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May 26, 2004

IMPORTANT CAMPAIGN ENDORSEMENT

pirateguys.jpg

In a move certain to rock the political world, the Pirate Guys (Cap'n
Slappy - left in photo - and Ol' Chumbucket) endorsed the heaving juggernaut that is the Dave Barry for President campaign.
"Dave is a close personal friend," said the captain, later admitting he never actually met the man, "so endorsing his presidential ambition was just sort of natural for us. We can't think of anyone who stands more forthrightly for the most important issues of the day - namely a belief in the deliciousness of beer."
Seeking to dispel the rumor that the coveted endorsement of the two had been "bought and paid for," as some of the "weasels" in Washington's press corps have reported, Ol' Chumbucket said, "Absolutely not. No money has changed hands. We haven't even changed our clothes. We support Dave because - well, he's Dave. And if we get an ambassadorship out of this, perhaps to some region vital to American interests, say, the Bahamas or any other warm, sunny place, well, that's totally unrelated to our endorsement."

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr, the throbbing surging campaign juggernaut Field Coordinator)

Comments

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Arrrghhh!!! Vote for Dave, me hearties!!!!!

Now will someone help to get the belaying pin out of me arse? Arrrr!!!!!

Don't you mean your...booty? Harrrr.

I am seeing a trend here. Notice that these guys freely admit to not changing their clothes. Couple that with the fact that Dave is shooting a movie where he wears the same shirt for days on end. Very confusing.

Cap'n Slappy and Ol' Chumbucket are not wearing Hawaiian shirts .. Thought that was required for "Dave For President" juggernaut.

Hey, do you think this film will be rated...arrrr?

Yo Ho Ho

By Allison and Waller, from a 1901 musical based on Robert Louis Stevenson's book Treasure Island.


Fifteen men on a dead man's chest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Drink and the devil had done for the rest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
The mate was fixed by the bosun's pike
The bosun brained with a marlinspike
And cookey's throat was marked belike
It had been gripped by fingers ten;
And there they lay, all good dead men
Like break o'day in a boozing ken
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Fifteen men of the whole ship's list
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Dead and be damned and the rest gone whist!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
The skipper lay with his nob in gore
Where the scullion's axe his cheek had shore
And the scullion he was stabbed times four
And there they lay, and the soggy skies
Dripped down in up-staring eyes
In murk sunset and foul sunrise
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Fifteen men of 'em stiff and stark
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Ten of the crew had the murder mark!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
'Twas a cutlass swipe or an ounce of lead
Or a yawing hole in a battered head
And the scuppers' glut with a rotting red
And there they lay, aye, damn my eyes
Looking up at paradise
All souls bound just contrawise
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Fifteen men of 'em good and true
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Ev'ry man jack could ha' sailed with Old Pew,
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
There was chest on chest of Spanish gold
With a ton of plate in the middle hold
And the cabins riot of stuff untold,
And they lay there that took the plum
With sightless glare and their lips struck dumb
While we shared all by the rule of thumb,
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

More was seen through a sternlight screen...
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Chartings undoubt where a woman had been
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
'Twas a flimsy shift on a bunker cot
With a dirk slit sheer through the bosom spot
And the lace stiff dry in a purplish blot
Oh was she wench or some shudderin' maid
That dared the knife and took the blade
By God! she had stuff for a plucky jade
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Drink and the devil had done for the rest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
We wrapped 'em all in a mains'l tight
With twice ten turns of a hawser's bight
And we heaved 'em over and out of sight,
With a Yo-Heave-Ho! and a fare-you-well
And a sudden plunge in the sullen swell
Ten fathoms deep on the road to hell,
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

Bangi..I think this is in reference to a foot fetish trampling party gone bad.

The skipper lay with his nob in gore!

Nuf said!

Dammit, YOUR not you're. Stupid english language and it's myriad hominyms (sp?)

I am SOOO not with it today. For the explanation, you have to scroll all the way down.

Elle, I've actually had that stuff and it's pretty good! Arrrr!

