IF YOU THOUGHT THE WHOLE SPECIALTY COFFEE INSANITY -- THE RESULT OF WHICH IS THAT IT NOW TAKES FOREVER TO GET A CUP OF FREAKING COFFEE -- WAS AS BAD AS IT WAS GOING TO GET

Think again.

(Thanks to C.J. Anderson AND LILY)

Comments

[Lee]

First! Take that!

[djtonyb]

But has the coffee been Weasel Processed(tm)?

[evil little pixie]

Key quote: "one day I was pouring it and I saw an eye appear." Maybe it's just me, but I don't I'd want to drink a cup of coffee that body parts started appearing in!

[Lee]

And if he'd put it on ice, it could have been reattached.

[djtonyb]

I remember seeing Bangi's score somewhere, but heaven knows what thread it's in. Maybe she'll enlighten us in the morning.

[lurker]

Australians: you have waaaaaaaaay too much free time.

[Lily]

Hey,
I'm not offended at all about someone else getting credit for this. For all I know he sent it early today. Besides I have no idea how to send in an idea. I just do desserts. Fer cryin' out loud I can't even figure out how to link. Even with help from Punky:)

[Garret]

That is spooky that Lily was just offering this same artistic service on the MOAT. Lawsuit!

Lee: Shadows and darkness ... wisit you at night ....

[Lee]

Aaaaaaahahhahhahah!

MWUAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Lily]

Maybe instead of learning to link to a web-site, I can just link directly to your brains. I think I know a Dr. who can help me with that. You all just need to relax. . . you are getting sleepy. . . .

[Lee]

Suddenly, Lily scores 588,212,069 on the Kinky Test. And begins gibbering, hicupping and spasming out of control!

Pull out, Lily! Pull out, before it's too late!

[eadn]

OK Dave, and my Apologies for my hyper-sensitivity.

Been down too many dead-end roads as a good old dragon ;-)

Lily, I'm not sleepy, just hungry and need to rest for the night. The Blog and Bloglits can just done wear lil ole me out! :-)

dj, no, Bangi_Gurl hasn't posted her score though she has no reason to worry about it.

Garret, ya got the point of my "call" in the MOAT and Thank You!

That's IT! I'm gonna go have a lonesome dinner, watch a few sitcoms, and prostrate my self into bed!

I'm done for tonight / day / whatever....

[djtonyb]

Oh, and Dave, no more "coffeee" for you after dinner.

[Lee]

Night eadn, Spike has this really dumb, but very funny, gameshow on called Oblivious. Check it out.

[Doug Brockmeier]

The Kinko's in Riverside gives you free coffee, and no one's ever in line. Then again, it's Kinko's coffee. You can get free coffee most anywhere that isn't Starbucks, now. All the coffee in the world tastes the same to me, so I'm just fortunate I guess. I am also an evil genius, but that's an easy fix.

[Genevieve]

But I thought I asked for hot chocolate, not coffee. You can still do that, right, Lily?

[MeL]

Who needs coffee when you can have sweet tea??

[Lily]

Your hot cocoa is over on the MOAT. I'll just whip the cart over real quick and you can have it.

The link I was trying so pathetically to create over there was for you. By happy chance it was the one for this thread. And thanks to my phenomenal mental powers, here you are;)

Aren't you all glad I only use my powers for good?

BTW That's what eadn was so worked up about.

Here you go. Enjoy!

[gfunksizzle]

I'm a 265 on the test. A young life dooms you on that thing, I'm afraid...

[CJ]

I'm sorry if I stole your thunder, Lily. I was becoming depressed that Dave seldom chose my links so if it makes you feel any better, thank you for letting me have a shot. Here, have a cup of coffee with your picture in it.

[Doug Brockmeier]

Not to be technical, but over the age of 15, youth helps rather than hurts your score on the KiTe.

[Graz]

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Tan, sweet and strong.

Don't want no face looking at me, because if I'm drinking coffee, I'm trying to become lucid.

[Lily]

CJ,
Thank you for the coffee. You didn't steal a thing. You deserve your shot. I didn't even think to try to send it in. I have no idea how anyway:)

[MeL]

Graz that reminds me of a song...

"I like my women like I like my chicken with a lil bit of fat on the end...not too much and not too little just enough to make me grin. When I see a little woman walking down the street, She ain't my type, I need a lil more meat, she's skinny, not my cup of tea."

