WE ARE PRETTY SURE...
... The Blog did not already post this item. What man would?
Key quote: "Having this exhibit, we can stop envying America, where Napoleon
Bonaparte's penis is now kept. Napoleon’s penis is but a small ”pod“ it cannot stand comparison to our organ of 30 centimeters…” the head of the museum said.
(Thanks to c00kie)
Now we know how Rasputin could get all those women for his all-night orgies. That's a big mofo! I wonder how much it has increased in size from being preserved.
Posted by: telcontar | April 29, 2004 at 07:28 PM
It's a pickled penis!
First!
Posted by: Punky Brewster | April 29, 2004 at 07:29 PM
Damn. Not first.
But it is still a pickled penis!
Pickled Penis wbagnfarb?
Posted by: Punky Brewster | April 29, 2004 at 07:30 PM
Jeez, these guys are dead and there is still the size debate.
Posted by: Graz | April 29, 2004 at 07:30 PM
Not agnfarb. Nor would Napoleon's pod bagnfarb.
Posted by: Graz | April 29, 2004 at 07:33 PM
ALthough not transcribed from the story, Pickled Penis Cult wmagnfarb. Except that it sounds like Blue Oyster Cult. Oh well.
Oh, and First!
Posted by: telcontar | April 29, 2004 at 07:35 PM
30 cm? At that point, they should just be measured in "hands".
Posted by: Brad | April 29, 2004 at 07:41 PM
I'm thinking: If they tossed his body into the frozen river, how did the..um..organ come to be in the jar? Did they remove it after they shot him but before they tossed him? Or (most hideously) while he was still alive?
Of course the most likely possibility is that it is not Rasputin's dong in the jar.
Posted by: Andy Perrin | April 29, 2004 at 07:52 PM
I always thought that preservation shrunk them. Maybe that's not the case with pickling.
Posted by: Dave Munger | April 29, 2004 at 08:02 PM
Russia is cold - maybe they breed them big up there like the Walrus.
Of course, in Australia that length is considered "slightly below average".
Posted by: Jacob Aldridge | April 29, 2004 at 08:06 PM
Oh for the love of God! The LAST thing I want to see at a museum is some ancient guy's pickled pecker.
Posted by: Gregg | April 29, 2004 at 09:01 PM
The penis is ugly as it is...a pickled penis is just as bad if not worse.
Posted by: MeL | April 29, 2004 at 09:51 PM
Damn ugly shlong. You sure Rasputin was Homo Sapiens?
Posted by: Seth|Loop | April 29, 2004 at 10:55 PM
Peter Piper picked a pickled pecker;
A peck of pickled pecker Peter Piper picked;
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pecker,
Where's the peck of pickled pecker Peter Piper picked?
Say THAT 5 times fast!!!
Posted by: Plugo2K | April 29, 2004 at 11:06 PM
Are we surprised that this was posted by Judi??
Posted by: Mitch Skelton | April 30, 2004 at 12:28 AM
30 cm is nearly 12", right? Zoinks.
"Many of the noble women were believed to be in sexual relations with Rasputin, possibly including the Empress." No. Really? Gosh, I can't imagine why.
Very sneaky of Judi. She posts a penis picture (albeit a pickled penis picture) in the name of history. I think jarred penises should still carry the "DO NOT OPEN AT WORK, OIYDWYMTTY(NY)G warning."
And poor Napoleon. His pickled penis is minding its own business here in the U.S. and it gets called a "pod" by some Rusky.
Mad Monk and the Pickled Penises might bagnfarb.
Posted by: Garret | April 30, 2004 at 01:12 AM
To all young ladies, near and far
I've got your desire, here in a jar.
I may be dead, I may be fickle,
But you gotta admit, that's an impressive pickle!
Posted by: Rasputin | April 30, 2004 at 03:00 AM
To all young ladies, near and far
I've got your desire, here in a jar.
I may be dead, I may be fickle,
But you gotta admit, that's an impressive pickle!
OMG! That is too friggin' hilarious! LOL
Posted by: Angie | April 30, 2004 at 03:08 AM
There once was a man named "Mad Monk"
Who's pecker was an elephant's trunk.
