OFF-DUTY EMPLOYMENT

We imagine this beats escorting funeral processions

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Comments

[Blogchik]

[Insert funny comment here]

First!

[cheese_ball839]

This is my pistol,
This is my gun!
This one's for killing,
This one's for fun!

[lurker]

"Bus Stop Whores" just doesn't have the snappy feel to get that box office (ha!) bang.

"Harry Potter Meets the Bus Stop Whores" - good

"The Passion Of the Bus Stop Whores" - better

[jamester]

Clearly Officer Kelly should be reassigned from the hospital to the fertility clinic, then the guys wouldn't have to depend up on thos magazines...

[MeL]

Who doesn't love San Fran?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Yeah Elle, you got my line.

"Hey Officer, is that a pistol in your pocket or...?"

[cheese_ball839]

On the plus side, the handcuffs, stick, blood-borne pathogens kit, rubber gloves and whistle he uses in his police job will also help him in the porno career.

They could also put the cruiser to good use...

[Jeff Meyerson]

Bus Stop Whores is good, but it's no Romancing the Bone.

[Boo Augustus]

When they take away are constitutional rights to star in porn movies . . .

[Brian B]

I was recently made aware of the fact that one of my friends is in a punk rock band called "Short Bus Bullies". I definitely think that that is a gnfarb

[mudstuffin]

You have the right to remain silent
you have the right to scream and moan

Hands on the wall and spread 'em
I frisk you then "drive you home"

We're San Francisco's Finest,
We're the best you'll ever do

You'll never go back once you try us
You'll jones for little boy blue

I see you at the bus stop, waitin'
lipstick red and eyeshadow blue

I can see you been perpetratin'
and I know just what to do

come take a ride in my cruiser
come, let me give you a ride

Prove that I'm not the loser
that I know that I am inside

[Kibby F5]

"The Streets of San Francisco - on tonights show titled 'Bus Stop Whores'...."

[Andygirl]

mudstuffin, u never fail to amaze me. U need to take one of these many great band names and start something!

[crash]

They had to get some first hand experience for those prostitute stings. It's all in the line of duty. >snicker

[Tetsu]

'The officers... play a prostitute and a john in the film, whose teaser is, "These girls won't ride a bus today!" according to local news reports.'

Sounds classy. When will they be finished filming? I can't wait to add it to my other movies, "Shuttle Bus Lush" and "Back Seat Riders".

[jamester]

Great work, mudstuffin!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Mudstuffin, that was classic! Word!

[Lisa]

Wasn't this part of The Bad Lieutenant?

Everyone please pause for a moment to truly appreciate Harvey Keitel.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Everyone please pause for a moment to truly appreciate Harvey Keitel.

[ . . . ]

okay now what?

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Bus Stop - The Hollies (G. Gouldman)

Bus stop, wet day, she's there, I say,
"Please share my umbrella."
Bus stop, bus goes, she stays, love grows
under my umbrella.

All that summer we enjoyed it,
wind and rain and shine.
That umbrella we employed it.
By August, she was mine.

Every morning I would see her waiting at the stop.
Sometimes she'd shop,
and she would show me what she'd bought.
All the people stared as if we were both quite insane.
Someday my name and hers are going to be the same.

That's the way the whole thing started.
Silly, but it's true.
Thinking of a sweet romance
beginning in a queue.

Came the sun the ice was melting,
no more sheltering now.
Nice to think that that umbrella
led me to a vow.

___________

I never understood why everyone thought they were insane just because she showed him her purchases, must be some hidden meaning

[igwanna]

I think MKJ it's because she kept buying umbrellas, and he already had a perfectly good one.
must be an OCD thing.

[mudstuffin]

She showed him the used panties that she bought, and to prove that they were used she said "sniff" and he did.

I'll be quiet now.

[Lisa]

After the pause you simply carry on.

[D'Artagnan]

Note to self: A back-to-back "Guide To Guys" and "Bus Stop Whores" combo should make for a fun-filled afternoon, on some future Saturday.

[Andygirl]

D'Artagnan- dont forget 2 send us all invitations. and somebody please bring lots of beer

[bangi / mudstuffin]

I like your baton,
don't swing it, bring it!
if you interrogate me, I surely will sing it!

That blue hat you wear, it just screams class
the way it fits your head, (just like your ass)

I'm dazzled, and relaxed and its you that I thank
that's why I'll always be your bus-stop skank.

[Angie]

Um...is it just me, or do porn movie tag lines never make much sense? Not that I, personally, have come into contact with any porn films, per se...I've been told, though...

