STEP 3: PREPARE YOUR STALLION

Hey, horses have needs, too.

(Thanks again to Drew Harchick)

Comments

[Jess S]

Horse Porn!!!

[lurker]

They didn't metion you should pet &/or buy your stallion a drink first.

& good gravy (heh), why aren't those stallion fluffers wearing gloves????

[Jon]

Remove the "bean" from the opening?

[waxwing]

Pony Porn, Pony Porn, Won't you be my pony porn... (obscure song ref)

Wonder if this device would work for gymnists?

[slowlayne]

Step 9: "...Note the stallion's relaxation, balance and straight foreleg at ejaculation." Then notice how he rolls over and ignores you.

[Christobol]

What the HELL are you doing?

Honey Bunches - you don't want me to become an accumulator, do you?

[LabSpecimen]

"It is paramount to have a mount that ... does not move or make excessive noise."

must... not... make... ex-wife... reference...

[I think I just strained something]

[Tetsu]

slowlayne: Too funny.

I bet the stallion isn't even thinking about the female horses. Only the handlers on his mind.

[Contents_Under_Pressure]

I know this sort of thing must go on all the time for professional breeders, but...

ewwwwwwwww.

[slowlayne]

A machine for your impotent equin'
For efficient semen collectin'
When you employ it
The horse will enjoy it
But will he respect you in the mornin'?

[Leetie]

Step 5: "Stallion, this is equimount. Equimount, Stallion."

[queensbee]

flippin sex toy for horsies! it is to laugh!

[waxwing]

my sister's high school friend used a more primitive, familiar, and shall we say, "handy" method of collecting samples from bulls for use in AI. pay was good, but the poor girl never seemed to be asked out on any dates.

[Drew]

I just wonder if the problem of "accumulators" (step 7) is in any way related to a certain "blue" condition common in human males...

[judi]

i feel so .... dirty!

(waxwing, are you old like me? :) i know that song. do you know the one about sliding down the cellar door?)

[Jeff Meyerson]

"I recommend Viva papertowels for their lack of lint, strength, softness, and absorbtion."

Somehow I doubt this will be used in their next television commercial.

Thanks for sharing, honey, but I could have lived very happily without the picture of you giving your horse a whore's bath.

Thanks for sharing that with us, Dave. Check please!

[Sean]

Did anyone read the article about the Alabama Courts outlawing sex toys?True story.I wonder if this falls under that catagory.Would this train horses to mount random farm items?How do they know its for them to rub with thier Pony Baloney?

[Christobol]

Meanwhile, on a farm in Alabama....

"Earl! How many times you gonna show Charlie how to use the damned equine mount anyways?"

Months later, on another farm in Alabama...

"Lurlene. Get Earl on the phone. Need to have a word regarding the stud services we purchased. Lollipop just gave birth to some sort of horse-boy"

[Sean]

So,who invented this thing,and how in the hell did they get thier"inspiration"? Was there a hideous couch-moving incident? I still don't get what makes the horse want to fecundate(Vocabulary Word of the Day) that thing. Isn't that thing in gymnastics called a horse?

[Higgy]

"Note the stallion's relaxation, balance and straight foreleg at ejaculation"

So that's what she meant when she said I was like a horse - DAMN!

[Christobol]

Sean, I believe science is fairly universal in its conclusion that the male of every known species will fecundate just about anything, and without a whole lot of encouragement required.

"He fecundates! She fecundates! I just fecundated and I'm ready to do it again!" (obscure and modified quote)

[Sean]

Fascinating fecundation facts Christobol.Thanks.

[waxwing]

judi,

well, i may have a grey feather or two in my little crested head...but old? never. i just switch planets and convert my age to years on them. until someone actually specifys "earth years" i can get away with it. (little trick I learned form Clinton)
but i have that song on a 45. don't know the one about sliding down the cellar door but it seems somewhat familiar?

[Dick]

Go fecundate yourself

[Diane]

Something about this reminds of the Stepford Wives.

[Lenore]

We also noted with interest, Jess, that these folks claim to be "Proud sponsors of: PleasureHorse.com"

(Mustang Ranch has been closed, hasn't it?)

[Mike Weasel]

Now we know where centaurs came from...

[queensbee]

markhh: ewwww.

[Sean]

beany wienies

[Sean]

Mustang Sally
When you gonna slow your Mustang down
You been fecundating all over town now
Better git your flat feet on the ground

[jessayn]

judi and waxwing

okay, I know I've heard that sliding down the cellar door song. isn't there also something about a rainbow? driving me nuts !!!

[mudstuffin]

Sorry, been wrackin' my braiin for something funny and clever to add... but the best I got is this: My ex used to work at the zoo and her job was to, ahem, collect from male rhinos. You can imagine how I introduced her to acquaintences, expecially after a couple of chichas, which explains the ex part.

[Son of a Charioteer]

No, drew, I think you're alright. Here's a slightly different kind of "horse bean"

davesgarden.com/t/413665/

[waxwing]

jessayn,

I don't know the celler door song, just the "Pony Boy" tune. Also, I'd be cautious about saying anything about nuts here, what with talk of anxious stallions and horse "beans" and the like floating around in a testosterone-laden miasma. lol

[Lmd33]

Time to put the chocolate covered nuts away - before I puke!

[Dana Sutton]

Hey, didn't Cathrine the Great have one of these?

[Jeff Meyerson]

No Dana, Catherine the Great WAS one of those.

[Pilsenerman]

A simple inflatable mare would suffice.

[Mdm Pate]

wait,wait,wait!My sides are aching!Hey!!!What about the toys for the mares?

[Mdm Pate]

jessayn

I think the song you want goes like this
You can play in my rainbarrel
You can slide down my cellar door(ouch)
And we'll be jolly friends forever more,yes?

[jessayn]

Mdm Pate

That's it!! After much "googling," I did find it. It's called "Playmate." And as waxwing pointed out, what with the rest of this discussion, I don't think I oughta say anything else. . .about playmates, nuts or anything at all !! (too funny, waxwing!)

[slowlayne]

I can't believe that in this entire thread there's no mention of beating a dead horse. So now there is.

[Maximum Jim]

Here I am at home on New Year's eve with a killer chest cold, and you guys are gonna kill me! Every time I laugh, which is, like...every 3 seconds, I feel like someone is ripping my lungs out. I would like to have seen the face of their "webmaster" when he was given the preliminary photos..."Hey, are you some kinda sickos???????/

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