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April 21, 2004


This year, give Mom a Banana Guard.

(Thanks to Leah Bach)


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This could nestle next to the stud finder in my purse for the moose/cobra project.

"A glow in the dark banana case," she says, blushing, "How terribly thoughtful of you, Dear!"

Banana Guard was specially designed to fit the vast majority of bananas. Its other features include multiple small perforations to facilitate ventilation thereby preventing premature ripening and a sturdy locking mechanism...

I've had problems with premature ripening, too, but what's the locking mechanism for?

To keep the possibly prematurely ripened banana from escaping before you are ready for it to.

(my wife's name is Lisa)

Honey, is that you? You seem to know me.

Realize that bananas have a higher street value in Canada (not reviews)and warrant the protection in the northern climate - its an economics thing. I think.

Realize that bananas have a higher street value in Canada (note reviews)and warrant the protection in the northern climate - its an economics thing. I think.

That is absurd. My banana would never fit in there.

No mudstuffin, and here I was so certain that I was the only Lisa there is or ever was forever in the world. Tell YOUR Lisa that I had to explain the sturdy locking mechanism to you..=)

If I brought a pink, banana-shaped, plastic object to work I would never live it down!

She won't be surprised.

Buy organic bananas! I worked on an organic banana farm in Costa Rica last year, and it was less wasteful, more environmentally sound, and the workers had better conditions. We also took a brief tour of a conventional banana plantation, that supplies your normal supermarket bananas, and to give you some idea of what that was like, the guy in charge told us before we even got there that we weren't allowed to bring any sort of camera.

Key quote: "Protect your banana!"
Innuendo, innuendo.

I got your banana RIGHT HERE!

Thank you evil pixie, for you impassioned plea on behalf of organic bananas. On behalf of what I am sure are thousands of concientious consumers that read this blather... I mean blog, I thank you for your shrill indictment on the vast banana-wing conspiracy. And especially providing proof that - gasp - no cameras were allowed. Shockers!

Can we just call you 'Chaquita' instead of pixie?

Evil Pixie, please don't listen to the snake, I am leaping to your defense and thanking you for your plea for organic banana buying. I'm sure that means a lot coming from a non stripping Amber, but hey, take what you can get. Keep up the good work!

Wow! Thanks for making my Mother's Day shopping so easy and convenient. My wife and my mother will both be thrilled to know that they are getting Dave Barry endorsed products!

Although I begin to wonder why Dave found this before Judy . . . hmmmmm?!?

I vote that we take up a collection and send several cases (in assorted colors) to the Rev. Donald Wildmon and the American Family Association.

Let me be the first: "organic banana" wbagnfarb.

Organic bananas? Phhhhh. I'm perfectly happy with my cybernetic bananas, thank you.

I concur with the comment about buying Organic Costa Rican Bananas. People should receive a fair price for satisfying your banana needs.

And if you don't think there is a banana conspiracy going on listen to this: If you go to Central America and buy some bananas, you will notice that the majority of them are almost completely straight. Apparently the banana industry has decided that Americans only want to buy curved banana that fit their expectations of what a banana looks like (and fits their Banana Guard too I guess), so they actually sort out all of the curved banana for export. The nerve of them for making such assumptions about us... now if only they weren't probably right...

ooooo...I want one that glows in the dark! Finally, someone invented something to stop the "growing problem" of getting a squishy banana at work.
Squishy bananas make the BEST banana bread!

"Satisfying your banana needs." Mike, that HAS to be a euphemism for something!

Wow, this matches the banana hammock I gave Dad for Father's day last year!

The banana hammock is soooooo 12-months-ago.

From the Banana Growers' Association, this jingle:

You can fry 'em, you can slice 'em
Either way you oughta try some

They are great with coconut or
Chocolate sauce or peanut butter

Oh! Bananas have it all
They make berries seem banal!
From Montana to Mobile
Have bananas with your meal.
They're the answer, what a deal
All your troubles seem to vanish with

(from Prairie Home Companion, w-a-y back in the 80's)

Curved bananas, straight bananas, squishy bananas, latino bananas, locking mechanisms ... so many choices.

*sighs nostalgically for her single days*

I apologize for bringing in a serious topic, but I feel I should provide a few more deatails. On conventional farms, any bananas that don't meet a certain thickness are thrown out. Workers who apply chemical pesticides, fertilizers, and fungicides by hand are often not given proper safety equipment; many have ended up steril because of this. The plantations also only hire them for short periods of a few months; the workers end up bouncing back and forth between 2 or 3 plantations, and because of short term contracts, the plantations don't have to provide benefits or a living wage. On the (certified) organic farms, all bananas are used regardless of size, the plants are integrated into the forest rather than clearcutting it for banana fields, and no chemicals are used. They gave us machettes to cut off diseased leaves! It was fun.

Pixie, apology accepted based on the socially important message, plus the entertainment value of the visual of an evil little pixie hacking her way environmentally through the rain forest. you're adorable!

Thanks Amber! This is why I love the blog- lots of people with good senses of humor. Plus the giant squid. What more do you need in life?

I also throw out bananas that don't meet thickness requirements. Also if they are too soft or have spots on them.

These can only be smushed up and used in banana bread.

What if your banana's too big?

I've never heard of that though I have seen pictures.

At my organic banana plantation, we use machines to harvest everything, curve the uncircumsized bananas for the Americans, and gratuitously kill migrant workers with their own quiant machetes.

However, we pass the savings on to YOU!

If it makes you feel any better, I do buy fair trade coffee.

Do you do the curve to specification?

they look obscene.

sort of like hard banana condoms.

