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August 31, 2004


It'll look great over the couch.


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OK..I've got a fresh batch of MOATaritas. Where is everyone?

Here's a site that looks pretty cool:
(not apropos of anything, just sayin' is all . . . )

Just happened to check in before heading out. See everyone tomorrow!


YESSSSSSS, the President comes through! I knew we could count on you, elle. Drinks all around.

Woohoo!!! Two weeks of rapid reMoating, followed by 2 weeks of slowing.

There appears to be a crowd forming around the Moatelle California, non-bloggers may wish to avoid the area to avoid moatarita spillage...

*Floats by on inflatible raft with moatarita in MOAT. La Vida Loca blares on surround sound indoor/outdoor deluxe stereo system*

Uh oh. Lost another monkey. Fluffy seems to be acquiring a taste for them...

I hope we didn't forget anything over there. I left the door open & the lights on, so whoever shows up late has clean up responsibilities. Polly, pass me a moatarita, please.



Floats by on inflatible raft with moatarita in hand.

*Hands Jeff moatarita*

I put my stuff in the banana room. It "appeals" to me for some reason.

*Does a cannonball off the high dive into the moat (We DO have a high dive, don't we?)

*floats to swim-up bar and pours a tall, cold moatarita* (We DO have a swim-up bar, don't we)

Nice place.

Thanks, Judi. *hands Judi a moatarita*

Howdy, Slyeyes!

Puts in order for more moataritas to Isaac the bartender.

(We DO have Isaac the bartender, don't we?)


I think Joshkr is rounding up the sacrificial virgins as we speak. I'm sure he's willing to share.

If newbies haven't run for their life at this point, then dang, maybe they deserve to join in the festivities.

Newbie 1. What the hell does all this crap have to do with a monkey moat picture, anyway?
Newbie 2. I dunno, but they have their own version of pig latin, and it looks like they serve drinks.
Newbie 1. OK, let's hang around. I think they call it 'blurking'.
Newbie 2. Deal, dude.


here here here here here! Birds must wet their whistles too, you know.

**looks around**

Coconut bras--check
Two Moat Monsters--check
One soon-to-be greenhouse--check

This must be the place! I like the new digs!

I really should be packing for my trip. Can't stay away from MoatElle...must clean out suitcase from last trip...begin to organize clothes...

Ya know, it's pretty cool having an underground compound. Makes me feel like a hobbit.

Hey!!! That monkey stole my moatarita!!

Monkey, Moat, -arita, Virgins, Coconut Bras, High Dives, Bars, Monsters...

Yeah... I'm lost... I'm trying to figure out the link between all the concepts... Ooh... I get it! ... ... No I don't. Booger

Writer - nothing much helps you to grok this stuff but tincture of time...

People here are pretty nice to newbies... Even if I miss it altogether and make some crack about an alcoholic, moatarita drinking, coconut bra wearing, horny monkey jumping off the high dive we may or may not have into the monkey moat just so he can keep his share of virgins... well, forgiveness is cheap on the blog.

Cheap? Hell, forgiveness is given out in everyone's Welcome to the MOATElle California gift bags!

Josh you got 70 virgins last night I know you can spare one.

*locks the britney spears(amint) gum up tight in the lab*

Polly - can I borrow that monkey he looks like he gives good massages.

Oh and THANKS JUDI!!!!

(If you haven't received your gift bag yet, please check your room first. If it's not there, please go to Helen Waite, in management)

Do I hear an echo?

No, just a double entendre.

Josh - sorry you got slammed with work, but you should feel privleged that they want you to perform the work of a machine faster than the machine right? Hey you can come work on your models in the back room of the lab and I will keep you company. Just don't touch the test tubes I am incubating that gum to isolate the DNA. I plan on cloning Britney and unleashing her clones to help the zombies with the moat cleaning. OOOps she did it again....

Mad...good to have you back.

*Hands over Massage Monkey.*

Ya know, these monkeys are pretty handy. That one over there makes a helluva omlette.

Thanks Polly it is good to be back for the moment. Please ignore that pile of data behind the computer begging to be analyzed....


Oh screw the data

*strips and goes skinny dipping in the new moat*

Man that feels good.

hmm Josh we were both thinking about skinny dipping at the same time....

