Dave Barry's Blog

SOCIAL ACTIVISM

It's good to have a cause.

(Thanks to Chris Miller)

THE MOST FRUSTRATING PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER ON THE PLANET

Enjoy!

(Thanks to Robert Krpoun)

OK, WE THINK WE HAVE FOUND THE STUPIDEST GAME EVER

Presenting: Obey the Crab

(Thanks to Jamie Shiner)

STILL MORE REASONS WHY DOGS KILL PEOPLE

They are seeking vengeance.

(Thanks to Patrick Justesen)

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?

We don't know, and we don't want to know.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

ATTENTION, CUISINE-LOVERS

Here's an old but still tasty little story by one of our favorie culinary journalists, Roopa Raveendran.

Be sure to note the practical tip on dealing with frog urine.

(Thanks to Tommer Peterson)

WE DON'T CARE HOW MUCH MONEY IS IN THERE

It's not worth it.

(Thanks to many people)

PENGUIN GAME UPDATE

The ladies' version.

(NOT for the men.)

(Or for all the "oh, my poor eyes" whiners.)

(Do you understand? Don't click the link! DON'T CLICK THE LINK.)

(Everybody else, click it.)

p.s. We sincerely hope no penguins were offended in the posting of this link.

(Thanks to Beth Atkinson)

AND WHILE WE'RE LINKING TO WEIRD CATS

There's also this.

Advisory: Your comments could cause this cat to become deeply offended.

(Thanks to Kendall Avery)

OK, NOW THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO SHOW TO CHILDREN

Or adults with heart conditions. Meow.

Advisory: It's a video, and it takes a while, and you need your sound on.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

For zombie lovers.

(Thanks to Denis McKervey)

ATTENTION, ALL THE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T KILL DEAD VAMPIRES ANY MORE

How do you feel about zombies?

(Thanks to c00kie)

WE'VE LINKED TO THIS BEFORE, BUT...

We decided to link to it again, with a stern reminder that your comments could cause somebody to become deeply offended.

(Thanks to Kerig Pope)

OKLAHOMA CRIMINALS: DUMBER THAN TOE DIRT?

We report; you decide.

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)

YOUR SPECKLES THE CHICKEN UPDATE FOR TODAY

The alleged fowlnapper has been ordered to keep away from Speckles.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

EWWW

But it's doctor's orders!

(Thanks to many people, none of whom we wish to shake hands with)

TINKERBELL OFFENDED

To whom it may concern

I take quite deep offence at some of the comments left by people who have no idea who I am made about me on here.

You should consider ASKING people if they mind having their websites ridiculed by people who care not about personal feelings of the people they are poking fun at. I was neither contacted or informed about this until someone left a comment on my guestbook informing me of this hurtful page.

I would appreciate a reply and apology for the offence this page has caused me.


Claire Watts / Tinkerbell's Darker Side

http://tinks.cheetaweb.com

SAFETY BREAKTHROUGH

Hot dogs are now safe from power saws.

(Thanks to Saheli Datta)

CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE

Now they're trying to take away the fundamental right to kill dead vampires.

(Thanks to Elizabeth Davies)

UH-OH

This is very bad.

(Thanks to Tommer Peterson, who also sends this alarming link.)

QUESTION FOR COLLEGE STUDENTS

This is a joke, right? Right?

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

UPDATE: Commenter "The Bob" sends this terrifying link, proving that this is NOT a joke, and the end is indeed nigh.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO DO THIS WEEKEND?

We recommend you stay the hell away from Howard County, Texas.

ATTENTION, KIDNAPPERS

Here's a tool to make your job easier.

(Thanks to Leah Bach)

HARD AT WORK

And Mr. Webster thinks Dave has a fun job.

(Careful, boys.)

(Thanks to Jamie Adams)

JEALOUS RADIO GUY EXPRESSES COLUMN ENVY

(Thanks to John Webster)

YOU KNOW IT'S AN EXCITING MOVIE

When it gets this kind of reaction.

(Thanks to Bob Coller)

SCIENCE LUNGES FORWARD

Mouse breasts.

(Thanks to Bennett Smith, who notes "Minnie has a surprise for Mickey.")

ATTENTION, CRICKET FANS

Have we got the productivity-enhancing application for you! It's just like the real thing.

(Thanks to Steve Lancaster)

AND WHEN PEOPLE ASK US, AS THEY SO OFTEN DO, "WHERE CAN I GET A HIGH-QUALITY PAINTING OF A WHIMSICAL MONKEY WITH A PUMPKIN?"

We say: Right here.

(Thanks to Lisa White)

WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO TELL THIS BLOG THAT THERE ARE NO MORE GREAT MOVIES BEING MADE

We respond: Like heck there aren't.

(Thanks to Brian Laird)

A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSES IS ON ITS WAY

....this savvy motorist.

(Thanks to an alert journalist in Lodi)

SPECKLES THE CHICKEN UPDATE

The fowlnapping is solved.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using Richard Simmons.

(Thanks to many people, among them Ted Habte-Gabr, Field Coordinator for the Dave Barry for President Surging Juggernaut of Doom)

HEALTH NEWS

Come on, everyone, time for a sna....>ackkkkkkkkkkkkkk<

(Thanks to David Van Slyke)

CAMBODIAN TOURISM UPDATE

This is just wrong.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

THOSE MICHIGAN ANGLING BASTARDS

Now they're exceeding their perch quota on Lake Winnibigoshish. (Yes: Lake Winnibigoshish.)

QUESTION FROM A GUY IN AN AIRPORT TO CERTAIN GUYS TALKING ON THEIR CELL PHONES

Why do you talk so FREAKING LOUD???

EASTER IS COMING, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

It means peep pranks.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

HELLO?

I'm back! Did I miss anything? Did judi take advantage of my absence to post links to pictures of guys in their underwear?

Nah. She would never do that.

Anyway, because I am a trained journalist, here is your

REPORT ON THE SITUATION IN THE MIDWEST: The situation in the Midwest remains flat.

EDUCATION UPDATE

Some kids benefit from a preschool program before going to kindergarten.

(Thanks to Thad Humphries and Joe Schumacher)

FREAK ACCIDENT

Or, she was looking at the page for Guys who Care about How they Look and Feel.

(Thanks to DWPaul)

OK LADIES, HERE'S ONE FOR YOU

Actually, the site appears to be for guys ("For Guys that Care about how they Look & Feel," in fact), but if you click here... don't say you weren't warned.

(Thanks to Leah Bach)

NEEDED: ONE HANDBASKET

The stealth bloggerette is taking a trip, courtesy of Stephan Forseilles.

ATTENTION GUYS

Don't even think about it.

(Thanks to Thad Humphries, whose wife might be interested to know the subject line of his email)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the bastards are using illegal meat.

(Thanks to Guillermo Rodriguez)

THIS IS A TEST

...of the emergency blogging system. If this were a real emergency, you would be instructed where to tune in your area for blog updates and information.

PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz is right.

(Thanks to Bill Crider)

OH, DR. PARSLEY

"Is that a follicle on your desk or are you just glad to see me?"

(Thanks to Mike Hapner)

PHOTO OP

Inside a giant what?!

(Thanks to Bob Hopf)

TALK ABOUT YOUR NEGATIVE CAMPAIGNING

These guys play hardball.

(Thanks to Abhimanyu Radhakrishnan, who inexplicably did not provide an anagram)