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May 10, 2004

YOU, WITH YOUR PERFECT AND CAREFREE LIFE...

Take a minute to shed a tear for the troubled Britney.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr, Field Coordinator for the Dave Barry for President Throbbing Tumescent Hurtling Mojo-Rama Juggernaut of Doom)

Comments

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Nothing says stress relief like a good naked swim.

Brittany is a national security risk. So was Joan of Arch.

Was Joan of Arch from St. Louis?

Britney's passport should be canceled while she's overseas.

How often do American journalists use words like "besotted"?

She just gets crazier all the time. I wonder how long it will be before she is wandering around the streets of Hollywood in just a pair of panties and a gun, sort of like what Martin Lawrence did a while back...

Brituilera has just such a hard life.

But, I would have thought that being in England, she would have called Madonna to cheer her up.

rosella: my feelings exactly.

Who is this Britney person anyway? I don't think I've ever heard of her.

I know Garret and you are no Garret.

They're worried she's not focused on her "performances"? What, exactly, is the problem there?

The pop princess, who is reportedly under a great stress, was feeling so lonely that she jetted her dancer beau Kevin Federline 5,000 miles from Los Angeles and freaked out with him in the rooftop pool, reports The Sun.

Britney: Oh my god...there's a giant squid in the pool...I am so freaking out!
Kevin: Maybe we can have an underwater dance-off to scare it away
Britney: Great idea. But I can't lip synch underwater!

Britney is totally besotted.
With her lover, a plan she complotted
What else could she do,
To cure feeling blue?
Swimming naked, they soon became spotted.

The Britains are nobly outraged
Because Kevin was previously engaged
His girlfriend is with child
But he’s behaving so wild
Poor Britney once again is front-paged.

I would just like to say that they were probably not naked. It was just a wardrobe malfunction.

I'm just sayin'.

"There is a lot of concern for Britney and her state of mind. She is not herself and she is finding it hard being away from home and facing all the demands of a tour."

1. She's not herself? Who is she then?
2. She really has bounced back from her marriage hasn't she?
3. Yeah, it's hard to remember how to lip synch when you're hung over.
4. She is "under a great stress"? I'd say the girl who is 7 months pregnant whose boyfriend dumped her for Britney is under a great stress.
5. Wasn't she supposedly carrying on with one of her dancers whose wife was pregnant? Hmm, is this a trend, Brit? Enquiring minds want to know. On second thought, who gives a crap?

Well, you know, she has to have something to talk to Barbara Walters about.

"The wild romance between the two has led to an outrage in the US, where Kevin's girlfriend - actress Shar Jackson - is seven months pregnant with his baby."


Unless Brittany and her boyfriend are directly responsible for internet pop-ups and spyware, I detect no outrage toward Brittany other than by those who've attended her show. If fact, I had no idea she had a new boyfriend, who he is, and have no worldly idea who Shar Jackson is. I don't know if I should get out more, or brick in the windows and change the locks.

That's one crazy, mixed-up slut.

Britney is freaking in London,
and the bloggers all say "Ho, hum"

No ire or sarcasm generated
for she with the gold-mine bum.

Perhaps if she trysted with children
Like the gloved one had done before her

Or exposed herself half-way at haltime
Some trick, to the front page restore her

How frustrating it must be to one so endowed
to be unable to generate buzz

She marries a boob, skinny-dips and yet
the public's response is a "zzzzzzzz"

Keep watchful, dear bloggers, for surely this vamp
will try yet again it is true

To reach the her highest aspiration:
to make us say in unison: "Eewwwww!"

Bravo, mudstuffin!

Poor little Britney, I hope she can soon "cope up" to whatever problems you can have while staying in a five star hotel with a private pool on the roof. If her troubles are "negative publicity", I definintely think that sneaking your soon-to-be-father of another girl's baby boyfriend in so you can swim naked together is a good plan.

Good one, mudstuffin! Oh too true.

BMX3: I'm glad it wasn't just me. I was feeling even older than usual as I'd never heard of these people either (other than Britney, unfortunately). Glad to hear it's more widespread.

Good point: while there could be said to have been "outrage" after Janet's "Wardrobe malfunction" (wbagnfarb) I think even a British tabloid would be hard-pressed to find outrage this time, except possibly in Shar Jackson (whoever she is)'s family and close friends.

So, wonder what the boy's pregnant girlfriend will tell the kid later in life:

"What was Daddy doing while you were pregnant with me?"

"Well, let's just say he wasn't helping out much."


Kevin who, arrived on Sunday was "secretly sneaked" into the five-star Berkeley Hotel...

Can anyone imagine the amount of press that would have been generated if he was "blatantly sneaked" in.


VGB

You're all so mean. Can't we all just get along?