Yeah I am afraid of the mixed DNA too thats why I am soaking the gum in all those chemicals....Problem is your DNA seems to be resistant to all the altering agents.

Gee...I hope no monkey or MOAT monster DNA gets mixed in there...

That could be....interesting.



umm Josh - It's all greek to me!!!

*ducks under the water*

Not too shabby guys, the MoatElle has only been open for about 2 hours with 37 posts, extrapolated out to a full month, if we can keep this pace, we can hit over 13,750 posts!

You people are making me dizzy.

Polly hun just come in the water and you won't be dizzy anymore.

Hey the only consulation us WEST COASTERS get is to hijack the thread and pollute the moat before everyone comes back to work in the morning.

Considering I'll be sitting in my hotel room for the next couple of days after I run out of money at the casino in the first 10 minutes, I should have that on your desk by next Tuesday sir.

Oh, since the MOATElle will be constantly running, I'll begin breaking it down last, and make that time the cut-off.

Josh and Brian B stop it!!! All that Geek speak is turning me on. And well I mean I don't think the others want me polluting the moat like that quite this soon.

Didn Punky's toys make it over here yet? I might need one if those boys keep it up...

*Strips. Executes graceful swan dive off board. Miscalculates distance to water.*


*Does graceful belly flop into moat*


I definitely need another moatarita.

Josh - OH MY!!! Your being a naughty boy.

Josh are you having problems with pre-mature XML? I have a few potions to fix that.

Oh and come on in the water if you want your spanking

Public Warning -

Belly Flopping into the moat will make your babies come out naked.

Damn MOATs keep moving and I can't keep up!

Unemployment is a much more blog-friendly state than actually having to go to work.......

Josh - I have your excel nerds right here. Should be a simple formula to write.

Actually I just closed excel and the pretty graph of my data. now I am going home. Call me if you can't figure excel out and I'll try to talk you through it. Right now I need more than Hummus and grapes.

Night all. I am sure it will take me hours to catch up in the morning.

*climbs out of MOAT and wraps herself in towel returning to her lab*

That explains why my children are all shameless exhibitionists.

*Three year old son streaks through room naked as a jaybird.*


*Wonders who came up with the saying, 'naked as a jaybird'. That's just silly.*

*snatches off his own towel*

Feels great!!!

*brushes monkey off lap*


*bad monkey*

*thinks of juvenile euphemism*

*Oh Hell, it's just the blog.... say it*

*Spanks Monkey*

*Goes to Hell*

Welcome to hell, WC.

It ain't so bad, is it?


I'm not naked, I'm just wearing a naked suit.

The welcoming committee looks familiar


*sticks another monkey in the blender and contemplates another piece of tipiyokti*

*The monkeys have pulled out their shuttlecocks and are boarding the bus for the Republican National Convention*

*monkey hopes to get the invite to Rep. David Dreier's party*

Hell's fine


*runs in and jumps in* Woo! Ya'll move pretty quick here. *grabs a moatarita* Ahhhhhh. The day got better.

Yes. Josh's lines are astounding. Words fail me.

(Beanster, I got it)

I think we can all appreciate what Joshkr calls "work" if this is an example of it. (flicks towel at him as he slides past naked and headfirst) Drat, missed him.

Yes, lots of *work* going on here...

See you guys later. Don't drink it all before Punky gets back. She'll need it.

Hi, Peri, Susan....

*Hands out Moataritas and bendy glow sticks.*

Trying not to say too much since I'm the newbie... but these Moataritas do loosen the tongue... Feeling pretty good about myself after taking Josh's suggested test *damn, wish I could speak html/hyperlink* - 400+

Oooh bendy glow sticks..those could come in handy. Welcome WC. I just retook the test, rethinking some answers, my score went up a bit to 343. Just hanging out here will do that.

Ok, this may sound weird but my husband would love it. If it has a monkey in it he would buy it and expect me to be equally excited enough to put it in the living room. Right now I'm really glad he doesn't Ebay!

WC- I got my HTML Merit badge on the Moat with help from the Moaties. Try this it helped me alot

Holy crap! I just went to 485 on the kink scale! How'd that happen?!