Also, it's "homonym"

The Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum question was posed in a letter to Cap'n Slappy in the "Ask Cap'n Slappy" section of our Web site. Here's the questiona nd response, and hope it helps clear all this up.

Dear Cap'n Slappy,
Why are 16 men on a dead man's chest? And what's the deal with the bottle of rum, anyway? Are they drinking it? Or did it kill the poor guy who now has 16 men on his chest? What gives here, Cap'n? Edmund Fitzgerald
Dear Fitz,
The lyrics to this popular pirate tune have always been unsettling to me as well. For one thing, there is no way that sixteen pirate asses could fit on a dead man's chest. The seating space, even for a very large chest and very small asses, would accommodate only four ... maybe five. But let's say that the pirates are standing on the chest. With a one-footed group stand while they held other pirates on their shoulders, you could conceivably get sixteen pirates stacked on the man's chest. This would explain him being dead. The bottle of rum might have led to the man saying, "Hey, you sixteen pirates! I bet you can't all stand on my chest at once!" The answer to, "what gives?" would be, "Clearly, his sternum."
Cap地 Slappy

Brian B: what'd you name your car?

I can't think, laughing too hard. You guys are crazy..nutz..familiar with (or perhaps authors of???) some of the funniest links on the www. I salute you. Rums and parrots for everyone.

Which one of those guys is really Johnny Depp?

Capt. Slappy and Ol'Chummbucket raise a very interesting issue: Who gets ambassadorships during a Dave Barry administration?

I herewith respectfully request appointment to the U.S. ambassador post in either Luxembourg (centrally located with little opportunity to do much damage) or Ireland (good beer). Thank you.

Arrrrrr!

Allow me to make an unpopular statement here:

Dave Barry should NOT be elected President. I really don't feel that he should be handed the power of nuclear weapons. (But this isn't an insult, as I don't think I should have them either...)

But I DO think that Dave should be given a cabinet position as Secretary of the Bureau for Keeping Government Sane, a new department with the charge of weeding out all of the stupid and idiotic government ideas that come up. He would have a large staff and a good budget, and they would elminate nonsensical things like low-flow toilets, etc.

I think this is the best way for Dave to serve his country.

I don't care either way, Tim, as long as I keep MY job!

Ambassadorships may be available on eBay. But wait, first we'll poll that idea.

Linda Fierce Arse, I mean Elle: LOL. I like the Barry/Slappy ticket, and "it's just hard to admit to others that you're eating "Pirate's booty".
Too true.

And can you imagine waking up hung over and seeing Cap'n Slappy & Ol' Chumbucket looking down at you? Too scary.

If we're putting dibs on ambassadorships, I want to put in for New Orleans. Oh, it has to be a foreign country? OK, then I'll take Australia, 'cause they know how to party.

Exactly what kind of a ship is that in the background?

But Boo, You may want to consider Andora or Lichtenstein too. Monaco would be a good choice too. And Czech beer is, IMHO better.

Ted Goes A-Pollin WBAGNFA twisted children's book. Or not.

In response to Stash's question (Stash is a pretty good start for a pirate name by the way) "what kind of ship is that in the background?) what you see is the fo'c'sle of Cap'n Slappy's ship, The Festering Boil. It's one of the few pirate ships you'll find with gray clapboard siding, which makes it a distinctive and frightening sight on the Spanish Main, or on First Street in Albany, OR, where it's often moored. Because the cap'n is a stickler for not drinking and sailing, and he's usually drinking.

And if you like his fo'c'sle, wait till you see his poop deck.

"I call dibs on the ambassadorship to Hawaii, and in my sworn duties as such I promise to uphold . . ."

[aide approaches podium and whispers in ear]

"Statehood!? When the hell did that happen?

[further whispers]

"So, they don't get a U.S. ambassador? Damn! Well, at least that means Mahatma's bid for diplomatic attache for cultural affairs to New Jersey is a no go."

Hey, send those Yo Ho Ho's my way please.

