ATTENTION, CITY-DWELLERS

Looking for a nice, quiet place in the country?

Comments

[bigscarymike]

First!

I need a life.

[Yura Nasshat]

You can have mine.

[Irrelevant]

I think PTerry has some spare, you could ask him...

[Graz]

Hey, you could buy it and start digging..

The rest of this disgusting comment was deleted by a modicoum of human decency

We now return you to you regularly witty commenting......

[punky brewster]

When I die, please don't bury me in a cemetery named after my ... um ... well, named Beaver.

[Graz]

But, Punky, that's where I want to die and be buried.....

In theory anyhow....

[Con]

Wow, a dying cemetery.

[Con]

Terminal orgasm. Yeah, that's the ticket. :)

[waxwing]

But where do they bury dead beavers, then?

[D'Artagnan]

...and there are no takers as the family tries to sell it.

That is grave news.

[BMX3]

Can you reposses a cemetary?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Batchelor, Bob? Does he know Funeral Director Barbie? I'll bet she could dig up some business.

[BMX3]

Host: And now let's play the Family Feud! First up the batchelor Family. Bob, name something that's hard to get rid of.

Bob: Um, a cemetary?

Host: O.K., let's see "a cemetary"!!!!

Buzzer: Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Host: Ah, nobody said cemetary. I can't figure that one out Bob, those things must terrible to get rid of.

[eadn]

Actually, I'm going to be cremated. So if my own cemetery goes out of business before I do, well, I still got my own urn even if it's a discontinued model. Whaddahey, after I'm dead, any old niche'll do.

(Yes, I'm sure that's in bad taste, but since I've taken care of most of my family affairs, I also have taken care of my own. Nothin' like knowing your place in death ;-)

[waxwing]

Q: "How much does a Grecian Urn?"
A: "Oh, about a twenty drachmas a day."

Can't help it, I love bad jokes even those as old as that one.

[eadn]

Hey waxwing! Ya know, it may sound funny, but when I was picking mine out, the guy showed me the "basic cheapie". Looked like one of them little plastic garbage cans like you'd put in your car only with a lid on it!

Suffice to say, I didn't go for the "cheapie". If I don't live in style, I sho's'el can at least go out in style. 'Course there's laws, elsewise, I'd just say "Put me in a Hefty and park me at the end of the driveway!" :-)

[Garret]

Did anyone else get a crazy taco pop-up in the upper right corner?

It comes with a loud crunching sound. Scared me half to death. Of course, now I want a taco.

Clever crapweasels.

[waxwing]

Did you bring enough tacos for _everyone_ Garret, now that you've made us think of them? mmmmm, tacos. Oh no, you don't suppose all the men visualizing "beavers" have triggered the ad-bots to show taco ads do you?

Cremation option here also, but if I know ahead of time, it's a one-way ticket on a luxury cruise ship where I will spend and thrill and enjoy and party, but jump mid-ocean.

~~\o/~~ "...glub! "no wait, come back, I've changed my mind! glub glub glub..."

[Jeff Meyerson]

eadn: You jest, but my father-in-law said exactly the same thing for years! (Put him in a Hefty Bag & leave him by the curb.) Needless to say, it didn't happen -- can you imagine the poor garbagemen seeing that and dropping dead on the spot? He was cremated and we're going the same way too. Dead is dead, and if there is anything that survives it isn't in the body in the ground.

[eadn]

Jeff an odd little tidbit I read several years ago said that even bodies that weren't embalmed were taking longer to *ahem* decompose because of all the preservatives we eat.

OK, that's enough morbidity for me!

[djtonyb]

Eadn: A spot for your stylish urn has been reserved over the Bloglit's bar (even if it is a discontinued model, this place needs more decor) ;)

[Graz]

Just encase me in a Lucite cube.

My wardrobe for my final look is optional.

Preferably something in silk.

[djtonyb]

Oooh, great idea, Graz. We could use a coffee table in the lounge.

