DALLAS APARTMENT-DWELLING COBRAS UPDATE

Apparently Dallas is infested with cobras. Fortunately, snake hunter Daryl Sprout is on the job.

UPDATE: Commenter gfunksizzle comments: "I hope Daryl Sprout, snake hunter, has a theme song. That'd make it a lot cooler."

This blog agrees, and suggests that we all write such a song. It might go something like:

If you got a snake
That you want to get out
The man to call
Is Daryl Sprout

Comments

[gfunksizzle]

I hope Daryl Sprout, snake hunter, has a theme song. That'd make it a lot cooler.

[gfunksizzle]

I hope Daryl Sprout, snake hunter, has a theme song. That'd make it a lot cooler.

[gfunksizzle]

Dave, that song would work, especially if Senor Sprout was gay.

Yes, I know. I put the "ass" in "class."

[mudstuffin]

Nana nana nana nana
nana nana nana nana
Snake Man!

[gfunksizzle]

When snakes slither in the night,
Don't you cry and don't you pout,
For there is a man who does not know fright,
Just call a man named Senor Sprout.

[Tomorrow's Man]

If is slithers with a hiss,
Our man Daryl will never miss,
a chance to wipe them dang snakes out,
Here he comes, it's Daryl Sprout!

[philintexas]

once again the media is exaggerating the situation here in the center of the universe. We may mislay the occasional cobra, but only to control our burgeoning rattlesnake population. Don't even get me started on cottonmouths which like to crawl into your car Punky and coil up under the drivers seat and wait for your ankles to back up. Oh the things they omit from the tourist brochures!

[jamester]

Could the theme song be performed by the "Apartment-Dwelling Cobras?" wmagnfarb, I think. They could pick up a few gigs on Animal Planet...

[Tomorrow's Man]

At Fleetwood Oaks it lay in wait,
The cobra that someone must rout;
With camouflage and rats for bait,
He'll save the condo, Daryl Sprout!

[Tomorrow's Man]

I am having *way* too much fun with this.

[Eykis]

Here's Daryl Sprout's Theme Song

By: Jim Stafford
Spiders and Snakes
Peaked at #3 - 3/74
I remember when Mary Lou said
'You wanna walk me home from school'
And I said, 'Yes, I do'
She said, 'I don't have to go right home
And I'm the kind that likes to be alone
As long as you would'
I said, 'Me, too'

And so we took a stroll
Wound up down by the swimmin' hole
And she said, 'Do what you want to do'
I got silly and I found a frog
In the water by a hollow log
And I shook it at her
And I said 'This frog's for you'
She said...

Chorus:
'I don't like spiders and snakes
And that ain't what it takes to love me
You fool, you fool
I don't like spiders and snakes
And that ain't what it takes to love me
Like I want to be loved by you'

Well, I think of that girl from time to time
I call her up when I got a dime
I say, "Hello, baby'
She says, 'Ain't you cool'
I say, 'Do you remember when?
And would you like to get together again?'
She says, 'I'll see you after school'

I was shy and so for a while
Most of my love was touch and smile
Til she said, 'Come on over here'
I was nervous as you might guess
Still looking for somethin' to slip down her dress
And she said, 'Let's make it perfectly clear'
She said...

Chorus

[mudstuffin]

Who's the man who catches snakes
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
SPROUT!
Ya damn right!

Who is the man that would risk his neck
For his brother man?
SPROUT!
Can you dig it?

Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's danger all about?
SPROUT!
Right On!

They say this cat Sprout is a bad mother
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I'm talkin' 'bout Sprout.
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!

He's a complicated man
But no one understands him but his woman
DARYL SPROUT!

[Tomorrow's Man]

Chorus:

"Oh won't you save us, Daryl,
Save us Daryl, now;
The terrorists are creep-ing,
and they're not using cows;
This time it's a cobra,
rai-sing our cond-o fees;
Daryl Sprout please save us,
from the snakes in Dallas, please"

[Bo Augustus]

Don't forget to highlight the sanke'srole in this ballad. It's now "sneaky." Anyone get images of Elmer Fudd. Has the cobra started wearing drag and imitating Carmen Miranda?

[Daniel]

When you've got an infestation
Of a snakey inclination
And you have an inspiration
To call Daryl Sprout

To get rid of a reptile
Just pick up the phone and smile
He'll show up and he'll annihil-
ate it 'fore the night is out!

