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July 30, 2004


They're attacking in Canada.

(Thanks to Dan Sauberlich)


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Beat the hack out of Canadian goose poop all over the greens.

I'd think that there would be no major worries until the squirrels started dropping the golf balls on people's heads as they walked under the trees.

"Hire a coyote"???

Where does one look in the yellow pages for that?

Under Coyote, or Wile E. ?


Higgy - You look in the Acme catalog under Coyotes

Those must be Ninja squirrels!

By the way DJ Tony B I have the Acme catalog if you'd like to take a peek at it, let me know!

I theorize that dousing the balls in human urine would repel the squirels. (It would me!) Any of our Canadian brothers or sisters care to conduct a field experiment?

Gophers Against Golfers

Time to call in Carl the Groundskeeper

Those crazy squirrels, eh?

I didn't see the portable hole the coyote tried to use. I think there are some things missing.

Send in Cletus T. Judd...

Goodbye Squirrel

Me and Harold Bumpert were outdoors men
Set in our backwoods ways
Both members of the huntin' club
Both active in the NRA (National Redneck Association)
We scouted a location where we had no doubt
We'd kill the biggest buck in the world (about a 34 pointer)
Harold waited in his tree stand but all he seen was a squirrel

Dang near two weeks since the the season started and
Neither one of us was amused
We had a on real tree camo, high-powered ammo
But no big game to shoot
Then we finally saw a deer as big as a horse
Harold had it in his cross-hairs
But that squirrel jumped off a branch above us and
Landed in Harold's hair

Harold fell off the stand, on his head he landed
Like a wimp he laid there he cried
Till I climbed on down, picked him up off the ground
And it didn't take us long to decide...that squirrel had to die!
HA ha ha ha ha ha ha
Good-bye squirrel-with black-eyed peas
Your gonna taste good to me-squirrel
It's you or me
Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Come on out of that tree-squirrel
Hey guess what-You've eaten your last nut-squirrel

Me and Harold went down to the surplus store
Bought a keg of dynomite
Two baseball bats and a case of M80's
We were in for one heck of a fight-we'll show you

When your huntin' with dumb and dumber
Somethings surely bound to go wrong-now be careful
And when Harold lit that real short fuse
I knew it wouldn't be long

When the dynamite blew
Harold's foot did too
And fingers began to fly
We were barely alive when the Game Warden 'rived
And much to our suprise, that squirrel didn't die
Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Good-bye squirrel
Just one more shot, you'll be in my crock pot-squirrel
You'll make a lunch, you over grown chipmunk-squirrel
I'll skin your hide
And make a hat when it's dried-squirrel


Right, slowlayne, I immediately flashed on Bill Murray and the gopher.

Josker - I want to get squirreled. They just chew and chew and chew...

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