[eadn]

heh heh dj, that'll work. I got an eighth of the Irish in me, so when the wake gets rockin' real good, maybe I'll stir up enough for a puff of ash :-)

Graz, your comment makes me think of a line from a TV series..."wraaapped in plaaastic". Shouldn't be too hard for the Bloglits to name ;-)

[Graz]

Works for me DjT......

That way I never miss a party.

[Lmd33]

I don't care what they do with me when I'm gone. Wrap me in cellaphane and flush me down the toilet, for all I care. (Of course, that may cause the shock of a lifetime for some Roto Rooter guy.)

[Jessica]

I hope that all of you plan to donate organs and such before they burn you up. Lots of people could benefit from your demise and a little piece of you will be around a few more years. Something else that I read recently, did you know that they can now plasticize body parts and use them in classes to train surgeons. I saw a picture of a head that this was done to, and it looked creepy, but, man, what a great way to learn! Donating your body to science is a generous thing to do.

[punky brewster]

I'm a donor.

I'm also hungry ... so I'm going to make myself a nice pb&j on potato bread ...

[waxwing]

Yeah, I'm a donor too, always have been, but harbor no dillusions the med students, etc., will treat my cadaver with respect and concern and dignity as an (ex) person. No, someone will likely jab an eyeball (or worse) with a pencil and chase somone else around the lab, but I hope they harvest the reusable pieces first.

[eadn]

Jessica, if I had a better body, I'd agree with you. But alas, by the time I'm done with it nobody'll want nothin' of what's left of what I got. Not too mention that it's half-broke already ;-)

[punky brewster]

But your spirit sure is in tip top shape, and that's why we love ya!

[eadn]

Hmm, Punky, potato bread...haven't thought of that in years. My Mom and Grandmother used to make it and I'd scarf it down like crazy.

WITH peanut butter, of course, sometimes "j" too!

Just to get it off my aged chest! Adams Olde-Fashioned Peanut Butter. Crunchy. PRIMO! THE BEST! A VERITABLE STAPLE OF MY EXISTENCE!

But canya believe that after almost 40 years of livin' knowin' to look for the Adams jar wit de RED lid...They done changed both jars (Creamy was yellow) to a dark blue and now I got reset my olden ways to not only look for a BLUE-lid Adams, then check that it says "CRUNCHY" not "CREAMY" TOO!

OK, call me a whiny school-boy and, actually, I been complainin' about this for a week! :-)

[Graz]

I'm listed as a donor on my license....

So sure, you can do what you want with my body parts.

[waxwing]

Joshkr,

LOL! If only such a note were enforceable! "I wish my ear to be stapled to van Gogh's "Self Portrait" frame" etc.

At one time I worked for an animal shelter and pickung up a live chicken at the cornoner's and chasing a cat around the basement of a funeral home have affected my opinions of death with dignity in a capitalistic world, maybe?

I like your idea better...oh, the possibilities!

[Stash]

I like to be ecological even in death. That's why my will specifies that my remains go to the Catfoodatorium when I die.

[eadn]

Stash, well that explains my olde kitty's gleam in her eye when she's mad at me!

[me]

Plastic body parts wbagnfarb

Or better yet - plastic cadavers

[kj]

Your inspirational thought for the day (don't know who wrote it): "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, WOW! What a ride!"

[waxwing]

RE: the quote

on my computer, it looks like an entity going by the name of "kj" wrote it, on May 23 at 10:57 PM. does that help identify the culprit?
~cool quote, btw~

one of my favorites is from a book of quotations called "Whole Grains", attributed to an unfamiliar person, and it goes like this:
"Quote me in your book or I'll kick your ass!"

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

How many dead people are buried in that Cemetery?

ALL of them, what did you think? Yeesh!

[igwanna]

Taking over running a cemetary?

Yikes, that sounds like wuite an undertaking...

[igwanna]

Taking over running a cemetary?

Yikes, that sounds like quite an undertaking...

[iand]

Hi all

Does anyone know where I can find articles (or similar) that speak about the alleged link between the preservatives present in western diets and the increased length of time it takes for human corpses to decompose? I'm writing a book and I need a reference to back up this claim.