He catches snakes and kills 'em
He does it so fast it thrills 'em
Then he barbecues and grills 'em
That's what he's all about!

So if you're in a situation,
Where the snakey infestation,
Like a Disney animation,
Is spreading 'round the nation
Then to find that lost elation
You should use that inspiration
And, at least for the duration,
Go call Daryl Sprout!

[BMX3]

I think it would also help if Mr. Sprout had an Austrailian accent.

[Jessica]

Here you go.
Daryl Sprout's theme song.
(sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Daryl Sprout, Daryl Sprout
He will help us out.
He has rats and he has traps set up in the
hou-ouse.
Daryl Sprout, Daryl Sprout
Snake hunter on the job.
He will find a co-ber-a
With his camouflage.

[mudstuffin]

I catch the snakes and make the whole world sing
I catch the snakes alone with special things
I catch the snakes that make the young girls cry
I catch the snakes, I catch the snakes

[Guin]

ROTFLSHMCOMN at Daniel's!

[ronc]

Dallas folks who really care'll
Banish snakes by calling Daryl

[Jessica]

eek! Putting this baby stretched body into a bikini is a scarier thought than the cobra in the house.

[Amber "not a stripper, but likes fur" Leann]

I'm with you Punky! We're gonna be rolling in dough ... maybe we should just put out a calendar

[sookeyjane]

and can you imagine the effect of the squirrel FUR bikini bottom?

now THAT'S scary... and possibly gross.

[Lily]

Sorry Punky, count me out on this one too.

My Dear Husband is the only one who sees me in a squirrel bikini.

Anyway, I couldn't afford the fines I would rack up for collecting enough squirrels to do the job.

[MeL]

I coulda told you Dallas was full of snakes. Just go the Galleria and take a good look around as you pass the Versace, Saks, and Louis Vuitton store. They are not nice people. Not to mention driving up there! Yeesh!

[Lily]

I think I'll stick to desserts. Thanks anyway

[pianer]

Poem:

To kill or catch and elusive snake
one must be quick and smart, not dim
Put venom in your veins and make
your fangs grow out and in

Now there was such a man who could do such
a job and he didn't bother with a trap
Screw the camouflage and bait
Sianara to the rats

A predator of mythical heritage
way back to Grecian times
Strong and fit and young in age,
feared by animals of all kinds

Now when time came to face the snake
our hunter Daryl Sprout
Came upon him suddenly
and was fiercely bit on the snout

[Eykis]

I vote for the calendar! Also, MeL, where the hell in Texas are you? Okay, you are in college, that could be many places, but are you in a small town? I'm from Big D -- yes, there is nothing to do in Dallas but eat and shop and the traffic is not as bad as Houston but the folks are nice~

[Leetie]

Daryl! Daryl!
Get 'em out!
Use your snake stick
Long and stout

Poke 'em, smack 'em
Lure 'em, track 'em
Bag 'em, tag 'em
Daryl Sprout

[eadn]

Rest, Bangi_Gurl. No more Coke for you for awhile :-)

[Sheepboy]

Dave was here in Dallas just two weeks ago but a bit further north of where the snakes are. I am still mad that he didn't tell me he was coming and speaking to a group in my home town. The nerve! Of course I'm not a Jewish lady with depression (group he was speaking to) so I didn't hear about it beforehand but still.

[Garret]

[Sung to the Super (not subservient) Chicken theme song]

When you’re troubled by a snakey
Who is sneaky and so scary
And the whole town’s acting kind of wary
(hiss hiss hiss hiss)

There is something you should know
That there is someone you can turn to
Ca-alllllllllllfor Daryl Sprout!

[gfunksizzle]

I'd buy a calender. No question.

[gfunksizzle]

and probably a CD, too.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Damn, but congratulations, you guys are creative! My musical abilities are nil, so I'll spare you.

Punky, maybe a snakeskin bikini instead? Put me down for a calendar.

Scott-o, loved the badger/mushroom song. Somebody had a few mushrooms before they came up with that one, I'll bet.

Dave's song was a little too hip hop for my taste, and mudstuffi just had to bring in Barry Manilow, but overall I am very damn impressed.

[MeL]

Eykis I'm in a small town about hmm..2 hours from Dallas...depends on who's driving. All the people I've ever met in Dallas are rude and arrogant. Then again I just have a general disdain for Dallas because all the roads are interconnected and they all lead to DFW and the names are too much alike.

[Garret]

But other than that it's great!

