HERE'S ONE FOR THE LADIES
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
(Thanks to Whurl Girl)
Ewwwww! That'a girl!
Posted by: Rachel | April 26, 2004 at 11:18 AM
...oh, and, FIRST!
Posted by: Rachel | April 26, 2004 at 11:18 AM
You know, it's just like women to find this kind of crude bathroom humor amusing.
Posted by: Garret | April 26, 2004 at 11:21 AM
Uh, yeah, I guess she got him by the shorthairs in a different way....
Posted by: eadn | April 26, 2004 at 11:22 AM
It's only amusing when it involves women's bathrooms. When men tell toilet-related jokes, it's just gross. Unless it's funny.
Posted by: Rachel | April 26, 2004 at 11:23 AM
So, what are we men to infer from this. That she used her fingers? Do all girls do that when confronted with no toilet paper?
Posted by: rufus | April 26, 2004 at 11:24 AM
Generally, its not funny unless it is gross.
Posted by: jabba | April 26, 2004 at 11:24 AM
eeeeeeeeeeeeyew.
Posted by: judi | April 26, 2004 at 11:24 AM
rufus: not necessarily fingers. in many countries where t.p. is not common it is customary to use one's left hand (hence extending the right hand for a handshake).
Posted by: Rachel | April 26, 2004 at 11:26 AM
Urinal pennies were funny and not gross. Hmm, on second thought nevermind.
Yeah, what Rachel said about handshakes is true. They eat right handed as well.
Posted by: Con | April 26, 2004 at 11:38 AM
What a complicated thing it must be to be left-handed in some of these places, then.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | April 26, 2004 at 11:42 AM
Is that where the expression "thumb up the a**" came from? From right handed Europeans? What about the left-handed ones. I'm never shaking hands with a European again. Wait a minute, don't they kiss a woman's hand there? What about the left-handed women? Yuck.
Posted by: steve | April 26, 2004 at 11:43 AM
Oh, and we DID learn all about how ladies use men's urinals on this blog. So urinal pennies are an equal opportunity commodity :)
Posted by: Con | April 26, 2004 at 11:45 AM
A guy went into the toilet booth in Grand Central Station, sat down and ******* before he realized that there was no toilet paper. Luckily someone entered the adjoining booth so he called over to him and asked if he had any toilet paper over there. The reply came back, "No, there was no toilet paper". "Well, is there any newspaper over there?" "No, no newspaper over here". "How about a paper bag?" "No, no paper bag." Then after a few moments of silence - "Have you got two fives for a ten?"
Posted by: The Bob | April 26, 2004 at 12:00 PM
This may be bathroom humor, but when done by a female, it becomes classy.
Posted by: Lmd33 | April 26, 2004 at 01:01 PM
This may be bathroom humor, but when done by a female, it becomes classy.
(That's my excuse for liking this joke alot, anyway.)
Posted by: Lmd33 | April 26, 2004 at 01:01 PM
(Rolls eyes, mutters) Women...
Posted by: A.R. Yngve | April 26, 2004 at 01:11 PM
NICE!!!
Posted by: Amy.Girl | April 26, 2004 at 03:06 PM
To amend Lmd33's post:
This may be bathroom humor, but when done by a female, it becomes not funny.
But that's how it goes with Judi's posts. I read them and think, "You know, in the right hands, this could be funny."
Posted by: GDogg | April 26, 2004 at 03:18 PM
Thank for the gratuitous anti-Judi troll post.
We now return to our regularly scheduled commenting.
Posted by: Garret | April 26, 2004 at 03:28 PM
Garret, I'm beside you on that last (more than you need to know)
Right now, I feel like a tired and lost, but good old dragon that needs to rest.
Goodnight Everyone....
Posted by: eadn | April 26, 2004 at 05:12 PM
For some reason, this story brings to mind another old joke:
Two male students, one from Yale and one from Harvard, are at the urinals in a public restroom. The Yalie finishes, zips up, and heads for the door.
Horrified, the Harvard man askes, "Didn't they teach you at Yale to wash your hands after you use the bathroom?"
The Yalie responds, "No, but they did teach us not to piss all over our hands."
Posted by: recruiterperson | April 26, 2004 at 05:23 PM
I would like to take this time to say...both genders are equally stupid and equally screw the other over.
Posted by: MeL | April 26, 2004 at 06:30 PM
GDogg said:
I read them and think, "You know, in the right hands, this could be funny."