Gold star to whoever can name who sings that. :)

[gfunksizzle]

You'd be right, Doug, if it weren't for the fact that it keeps on asking if you've actually DONE it, as opposed to just thougtht about it...

Only so many hours in a day, you know?

[elfbrains]

Seems that since I found this place, there are even less hours in the day than before.

[Doug Brockmeier]

Something important: I just got a pop-up ad that's trying to sell me coffee--"Gevalia" brand coffee, specifically, which is probably from France, I'll bet, whose motto is: "Experience a pleasure that's uniquely yours -- and purely Gevalia Kaffe." http://www.joingevalia.com/Promo/Gev0309/promo_001_8cth_2m_sc.htm?keycode=104861

It continues to say that this is "an uncommon offer for an uncommon coffee drinker." The clear implication is: "Look, we're rich, snotty, and living somewhere in Europe; we don't even have to make good coffee. But you're going to buy it, damn it, because we say so. For SIX TIMES FACE VALUE. WE'RE EUROPEAN."

And to make it the Deal of Deals, they're giving us, the lucky devils who are fortunate enough to be getting away with such international highway robbery of this idiot foreign company that clearly has no idea what coffee--European coffee; GEVALIA coffee--is worth in the U.S., they're giving us the unbelievable, crazy, gangsterly price of $14.95 for membership in the exclusive Gevalia "kaffe" club. And not only that, as an ADDED bonus, they're throwing in, for kicks, a deluxe coffee set that's worth, in approximate retail terms, $128. Don't tell anyone this, but it's actually much higher than that, too--they can't tell us the REAL value over, pppt, the internet. There's NO TELLING how much you can save by going Gevalia!

Here's what you get for just $14.95, including S&H (scotch and heroin): Keeping in mind that you get two Gevalia ceramic mugs (OFFICIAL) (CERAMIC), a coffee scoop (STAINLESS STEEL), an eight-cup thermal carafe, and TWO BOXES (TWO) of their extraordinary coffee, it's easy to see that we customers are, in this exchange, to make an analogy--but not to overhype it--raping them sideways.

Makes a great gift, I'm sure. It is an exciting deal, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, one that nobody can possibly let pass them by, an opus in a Doughboy suit, but one I must, regrettably, let pass me by. It's Tuesday TacoNite at the Del.

[Doug Brockmeier]

Holy crap, I'm freaked out now. I was in my room, drinking some water. It's about 170 degrees out still, so, because our air conditioner works less than ideally, I'm drinking GALLONS of water at a time. Problem is, I only have these tiny little bottles, the size of the complimentary ice cream cones at the former coolest restaurant Ed DeBevec's (you had to wear monacles in both eyes to see them). So I'm going back and forth to the kitchen every ten minutes.

Well, when I got back just now, I felt something amiss in my room. The wrath of doom coming from the direction of the window of neighborliness which lets in all that heat of hotness. I've maybe never been more scared in my life, and I've caught Sean Connery peeking through my blinds on numerous occasions. Not a burglar; not a vampire in the closet; not Sean Connery: I'd received another Gevalia ad.

First, I thought, WHY? What marketing director is designing these projects targeted to bring in college boys who have never drunk coffee in their life and who don't, technically, have any money whatsoever, and who don't, really, on the whole, care for France? Why are they targeting ME? HOW are they targeting me? Is this Spam? Do I deserve a cash settlement?

So then I thought, Larry H. Parker can get me two-point-one million dollars. Actually, I thought, Well, fine, France is stupid; let it go. Here's the dialogue of the next ad:

Kick off your shoes and relax. Enjoying the rich taste of Gevalia coffee has never been easier. Delivered right to your door, you can conveniently customize the amount, mix, and timing of your coffee shipments. And, with 40 delicious coffees and teas to select from, the choice is always yours.

So I did let it go, because I have sixty tacos left here.

I'm with you, Alex. When you presented your approximate stance of "Die, Spam," you hit the nail on the coffin. You'll agree with me that: There ought to be a lex. If I were President, I'd say, Die, France. Er, Die, Spam. No, Die, France.

[gfunksizzle]

Doug, this probably won't make you any happier, but I read your rant, and only one thought came to mind.

I want a taco.

[MeL]

Could you eat a whole 5lb burrito gfunk? Because Doug can't and it irritates him. (possibly in more ways than one?)

