FIRSTx!

First.

Comments

[Dave D.]

Bob Alexander: What do you think you're doing?
Dave: What? Oh, you mean the press conference. I had a couple of ideas that I wanted to share with the country.
Bob Alexander: Share? Share? You don't call a press conference. I call a press conference. You're nothing. Do you understand? You're nobody.
Dave: I'm not nobody.
Bob Alexander: You're LINT! You're a FLEA! You're a BLIP!
Dave: Well... maybe I am. But you're fired.

[Peri]

Something to read when you're in here all alone:

Intelligent Quotes

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

“If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.” – George Bush

[Deontologist]

[spreads rice paper all over floor]

Grasshopper, when you can walk the paper without leaving a trace, then you will achieve your goal.

[bows out]

[Dave D.]

Welcome, Daves here

[Jeff Meyerson]

Hell, I know I posted this morning. Where the hell did it go?

Anyway, again, too funny Peri. I loved Mariah's comment most of all.

[Peri]

Just for the record, Jeff, I was kidding about the 'Who is David Beckham?' comment. After I thought about it for awhile, I realized I did know who Lance Armstrong was, too, but it was not information I had in short term memory storage. When you have a daughter, it's hard not to know who the Spice Girls are living with or married to (also Brittany, Hillary, Christina, et al).

[rita]

Thank you for the link to "Dave's not here"! I have tears in my eyes, and my dogs were going crazy with the knocking-on-the-door sounds. Wonderful!

[Dave D.]

Rita - as Jeff implied - it is so stupid it is... classic comedy?
I split a gut hearing that again. My next mission is to find an audio version of Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First". Be forewarned - you might never be the same. More so if I happen upon a few choice Monty Python audios - but the later is a guy thing - you wouldn't understand....;-)

[D'Artagnan]

Still not last, after all these posts.

[Leetie]

Nope.

[djtonyb]

Pity.

[Leetie]

Yep.

[slowlayne]

hillion jillionth

[Deon]

[looks at floor]

All right! Who's been frolicking in my rice paper? How will the student ever learn?

*sigh*

[Deon]

Now punky, do you really think you are going to find anyone who wants to run away from your touch?

[Mr.Fisher]

Libby's Libby's Libby's

On the Label, Label, Label

You will like it, like it, like it

On the table, table, table.

[Mike Weasel]

Moo.

[Graz]

*BOINK*

[Dave D.]

Knock - knock.

[D'Artagnan]

Pen missile!

[Dave D.]

Pen missile who?

[D'Artagnan]

What, you don't know pen missile?

[Peri]

You're just making shit up!

[Dave D.]

What if Napoleon had a B-52 at Waterloo?

[Leetie]

They would have rocked the house, dude!

*TIN ROOF! RUSTED*

[D'Artagnan]

Ask Aziz, he knows!

[Higgy]

Anything going on in here?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Rock, Paper, Saddam!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Nah, Peri, he's lurking, waiting, but for now...
Dave's not here.

[Dave D.]

Chirp, Chirp

[Leetie]

Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo
You're living in your own Private Waterloo
Living in your own Private Waterloo
Underground like a wild potato.
Don't go into Paris!
Beware of the loo,
blue bottomless loo.
It leads you straight
right throught the gate
that opens in the loooooooooooo.

[D'Artagnan]

Leetie sings the bloos.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Can't say Dave's not here, can we? Oh what the heck:

Dave's not here

[Dave D.]

I'm around Jeff, started a new company and work has been a b**** - some of you here might be interested - Check It Out.

[D'Artagnan]

Still not last. So sorry!

[Moo]

Moo Moo Whatya Thinkin

[Peri]

Dave D, that is one of the scariest web sites I have ever seen. I was afraid to click on any of the options and just got the heck out of there as quick as I could.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Good point, Peri. I almost took the "quiz" and then realized it was probably the same as the so-called Church of Rich Hollywood Phonies so got the hell out of there with my soul intact.

[Dave D]

Reagardless, over two-thirds of our recent clients are members of the Kerry / Edwards 2004 campaign - go figure;-)

[Dave D]

Regardless, over two-thirds of our recent clients are members of the Kerry / Edwards 2004 campaign - go figure;-)

[Leetie]

Yes Ok BUHbye.

[Higgy]

The advantage of being non-political is that you can laugh at both Bush AND Kerry supporters equally...

[Dave D]

Yea, doesn't matter. The company folded. I guess I will have to settle for being last on this thread. I had high hopes once - world's largest ball of string, talk like a pirate for a year (not one day), be first in line at a Star Wars movie... I guess none of that is achievable now. Just this last thing;-)

[D'Artagnan]

Last? Huh?

[eadn]

And the moving finger clicked.

To find the writing on the wall...

Not first, not last, just another tweeny boppin' through the ethos ;-)

Dav-e D daa daa daaaah

daa daa Ha Ha Ha Ha Haaaah

(well, Folks, it was about time I put my 2 urinal pennies in since I've bookmarked it, blurked it, and DD's desperate declension does go on... :-)

[eadn]

DD, ya oughta rest on yer legend: "The First! of the Search for Last!"

Nice try, but if you really follow The Blog, you'll find the spammers come in on some sortof "timetable" long after even YOU would be gone in the whilst commenting is still available to a post.

Thus, You have been an entertainment and received same.

Having undoubtedly made a waylaid blunted point...

Carry On You Wayward Child!
We'll Be There When You Get Wild!