Whoa. Nice shag carpet in the entry hall of the new Moatelle. Thanks Judi. I've never actually seen shag carpeting in an entry hall before. (We do have shag carpet in the entry hall, Right?)

Maybe, I shouldn't have eaten those two peyote buttons I found on the floor near the old twister mat. Ah well.

BEER ME!! Or, oh yeah I guess I'll have a moatarita, whatever.....

*strips naked and does a NestTea plunge into the monkey n virgin infested Moat.*

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, YES Joshkr. Life is goooood


485 - my work is done

hasta luego moaty maties

Oh yeah...last time I only answered yes or no on the kink test, not "no, but willing".

I am officially a trollop.

Hi, Mr. Fisher!

How's the guppy coming along?

*Passes Mr. Fisher some bendy glow stix.

I just retook the kinky test. Went from 515 to 560, it must be the MOAT ;-)

Good night all..I'm sure I'll have lots to catch up with in the morning.

*books into MOATelle, and seeing everybody has retired for the foreseeable future, climbs over the poolside bar and helps herself to moatarita mix

Thanks Polly. Coooool.

Guppy(guppie?) is doing great. We just got back from taking pre guppy family pics.

Polly, Have you seen the movie Taking Lives?
If not check it out. Thought about ya when we watched it the other night.

I'm off to go play a game of pool with the oldest guppie.

See ya Moaties in the mornin. Night all

*Puts on robe and fires up Cuban cigar, then quickly puts it out, forgot the no smoking policy, sorry, and walks off with Moatarita to find the new basement*

oh and BTW .. who thought of a monkey moat wall hanging and what were they smoking when they thought of it?

Kat. The lovely and talented miss Elle thought it up. And she had been frequenting the greenhouse alot. HMMMMM.......

a haiku

bathrobe and sandals
stogie and a moat-ini
good company, sigh

Mr. Fisher - don't sweat it, it's only a virtual stogie.

and I'm only getting virtual looks of scorn from the lady-folk.

"duplicate a bunch of tables with a spreadsheet of identifiers, then using some software to replicate a bunch of shortcut files"???................"extrapolated files"...am I in the right MOAT?

*checks address*

Yup, this is the place. I thought that was my moatarita over there by the bartender. "Hey, Isaac, refresh my drink while I get out the Jello"

*Rips off coconut bra and does a half-gainer into the pool*

Twister anyone?

Now that 's just perfect,

I get everything packed up, drinking a beer and grabbin' a parfait, and everyone's checkin' into their rooms at the MOATElle for.


I'm all for a meaty cigar from time to time...

I guess I spoke to soon!!

Also, as is apparent from my last post, the parfait was excellent! Thanks for the "toppings" Peri!

Polly, just read your post about the "Meaty cigar" right when there was a story on the news about Bill Clinton being at a book signing just down the street from me.

Monica. What's new?


You get in trouble when you use stuff for other than intended purposes.

*connects TNT to Dell laptop computer. Attaches ignition wire, unrolls it and crosses to far side of MOAT. Hides behind greenhouse and counts to 10 before hittng plunger. With glee, watches freaking Dell Laptop get blown to smithereens*



*but first, Earth to Farrah Fawcett...what's the deal??(David Letterman reference**

*anyway...back to rant*

For the past several months, my laptop freezes up whenever the freak it wants. Calls to Dell have been useless. I've sent it back to Dell for repair and have received responses that it passed the diagnostic testing. Dell doesn't seem to appreciate that it frequently fails my diagnostic testing...which is merely turning the freaking thing on!! At Dell's instruction, I've reloaded Windows XP on several occasions. Each time I call, Dell happily tells me I'm still under warranty. I grumpily tell them that's wonderful because I seem to own a $1500 Dell Paperweight 2650 which seems to have a 3 year warranty. It's been cleansed of viruses, spy/adware, yada yada yada. Yet, it still freezes up whenever it likes. GRRRRRR


*takes several deep, cleansing breaths*

*Takes long drink of moatarita, deals with brain freeze from drinking so fast, and turns to Bill C for a light to the stogie*

What? Oh, just tell Hillary to chill for a sec. It's just a smoke.

oh, and for the benefit of Josh, Peri and eadn....I didn't inhale.

flatten and reload?? what's that?

