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July 26, 2004


Time to get in touch with your feelings. 8-P~~~

(Thanks to Angie)


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I am sure that it not all they are touching...

Sing it with me people.... ./~ Feelings, nothing more than feelings ./~

I wonder if this conflicts with the AIBO car already in development?

I don't care what anybody says: Jennifer Lopez is HOT.

Is that an erect antenna on your Toyota, or are you just glad to see me?

I'd also like the "Hood-mounted Howitzer" option on this baby... for those times when the middle digit salute just doesn't QUITE get your point across...

"look, I'm really sorry I didn't change the oil on time, but I am really late for work.

will you please start your engine now?

pretty pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

Aside from the giant middle finger extending out the sunroof... The headlights need to wander to show where the driver is looking. Like a normal, alert driver would scan the road, mirrors, etc. An Escalade driver in LA would be watching pr0n on an in-dash DVD (coordinate the eye fixation with the antenna). An elderly driver would be looking straight ahead. A tired driver would have eyes closed. A drunk driver... A driver who sees an elderly, tired, Escalde, or drunk driver in rear view mirror would have that "oh sh*t!" look.

I want one! Or two. I want to put upgraded cars in a dark, private garage together and see what happens to their expressions. Now the cars are poker-faced about the mysterious noises I sometimes hear in there.

Brad - where would the lights of the cell phone user, the make-up applier, and the %$&*@! reader look? Inside the car? (I know where I would like to shove their tire irons.)

I'm reminded of "Toy Story 2": "I'm packing your extra pair of shoes, and your angry eyes just in case."

Possible model names:

Toyota Gregarious

Honda Pensive

Nissan Umbrage

Suzuki Sulk

Yeah, that'd be groovy ...

This reminds me of Chevron ads on TV. And an Asimov short story in "Robot Dreams."

what would happen if they started manufacturing cars with road rage? would they be both figuratively and literally 'blowing a head gasket?'

Why must we always communicate?

I don't need another thing to make me treat my car like a human being. I already talk to it, hug it, pet it, kiss it...

Geez. I'm pathetic.

Not a good idea.

Watching the revealing expressions on the cars around them will distract drivers from the more important simultaneous activities of drinking, eating, smoking, listening to the radio, talking on a cell phone, applying cosmetics, reading and...uh, seems there's something else that drivers should be doing but they'd be distracted from doing it, too.

"They note it could also be used with motorcycles, ships or aircraft."

Who exactly is going to be paying attention to whether or not an airplane is winking at them?

I wonder how the cars will react when they realize the idea isn't going to take off.

I can just see the future CHP reports:

"Driver of Toyota was attempting to wink at driver of Honda next to him, but accidentally glowered instead. Driver of Honda then ran driver of Toyota off the road into center divider."

"Driver of Toyota was making various 'facial' expressions with the car while simultaneously talking on cell phone, listening to iPod, watching a DVD, and obtaining directions from GPS navigational system. Driver navigated into chestnut tree."

Oy vey...


Ah, for the love of Pete... They're turning our cars into IM emoticons.

And they say cell phones are distracting...

For Pete's sake... what next?!! When you are driving that's what you should be doing - driving. Not eating, reading a map, talking on the phone, reading a book, applying makeup, looking at the view - all the myriad things that lead to nasty accidents and huge personal and public expense.

Doug-Jennifer Lopez is ANNOYING.

"And with a KABC traffic report, here's Captain Jorge".. "Well, evidently some little Honda Civic on the southbound 405 at Sunset just HAD to go and wink at a 2003 Hummer in the next lane, and before you know it the two were carrying on like a couple of hot, horny Miatas, which slowed traffic a bit in the number one and two lanes. A lot of rubber neckers on THAT one, folks! But the real trouble started when the Honda's hubby, a 2003 Cadillac Escalade came along and caught them both red tired. Of course the Escalade and the Hummer got into it and now traffic's at a dead stop. An alternative route would probably be a good idea at this point folks."