It's Not A Hard Act To Follow,
Why Don't You Try Some More... ;-)

[Federal Duck]

We need to make a phantom MOAT. One that non regulars can have fun with while the regulars are having blogsex or whatever you crazy kids are into these days.

[Betty (formerly known as Kat)]

ok... what number am I?

[Leetie Rough Wench]

Hoist the mizzen mast! Batten down the hatches! name that cartoon.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Dave still not here?

[Leetie Rough Wench]

lipitor... spammer requesting death?

[Polly]

I hate spammers.

*feeds spammers to rabid dogs*

[Smoodle]

The only good crapweasel is a crapweasel that has been eaten by rabid dogs. That's what I always say.

[Jeff Meyerson]

But can we also visit the SPAMMERS MUST DIE NOW site? Feed them feces-infested paint or something.

[Dave D]

Just a quick check around - spammers eh? Darwin will prevail and one day their bones will lay scattered amongst little visited Internet museums. Mothers will say, pay attention dear; eat your virtual vegetables or this will happen to you...

[Dave D]

Just a quick check around - spammers eh? Darwin will prevail and one day their bones will lay scattered amongst little visited Internet museums. Mothers will say, pay attention dear; eat your virtual vegetables or this will happen to you...

[Dave D]

Just a quick check around - spammers eh? Darwin will prevail and one day their bones will lay scattered amongst little visited Internet museums. Mothers will say, pay attention dear; eat your virtual vegetables or this will happen to you...

[Dave D]

Just a quick check around - spammers eh? Darwin will prevail and one day their bones will lay scattered amongst little visited Internet museums. Mothers will say, pay attention dear; eat your virtual vegetables or this will happen to you...

[Dave D]

Note to self - if page gets hung up - DO NOT hit reload...

[kingw]

Dave D
Not last even with dreaded quadruple post

[Jeff Meyerson]

Good point, kingw

[Leetie]

Dave, you've been trying to be last now for over 3 months!

*Pins badge of persistence on Dave D*

[Dave D]

Ouch.

[kingw]

Vigilance is the key to a good defense.

[Alex D.]

The spam will NOT have the last word. That's my job.

[Dave D]

Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... (Crescendo through next few lines...)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife: I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

[kingw]

Nobody really likes Vikings either. They really mess up the pillows.

[Dave D]

The spam will NOT have the last word. That's my job
No Alex, it more than just a job, it is an adventure...

[Dave D]

By my scientific estimation - I should be about 47% complete in my mission to be last on this thread;-)

[Dave D]

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
Botta bing...

[Dave D]

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

[Alex D.]

Heh. We still have guitar music.

[Dave D]

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" -- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

[Alex D.]

Yes, but was he FIRST?

What is it with college dropouts and computers?

[kingw]

Famous Last Words
Here honey I heard that bears like marshmallows.

[Dave D]

The Wienerkings (also known as Dachsmen) were aggressive, seafaring warriors who pestered European coastal villages in the eighth and ninth centuries. They were never known to actually kill anyone, but, instead, preferred to stab annoyingly at their victim's ankles. Perhaps even more interesting was their battle cry, described in some ancient legends as a "sort of yipping sound."

The Wienerkings vanished rather quickly, and historians are in dispute as to exacly why. The most prevalent theory, however, is that they may have repeatedly and inadvertently crossed paths with the Rottweilerites, another obscure people that just about everyone avoided.

[Leetie]

I hope your worthless pecker falls off. That is, if you even have one.

[Federal Duck]

As I mentioned on the original moat, I have requested that Dave or Judi blast this filth from the blessed moats.
As a side note, I asked god to give the spammers herpegohnasyphilaids of the anus, and he says he'll be glad to.
NeenerMoat.

[Leetie]

Ok, the spam is gone, and now we're left with posts that look downright mean! Elle, I really don't think that your pecker is worthless, and I don't want it to fall off.

Hugs,

Leets

[Dave D]

MOBA

[Deontologist]

Leetie, look. A new target for your "pecker-be-gone" curse.

[Leetie]

*grumble*

[Federal Duck]

I'm just curious, how does all that get through the filter? They have filters, right?

Also, there are several programs that block certain types of sites. Surely there's a program that blocks the mention of those sites?

One of our resident techies should look into that.

[kingw]

Fed I think they could put something in to look for keywords. But it would look in all of the posts, that might prove to be a problem.

[kingw]

Fed I think they could put something in to look for keywords. But it would look in all of the posts, that might prove to be a problem.

[Dave D.]

No, you are not.

[Dave D.]

No, you are not.

[Federal Duck]

Hey elle,

You should go back to the cruise moat (BOAT, as I call it) and comment. Actually, comment several times. According to the bilaws.

[Leetie]

*sneering at Dave D. for out-firsting me*

[Leetie]

Yes, elle... Ducky is giving out tongue lashings!!!

*runs back to BOAT to earn another lashing*

[Polly]

So THIS is where all the cool people went!

[Dave D.]

Go away cool people - this is only for those who want to be last;-)

[Kat]

i'm more last than you

[Joshkr]

Hey...all my posts were removed. Drat it...I am not spam!

[Dave D]

*sneering at Dave D. for out-firsting me*
Elle, save all sneers for out-lasting....

[Leetie]

HA-HA!

[Dave D]

HO-HO

[Kat's Egyptian slave boy]

Hee-Hee

[Dave D]

OH-NO

[LabSpecimen]

Is this where I come to file a complaint?