTHOR: Kat
EMAIL: [email protected]
IP: 202.180.83.7
URL:
DATE: 08/29/2004 04:07:20 PM
AUTHOR: Kat
EMAIL: [email protected]
IP: 202.180.83.7
URL:
DATE: 08/29/2004 04:07:20 PM

Trystan: you could take the subway to Jamaica and catch the LIRR there, but I wouldn't recommend it. Or stay out of Manhattan all together (Kennedy Hilton?) but then you'd miss all the fun. We planned to stay as far out of the city as possible this week, but we have tickets to the Yankee game Wednesday night vs. Cleveland and will have to negotiate through midtown. At least we can change trains at Grand Central rather than Penn Station.

Just practice biting your tongue. I'm sure you'll find most New Yorkers agree with you anyway. Good luck.

oops... what happened there? i think all the "hyperlinking" i was doing has gone to my head... anyway.... welcome back closer to home Dave

Welcome back to the States, Dave. We are glad you are going from one potential terrorist venue to another safely. Don't look at the weather radar. There is another huge hurricane headed toward Florida.

AAAAAARGHHHH!! somebody HELP me!!!!! I'm just watching a rerun of the Olympic closing ceremony (becasue of time diffs most of the Olympics happened while I slept) and there was this lovely young Greek pop star (at least I presume that's what she was). At one point the music cranked up, and I'm certain she was singing that Nana Mouskouri classic that I've spent a lifetime trying to forget "You can kiss me on a Monday" . I'm not sure if I get bonus points or just an extra dose of memory-erasing drugs for remembering seeing that song performed on a television special by Nana Mouskouri, Dame Edna Everage and Luciano Pavarotti... it was truly awful

Dear Dave.

Please use your press credentials and your influence as a major essayist for a world respected newspaper to ask a question in my behalf. Mr. Bloomberg is worried about the potential damage to the grass in Central Park if too many people chose to visit the Public City Park this weekend without having a pass that will let them pass the security barriers to the Convention you're going to tomorrow.

He's right, they might damage the grass. And I'd like to make a contribution of replacement grass seeds to help NYC. What kind of seeds will they need?

Rye and Bluegrass are nice.

Please ask.

Thanks

pick me up a knish at the carnegie, please. thanks.

Arrrr! An' the good Cap'n Dave must needs be takin' the next two weeks to recover from his travels so as to be havin' the energy to properly celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day when he returns... Arrr!

(I know it's a bad Pirate accent, but cut me some slack... I'm old and I'm tired and it's the best I can do. Arrr.)

There's nothing sadder than an old, tired pirate.

Oh wait, yes there is: A one legged puppy trying to play fetch.

You go Jil.

thanks sj... for those of us who don't get the today show (there are places in the world it cannot reach!) it was ... ummmmmm.... kinda disjointed but very cool.... Booger

Like the Smokestack El Ropo said, that concern aboutthe grass was lame to anounce...

dave. i'm voting for bush. save me a chair at the convention.

ed

Hey Dave,

If you see Hugh Jackman,give him a big smooch for me. Give yourself one too.

Pepper spray! So the NYPD has gone from doing a casual Gene Krupa routine with nightsticks to basting with mere condiments! Love that Yankee charm!

Here you go, Kat.

And here's your hyperlink tutorial.

Thanks Jeff... gonna go do some studying ... see if I can get this sorted

That study is not all that accurate. I have a fairly feminine name for a dude, and I've been on at LEAST 3 or 4 dates throughout high school and college. That's pretty good, right? Right? *Sobs*
Neener.

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