THERE'S NO PLEASING SOME PEOPLE
Canadians, anyway. "Federal pot isn't worth smoking."
(Thanks to Brad B.)
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April 30, 2004
WEDDING DRESS UPDATE
Just so people will stop sending the original link, really. Apparently 24 is not just the name of a tv show; it's also the attention span of the average blog reader... if it was blogged 2 days ago, it doesn't exist.
[Thanks to Jonathan "At No Jahn (that's the best I could do, ok?)"] (Jahn? DAVE Jahn?)
TRIED AND TRUE TEACHING METHOD
"Do as I say, not as I do."
(Thanks to Deontologist) (No, really)
GUY-O-RAMA
A cherished myth destroyed.
(Thanks to Chris Miller, who goes to the mall in December just to pull the whiskers off of Santa.)
MORE ON GUYS VS MEN
We're actually not sure which this involves. Can guys be nerds, too? And can they be named Charise?
(Thanks to Lane Closure)
GUYS VS MEN: The Quiz
Would a man do this?
(Thanks to Steve Regn)
CAUTION
CURIOUS BASEBALL FANS
We demand to know more about this incident (paragraph 3); did it have anything to do with the fact that the pitcher's name is Bong?
(Thanks to Garret Wood)
ATTENTION, FREQUENT FLIERS
Do not read this.
(Thanks to Michael J. Ester)
FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSES WILL BE ISSUED TO
This woman AND her mother.
(Thanks to Elaine Harder and Steve)
A TRAGIC CONDITION THAT WE SIMPLY DO NOT THINK ABOUT ENOUGH
(Thanks to Savitri)
ATTENTION, PEOPLE ABOUT TO UNDERGO SURGERY
Do not read this.
Key Quote: "What more can you say when your man's stomach's hanging out?"
(Thanks to many people)
CHUCK-A-RAMA UPDATE
An apology has been issued in the tragic Chuck-a-Rama incident.
(Thanks to Octavia Sawyer)
TERRORISM UPDATE
Now the bastards are using kangaroos to attack former kung fu star David Carradine.
Key Quote: "They were like Hells Angels kangaroos, man."
(Thanks to many people)
April 29, 2004
WE ARE PRETTY SURE...
... The Blog did not already post this item. What man would?
Key quote: "Having this exhibit, we can stop envying America, where Napoleon
Bonaparte's penis is now kept. Napoleon’s penis is but a small ”pod“ it cannot stand comparison to our organ of 30 centimeters…” the head of the museum said.
(Thanks to c00kie)
GET THE NOBEL PRIZE READY
...for whoever invented this.
(Thanks to Tom Chaudoir)
WE PROBABLY ALREADY POSTED THIS ITEM, TOO
But we don't care.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
IRS NITPICKING
Now they're trying to tell us we can't even pretend to be a Hawaiian princess!
(Thanks to Alex Danchanko)
TERRORISM UPDATE
Now the bastards are using exploding pet food.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Update: According to alert commenters, this item has already been posted. Our excuse is that, being busy posting items, we do not always have time to personally read them. We apologize, and promise to investigate this matter and have several people fired, even if this means we have to go out and hire people for the express purpose of firing them. Thank you.
April 28, 2004
A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE IS ON ITS WAY
...to this motorist.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
THOSE FASCIST BASTARDS
Now they want to take away our government-funded lava lamps.
(Thanks to Chris Glenn)
BAD HEADLINE OF THE WEEK
(Thanks to Renee Vanderslice)
SCIENCE ISSUE OF THE DAY
(Thanks to Eric Spiegelman, who notes in a totally mature fashion that one of the experts quoted is named "Dr. Wood.")
ATTENTION, VACATION PLANNERS
Time to book a flight to Moscow.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Steve)
WHOOPS
Seems like there's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black on this blog today. MIAMI! We love it!
(Thanks to Daniel C. Benton, Jr.)