He got close to the throne,
because of his bone,
but they threw him in the river, kerplunk.
Posted by: mudstuffin | April 30, 2004 at 03:12 AM
Mudstuffin: Bravo! Encore!
Posted by: Angie | April 30, 2004 at 03:13 AM
Wow. ROTFL to both Rasputin and mudstuffin.
Posted by: telcontar | April 30, 2004 at 03:14 AM
You do realize that the convex curvature of the jar magnifies the pickled pecker inside! It's probably only around half that size.
Posted by: Gregg | April 30, 2004 at 03:19 AM
Jacob, that was a riot.
Making plans to go to Australia.
Posted by: Lisa | April 30, 2004 at 03:28 AM
There once was a man from St. Petersburg
who's organ stood at 30 centemeter-ers.
Because it's so long,
we'll cut off his schlong,
(Okay, I need help here. Gotta go to a meeting)
Posted by: mudstuffin | April 30, 2004 at 03:29 AM
and the royal wives will stop being cheater-ers?
Posted by: Lisa | April 30, 2004 at 03:33 AM
What amused me was the wistful look on the lady's face.
Posted by: markhh | April 30, 2004 at 03:35 AM
What amused me was the similarity in the lengths of the face and the, er, schlong.
Posted by: Lisa | April 30, 2004 at 03:41 AM
Lisa: Beautiful! Thanks.
Posted by: mudstuffin | April 30, 2004 at 03:47 AM
My pleasure
Posted by: Lisa | April 30, 2004 at 03:52 AM
Rasputin was old Russia's chance
To put Royal ladies in trance
Oh not with a watch-
Cause that would have been botch
He just had to unfasten his pants
Posted by: jer | April 30, 2004 at 04:06 AM
I'm getting very sleepy..
Posted by: Lisa | April 30, 2004 at 04:08 AM
Napoleon’s penis is but a small ”pod“
The correct spelling, I believe, good sirrah, is "pud"
Russians. Hmmph!
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | April 30, 2004 at 04:33 AM
They lured him to the palace of one of the princes; fed him poisoned cakes and wine, shot him and then threw him into the frozen river.
And then they took him out of the river, smacked him in the face with a white glove, challenged him to a duel, then boiled him in a vat of sulfuric acid.
Posted by: c00kie | April 30, 2004 at 04:46 AM
Were the Russians really envying America before this because of Napolean's penis? Sitting around drinking vodka saying, "You know what we really need to make this the best damned country on earth?" I mean...!
Posted by: Amber | April 30, 2004 at 04:49 AM
I think you're right ,Amber. That is carrying penis envy a bit far.
Posted by: Graz | April 30, 2004 at 04:52 AM
Did not need to see that picture.
Meanwhile, it's all making sense. Napoleon had some major inferiority issues to deal with -- height & penis size. By attempting to take over the world, maybe just maybe he could redeem himself and feel a shred of manhood.
Guys have it tough.
Posted by: JCT | April 30, 2004 at 06:15 AM
Wonder how many times Chekov told this story in the locker room on the Enterprise....
Posted by: eadn | April 30, 2004 at 08:45 AM
No longer quite speechless...
Do you think the Russians have the right meaning for the word "civilized"?
Posted by: Jil | April 30, 2004 at 11:20 AM
In defense of the midget frog fascist dictator, his penis was mummified. That shrinks it. Have you ever seen a hung mummy?
Posted by: Dave Munger | April 30, 2004 at 12:22 PM
I don't see what the big deal is. Isn't everyone's that size? Or just me.
Posted by: Sean | May 02, 2004 at 05:00 AM
Hey, read my previous comment to Punky. I sent this one in on Thursday morning. I wuz robbed!
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 03, 2004 at 10:33 AM
SOme enterprising travel agent is probably already planning a Russian tour with the processed cheese monument and Rasputin's shlong. Maybe if they can get that giant ball of string and a few more things they can make it worth the airfare.
I had the unpleasant experience of seeing Napolean's stuffed items (also including his dog, if my memory isn't gone) in Paris. Trust me, the pictures are bad enough.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 03, 2004 at 10:38 AM
"schlong"
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 03, 2004 at 10:39 AM
hey funny post I had never thought in Napoleon's penis!!!
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