ATTENTION, PEOPLE ABOUT TO UNDERGO SURGERY

Do not read this.

Key Quote: "What more can you say when your man's stomach's hanging out?"

(Thanks to many people)

Comments

[Eleanor]

*waits to see if anyone shows up*

FIRST!!!!

[Sarcasmo]

I thought you were showering El . . .

*Yawns - stretches out - bumps against something fleshy*

oops - pardon me wolfie ;)

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

In honor of Jeff, can we call this the Tantrum Moat?

*cheesy grin*

*ducks!*

[Sarcasmo]

What are you implying TRWC?

[wolfie]

*bumps sarc back* np. :-)

That has got to be the longest single word text I think I've ever gotten. Fun to retype by hand too.
Everyone wave to the GinormousCellCompanyPeople who read my texts and prolly are watching this now.
Thanks btw (you know who you are) for linking me.

[slyeyes]

!!

I'm on hold with my e-mail provider as I'm STILL having problems with e-mails to and from Jeff.

THEY SUGGESTED THAT JEFF'S E-MAIL IS BLOCKING ME AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET E-MAILS FROM ME!

After all of this time, THAT's their solution!?!

I think not!!

[ask]

The O.R. MOAT?

Interesting - hospital beds instead of hammocks? As long as that drip has moatarita in it, I'm okay.

[MOTW]

dang it ... I posted a minute after y'all MOVED. *pouts*

[ask]

interesting spam. I'll have questions about some of that stuff later.

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

And, of course, I'll be ready to answer! ;)

[ask]

Don't forget to post your one-liners right here - I need them by Monday. We can always use more - MOTW and I are sharing.

[ask]

Really TRC? Do you have an Alice in Chains hoodie?

That wasn't what you were expecting?

My feet don't need another job, they are too busy carryuing my fat btt (left the u back there a couple of words ago) around all day.

[Sarah J]

when his partners built a new subdivision, they always named the streets after their wives, children, etc. Why not?

El, that's exactly why I think Trump Park is an icky name. He's naming it after himself, which is totally selfish, a way of immortalizing him self to a degree. If he named it after someone else, say, someone who had greatly influenced his life, I would be fine with it. If it's Trump park named after his father/grandfather/etc. then it's perfectly a-ok with me.

[ask]

A lot of university buildings, hospitals, parks, etc. are named for the person or family who donated the resources to make them possible. I'm not a fan of his, but I don't see the problem - I haven't seen where he said it had to be named for him or he wouldn't donate the land. (that may be the case, but I haven't read that yet)

[Jeff Meyerson]

OK, I'm here. Thanks. And now I'm going.

Out that is. Back later.

[narrator]

Check this space later for further Jeff-related updates.

[wolfie]

Is the alice in chains hoodie the same as JacksUltimateHoodie? If it is, can I get one before next monday please?

I apologize for my absence on the last Moat btw. I had some stuff I hadda take care of. I'm better now. Ty everyone who was concerned.

elf? Oneliners? Yo mama is.. wait that's not a one liner it's a snap. Take my wife!Please!! (There is zero way I can heinz an entire Moat but I'm assuming I missed something?)

[Peri]

Oooooo, that Jeff!

I'm off to have a shower with Eleanor.

[ask]

I think the thread has the original explanation, but I am working on my "bon mot" project for Dave's Dallas extravaganza next week, and I need a short quote from all the MOATies who want to provide one. MOTW is doing something similar, so feel free to leave more than one.

Always nice to see you, wolfie! Need this?

[Meanie the Blue]

Wolfie - go to ask's link and read the first post, which is ask telling us what it's all about. Then do your part.

[ask]

*leaves something for El also*

[insomniac]

grandmas... my mother's mom lived most of her adult life in NYC and moved down to S.Fla. to be next to Mom, your stories reminded me of her favorite thing to do in a supermarket deli.
Gmother: I'd like some ham please.
Guy: How much?
Gmother:Oh, enough for a good sandwich...

