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May 28, 2004


Hey, it's better than American Idol.

(Thanks to Barry Sullivan and Scott Brown)


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Anything i sbetter than American Idol

Better than the National News, too. At least this bears a resemblance to reality

OMG i got two fists in a row. Now all i have to do is meet Dave and my life will really be complete

*firsts. and add "learn to type" to the list

Hmmf. Watching chrome rust is much better.

Or grass grow.

remember the days of yore, back when dave was really funny (just kidding d), and you went to the hardware store to get some paint?

the choices were black and white.....black OR white (well, maybe a blue or red if you were near a major metropolitan).

anyway, so I went to the home improvement store the other day to get some some paint for my workshop, and I got dizzy just looking at all of the choices.......after my vertigo subsided the friendly salesperson, with multiple face jewelrys (she looked like she fell face-first into my tacklebox), suggested I go with Peach Delight.

how nice.

I watched someone read that post. The only thing more exciting than watching paint dry is watching someone reading about watching "Watching Paint Dry."

The British have come up with their share of good shows. The original "Three's Company", "Coupling", "The Office", "Ab Fab"...but they're also responsible for Idol. So does that mean now we'll get an Americanized version of "Watching Paint Dry"? God, I hope so.

So what's the big deal? Getting a root canal is better than watching American Idol. Getting hit in the face with a shovel is better than watching American Idol. Having your eyeballs impaled on a plastic cocktail skewer and shoved up your nose is better than watching American Idol. Having a drunk mohel perfor~~~NO CARRIER

They're also to blame for Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (duh, I wonder) and The Weakest Link.

How long did it take them to come up with "all of whom are eagerly looking forward to their first brush with fame."

Canadian Idol: when did you get your eyeball impaled, by the way?

And Eyeball Impaler wbagnfarb.

I met Dave Barry when he gave a talk here in Tulsa, and then signed books after...he was nice enough to sign one for me AND one for my little sister (who was away at camp), even though the powers that be at the Tulsa PAC were against it...what a swell guy!

I am thinking of setting up `Watching cats think', for those of you who prefer quieter stuff.

I can't believe that this is real...

in the american version, we will watch paint being removed.

Did anyone catch yesterday's episode? I was shocked when Orange and Off-White backstabbed Royal Blue and voted it out.

I was really rooting for the little guy.

Oh yeah, well, Dave had my first born!*

(*Information presented is totally untrue.)


Live to vote Dave Barry for president!

How about the corn cam?

In 1978 I was in London, and thought that a televised dart competition was hysterical, but that's got nothing on this!

One question: How can you tell when the lacquered/enamel paint is dry?

Show Us Your Corn? Now that's a real grabber.

Joshkr: share those INTERESTING webcams, please.

Lmd33: uh, you touch it?


Well, I hate to waste a perfectly good outfit.


Oh Mickey,
you're so fine,
you're so fine,
you blow my mind,
Hey Mickey,
Hey Mickey...

The latest is that the audience was accused of favoring white paint over colored paint just because of its looks. The black paint has taken the lead on this issue and is expected to file a civil suit against the white paint by noon tomorrow.

I "met" Dave ("met" in the sense of he smiled politely and said "and *how* do spell that, miss?" at a book signing after a live appearance on September 10th, 2002.

I mention the date because I remember thinking "Dang...the entire country's depressed, *everybody's* jumpy, and this guy GOT ON A PLANE and flew to some stupid cowtown just to make total strangers laugh so hard they hyperventilate. This is a hell of a guy."

I'm not sure, but I think the book he signed was the Guide to Guys, a particular favorite of mine. I took it with me when I took my Dad to the doctor right before he got diagnosed with prostate cancer. We didn't know what was wrong with him, but we knew it wasn't good, and we were all pretty tightly wound.

While we were waiting for the doctor, I started reading to my Dad out of GTG, and he laughed so hard he did that embarrassing high pitched snort thing, and I said "DaAad...shhh...if you keep laughing like that, they won't believe you're really sick!"

Thanks, Dave. I owe you one. Two.

PS. Sorry to be Captain Bringdown, mentioning The Big C. I'll just counter it with a heartfelt Booger.

LISTENING to corn grow is actually pretty cool. So I am told.

Listening to corn grow is pretty cool, but you gotta turn the woofers way up and kick in the Dolby. If it's the DVD version DTS really helps....

I *think* I met Dave Barry once. I'm not sure, 'cause it was dark and he spoke to me from, like, 10 yards away (yard the measurement, not, say, 10 lawns away - that would be silly).

I was working at Disney World at the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse in early 2002, back when Dick Cheney was MIA most of the time, and the place was deserted 'cause everyone was watching the night parade over in Liberty Square. This one guy walks past, and I call to him to have a good night. He stops, turns and asks, "Is Dick Cheney up there?" Not really wuick on my feet at that point, I replied, "Not that I know of," and slowly realized as he walked away, "Hey! That's Dave Barry!" I'm still not positive him was him, but it's a great story, and I almost don't want to know for sure. Except that I do. Dave, if you're reading this, let me know if that was you. If it wasn't, just pretend, 'cause that's the best celebrity sighting story I have, and I have a few.

Whew, sorry so long. And D'oh! I meant quick, not "wuick".

This is a sign that I should not make fun of television, since a few years ago, I proclaimed to my friends that television programs would get so boring that they'd have a show about watching paint dry. I wonder if I can sue the producers for stealing my idea...

Think about the merchandising options. Bristley the camel hair paint brush with 6 different interchangeable colors. Buzzy: the plush doll fly who so bravely gave his life in the making of the show. Heck, you could even sell people their very own paint watching kits, theres the answer to child obecity right there.

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