Hey, Brit! I hope Kevin secretly snuck out, because I'm sneaking over, as I speak(type).
I'll be landing the space shuttle at Heathrow, and then I'm coming via helicopter escorted by
500 Harrier jump-jets. I'll meet you by the rooftop pool in time for the evening news.


VGB

*hands Britney a hankie*

mudstuffin, you gotta gift! Nicely said! :-)

Doesn't "secretly sneaked" mean that no one knew? So how did the papers find out? Sounds like someone can't keep secrets too good? Britney has "organizers"? Her file cabinets are talking again!

Who the hell says cope up? *Not to be confused with a certain someone who says "Copa"*

Who the hell says cope up? *Not to be confused with a certain someone who says "Copa"*

Oops.

Sheesh, tough crowd today. I won't be writing any more limericks, that's for sure.

*obviously suffering from mudstuffin envy*

MOTW: C'mon, buck up! I can't wait for our next duel on monkeyshit, severed penises or whatever. You're the best!

*sniff*
Thanks, guys. Sometimes (especially after a Mother's Day like yesterday), I wonder if MOTW stands for Mother of the Wombats. (which it doesn't) At least I'm not besotted ...

MOTW, don't stop! Your limerick was true and sure does heave the thought that Britney is only following in Madonna's flagrant footsteps!

mudstuffin's just hit closer to home 'cause not only could I not shed a tear, I doubt I could find some old bubblegum for her ;-)

And if I didn't say so before, I really did enjoy your two's dueling poo poems!! :-)

LTTG yetagain! Figures. MOTW, sorry your Mom's Day wasn't as good as it should have been!

There is just such a smorgasbord of useless tripe in this story, and you all did such a marvelous job of chewing it up and spitting it out.

My own anathema? Calling people like her a "diva." It cheapens those of us who've actually paid our divinity dues.

Like, oh, say... Bette Midler or some such. Power and show -- not just a show of electrical power.

Grr.

AmberM

Mud and MO,

I was going to say that with your verses, you are already more talented than Britney Spears, but that doesn't seem like much of a compliment, does it?

Anyway, I liked 'em.

Can't we, as a blog, commit to never, ever posting about that woman again?!
We only have so much time and space to share important, cosmic-booger-info that edifies and sustains us through these troubled times.
Sorry, it just poured out.

I second Lmd33's remarks- the poetry here is FAR better than anything Britney's had written for her. And I DO mean that as a compliment! I'm all for more of it MOTW!!

Tell me something: where the heck is the problem? How many female pop stars are NOT sluts with emotional problems? How many sluts do NOT have emotional problems?

I'm not quite sure why this even got a blog post. This is like the "oooh! Britney's smoking a cigarette!" deal. Who hasn't heard of smoking or sex before?

I'm thinking "Spears the Brit" would be a good-sounding name, especially since it means her being 3,000+ miles away, but it's too close to "spear the Brit." I'm not sure what this has to do with anything, but I thought it was funny.

One more thing, isn't "secretly sneaked" redunant? Does someone "overtly" sneak? Or "loudly" sneak? Or secretly "yell"?

Maybe it's just me.

"There is a lot of concern for Britney and her state of mind."

Namely, that she will develop one, realize her "music" is crappola and quit show business, thereby forcing her parasites and toadies - oops! Sorry, agents and managers, to get real jobs.

I do like the fact that her romance has caused AN outrage. Yessir, this is a one outrage affiar. None of that kinky two or three outrage stuff here!

You guys need to go to one of the Britney fan sites (Google search for Britney, boyfriend, London, pool...Not just Britney, because if you do all you will get is a billion porn sites...) and take a look at the pics of this boyfriend.

Woof.

El-Dweebo-Gigante.

All sarcasm aside, I really do feel sorry for the girl. Being hounded everywhere she goes by idiots with cameras, and having idiots on PC's do play by play on her love life.

I understand Britney. Come let daddy make it all better...

I had to look up "tumescence" too.

For those not so inclined to look it up, here is the definition of "tumescence":

Function: noun
: the quality or state of being tumescent; especially : readiness for sexual activity marked especially by vascular congestion of the sex organs

The Dave Barry for President Campaign as a whole is experiencing 'readiness for sexual activity marked by vascular congestion'? Hmmm... this kind of thing didn't go over too well for certain Governors of Large Western States, or ex-Presidents of Large Western Nations not too long ago. I won't name names.

I think Jerry Springer may have gotten involved.

Was Britney swimming too?

If so, may we see the pictures now please?

Thank you.

She is besotted with Kevin and it seems she can't function without him. We just hope she can find a way of coping up better or there could be serious problems," a source added.

What? The girl can't operate a simple battery powered coping appliance?? Kids these days...

Good one, Con! :-)

"The girl can't operate a simple battery powered coping appliance??"
Priceless.
"O-o-o-o-ps! I did it a-g-a-a-a-in!"

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