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May 22, 2004


Don't drink and mow.

(Thanks to The Oracle)


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At least he was aware that the toddler was actually on the lawnmower and didn't leave her on the hood or anything. I'm suprised this did not happen on Mother's day.

What's wrong with driving a lawnmower on the street? I mean, how else are you supposed to return those things to the rental store, carry them?

Maybe he was on his way to the bar.....

A battary of sobriety tests? He must not have been too drunk. Sounds like a slow day down at the cop shop to me.

Was it even his kid?

My granddad used to take us on rides on the riding lawn mower when we were little.

Does that make my family odd?

Mel my dad did too and we always took the mower on the street to get to the neighbors house.

Yes and the jug band you can tell my upbringing

*runs to backyard to look for fresh mint*

One of my best friends was arrested for DWI while riding a horse. (I live in Texas.)

Fairview Height is know for it's drunk lawn mower drivers and missing--central-incisor women.

If I had a last name like Schwarztrauber, I'd drink and mow too.

'Excuse me, sir, can you spell that?'

Katie, I think we already inferred the last line.

D'Art: I was going to mention his name as a contributing factor as well.

Good one Gregg; never heard of that drink.

"After a battery of sobriety tests, "we found him to be intoxicated," Fellows said." How many tests did it take? Unless the street was grassy, I think one should have done it.

Yo Dart, I really need that time machine back. Tonight is my brother's prom.

In the meantime, everyone feel free to vote as often as you like in my MisterPoll. It's ending tonight, as soon as the Yeses outnumber the Nos.

Doug Brockmeier: I am checking out the horrors of the Spanish Inquisition as we speak. I might be able to return in time for the prom, but I make no promises.

I have to say, the vote is a dead heat right now. I will be following closely.

Regards (pppfpffffpffft!)

I once got a DWI in Arizona while riding a bicycle

"Although it is not necessary to have a valid license to operate a riding mower, Schwarztrauber was charged with driving with a revoked license because "lawnmowers aren't supposed to be on the street," Fellows said."

That's good. Along with the DWIs for horse- and bicycle-riding above, logic like that confounds my already beer-soaked brain cell!

Is that brain cell padded? Mine is.

Well, it's more of a cubicle than a padded cell. Got no door, y'see, so my mind keeps on going on long trips to the esspresso machine when I'm not looking.

Ah, that reminds me. *goes looking for the esspresso machine*


He did live on Orlando street.

Doug, you were taking a chance on that poll in forming the questions as you did, but I voted YES. Did you win?

Thank you, Jeff. I won by one vote, 50-49. It ended at midnight Pacific, so any results you see hereafter are invalid. I voted one time. Chance is my middle name.

The results are in, Dave: People think I should be in the Guide to Guys movie. Please email me at your soonest convenience and we can discuss my role, and how soon you'll need to start filming it, and what color Lamborghini I'll be receiving.

Thank you to everyone who participated! If Guide to Guys happens to succeed and jumpsparks my movie career, all of you who voted "Yes" (just send me your name) will be handsomely rewarded with $1,000 cash per successful movie following G2G, unless I find that "jumpspark," instead of meaning "to get going quickly," turns out to mean "to ruin one's career on cocaine."

Doug, I honestly don't remember how I voted, but I'll gladly take that $1000 in cash now. Thank you kindly.

And I forgot to mention: I don't think 'the check is in the mail' is going to cut it. I expect cold hard cash in small bills, in a plain brown UPS box.

D'Artagnan, Doug, I've gotten lost....

Could one or the other of you please kindly re-explain the "time machine" here.

D'Artagnan, since you have it (currently? ;-) do you also have the Cat Who Walks Through Walls?

Heinlein, like hindsight, could cure a lot of potential timing problems.

He(l)l, it just might fix my bad-timing ability at LTTG! :-)

Back when I was an evil journalist in a small mid-western town, I did a story on a Shriner who got a DUI in a parade. Seriously. We laughed about that one for weeks.

He managed to run over a kid, too, but the kid was uninjured. Thankfully. It would have been hard to laugh at such a strange event if a kid had been hurt.

Weird world.

I heard there was an entire TOWN that gets drunk and rides lawn-mowers in the street. Also, they wear cowboy hats and throw brooms at each other.

Talk about weird!

Having lived in Fairview Heights for 2 1/2 years (I've since regained my santity), I can tell you this makes PERFECT sense.

It is illegal to DRIVE or be in ACTUAL PHYSICAL CONTROL of a motor vehicle in Arizona while:
BASIC DUI: Impaired to the slightest degree by alcohol or drugs.
COMMERCIAL DUI: Body alcohol content above 0.040 and driving a commercial vehicle.
MINOR DUI: Under 21 years old with any alcohol in system.
PER SE DUI: Body alcohol content above 0.080 within 2 hours of driving.
EXTREME DUI: Body alcohol content above 0.150 (extreme DUI) within 2 hours of driving.
DRUGS DUI: An illegal drug OR its metabolite in your system (no impairment required).

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