Bangi,

The B is the first initial of my last name (Bell, from Cincinnati, OH, USA). I would have used my "MOT" screen name like I do on other message boards, but I don't want to be confused with MOTW (No offense MOTW, I'm sure you're a perfectly pleasant person.)

On the car, by popular vote, the desert metallic Tribute is now affectionately named "Rommel" (No, I'm not some sort of neo-nazi, heck, I'm not even an old school nazi. I just figured that Rommel was a nice TRIBUTE to a FOREIGN king of DESERT METAL)

Also, to all,

Type asshat in quotations on Google. There's some great stuff that comes up.

Special thanks to Lenore and my friend Slaughter for coming up with the Rommel name.

And per my previous post, "Old School Nazis" wbagnfarb.

Hey, check it out: Dave DOES own another shirt.

Dave

Ahoy Mates!!! A single day to talk like a pirate!!! Arrrr I say that do be too little. Talk like a pirate everyday!!! All yee blogin scoundrels meet at the Pirate Cove of Treasure Island in Vegas Sept 24-26 for a litte swashbuckling and swabing o the deck not to mention a few Yo HO HOs and many bottles of Rum! Arrr!!!! And remember pirate ships are full O' Ramparts!!!!

The links page on the "talklikeapirate" site has a link that will translate any web-page into pirate speak...cool.

Thanks for the nautical update, Ol' Chumbucket (you don't look very ol' but you do resemble a chumbucket.) I'll enter that information into my copy of Jane's Fighting Ships.

Yes, Stash is a good pirate name. When I entered my full name into the Pirate Name Generator last year, it bust a gusset (arrrgh!) and came back with: "You're kidding, right?"

Before you try and sell it on ebay, I claim ambassadorship to Jamaica!

YO HO HO
(A Pirate's Life For Me- modern version)

We decode, we transfer
We copy and crack,
Download me `arties, Yo Ho.
We DVD and MP3
Download me `arties, Yo Ho.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirates life for me.

Napster gone, But Aimster
Is here
Download me `arties Yo Ho.
With IRC with DCC
Download me `arties, Yo Ho.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirates life for me.

Cd-rom burner and soon DVD
Download me `arties, Yo Ho.
Movies and Software
and Everything else
Download me `arties, Yo Ho.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirates life for me.

We're boys and girls
at microsoft
Download me `arties, Yo Ho.
We're kids and hacker,
and Really cool guys
Download me `arties, Yo Ho.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirates life for me.

We're average joes
And record execs
Download me `arties, Yo Ho.
We're Teens doing it
For mom and dad
Download me `arties, Yo Ho.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirates life for me.

Arrrgh, but that do be the most knee slappin' bit o' songsterism I've read in many a day, Laguito.

I bow to he who is a greater talent than I be, either before or after the mast.

*hands Laguito the Nobel Prize*

I guess I am not cut out for the pirate life, I can't download, but I got a pirate name.....

Actual words of "wisdom" from Dad...

Dad (to me): Hey, you shouldn't be downloading music like that. It's illegal, and they'll take away your computer.

Me: Yeah, sure. OK. I'll try not to tell you next time. You know my brother does it, too, but you didn't say anything to him...

Bro: Hey, dad, I found that "asshole" song you wanted to hear! I put it on your computer for you.

Me: You mean that Jimmy Buffet one? Awesome!

Dad: OK. Let me hear it.

Me: You know he downloaded Kazaa on your computer without you knowing it so he could get that, right?

Dad: He got rid of it. Oh...I know he put it back, but it hasn't slowed down my computer this time.

Me: But, you just said it's illegal...

Dad: Aw, come on. Lighten up. It's not hurting anything.

Me: Huh?

That went unanswered. I think my parents need to hear this message from The Ferret.

Alex, which "asshole" song?

Oh, and Happy Birthday!

Is it just me, or does Mr. Bucket on the right there look a little bit like John Tesh?