[gfunksizzle]

if I was in the mood, yeah. I ate 27 regular-sized pieces of pizza once. The body's backlash on a five pound burrito would be pretty severe, though...

[MeL]

eeesh...that's a lotta pizza!

Aren't I Cap'n obvious?

[Genevieve]

Like I said yesterday, it's all about skill and enjoyment, gfunk, not the score. Quality, quality, quality...

[Genevieve]

Your extra effort made the hot chocolate taste better than usual, Lily; thank you!

[Deontologist]

War on spam . . .

Now there is a presidential candidate promise I could get behind. I think that Dave needs to include a war on spam in his presidential rhetoric.

I am told that if we could disable the electronics of the Cayman Islands we'd all have a repreive from browbeating about our need for pharmeceuticals and body-enhancement.

Perhaps a satelite system to send electromagnetic pulses into various spamming hotbeds?

No marines need die, yet netizens worldwide would be liberated. Win Win scenario, eh?

[Garret]

Isn't it ironic that alex spams us with his anti-spam blog?

And on a similar topic Doug, a pop-up blocker (downloaded from Google or many other free sites) would make your life a lot better.

[theresa]

"Like I said yesterday, it's all about skill and enjoyment, gfunk, not the score. Quality, quality, quality..."

Genevieve - yes, quality is most important, of course. The point being, how does one develop skill? Experience, my dear. Luckily for us women, we age very well, sexually (I'm sure you've heard that we don't peak till our late thirties).

[Genevieve]

I stand corrected.

[Andrea]

Shadow of darkness.....in the back of my mind......get me a cup of coffee.....

[grimreaper]

Score 363

but probably more padded than the Fan Pants

[Tomorrow's Man]

drat! can't access it from work. anyone know a back way in? I need to explore my kink!!

[theresa]

"I need to explore my kink"

methinks you don't need a test to do that, Tomorrow's Man ;)

[wardo]

lay off the lsd-25, people!

[Bangi_G]

for all who want to know--i wrote abt my result in the wedding dress link

[theresa]

Stop all this bowing, ladies!!! Men, you're another matter. But seriously, sort of, i already told Punky that my score is higher because i've had more time. And i'm not altogether sure it's an accurate barometer, anyway. There's a LOT of stuff that test doesn't cover!

[Kanye!]

Hmm...got a 336, which isn't bad, I suppose. Lots of "no, but interested", which may mean I need to talk to my girlfriend again...

[Gregg]

Why does it seem like every thread is eventually turning into a discussion of that stupid kinky sex test?

[jamester]

"There's a LOT of stuff that test doesn't cover"

I think with that observation Theresa just topped out well over the supposed 700 ceiling!

[theresa]

Hey, wait! i didn't say how i'd ANSWER the stuff that isn't on it, just that it missed a lot of possible topics! i'm not a complete ho, but i AM embarrassed to have publicly stated my score. It's engendered too many comments already (see Gregg, above). Discussing it privately would be much more to my liking.

[Leetie]

Ok, I'm freaked out now... I just got one of those Gevalia offers in the mail... but mine says that it costs $19.95.

I actually went for this offer 5 or 6 years ago when it was only $15. I must say that I've been using the coffee maker ever since. It's not a bad deal. However, when I cancelled, I got a call from them asking me why I was cancelling... the dude made some snide remark about me enjoying my free coffee maker and I just said YEP!

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Yeah, hi, I'd like ...George Clooney's face in my foam, please!" Punky, that should push you up even higher on the kinky meter! Great line.

[barbiguinness]

I usually draw a smiley face in the foam of my guinness before I drink it. I'm usually in too much of a hurry to start drinking to get any more artistic than that.

My kinky score was 260.

[philintexas]

330....eww...so that's what that "salad" thing means.

BTW... Some genius can get rich by inventing a dried patch of foam that expands into a famous face when it hits the hot liquid.... Punky...put your best corporate lackeys on it. my idea so I want a taste...wait...I mean a cut...

[Jeff P.]

550 . . . And my daughter has been drawing faces in her mashed potatoes for months. This isn't news, it's silly.

Oh, I guess that's the point isn't it.

But she's 5, and doesn't get news coverage.

[JuliaZ]

483 but I don't drink coffee.

[Andrea]

Jeff, about your daughter making the faces in the mashed potatoes.....Is it possible these faces are some form of alien communication of the Third Kind?

Where's my aluminum beanie....?