Sorry, at random intervals the touchpad on my laptop double-clicks instead of single-clicking. I'm not sure why, but it was important to me that you all know why I double-posted.

That's okay, Moe. We all make stupid mistakes :-)

That's okay, Moe. We all make stupid mistakes :-)

That's okay, Moe. We all make stupid mistakes :-)

I think cars are expressive enough as it is!

It's an interesting idea, but it won't work in Florida. Turn signals are too much for some of our drivers to handle.

Blink, blink, blink, mile after mile...

Oh great, a mood-car, just what we need.

Moe, are you saying you often forgot to change the oil in your ex-girlfriend?

John: Experts agree that proper girlfriend maintenance requires an oil change every 2 years or 230 hours of arguments, whichever comes first.

John, decorum precludes my answering that question, particularly with any off-color references to dipsticks.

These boards have decorum?

Tetsu, if you DON'T change the oil, does she begin to run a little rough?

Mine did start to run a little rough. Funny thing was, I kind of liked it. I did get worried though when she started missing.

Doug - don't let Mel get you down. JLo Rocks!
Mel - take another pill. Make this one pink.

All - I used to drive a Festiva. Call me crazy, but I didn't believe that a long distance commute for one required a gas hog. The down side is that the "normal" cars treated you like you were less than human. What I always longed for was a sun roof that had a module kind of like the patriot missle launcher. Somebody cut you off, raise that sucker, train the laser sight, and if they didn't back off......Zooooom Bloowie!

Don't worry, that's just a pipe-dream, besides I don't drive in Dallas traffic any more. I did get a little thing that looked like a joy-stick. It had suction cups so you could stick it to the dash, then you pushed the "pickle" and it made phaser sounds and bomb blast noises. Childish, but somewhat satisfying.

But what if Mircosoft got involved? (unfortunately, I can't take credit for these)

1. You would press the 'start' button to shut off the engine.

2. Microsoft would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of road maps from Rand-McNally (a subsidiary of Microsoft), even though they neither need them nor want them. Trying to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more. Moreover, Microsoft would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

3. Occasionally, for no reason, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna

4. The airbag would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.

5. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left-turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, and you would have to reinstall the engine.

6. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.

7. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

8. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.

9. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '98 or a car NT, but then you'd have to buy more seats.

10. Apple would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.

11. The oil, alternator, gas, engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

12. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.

13. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).

14. It would be completely acceptable to have new cars stop in the middle of a road for no apparant reason. Forcing the driver to shut the car off, restart it, and continue driving.

A guy in our Miata club figured out how to make his car wink (Miatas have pop-up head lights) and installed a switch to make it do so. It was cuter than it sounds...

My husband drove a Festiva as a loaner car when we lived in Houston. The rainy night I was to be released from the hospital with our first baby, he didn't show up to get us.

He was on Gulf Freeway in the center lane when a semi on the right decided to move to the center lane. My husband moved over to the left lane to accomodate him. Then the trucker decided to move over to the left lane, again without checking first. My husband had no choice but to slam on his brakes to avoid collision with the semi. In the rain, this Festiva did a 180 and slammed into the concrete barrier, mashing in the passenger's side. He was now facing traffic with no way to turn around, no way to get out and raise the hood. Took a long time before a police car came by to assist. Then he limped this lopsided car home to meet wife and new baby.

Never again will we drive a Festiva, not even if it had the ability to express emotions.

What we need is a car with a horn that says "Fir the love of god put down the Cell Phone, Big Mac, Lip Stick and quite yelling at your kids in the back seat and JUST DRIVE.

MOTW: and that's the festiva's fault? :(

yes, judi: you ever heard the Festiva's horn?

Richard - right on! (especially on Festivas)

An automobile all emotional
Is a quest for some quite devotional
But a flaccid antennae
On the expressway
Won’t get any action unmentionable

Sorry about that ...it's a sloooowwww day at the office

...for airplanes and ships. Gawd, who'd notice?

Richard, good one. My favorite bumper sticker around here -- which is needed, believe me -- says "Visualize Using Your Turn Signal."

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