TASTEFULNESS ADVISORY
Please do not send in items like this, because we are simply not going to use them.
(Thanks to Karen Satlin and Wyatt Dubois and Jeff Meyerson and Mark Howell and OK STOP SENDING THIS ITEM)
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you just can't make this stuff up folks.
Posted by: homer simpson | May 28, 2004 at 09:15 AM
Wait 'til the subservient chicken hears about this.
Posted by: elfbrains | May 28, 2004 at 09:16 AM
At least they slaughtered the shameless hussy
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | May 28, 2004 at 09:18 AM
Zambian's...they do chicken right!
Posted by: Little Elvis | May 28, 2004 at 09:20 AM
"Bend over, let me see you shake your tail feathers"
Posted by: mudstuffin | May 28, 2004 at 09:29 AM
Punky, I KNEW you were going to go there as soon as I sent this one in. Didn't the poor hen suffer enough? On the other hand, without getting too graphic, could she have survived the trauma? She probably did get the short end of the stick anyway. Probably the guy's wife had enough of his inadequacies and told him the Zambian equivalent of "go screw a chicken."
Little Elvis: LOL.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 28, 2004 at 09:40 AM
What? No one has a "should've choked his chicken" joke? Too obvious maybe. This crowd is above it.
Posted by: Charlie B. | May 28, 2004 at 09:42 AM
Finger licking....
Nope. Sorry. Can't do it.
Posted by: cheese_ball839 | May 28, 2004 at 09:50 AM
Did the chicken spit or swallow?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Posted by: BarryFS | May 28, 2004 at 09:50 AM
Food folks & fun.
Posted by: lurker | May 28, 2004 at 10:01 AM
Misinterpretations of Americanisms gone sadly wrong:
Gives a whole new meaning to - Do the funky chicken.
Posted by: jilly willy | May 28, 2004 at 10:02 AM
Usually a chicken biggest worry is getting plucked not .... well you get the idea.
Posted by: BMX3 | May 28, 2004 at 10:21 AM
First you stuff the bird...........
Posted by: julia child | May 28, 2004 at 10:23 AM
Pollo Tropicale has generously offered to provide the victim with a dignified funeral and dispose of her remains in a delicate and tasteful manner.
Posted by: oldfox | May 28, 2004 at 10:27 AM
It takes a tough man to be tender with a chicken.
Posted by: steve | May 28, 2004 at 10:32 AM
Well, one way or another, this guy is out of the gene pool! If he hadn't killed himself, would there have been a trial? I cannot imagine the logistics of sex with a chicken. They don't exactly sit around placidly chewing their cud. Chickens are noisy, flapping, smelly animals. Perhaps he practiced a little bondage on the chicken first.
Posted by: Jessica | May 28, 2004 at 10:50 AM
no more chicken nuggets for me, thank you.
is that why they call roosters cocks?
Posted by: waxwing | May 28, 2004 at 10:50 AM
You just know that the chicken was faking it.
Posted by: Tetsu | May 28, 2004 at 11:04 AM
mmmm... sultry poultry!
Posted by: jk | May 28, 2004 at 11:18 AM
I guess the guy went a bit too far while trying to find chicken breast for dinner.
Posted by: Alex | May 28, 2004 at 11:23 AM
Talk about a henpeckered husband...
Posted by: KFC | May 28, 2004 at 11:40 AM
is this even possible?!
chickens are not large animals...
Posted by: gfunksizzle | May 28, 2004 at 12:06 PM
gfunk, maybe he had a little pecker to prick the little pecker.
Posted by: Blogchik | May 28, 2004 at 12:15 PM
Give the guy a break.......his buddy told him she was a good cluck........
Posted by: Graz | May 28, 2004 at 12:33 PM
LOL!
This guy obviously doesn't watch the History Channel. Sheep are the best for sexual encounters with humans because their anatomy is similar.
Posted by: Alex | May 28, 2004 at 12:46 PM
Mental note: Don't go to KFC while in Zambia...
Posted by: Mike Weasel | May 28, 2004 at 01:21 PM
Guess he got to have chicken his way.
Geez, his poor, poor wife: Imagine having to compete with a friggin' chicken, and losing!!
Posted by: Lmd33 | May 28, 2004 at 01:38 PM
Can you, technically, call chicken breast chicken ramparts?
Posted by: Lmd33 | May 28, 2004 at 02:11 PM
Tetsu: LOL. You too, Punky & Graz. In fact, this is the kind of sick item that brings out the best in the blog. I'm so proud, I'm almost embarrassed to tell you I had chicken for dinner. (Almost.)
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 28, 2004 at 02:30 PM
These Instructions can be used for stuffing Chicken or Having Sex with it:
Spread chicken's legs apart, and stuff it all in.
Creepy. But that guy sounds like my kind of guy. Sex Maniac.
Posted by: mt | May 28, 2004 at 03:55 PM
If this feller thought a chicken was better sex than his wife, what does his wife look like?
Posted by: BarryFS | May 28, 2004 at 04:01 PM
Probably like this
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 28, 2004 at 04:50 PM
Or maybe like this.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 28, 2004 at 04:54 PM
*wipes away tears of laughter*
I cannot add anything to this, except that you are all twisted little bloglits. I am in good company.
Posted by: djtonyb | May 28, 2004 at 06:17 PM
as I type this, the tonight show with Jay leno is on. He made a joke about this story at the EXACT SAME MOMENT I READ THE HEADLINE!
that was creepy.
Posted by: chris | May 28, 2004 at 06:48 PM
Consarnit.
I saw that exact item and toyed with the idea of sending it in this morning.
"No, no," I scolded myself. "Dave is above that sort of thing."
Thanks to the twisted minions' many perverse little comments, I have never been so happy to be wrong. Thanks, y'all. :)
And Twisted Minions WBAGNFARB.
Posted by: afurrica | May 28, 2004 at 10:08 PM
Cool. I never thought being a sick, twisted Dave Barry fan would get me compliments. My mind's never been more proud of being in the gutter before.
Blog with a Twist sounds like some sort of mixed-drink parody, like Vodka Pundit.
Twisted Sister is already a band. Darn.
hmmm...Chicken Rape would be a good Sublime parody.
Nope. Can't find names for a rock band. Better get some rest.
Posted by: Alex | May 28, 2004 at 10:20 PM
That chicken must've been a good-looking chick.
Posted by: MOTW | May 29, 2004 at 02:12 AM
I only have one question:
Which came first?
Posted by: golfwidow | May 29, 2004 at 04:38 AM
golfwidow: Can't believe no one else thought of that one!
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 29, 2004 at 06:04 AM
And what a great double entendre!
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 29, 2004 at 10:06 AM
ROFLMAO!!
Posted by: Little "it's just a nickname" Elvis | May 29, 2004 at 10:37 AM
Pardon me, but does anyone have a mental-wipe handy?
Posted by: Angie | May 29, 2004 at 04:40 PM
Sorta gives a new twist to the phrase "Cruisin Chicks."
Posted by: Kauai | May 29, 2004 at 07:44 PM
I suspect they had they had to slaughter the chicken whilst they could still identify it, rather than let it loose. No-one in the village wants to suspect he is having the chicken for the second time....
Posted by: jamester | June 01, 2004 at 09:51 AM
Do chickens really have the ability to spit? (not sexual) I really want to know, we have abet going on!!! PLEASE HELP!!
Posted by: Kristy | November 04, 2005 at 08:23 PM