I lived in Dallas for a year and found it a miserable mecca of concrete. I think it's only tolerable if you're very rich -- or you live well outside the DFW area.

[TxGal]

I hate driving in Dallas. It's crazy. The roads and exits are so poorly marked and if you make one tiny mistake, suddenly you are in gang territory having your hubcaps stolen with no hope of ever getting back to the correct highway.

And, my DH's aunt lives in Dallas. I refuse to be on the same road she is on when I drive. She drives the biggest vehicle possible, has no hearing and next-to-no eyesight. I rode in her car once and had a religious experience. I think my soul actually left my body from shock and fear.

It's still nothing compared to Houston where roads, speed limits, police, snakes, car crashes, etc. are all just things in one's way, like so many speed bumps (but they do not slow down!).

This article reminds me: Does anyone remember that song "Sneaky Snake" (man, it's got to be old!)? My grandfather used to sing that to annoy me. How can a snake be sneaky? They have minimal brain power...sneaking implies steath. I think it's just holed up somewhere eating black squirrels.

[Lmd33]

It slips and slowly slithers through the grass,
Slides under concrete, rotting brick and grout,
Comes up through plumbing, bites you on the ass,
Perhaps it’s time to call on Daryl Sprout.

[Doug E. Fresh]

So... he's trying to lure out the snakes with live rats...

Now the apartment complex has a cobra and rat infestation...

It's just like trying to get something out of a tree... by throwing other things up into a tree.

[BMX3]

"It's just like trying to get something out of a tree... by throwing other things up into a tree."

Well just what was I supposed to do, huh? I'm to old to climb it. The last time I sent my daughter up there she got scared and wouldn't come down. I'd rather lose a couple of old shoes than a good frisbee.

[eadn]

alex, I can't even think about it! All that stuff up on the roof! Oops! Next thing you know it'll be art!

BMX3, all's safe in the WHOOPS post. As I learned a long time ago at my first job..."consider the source". Read my response and as far as I'm concerned 'nough said!

[eadn]

Damn, alex! At least now I know LTTG isn't just me! heh heh now you can tell your Dad that he should've taken a picture so in this "modern art" day & age, he could've made a bundle off it! :-)

(not to mention throwing up a few choice words explaining the photo in whatever terms get the critics to nod their heads and say, "Ah Hah! Brilliant! A Statement of the Times even!" ;-)

[Lily]

Ah, yes this is the age when anything, no matter how stupid, is art. But as Bryce said on another thread,

"If everyone made art from their own skin, I think they would think twice about being an artist. I think there would be less artists in the world," she said. "But it's not that easy. Artists will always exist." Bryce

My 17-yr-old daughter, who is an award winning artist, thought that this quote was the best thing ever. She is going to frame it so she can look at it every time she plans a project.

Then she can decide if the subject important enough that she would be willing to make it out of her own skin. - If it is, she knows she needs to find another project, cause it's not art.

[Lee]

TxGal, there are two types of drivers in Houston, the quick and the dead. When I first moved from there to Austin, people here kept complaining about traffic and I kept saying "What traffic?"

[eadn]

Lily, your daughter has wisdom beyond her years! My Best Wishes to her success within herself even if the art critics never agree! :-)

[Satori7]

As a resident of Dallas I would just like to state that my apartment is in no way infested with cobras. However, "infested with cobras" would make a great song title.

[Lily]

Well, I reside in South Dakota and a cobra would not live long enough to infest us. We are going to get 4 inches of snow tonight.

[eadn]

And in the old days & age, they used to say talking about the weather was boring! I tellya, even in the PacNW, it's become almost as strange a subject as some of the Blog posts! (not kidding, even halfway between the forests and the ocean, the weather has become a cause for concern given we's used to rainy days and not just Mondays! ;-)

[san]

Everyone's worried about the lyrics for the theme song. How about the music? I suggest "Mr. Downtown".

[Lily]

Weather up-date.
We got 5 inches of snow last night but are only supposed to get another inch or so this morning. No cobra sightings, so that's good.

eadn, the daughter says thanks for the kind wishes.

Got to go shovel out so I can go to work.

[Daryl Sprout]

Wow. You guys really got creative on this. My last attempt at a theme song was a little country ditty called "Brake for Snakes." This cobra did not ask for all this. If only there were basic IQ test requirements for ownership of very hot snakes (or rottweilers, automatic weapons, automobiles, offspring...)

[california]

One cobra is better than millions of cockroach ;)