El... not a big Trump fan, but he and I have the same birthday, so neener!

and El., a colleague was an 'extra' in the movie they're filming here, and she was only feet from Matthew McConaughey! She also said he stayed in character most of the day (he plays the coach of the doomed team...) being called 'Coach' by the director
(McG).

more on Jeopardy! auditions: I have to fill out a form listing "interesting" facts about myself so in (the very unlikely) event I get on, there's something to talk about... so far all I can think of is "in high school, I once threw up on a nuclear power plant"

I've been told (none of these recently) at various times that I look like Michael York, Gerard Depardieu, and Van Morrison. My mom said I reminded her of James Stephens (the main character on the TV show 'The Paper Chase') oh, in college a girl said I looked like one of the children from "Village of the Damned".

[Eleanor]

*zips in all cleaned up*

I swear that sp@m wasn't there when I found this spot, but it's not really too bad, is it???

And I think hospital beds are a nice change from hammocks, temporarily of course.
They have all those cool buttons so you can put them in lots of different positions, which should especially appeal to wolfie!!!!

LEGS UP!!
HEAD DOWN!!

OK, OK, I'll *zip* out and send e-mails.

Sarah, you will NEVER get me to agree with you about The Donald.
Trump is just a very cool name, and stands for his whole family. I mean, he couldn't use his wives names, now could he, because they tend to come and go, so to speak. :)
*smooch*

[Susan]

*bounds in*

Ok, I'm feeling better than yesterday.

It has, at least, been quieter.

So far.

{{{BigD}}}

{{{Trillian}}} Glad you're ok. I once had a Cavalier...I liked it, but it had issues leaking oil. Never could find the leak.

El...no...chocolate sauce would not improve pineapple upside down cake. Chocolate fondue with pineapple though, is yummy.

*pounces on wolfie* Glad you're better.

I probably had more to say, my mind is a blank.

[djtonyb]

summary for wolfie:

some people are happy; some people are sad; some people are cranky; most people are working too much; some people *snork*; cabana boys; MOATaritas; TKB; TMI from relatives; We should all decide what restaurant to go to before we leave the house according to what coupons sly's mom happens to have in her purse.

Any questions?

We thought so.

[djtonyb]

sweeps.

[Peri]

dammit!

[Peri]

*gives up*

[djtonyb]

SWEEPS, DAMMIT!

[ask]

I probably had more to say, my mind is a blank.

I knew I had too many drinks for you last night.

[djtonyb]

*hopes he remembered to turn off bold*

Thanks for the hand, Peri. If we both curse really loud it seems to help ;)

[wolfie]

*snorks*
I've missed you peoples.

Sly? Can you ask your mom what she has for my area because I seriously need to go out this weekend or someone is going to die. And it won't be me.

[kibby F5™]

Edsel? Who'd name their kid after a car!?

Thanks for the warning Jeff (advert my eyes). But the Tampax was MUCH tamer than the discussion getting there....

*wonders if Eleanor found our stapler*

"Pliskin!? Fluffy!? Let's go!"

[kibby F5™]

*arranges catapult near the E.R. doors and Huey gets dropped gently onto the helipad*

*stations Pliskin and Fluffy at the reception desk*

There, that'll about solve unauthorized spam attempts. Let's see them get past this!

Ok, where's the MOATarita drip!? STAT! Code Lime!

[KDF]

But I'm much more pragmatic than that. I have no problem running to the store for The Wench. I know what *exactly* what brands, etc. that she buys. I don't care if anyone sees me buying pads. I don't even understand why someone would have a "thing" about talking about it.

Lab, I once saw a comedian who did a whole bit based on exactly this POV. He couldn't understand why other men were too embarassed to buy tampons for their wives or girlfriends. He said that, for him, buying feminine hygiene products was the equivalent of screaming "I HAVE A WOMAN!!!!!" at the top of his lungs and he liked it.

I mean, he couldn't use his wives names, now could he, because they tend to come and go, so to speak. :)

Posted by: Eleanor | 12:06 PM on April 20, 2006

*snork*

[ask]

D@mn?

[MOATmaid]

Sweep

[Susan]

ask...my mind may have been blank before you had the drinks. But thank you for thinking of me!

