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June 29, 2004

DOES IT MATTER WHERE YOU HOLD THE PHONE?

Bad news for guys.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr, who asks: Can you hear me now?)

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Glad I'm a girl...

Does this mean religious groups will now come out against cell phones because they surpress reproduction?

cheesewiz
So this is Cell Phone Plan B?

Lairbo:
I see a whole new branch of reproductive science: "cell stem research."

Sorry.

Cheesewiz - okay but just this once . . .

Aha, survival of the fittest begins to regain lost ground due to INS tendencies in modern Western civilization...

OK, before you ask, INS is what the Park Rangers and others call it whenever they have to rescue people due to their own stupidity. INS in this case stands for "Interfering with Natural Selection".

Notice how the tagline for the website is "Alerting Humanitarians to Emergencies". Ironic, no?

Where's that link to the "electronic sperm destroyer"-spoof product when you need it?

I've heard of the same thing amongst police officers who are regularly assigned to radar patrol. They can get cancer in their face if they hold the radar next to their head, or worse (gulp), they put it between their legs to give their arm a rest, it does more than suppress sperm count.

And yet, still no cure for me.

No way Dave. This is excellent news for guys. If you're trying to conceive, you can leave the cell phone at home and enjoy the game without your SO nagging you.

Combined with the news about high protein diets being bad for women trying to conceive, this means you can eat ice cream, noodles, cereal, etc. with her. The bad news is that you're both gonna be in the gym 24x7 after all the fun is over.

Hi, this is Brad. You've reached my voice mail. I'm sorry I can't answer this call in person, but my cell phone is intterfering with my sperm count; so please leave a message and I'll check it from my land line in a minute. Thanks.

There's so much time being wasted here. I can provide the solution to this "male sperm droppage" problem in just two words: Britney Spears.

Where's MY millions of dollars worth of research money?

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