Thanks. That's been done....several times. Actually, I've just left a message at work telling them that since 50% of this thing is owned by them, I'm going to let them deal with the next go-round. If they want me to work...I need a computer that works.

Computers! Sometimes I almost long for my IBM Selectric II....nah, not really. I just made that up.

Why every 2 years?

*gets out push broom and cleans up debris from explosion*

*gets out touch-up paint for scorched areas*

oops...didn't mean to mess up the new Moat. I'll have this fixed in no time.

There! That should do it.

Nite nite Moaties. So much excitement...moving, explosions. I'm beat.

Fluffy! Come back! It's safe, really!

Thanks, Josh...I may be in touch.

Isn't there some sort of internet gas station bathroom wall out there?

Hey boys! For a good time call 435-687-4857

Tell 'em Punky sent ya!

Must. Sleep. Episode I dunno:
Actually, I played possum for a few minutes, trying to figure out a few things - such as where I was, for starters. As the fog slowly lifted I took the opportunity to gauge the level of hell I was about to enter. Most battles are lost due to lack of preparation. I mean the battles where you have a chance in the first place, that is. With women, it’s important to know when they’re in a conciliatory mood and when they just want to shove a stick in your eye. Least I think so. I think I read women pretty well. They don’t tend to agree, and one of us is wrong. In this case it wasn’t that difficult. Jill was having some sort of internal debate, or more likely rehearsing or rehashing one with another person. While she wasn’t speaking audibly, she was making all the gestures and facial expressions. There’s something about doing that without actually speaking that is absolutely hilarious.

In the end, I thought I caught Jill looking at me with something approaching concern, maybe it was just curiosity, which isn’t always good – could be she was just wondering how far she could bounce a pan off my forehead – but it could be she was wistfully pondering how such a fine specimen of manhood could find himself so frequently against the ropes. Ok, I knew it wasn’t the latter, but I sensed it wasn’t the former, so it seemed like the right time to stir.

“How long have I…”
“Been dead on my couch filling my living room with your bodily functions? Twenty-eight hours. Carly believes there are small animals living in your pants, and that they are in grave danger.”
“Thursday. The twenty-sixth.”
“I think you have. You owe me a couch, a TV, a coffee table, a lamp, and some carpet…Hell Snake let’s make it a suite, shall we?”
”Shouldn’t you be at work?”
“Took the day off. We need to do some talking, and preferably before you have trashed my entire home.”
“Your daughters helped a little. Well, not with the furniture, I guess I broke all that, but they did ruin my toupee.”
“For which you should be eternally grateful. You couldn’t find a dog to wear that thing.”
“On that point I happen to know you’re wrong.”
“You look better without it. Drink this water, take these aspirin, go shower and brush your teeth, then meet me in the kitchen for breakfast. Try not to break anything.”

There were fresh clothes (Jack’s) in the bathroom, along with a new toothbrush and some disposable razors. I noted with approval that Jill did not subscribe to the theory that it takes more than two blades on a disposable to handle the task of removing hair from one’s skin. The shower was heaven itself, with abundant hot water, fresh and plentiful soap, and real shampoo with conditioner – finally I would be able to treat all forty-three of my hairs in the manner that the advertising industry so fervently believed they deserve.

I emerged from the shower feeling like a new man, or at least an improved version of the old man. The clothes were not a good fit. Jack is both broader in the shoulders and the gut than me, and a couple-three inches shy of my lofty six foot, two inches. But my dirty clothes weren’t exactly high fashion, though at least the cuffs of the pants could visit the tops of my shoes without my having to resort to the young gangster look that seemed to shout to the world “Look at me! My pants are falling down!”

It was turning into a nice morning, with a good breakfast and good company to look forward to. If unpleasant conversation was the price, I was more than willing to pay it. I lifted the seat of the toilet – not a habit I had much taken to in my own place, which this wasn’t, and began to relieve myself when the seat came crashing back down. Apparently in a house of only women no one had noticed that the idiotic faux-fur fuzzy toilet seat cover added too much bulk, tipping the balance inappropriately toward closed, so that a gentleman is required to adopt an awkward position to hold the seat up and still urinate mostly into the toilet, which is fine if you know you’re going to have to do it beforehand. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it had simply been a little mess to wipe off the seat, but the damned thing cracked on impact. Wonderful.