[MOATmaid]

SWEEP! SWEEP!

[wolfie]

SWEEPSWEEP!GRRRRRR!!

[ask]

*hits blog with large wrench*

[KDF]

is there a prize?

[Eleanor]

Sorry about the italics thingy.
*friendly smile*

Big news (for me)

Set up: You know how when men just know instinctively that they've gone too far and have crossed a line they shouldn't?
Yes, you guys know exactly what I'm talking about, don't deny it.

As I may have mentioned, CG and I have plans to get together for lunch or something tomorrow.
Scene one:
Phone rings.
El looks at Caller ID and sees that it's CG, decides to "act" friendly and answers, "Good morning".
Small talk ensues for about 30 seconds - then:
CG: Are you available for lunch today?
El: Stunned silence while trying to process this and thinking about her hair appt at 1p.m.
CG: Spontaneity! It's called spontaneity, you can do it!
ME: need xanax, hyperventilating.
CG: Well you have plenty but could you answer me first?
ME: Are you dumping me for tomorrow, is that what this is about? (NOT a cool thing to say, I know *sigh*)
CG: No, duh! Let's just do this today too, are you available or not?
ME: Remembering 1 p.m. hair appt. Of Course I am.
CG: OK, see you at lunchtime. Bye.

Scene 2 Phone call to hairdresser which since I cancelled yesterday due to Yankee game on TV and lied, doesn't go well, but I decided to use the same lie: Daughter still in crisis, what's a mom to do? Maybe I can get there by 3p.m.
Gina: OK, because I have a funeral tomorrow, so that's out.

One point for Gina.

Thanks Susan - Bright, shiny day

I'll have to wear a baseball cap since my hair looks like crap but I won't wear the Yankees one.

OK, *zips out to send e-mails*

[MOATmaid]

ENOUGH! is enough did that work?

You guys are messy today.

[kibby F5™]

... there it goes again!!!

[ask]

Could've told you KDF has the magic touch.

Ooh - growl again wolfie!

[KDF]

Could someone please explain to me why it is that, when you are six, that the grilled cheese sandwich tastes completely different when your mom cuts the crusts off, even when you're not eating the crusts anyway?

[KDF]

rrrrrrrrrr

How ya doin', ASK? ;)

[ask]

its the magic touch thing again, KDF. Moms (esp. hot moms (just sayin')) just have it.

[Sarcasmo]

Chicks in baseball caps = HAWT! El

[wolfie]

Because the crusts mess with the complete visual perfection of the grilled cheese. One must have a palate pleasing to the eye as well as the tastebuds.
or
cause 6 year olds are weird.

ask ~ GGGggrrrrrrbaybeeeGggggrrr

[KDF]

Yay, Eleanor! CG wants to be with you and that does not mean he is blowing you off for tomorrow. Your stunning haircut-to-be will wait for you and I bet you look cute in the ball cap anyway. :)

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

</i>
The moat is jinxed.

I just finished a KNOCK-DOWN-DRAG-EM-OUT telephone argument with STBX. With raised voices and everything. So embarrassing.

STBX, in essence, stole a couple hundred dollars from me.

When will he stop having this kind of negative control on my life?

More than hurt or angry, I am shocked. And embarrassed, because Work Boss overheard the entire thing. But I've worked here three years and never had anything remotely like this occur before, so at least I know he'll cut me plenty of slack for it.

Absolutely ridiculous. STBX. Unbelievable.

*still in shock*

[KDF]

Wolfie, I'll go with B.

ASK - I know I should be embarassed by all your compliments but really, no need to stop. :)

[KDF]

{{{Tamara}}}

Glad you are well on your way out of that marriage. I'm sorry, Tam.

[kibby F5™]

... starting to think this E.R.'s jinxed....

Say? Anyone see any patients (before US) around when we dropped in? For that point, any staff?

Nope?

... didn't think so ...

[kibby F5™]

....ooooh, hate to see a red head get mad. MUST have been a bad scene ... sorry Tamara. (see? it must be the E.R.)

[ask]

Never met STBX, but he seems to have interrupted my Q&A session with TRC, so he must be eradicated.