[mudstuffin]

Ang: Yeah, and heard the dialogue is sometimes stilted and dry. Go figure.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Oh, and kudos to Mr. Stuffin for the fine poetry

(wait, kudos are good things, right?)

[Rosella]

Of course we can learn this on Yahoo, Oliver...but Dave's blog is just so much more fun...nobody can make snappy/witty/crass comments about stories on Yahoo!

[Rosella]

I've also heard a rumor that there is an abundance of men with mullets in porns...I don't know if there is any truth to that...

[mudstuffin]

Okay, I'm blushing now.

[mudstuffin]

I just thought of something: Bad actors, mullets, preparations to "moisten" the dialogue... is Dave making a porno?

[Rosella]

A mullet, Bangi, is the hairstyle that's "business in the front--a party in the back".
www.mulletsgalore.com

[Graz]

Bangi, Mullet guys are guys with the hair that is business in front, party in the rear.

[Graz]

Wow, sorry for stepping on your brain wave, Rosella.

[Rosella]

Creepy, Graz. Very Creepy.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

nieces

[Brian B]

Rita,

I before E except after C and when sounding like A as in Neighbor and Weigh.

That being said, I still always misspell acheive.

[Stash]

I went to that mulletsgalore site, Rosella, and it cleared up a mystery for me. According to the tab at the top, MOTW stands for "Mullet Of The Week!"

Maybe I'm LTTG, but I didn't know that!

[lurker]

Bangi_G

FYI, The Mullet, aka "Hockey Head" is also the preferred hairstyle of the NHL.

& probably the 3 or 4 people who are actually going to watch the Stanley Cup Finals this year.

[Ima Nasshat]

Stash, you're such a chumbucket!

[mbgordon81]

Don't miss the British release of "Bus Stop Whores II: Wenches on Benches"...

[D'Artagnan]

The Pecking Order of Human Insults (in descending order of offensiveness):

1. Lying Crapweasel
2. Crapweasel
3. Chumbucket
4. Booger

Feel free to add to the list in accordance with your personal experience.

[D'Artagnan]

Or to rearrange as needed.

[Brian B]

As an avid hockey fan/player I must take offense to all of your comments regarding the fastest game on ice. Those who do not understand, mock.

Also, I am one of those 3 or 4 who will be watching the finals.

That is all.

P.S.--The mullets do kind of give us a black eye though, don't they?

[Brian B]

And no, I do not have a mullet. Never have, never will. They don't fit into the helmets too well.

[Stash]

No, honest, Ima, I thought MOTW was "Man Of The World" or something. I've been at sea too long.

Anyway, I know what I am, but what are you? Oh, that's right...

[Rosella]

I always assumed that the MOTW on here was for "Mullet of the Week", but maybe I'm wrong...MOTW, if you're out there, clear up the mystery!

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Just following orders:

+ --------- copy from here --------- +

Dear Friends,

I have just read and signed the online petition:

"MLB: Bring Back Mrs. Lima's Hooters"

hosted on the web by PetitionOnline.com, the free online petition
service, at:

http://www.PetitionOnline.com/fark421/

I personally agree with what this petition says, and I think you might
agree, too. If you can spare a moment, please take a look, and consider
signing yourself.

Best wishes,

Mahatma Kane Jeeves

+ --------- down to here ---------- +

[Stash]

Yeah, that petition is gonna fly with all the "William J." and "Bill" Clintons as signatories. They'll have to send it to the FBI for verification. I see that Punky Brewster signed it as well as Soleil Moon Frye...

[orcel]

Porn films, after a few minutes get really redundant and boring. (no pup intended) All that's left to make things interesting is the great titles. I once found one in my brother's stash called "Breast Side Story." (Yes I was snooping, but I was also too uptight and self-righteous to own my own porn, so where else was I going to get the stuff?)

With that in mind..."Bus Stop Whores" what were they thinking?

[crash]

Don't just handcuff me, take me to town.

[Snowball the fancifull butterfly]

(the email thing is serious)

you are the only professional Crazy man i can think of that has an open blog. (hail to the chief plays) (by the way, you are probably my favorite writer in the whole world) (I am in NO way stalking you...nice elephant by the way)
I WISH I WERE A MUNCHKIN!!!

[JenSharp]

I'm highly disturbed by the previous post.

[JenSharp]

I'm highly disturbed by the previous post.

[Graz]

Disturbing and confusing.

Not a good combination.

[Graz]

It is Bangi. Or at least it was when I just went there.