Okay, conceded. And if I read the rest of you correctly, in the left hands this could be poopy?
Just wondering.
AmberM
Posted by: ambami | April 27, 2004 at 07:38 AM
oh MAN, that might be the funniest joke I've heard in ...a really long time! Thanks :)
Posted by: hugo | June 27, 2004 at 09:29 PM
Last!
Posted by: LabSpecimen | February 02, 2005 at 11:42 AM
This is not England. This is not the 1970's. We are not vikings and are not in the presence of any of these people: Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam,Michael Palin, or Terry Jones. We are not singing. Therefore, GET RID OF SPAM!!
Posted by: Maureen | July 29, 2005 at 08:34 AM
CURSE YOU POSTS!!
Posted by: Maureen | July 29, 2005 at 08:36 AM
This is not England. This is not the 1970's. We are not vikings and are not in the presence of any of these people: Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, or Terry Jones. We are not singing. Therefore, GET RID OF SPAM!!
Posted by: Maureen | July 29, 2005 at 08:36 AM
This is not England. This is not the 1970's. We are not vikings and are not in the presence of any of these people: Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Michael Palin, or Terry Jones. We are not singing. Therefore, GET RID OF SPAM!!
Posted by: Maureen | July 29, 2005 at 08:37 AM
Attention everyone. I have an urgent and horrifying news bulletin. I need everyone to stop what you're doing and listen:
CANNONBALL!!!!!!
*splash*
(courtesy of Anchorman)
LAST.
Posted by: Federal Duck | September 15, 2005 at 11:30 AM
Hah - funny. I like that!
Posted by: Stephanie | December 28, 2005 at 06:24 AM
Ewwwww!
Posted by: Havana Brown | January 29, 2006 at 07:11 AM
As always, spammers get here first. I say take awsy their toilet paper.
That was a seductive joke that leaves a bad taste in men's mouths. Definitely not a 'first date' joke, but most certainly a first rate one.
Posted by: MsAligned | August 12, 2006 at 04:29 PM
Why do spammers do this?
Posted by: MsAligned | August 12, 2006 at 04:34 PM
I agree with "Telecharger MSN"
:)
Steve
Posted by: Steve | August 16, 2006 at 03:52 PM
Remember the alamo.
Posted by: Hugh G. Rection | November 21, 2006 at 11:09 AM
At least it was an attractive woman....
Posted by: Nate | November 27, 2006 at 12:48 PM
As we're in joking mood.
A man is celebrating a win on the horses in his local pub. After many hours drinking he is absolutely bladdered and tries to buy another pint at the bar. The barman refuses him, telling him "Go home Mike, you've had too much" and he instructs the staff not to serve him any more.
Defeated, Mike turns to go and falls flat on his face, a couple of customers help him up and ask if he's ok. He replies he'll be alright and to point him at the door. He goes 2 more steps and falls flat on his face again, the customers help him up and ask if they can get him a taxi, he replies "No, i'll be alright once I get outside, and anyway, I only live up the street".
He makes it through the doors and starts to walk, he gets a few paces and falls flat again, whilst on the ground he can actually see his house, so he decides to walk and crawl his way home - this he does, taking 30 painstaking minutes. He negotiates the key in the door and hauls himself as quietly as possible into the hall remembering that his wife was asleep. Torn between sleping downstairs for easiness, or crawling upstairs because he needs the toilet before bed, he crawls upstairs as quietly as possible. Fifteen minutes later he's had a pee and safely got into bed where he crashes out until morning.
His wife wakes him with a cup of tea.
"How drunk where you last night, you must have been out of your skull"
"How did you know, I didn't wake you up".
"Easy, the bar manager phoned to say you'd forgotten your wheelchair again".
Posted by: geordie2 | February 20, 2007 at 03:27 PM
Isn't that wonderful? Nut it was not the fault of the bartender...??? or was he responsible himself? I mean, it can also be that she did not do nothing also after finding out that there was no handsoap, right? Sometimes, finding this thing out, such as no handsoap, can turn someone off, you know.. can turn the feeling off... of whatever someone plans to do. ^^
A cool hit, this one!
Posted by: Rogue | September 27, 2008 at 12:51 AM
Haha, that's a good one! A classic twist on the "manager" request.
Posted by: Raymond Smith | October 06, 2023 at 08:26 AM