[MOTW]

{{{ Tamara }}}

still singing ♫ Stormy Weather ♫

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

It could have been worse... I didn't scream or curse, but I did use my Angry Voice.

Now I have to try not to let this spoil my day. (!!!)

...The agreement--which was signed six months ago and only filed a month ago because I wanted to be SURE SURE SURE it was what we wanted--would have been final Friday if I had not changed the date so as not to coincide with Munchkin's birthday. So it will instead be finalized in May. And now suddenly STBX wants to change the custody situation.

He treats our daughter like a piece of furniture. I hope he chokes slowly and painfully on a sharp peanut.

[Susan]

*wonders how hard it is to file peanuts into points*

{{{Tamara}}}

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

I don't feel so much like going out tonight now.

[Sarcasmo]

Did my photo link post from a couple days ago get that in your head MOTW?

[Susan]

*whispers to Kaf* I was looking at your blog...you're only an inch tall?

*stands back from the stampede to check that, which is odd since I was just whispering to Kaf*

[ask]

TRC - you must go out - we've all been looking forward to this for a week!

[KDF]

Tamara, it sounds a lot like he's just trying to piss you off. And stealing money from you is not going to help him in any attempt to change the custody situation.

Don't let him ruin your day. He's just trying to use his chain yanking powers while he still can. Go find a cement wall and throw some rocks at it.

[Sarcasmo]

TRWC, go out, just don't let your anger at STBastardX taint your feelings for NewGuy.

[KDF]

And if you don't go out tonight then STBX wins! Don't give him that kind of power! Make yourself go out even if you don't feel like it.

[MOTW]

*turns around to try to look inside my head*
*turns around* *turns around* *dang it*
Sarcasmo .. Huh?

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

I don't understand why and how people treat each other this way.

You know I still believed in god when I met STBX? He squeezed that belief out like toothpaste from a tube. And he's a Christian, too. Works for a nonprofit Christian org, even.

*opposite of "warm fuzzies" for humanity*

But TKB will cheer me up.

[«LabSpecimen»]

I can't check blogspots from work. Incidentally, that's why I haven't added other MOATies blogs to my blog yet - I always plan on doing it during lunch and then say, "duh! I can't get to their sites from here!"

I'll do it from home soon. I promise.

[Sarcasmo]

What does STBX stand for anyway?

[Higgy]

TRWC - force yourself to go out and enjoy yourself! Don't let the b@stard get to you! Money comes and goes....

[ask]

And just think - right now, right at this moment, people all around the world are almost as pissed at him as you are! Now that's a happy thought!

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

Soon To Be Ex = STBX

Ask, you've got a knack for making me laugh. :)

{{Moaties}}

I'm cool. Thanks, y'all.

[Marie in Kourou]

Nice new digs. I'll call this the ER MOAT in my favorites list.

{{{{{Tamara}}}}} Wish I could do more than just offer virtual hugs. I'd like to go over there and kick some STBX butt.

[ask]

Always nice to be useful.

*been watching wayyy too much Thomas the Tank Engine with the kids*

[ask]

My thoughts too MiK. Got a lead pipe in the truck - could stop off along the way and pick up a few other MOATieMen and...

...get lost on the way since none of us will ask for directions.

[DDi]

I go away for an impromptu meeting, and you guys jump ship!

Thanks for the email Eleanor! {{Laynie}}

T RWC, how have you NOT strangled that man yet? You are a very compassionate person.

Ok, I have a few more minutes before I have to leave, and I've got about 2 hours worth of work to try and get done! ARGH!!!

[Marie in Kourou]

Well. That was a surprise.

Two days ago, Giant Frog oh-ever-so-casually checks his e-mail inbox in front of me. I see a subject line saying something like "Your order has been shipped". Naturally, I beg and beg him to tell me what he's bought, but he keeps mum.

That day and yesterday, he checks the Post Office's website over and over again to see where the box is. Today it arrived, with much fanfare.

It's a PlayStation 2.

I seem to have misplaced my Panic Button. May I borrow the MOAT's?