DIGITALLY ENHANCED
Bob the Builder Does Japan.
(Thanks to Justin Gehrts)
NOT FROM CALIFORNIA?
(Thanks to Steve Regn)
CALIFORNIANS: A BUNCH OF LOONS, OR WHAT?
(Thanks to Karen Satlin)
ATTENTION, JAPAN
Be on the lookout for naked prefectures.
(Thanks to Bill Crider)
WHY WE LOVE CALIFORNIANS
They're not afraid to tackle the important issues.
CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE
Now they want to take away our precious constitutional right to annoy squirrels.
DALLAS APARTMENT-DWELLING COBRAS UPDATE
Apparently Dallas is infested with cobras. Fortunately, snake hunter Daryl Sprout is on the job.
UPDATE: Commenter gfunksizzle comments: "I hope Daryl Sprout, snake hunter, has a theme song. That'd make it a lot cooler."
This blog agrees, and suggests that we all write such a song. It might go something like:
If you got a snake
That you want to get out
The man to call
Is Daryl Sprout
April 27, 2004
IF YOU THOUGHT THE WHOLE SPECIALTY COFFEE INSANITY -- THE RESULT OF WHICH IS THAT IT NOW TAKES FOREVER TO GET A CUP OF FREAKING COFFEE -- WAS AS BAD AS IT WAS GOING TO GET
(Thanks to C.J. Anderson AND LILY)
ATTENTION, SUGGESTIBLE PEOPLE
Do not click here.
(Thanks to Kerig "You are getting sleepy" Pope)
CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE
Now they want to take away our ski resorts' precious right to keep and bear howitzers.
(Thanks to Anne Morton August and Kathreen Kruse)
UPBEAT MEDICAL STORY OF THE DAY
It has everything! A dog! A detached eyelid! A doctor named "Kamran Khoobehi!" LEECHES!
(Thanks to Diana Hatch)
ATTENTION, BRIDES
Need a slightly used dress?
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
MOST SHOCKING HEADLINE OF THE CENTURY SO FAR
Alcohol bottles found at fraternity
(Thanks to Thad Humphries)
WHO SAYS TEENAGERS TODAY ARE SOFT?
Key Quote: "I think he is the biggest, baddest thing in the woods. He punched the bear."
(Thanks to Jason Easterday and Jeff Meyerson)
CALIFORNIA POLICE: READING TOO MANY COMIC BOOKS?
We report; you decide.
(Thanks to Eric Spiegelman)
WE DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT ART, BUT WE KNOW WHAT MAKES US GO EWWW
"Artist" makes pistol with her own skin.
Key Logical Argument: "If everyone made a pistol from their own skin, I think they would think twice about using a gun."
(Thanks to many people, including Christine Basham, who notes, "If guns are outlawed, only really flabby people will have guns.")
TERRORISM UPDATE
Now they're using sausage bombs.
(Thanks to Bob Spalding)
THE EXPLODING TOILET EPIDEMIC
It's getting worse.
(Thanks to Craig Brinker)
CREPING FASCISM UPDATE
Now they're seizing our children's giant snails.
(Thanks to many people)
HEY, DUDE
Wanna do some scorpion?
April 26, 2004
AN OLDER ITEM, BUT STILL AN EXCELLENT NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
THE GOOD NEWS IS, POST-IT NOTES COULD SOON BE BETTER THAN EVER
The bad news is, they might eat their mates.
WHY THIS BLOG IS NOT WORRIED ABOUT MODERN YOUTH
Because modern youth is keeping busy.
(Thanks to Chris Miller)
NORTH IDAHO TRAFFIC UPDATE
"OK, let me see your license, your registration, your snake, your alligator, your tarantula, your..."
ATTENTION, HANDY MALES
Here's the ultimate do-it-yourself project.
Reassuring Quote: Everyone easily can do circumcision, Comfortable and safe operation with no incision, suture, blood and slight pain!
(Thanks to Claire Martin)