Lisa, (I'm a Lisa too)

Your comments regarding soft, spotty, thin bananas reminds me of someone I used to know... yeeeee-heee-heeeesh! Musdtuffin? Is that you???

NO, but mudstuffin thought I might be his wife who is also a Lisa...

Oops, sorry for the misspelling.

Are all Lisas from Joisey?

Lisa, we curve to a closely guarded specification that our market studies have shown please the American banana consumer by 26% more than a randomly curved banana. With use of our colorful banana protectors, we're certain that you will find your banana-consuming-g-spot in no time!

This one is not, born and raised in FL

Got any bananas with knobs or ridges on them?

omg, I just slid off my chair

Ah, so your parents are from NJ! I knew it! :-)

I bet Klingons grow some great bananas.

I may have started it, but Lisa, the number of penis jokes you made today make me wonder if you aren't related to Judi or Judi herself incognito.

Staring at Christobol's Organic Banana Plantation in it's entirety

I truly am a newbie to this blog, but everyone here seems to think I am someone else. And lets be honest here, these articles are BEGGING for penis jokes.

Leetie, I have disappointed no-one but my wife who is not Lisa but Lisa for 18 years.

Wow - 18 years, is there any wonder about the spots?

well, actually it's a wonderful idea.

you have your plastic lunchbox. inside you have your plastic banana-protectored banana, a thermos to protect your drink, a ziplock bag for your sandwich, and other various assorted plastic covered hermetically sealed foods. just throw in a plastic box for your toothbrush, and you'll have safe eating.

i just have one question about the organic banana thing. don't you find it incongruous to cover your organic banana in plastic? how save-the-earth is that? shouldn't you have a biodegradable banana cover?

Wow... organic bananas DO stay firm longer! Thanks, Christobol!

Mudstuffin, I've been in the same banana boat for 12 years myself.... only one teeny spot has shown up so far.

When life gives you bananas,


1/2 cup oil
1 cup sugar
2 eggs, beaten
3 bananas, mashed
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
3 Tablespoons buttermilk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
Cream oil, sugar, and eggs in mixer; beat well. Sift together flour, soda, baking powder, and salt; add to banana mixture. Add buttermilk, vanilla, and nuts. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes.

Oh good, they sell these at Dufferin Mall - a 10 minute bus ride from my house! I guess I'll grab some when I'm there shopping at Wal-Mart!

And thanks for the recipe, MKJ!

You might think this is fantastic,
But I encase my banana in plastic.
From bruises protected,
no spots are detected
which is all for the good, coz I'm past it.

hooray for organic bananas!Pixie.if u ran for sth,i'd vote for u.

This seems the perfect time to let u guys know abt Biobags--biodegradable plastic.thr's plastic that decomposes as soon is it comes in contact with water--and plastic that decompose after being buried in the ground etc etc..(so ur bags wont disintegrate in the rain)...made from sturdy carbs from corn.
*sings,captain planet,he's our hero...*

Um. . . sounds more like a Father's Day than Mother's Day gift.

Bananas in plastic guards...r coming down the stairs...

sookeyjane - Actually, bananas have come in a biodegradable cover for eons. But it wasn't re-usable and could not withstand trauma very well.

Dammit, I have had the idea of making a banana-shaped tupperware for YEARS!! I also told a lot of people about my idea, and now these guys from my hometown have put one out....I'm very suspicious....

So now what happens when the guy from Monty Python tries to disarm the assailant who was armed with a banana??

So now what happens when the guy from Monty Python tries to disarm the assailant who was armed with a banana??

aaargh! The deadly double post, that's what happens!

you're so right, pogo, about the biodegradeable wrapping for bananas....

and the best thing about them is that after you peel it off the banana, you can cause endless entertainment by dropping it on a slick floor and waiting for unsuspecting walkers.

"what's that yellow thing?"

"i don't know, let's step on it"

"waaaaa" wham.

biodegradable and degrading, doesn't get any better than that.

Dum dee dum dum. . .

I'm just mad about Saffron,
Saffron's mad about me
I'm a-just mad about Saffron,
She's just mad about me.
They call me mellow yellow Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow.

I'm just mad about Fourteen,
A-Fourteen's mad about me
I'm a-just a-mad about a-Fourteen,
She's just mad about me.
They call me mellow yellow
They call me mellow yellow Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow.

Born high forever to fly,
Wind-a velocity nil.
Born high forever to fly,
If you want your cup I will fill.
They call me mellow yellow Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow.
He's so mellow, mellow fellow

Electrical banana
Is gonna be a sudden craze.
Electrical banana
Is bound to be the very next phase.
They call it mellow yellow Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow.

You, ah, Saffron, yeah,
I'm just mad about her
I'm a-just a-mad about a-Saffron,
She's just mad about me.
They call me mellow yellow Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow.

Oh so mellow, oh so mellow, oh so mellow.

(*it all comes flooding back*)
Bananas unite!
Bananas split!
Peel, bananas
Peel, peel, bananas
Go, bananas
Go, go, bananas
You peel to the left
and you peel to the right
You peel your banana and you
UGH! Take a bite!

I apologize to all for my outburst.

It's going to be stuck in my head now for days, alex, but you're welcome.

Key quote from the site: "This venture is aimed at preventing the tragedy of bruised bananas." Ouch!

Flippin' like a pancake, poppin' like a cork
Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snork.
Tra-la-la, la-la-la-la, Tra-la-la, la-la-la-la

Beware the Sour Grapes Bunch!

I don't know about anyone else, but I have always protected my banana from harm without the use of plastic.

Latex maybe, but never plastic.

I just think if I were a banana I would want a er, box that conforms to my unique shape.


you people are retarded

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