ISAAC! An extra-large jumbo chilled strawberry MOATarita, NOW!

(Oh, and El, you'll be glad to know that the free game that came with it is Roland Garros 2005.)

[Marie in Kourou]

ASK, no you wouldn't. Tamara will be in charge and have full veto powers over whether or not to ask for directions.

[Eleanor]

Hey partner, I was going to send a nurse your way, but I see you already found one. :)
Now if you could just find the KibEl Stapler...

*zips out to try to do something with hair*
Even with a baseball cap (thanks, Sarc!), the sides still have to look good.

***********************************
20 minutes and a new hairdo later!
I forgot to push post. I hate when that happens.

[ask]

Its a looooong way from here to Tamara, MiK.

[ask]

Or even worse (better?) - introduce him to El and then let her ignore him for a while. That reduces all of us to gibbering idiots (of course, some of us started out that way).

Note to El - read the whole thing - it was not the introduction that was a punishment.

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

Ask, you know I used to live in Dallas? Have made that 14-hr drive a couple times, usually stopping to sleep at the Best Western in Shreveport. [One of the best free breakfasts available! (And as a former flight attendant, I should know!)]

[Eleanor]

{{{SUSAN!!!}}}

First The Monkees - yay!
And now my divorce song.

El is very happy.

Tamara, this is even more why you MUST go out tonight - to put your mind elsewhere! STBX is not worth ruining a good time - and you know it!
/end friendly advice

[MOTW]

El, you are GOwajes, simply GOwajes, Girlfriend!

Tamara - please don't allow a bad apple (or event) to drive you from God. With all the storms that I have weathered, if He did not cling to me and I to him, I would have perished. *praying for you*

[Marie in Kourou]

OK, I guess my news wasn't that shocking. I'm still wondering why he felt the need to buy it, though.

What's a "GOwajes"?

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

I'm agnostic, but I never stop thinking about it. I'm certain I'll have it figured out someday. I mean, if you look hard enough and long enough, something's gotta come to you, right?

'Some more o' my famous over-analyzing for ya. ;)

You guys are so good; I'm already feeling so much better. :)

[MOTW]

GOwajes = NYC-accent pronunciation of "gorgeous"

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

MiK -- I couldn't tell if it was good or bad... I'm not hip to the kids and their video games and their extreme sports beverages...

[slyeyes]

On the news today, whenever I hear a broadcaster talk about the Bush-Hu meeting, I want to say "Gottsuhndheit".

[slyeyes]

*happily twirls in circles*

My e-mail problems have been fixed. Yahoo finally accepted that I am not stalking Jeff and has opened up the lines of communication.

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

HEY!

You know what?

'Second time I've noticed him mysteriously appearing on the moat juuust when I'm having a crisis...

Higgy blurks a lot!!!

{{Higgy}} :)

[Marie in Kourou]

No extreme sports beverages here. I'd die of sticking an ice pick into my ears due to caffeine-induced tinnitus.

The PS2 won't be all bad if I can find games that interest me. I don't know any of the games over at Amazon.fr's list, though. Could take a while to see anything nice.

However, I have found a few I think he'll want: the Final Fantasy and Lara Croft ones.

[Eleanor]

Did I mention that I'm wearing the Padres t-shirt that he gave me?

I can be nice too! :)

And also this morning my pal Brian called. He is an excellent soup maker and wanted to discuss the turkey soup he's making and will bring me some tomorrow.
And my daughter and her H have gone to the River (?) for the rest of the week, which is a good thing, because we need a little break from each other.

And the sun is out, and the sky is blue :)

KDF - Speaking of my daughter, I wanted to tell you this before but was distracted by "events".
She is a lay person (no jokes here, it's my child) working for the Sheriff's Dept. She sets up Neighborhood Watch programs and does other citizen related things. When she was here the other day she was telling me about how many complaints she gets daily about MySpace. She didn't go into detail because it was in the context of something else, but I thought it was interesting that a local Sheriff's Dept would even hear about this.

[ask]

Actually, we all only show up when we think you are having a crisis.

Oops. Lost that favored status all in 1 line.