“Add a toilet seat to my bill.” I decided to get to it before she discovered it.
“That was already broken, Snake, but I think I’ll charge you for it just the same.”
“Well, put your stupid fuzzy seat cover on my bill as well, because I threw that in the yard. After pissing on it.”
“How do you like your eggs?”
“Cooked. By someone else.”
“Help yourself to coffee.”
“Thanks. Why’d you take the day off work?”
“When you didn’t wake up last night, I figured you had to wake up today, and then I figured you might think of urgent business you have and you’d disappear.”
”I don’t recall that ever being a problem before.”
“Nor should you. But we need to sort some things out, you and I.”
“Maybe Jack…”
“Not now. Let me enjoy breakfast. We got all day now. Let’s just ease into it, shall we?”
“Ok. So…what do you make of the Cubs chances this year?”
“Oh I think they’ll take the Superbowl for sure, Snake. That Sammy Sosa is one hell of a goalie, I’m tellin’ ya.”
“Ok, let’s talk about our dreams and feelings, and then go hug in the yard for a while, near that spot we always wanted to put in a flower garden, shall we?”
“Turn on the TV – maybe we can catch some news.”

It turned out to be a great morning, after all.

*Drops anchor*

Whew, long trip. Bad winds. So, MOATelle here we are!

Hey! Nice place. Cool, high dive, swim-up bar, and Isaac.

Seeing as I missed all the MOATelle-ritas I'll just have to mix one up, LN2-it and enjoy the sunrise.

FYI I left a crumb trail for the others.

I see we may have picked up some newbies, WC, Beanster, Laguito, Deb & Kat WELCOME!

Don't worry, you'll get used to us .... or go nuts. Either way, no sense worrying any more.

*puts out Jello Slip & Slide and LN2 canister*

Mr. Fisher! Let me know when you want your wine! (a bottle or 2 short....)

Hum, swank docking facilities.

*attaches shore power, tops water tanks and attaches hose*

Oooh, hot showers for a month!

*Gets Mister Coffee going for the morning crowd*

Does anyone remember the game "Kirby's Avalanche" on Super Nintendo? That was a great game. Actually "The Addams Family" was the best though, but only because of the incredible music in the basement where you have to fight the overgrown red tulip that tries to eat you. That was such a good game.

that kinda looks like bilbo and frodo should be in the picture. sorry, i just got here...

Hi Kibby!! nice to meet you... I was crazy before I got here... fair warning...

Mr. Fisher!
BE CAREFULL! There may be Red Tulips in the basement!

Just so you know.

Meanwhile as the sun slowly rises over the moatelle, I slip out to the kitchen and whip up a commercial-size batch of my patented hangover cure, ready for distribution either orally or by IV (if you can find another way to ingest it thats up to you). Having consumed enough so that I slosh when I walk, I retire back to my bedroom to sleep (after all its bedtime for some of us...) .. see you all in 6 hours or so

Hi Kat,
It's always good to start off crazy.

Coffee? Someone's sure to be coming around with the Krispie Kremes at any time.

Hum, Kat's gone already.

*keeps the java*

Let's see, 0700 EST, Kat's hitting the pillow, either a night shifter or in a Far Away Time Zone..... or both.

*Ponders meaning of life*

The meaning of life? the small of a woman's back, the hangin' curve ball, high fiber and good Scotch, the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve, and long, slow, deep, soft ... wet kisses that last three days.

....No wait...that's the beliefs of Crash Davis. Whew -- that "small of the woman's back part" made me feel slightly icky.

I dunno

*opens box of Krispy Kremes*

*pours mug of coffee. Debates whether to reading newspaper or Christobol's latest installment first*

*looks at clock and realizes there isn't time for both*

*tosses paper into recycling bin and turns to Christobol's installment*

*checks out new MOAT*

Hey, nice place here...

*installs TwisterMat-Dispens-O-Matic next to the bar*

Coffee and cookies are now being served on the Hula Deck...

Welcome New MOATies... - pull up a straitjacket and have a drink...

I see Doug has been partaking in peyote buttons and parfait this morning.

Can we have giant tulips in our basement, Mad? Huh? huh?

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