Aye, Sharlit! Ol' Chumbucket (nobody calls him, "Mr.") has been mistaken for many, many folk - but to the best o' me knowledge - NOT John Tesh. (Although he did once "play" a piano -with a belayin' pin.)

Sadly, yours truly has only been mistaken for "Meatloaf."

Catch a wave - Vote for Dave!

Hugs all around!

Cap'n Slappy

*Also, it's "homonym"* -- do we need to vote on that?

p.s. yay cincinnati!

Arrrrr, mateys. Methinks John Tesh and Meatloaf would be keelhauled on any self respecting pirate vessel. Aye, tis not a pretty picture.

Meatloaf wbagnfap, at least a good starrrrt.

Arrrgh! talk about LTTG, I just read this post and comments.

I took the pirate name quiz, and I be Captain Bess Cash:
"Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. You're musical, and you've got a certain style if not flair. You'll do just fine. Arr."

All of you take notice, the Captain be on deck, but I think that Dave should be the captain. He has way more experience in the visigoth department and riding on ships makes me seasick. So I respectfully decline the post of captain for this voyage. At home though, EVERYBODY knows who be the Captain!

If Cap'n Slappy & Ol' Chumbucket were backing Sponge Bob for president, I would be behind them. wink, wink. Arrrr. Speaking of heroes of our time, ever notice how Homer Simpson, uses a signature exclamation that is suspiciously similar to pirate talk? Please to compare. Pirate: Arrrrrr! Homer: Arrgghhhhhlllll... Coincidence? This wench thinks not. Is it beer yet?

Rita, thanks! I've been listening to Jimmy since 1977 and have most of his CDs but never heard of it. In case anyone else hasn't either, here it is:

The Asshole Song by Jimmy Buffett (lyrics) by veco

Well I was drivin' down I-95 the other night.
Somebody nearly cut me right off the road.
I decided it wasn't gonna do any good to get mad.
So I wrote a song about him instead.
It goes like this...

Were you born an asshole?
Or did you work at it your whole life?
Either way it worked out fine
'cause you're an asshole tonight.

Yes you're an A S S H O L E...
And don't you try to blame it on me.
You deserve all the credit.
You're an asshole tonight.

You were an asshole yesterday.
You're an asshole tonight.
And I've got a feelin'
you'll be an asshole the rest of your life.

And I was talkin' to your mother
just the other night.
I told her I thought you were an asshole.
She said, "Yes. I think you're right."

And all your friends are assholes
'cause you've known them your whole life.
And somebody told me
you've got an asshole for a wife.

Were you born an asshole?
Or did you work at it your whole life?
Either way it worked out fine
'cause you're an aaaass...hole tonight.

YARR. Methinks Captain Slappy an' ol' Chumbucket be suffern' from a severe lack o' grog. Feed 'n water the poor laddos!

Arrr, and Laguito, thanks be to ye for providin' me motely arrangement with a theme song.

Now WHAR'S THE RUM?!

YARR. Methinks Captain Slappy an' ol' Chumbucket be suffern' from a severe lack o' grog. Feed 'n water the poor laddos!

Arrr, and Laguito, thanks be to ye for providin' me motely arrangement with a theme song.

Now WHAR'S THE RUM?!

YARR. Methinks Captain Slappy an' ol' Chumbucket be suffern' from a severe lack o' grog. Feed 'n water the poor laddos!

Arrr, and Laguito, thanks be to ye for providin' me motely arrangement with a theme song.

Now WHAR'S THE RUM?!

I always thought it was spelled Pyrate ...

ARRR!! This thread has been boarded by hordes of vile spammers!! Out cutlasses!! Repel boarders!!

All for me Grog
And What痴 Grog, Grog is that special mixture of Rum and Water only with out the water and what do put in place of that missing water more Rum!!
(song..)

