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August 28, 2004


Let's see if we can all agree on a definition for "happy."

(Thanks to Miriam Kushel)


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Well, they will surely never fight, or worry about finances. Their child will remain a child forever.

And they don't have to put up with relatives who are apparently on the OTHER side of sane...

"No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'!"

Reminds me of an old Mad Magazine spoof on Return of the Jedi..."The bride's side, the groom's side, and the dead side" at the wedding of Han and Leia.

I guess they don't say that "till death do us part" thing at African weddings.

Is it wrong that I can't think of a snappy comeback?

In this case, yes.

No, of course their relationship isn't "irretrievably broken", they were "experiencing some issues" and decided that they "needed some space", now they're "growing as a couple".
Or something stupid like that.

Mohale Ramatseba = Aha! To embalm ears...

Mgwanini Molomo = Lo, Mom, I'm in a gown!

I'm so glad I know this. Now can I go home?

"This does not mean the relationship has irretrievably broken down."

Talk about being in denial.

The bride's family is mighty generous to forgive shooting daughter and grandchild, too. But I suppose if the dead groom didn't marry her, no one would...

"This does not mean the relationship has irretrievably broken down."

Yes, it does. It just does. Seriously.

Well, don't expect any thank you notes from the happy couple. Hey! Do they bury the presents with them, or do the family members just divide the spoils?

arent most husbands dead in a 'happy' marriage?

If their families would go so far as to do stage this kind of wedding, I don't even wanna think about the wedding night . . . .

The wedding night is going to be pretty quiet, I'd venture a guess.

I'm frightened by what Lmd was hinting at...how involved will the "married families" be? Now that the families are married, will the families enjoy the spoils of the wedding as well?

As pointed out the key line here is definitely:

"This does not mean the relationship has irretrievably broken down."

I'd like to see whoever said that explain it.

Dammit Jim, I'm a surgeon, not a marriage counselor!

First, I must say eeeewwwwwww. There is not enough embalming(sp??) fluid in the world.

Somehow, I don't think I'd want to wed my fiance after he'd shot me. I think it might just put me off a bit, you know?

Last summer for an Art History class I visited the new Cathedral in LA where Gregory Peck is buried (in the mausoleum), and believe me, there are security guards around every corner. In fact, to judge from the shifty nature and portliness and fascination with stained glass of most of the people I saw, there are probably several dozen incog security guards keeping an eye on the uniformed security guards, even though the only thing you can really steal in the entire place is a brochure about making candles written in Arabic.

Also, a sincerely ordinary golf clap to Rato Gateau LeBleau, but I must say that of the hundreds of quality candidates, the clear winning anagrams are as follows: "Mohale Ramatseba" to "arable hematomas" and "Mgwanini Molomo" to "mongol imam wino."

Just try and beat that.

So how the hell are they going to consummate the wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!! And if someone else puts the bodies into position for them... well... ewwwwwww!!!!!

Writer's Cramp,
The dead bride was pregnant. I think they pre-consummated the wedding.

Writer's Cramp - again I say eeeeewwwww. Although, I guess on the positive side there would be no worries about sudden, um, softness with the groom.

Jessica - you might be on to something there, maybe that was the source of their argument - perhaps the preconsumator (now there's a new word) wasn't the groom to be ;)

This is off topic, but holy crap is there a lot of spam on this blog. Just check out all of the posts from Feb. 2003 for instance, which was actually before the blog had a comments section. Now all those posts have comments. Guess what the comments are about?

Die, stupid scumbags.

Dave and Judi need to do something about this.

They need to use the Force to obliterate the spammers!
To make us all "happy".

Ben - Yes there is some spam, and yes it has shown up on some of the current threads. However, due to the attention span of most of us bloglits, there is absolutely no reason to go back and read February's posts and post comments to them, or read the spam that may have accumulated there. Dave & Judi have a few other things on their priority list, and deleting spam from 6 month old blog entries is probably not on the top of that list.

Here, have a MOATarita.

The problem, McDog, is that your anagrams' relation to the thread's topic can best be described as... how shall I put this... fleeting. Mine, on the other hand, are incredibly, brilliantly, and eloquently on target. Plus, the je ne sais quoi...
but let's not even go there.

Now you get one more try.

i don't really think anyone knows what happy is...i don't believe anyone's experienced true happiness, what we experience is a mere copy of the truth!!

This world is a big lie, we're all fakes...

Learn to live with what you've got, just face it, be brave, and then maybe you'll experience happiness...

Uh, did you know that this is a HUMOR blog?

So... being shot with a shotgun isn't grounds for divorce then, I guess.

I only have one thing to say, and only one thing to say only, and that is: "Je ne sais quoi" anagrams to "iso-jesi-quean."

You are AGAIN defeated, R.G.! Where you can hide, where you can flee to, where you can only hope to escape the humiliation and torture about to rain down on you, God only knows! I suggest you bring some good books. Only I hear you don't need to be able to read to get by in France.

I'd like to get them a gift. Where do you suppose they've registered?

Bangi - yes, maybe you are right. Maybe the *double* part of the murder makes it OK.

As far as spam on old threads, the only thread I can remember going back to after the original post had scrolled off the screen was for help with that stupid reflections game. Stupid and wonderful. Sigh. Good times.

djtonyb -- I'll give you one good reason. In fact, I'll give you four. (1) The more the spammers gum up this blog with links, the more likely a Google search will come up with their site. It's a free way to increase their search ranking. (2) By the same token, the more spammers post links, the more likely that Dave Barry's blog will eventually end up in a prominent spot on a results page for a search for "online poker." (3) The more Dave Barry's blog is associated with nasty spam, the less I, and I'm guessing, others, will want to visit it. (4) Seeing tons of spam links at the end of every single thread is, well, a depressing sight that kills any humorous exchange that went before it.

That said, I do realize that Dave has other priorities, like writing his excellent column, and reporting on the Olympics and Republican National Convention. And Judi has other priorities, like posting yet more stupid beefcake pictures (enough already with THAT variety of spam). I do understand it's a pain to clean out this stuff, but it should be done.


bride to groom: Is that rigor mortis or are you just happy to see me?

Talk about your shotgun weddings!

ok so Gregory Peck is out.. I stil haven't found the drunk judge yet.. (sifts through mental list of late hot actors) maybe Humphrey Bogart has a little time?

The "happy" couple could take a page out of this man's notebook. If all your bills are paid automatically, you can rest in peace!

What we need is an anagram-off between Doug and D'Artagnan. A sort of Anagramapalooza.

My money's on D'Art.

Registered at Pete's "You Snuff 'Em, We Stuff 'Em" Emporium.
For Him: memories of the hunt theme casket.
For the Couple: His -n- Her Satin casket liners, 5-gal. drum of High Karate cologne, 5-gal. drum of formaldehyde, sign-up sheet for weekly volunteer grave service.

Pilsnerman: he wasn't dead, he was resting.

hap·py ( P ) Pronunciation Key (hp)
adj. hap·pi·er, hap·pi·est
Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy.
Characterized by a spontaneous or obsessive inclination to use something. Often used in combination: trigger-happy.

I swear guys, that's the real definition from www.dictionary.com
The trigger-happy reference is a serious coincidence. So yeah, we CAN agree on the definition of happy, as it applies to this story.

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