[MOTW]

MOTW has nothing to do with mullets.
*seriously, what were you thinking*

[Doug Brockmeier]

I have a mulfro.**** I've also gone butch. You know what I mean.

**** = I am solely responsible for the invention of this word. To use it, please contact my legal team and they'll set you up.

[Doug Brockmeier]

Oh. See, my legal team is a right lot of animals, it is. I don't know what that says about me, but it better be something good.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Hey Doug your site has done has exceeded its allocated data transfer bub

[MOTW]

He's a popular guy.

[Stash]

MOTW, I didn't think so!
The mystery still remains, though. Rosella had thought it might be "Mullet of the week" whereas I thought it might be "Man of the world." Ima thinks it means "Mirror on the wall." Is anyone even close?

[Diana Ross]

MOTW is an abbreviation for "MoTown". I mean, duh!

[LMC]

See, now, MOTW has said that his (? sorry, MOTW, it's hard to know who's what in cyberspace) career has something to do with computers, so I figured MOTW mean Master(or Mistress) of the Web.

[LMC]

I'm with you, Elle. What chat room?

[Stash]

Jules Verne's novel, MOTW? That's gotta be it!

[Blogchik]

LMC, it's got the word "psychoses" in it. Dot-org, I think. Not sure. Haven't been on it. Not daring enough to try it at work. Daring enough to be a bloglit, but not daring enough for the chat.

And I don't often blog at home, since I'm tired of the computer by then.

[Blogchik]

Rita, I'll bet my server won't let me do it either. I'm just not daring enough to try it. That's why I haven't taken the kinky test yet. I don't want another of those awful "Blocked" messages. I wince every time I get them. I imagine some tech dude taking note of each one and remarking on my perv tendencies or something.

We are DEFINITELY not Danish here! :)

[kibby F5]

Na, Blogchik, we just make note of the sites and add them to our 'favorites' list... thanks!

[Edelweiss]

Am I crazy or did we just have the same speculation about MOTW in another thread a week or so ago? And someone said that MOTW had originally posted as "Mom On The Web."

Or maybe I dreamed that. Hey, maybe I'm psycho!

Er, psychic.

Something like that.

[Blogchik]

Elle, I used to be afraid of that, but the knowledge that I'm leaving in 2 1/2 months lessens alot of the anxiety...heh heh heh... :)

[Rosella]

I had always assumed MOTW was male...sexist me, I guess! Also, I have it good on my work computer--it's a SMALL office and my boss is computer illiterate, so I've got freedom on the net.

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Oh. See, my legal team is a right lot of animals, it is. I don't know what that says about me, but it better be something good."

Doug, is one of them your frog?

Yes Edelweiss, we did have that discussion, so you're not nuts. It's just your turn this week, as when MeL Gaslighted me about talking about Starbuck's. And MOTW is definitely female.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Man, you know it's a slow day when you find yourself reading the Gene W. columns (sorry Mr. W).

[Rosella]

Yah, what's the deal? No blog updates since yesterday morning...we've resorted to just keep posting on this one...

[Edelweiss]

Yes, yes, yes! We need more posts! We are running low on mildly-entertaining, cliche-laced, uninvestigated journalism here! I am about to have to resort to (gasp!) doing actual work in order to remain occupied!

[Edelweiss]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Just in case anyone didn't get enough exclamation points in my last post.)

[Stash]

Hence was born the Great-grandmother Of All Threads...

[elfbrains]

Okay, Judi. I've had time to read all the posts from the last four days. I'm all caught up now, so you can start posting more.

Thanks for waiting.

[Rosella]

Does anybody go onto the message boards? I've checked them once, but they seemed a bit overwhelming...a lot to just jump into all of a sudden...but I suppose they could help fill the void when there is a void in the blog...and I DON'T have anything to do at work today, i'm boooooored!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Rita, sure, I'd love a copy. Will be happy to pay the cost of shipping or whatever.

[MeL]

Rosella...I've started visitatin' the message board and it's fairly simple once you get used to it. Not nearly as overwhelming as you'd think.

[Blogchik]

What message board are you referring to? Any?

(Does anybody else remember BBSing, BTW?)

[Graz]

The message board is fun.....they are all fantastic folks there. It just seems organized from the outside.

Bangi, the chat there is the same type as the chatpsychoses one that you've been on before....but you do have to be registered to chat there.

[MOTW]

Yes, there was a thread about what MOTW might mean.
My favorite was mudstuffin's guess: Mrs. Oswald Thwacker Weasel. (correct gender, anyway)
Although, I am not related to the weasel family ... nor mullets, for that matter.

[Stash]

And? Well?