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin with the lassies drinking gin
for across the western ocean I must wander

Where are me boots, me noggin, noggin boots
all gone for beer and tobacco
well the toe is worn out and the heals are knocked about
And the soles are looking for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin with the lassies drinking gin
for across the western ocean I must wander

Where are me shirts me noggin, noggin shirts
all gone for beer and tobacco
For the collar is all worn and the sleeves they are all torn
And the tail is looking for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin with the lassies drinking gin
for across the western ocean I must wander

And Where is me Bead me noggin, noggin, bead, all gone for beer and tobacco well I lent it to a hour now the sheets is all tore and the springs are looking out for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco Well I spend all me loot in a house of ill repute and I think I値l half to go back there tomorrow

And where is my wench me noggin, noggin, wench all gone for beer and tobacco well her (clap hands) is worn out and her (clap hands) is knocked about and her (clap hands) is looking out for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco Well I spend all me loot in a house of ill repute and I think I値l half to go back there tomorrow

And I'm sick in the head and I haven't been to bed
Since I came ashore with me plunder
I see centipedes and snakes and I知 full of pains and aches and I think I値l make a plot for way out yonder

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco Well I spend all me loot in a house of ill repute and I think I値l half to go back there tomorrow

Yes I値l half to go back there tomorrow

All for me Grog
And What痴 Grog, Grog is that special mixture of Rum and Water only with out the water and what do put in place of that missing water more Rum!!
(song..)

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin with the lassies drinking gin
for across the western ocean I must wander

Where are me boots, me noggin, noggin boots
all gone for beer and tobacco
well the toe is worn out and the heals are knocked about
And the soles are looking for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin with the lassies drinking gin
for across the western ocean I must wander

Where are me shirts me noggin, noggin shirts
all gone for beer and tobacco
For the collar is all worn and the sleeves they are all torn
And the tail is looking for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin with the lassies drinking gin
for across the western ocean I must wander

And Where is me Bead me noggin, noggin, bead, all gone for beer and tobacco well I lent it to a hour now the sheets is all tore and the springs are looking out for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco Well I spend all me loot in a house of ill repute and I think I値l half to go back there tomorrow

And where is my wench me noggin, noggin, wench all gone for beer and tobacco well her (clap hands) is worn out and her (clap hands) is knocked about and her (clap hands) is looking out for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco Well I spend all me loot in a house of ill repute and I think I値l half to go back there tomorrow

And I'm sick in the head and I haven't been to bed
Since I came ashore with me plunder
I see centipedes and snakes and I知 full of pains and aches and I think I値l make a plot for way out yonder

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco Well I spend all me loot in a house of ill repute and I think I値l half to go back there tomorrow

Yes I値l half to go back there tomorrow

All for me Grog
And What痴 Grog, Grog is that special mixture of Rum and Water only with out the water and what do put in place of that missing water more Rum!!
(song..)

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin with the lassies drinking gin
for across the western ocean I must wander

Where are me boots, me noggin, noggin boots
all gone for beer and tobacco
well the toe is worn out and the heals are knocked about
And the soles are looking for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin with the lassies drinking gin
for across the western ocean I must wander

Where are me shirts me noggin, noggin shirts
all gone for beer and tobacco
For the collar is all worn and the sleeves they are all torn
And the tail is looking for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin with the lassies drinking gin
for across the western ocean I must wander

And Where is me Bead me noggin, noggin, bead, all gone for beer and tobacco well I lent it to a hour now the sheets is all tore and the springs are looking out for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco Well I spend all me loot in a house of ill repute and I think I値l half to go back there tomorrow

And where is my wench me noggin, noggin, wench all gone for beer and tobacco well her (clap hands) is worn out and her (clap hands) is knocked about and her (clap hands) is looking out for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco Well I spend all me loot in a house of ill repute and I think I値l half to go back there tomorrow

And I'm sick in the head and I haven't been to bed
Since I came ashore with me plunder
I see centipedes and snakes and I知 full of pains and aches and I think I値l make a plot for way out yonder

And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco Well I spend all me loot in a house of ill repute and I think I値l half to go back there tomorrow

Yes I値l half to go back there tomorrow

Jokes apart, it is a great deal. Keep it up!

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