JOHNNY DEPP, NAKED

Why wait for the movie?

(Thanks to Dawn Bailey)

Comments

[Amber]

Stupid strategically placed bottle. How come that doesn't chip away, too?

[Sean Collins]

My gawd,...What have I started!

[jsharp]

He was a bit on the puny side.

You'd think a pirate would be beefier.

I'm just angry because I suck at that game.

[nouti]

Is that a bottle neck he's choking or is he just glad to see you, ladies?

I am also reminded of the Randy Newman song,
"You Can Leave Your Hat On".

What a lame game.

[velvel]

Dave must be so proud of his blog.

Judi, why don't you research "funny"?

Note to velvel, from Dave:

A couple of points:

1. I like having judi post here. She doesn't necessarily post what I'd post, but that's one reason I like having her post here. You've made it more than clear that you don't approve, but it's not your decision to make. So if judi's posts really trouble you that much, either don't read them, or don't read the blog. Everyone will be happier.

2. If you're going to post comments, please stop using other people's email addresses. You wouldn't want other people using yours, would you?

-- Dave

[surfbunny]

uh oh Punky...Looks like velvel's pirating your email now too!

[judi]

silly velvel, you forgot to stop clicking my links. or are you masochist velvel?

[gfunksizzle]

I was going to complain that I was really bad at that game. But then I realized that being good at that game would mean a naked Johnny Depp. And then my roomate would probably walk in. Again.

[c00kie]

Damn my poor "pong" skills!!!!

[Harry P]

That's a bottle?

[Bangladeshi_gurl]

Judi!!! Plz find similar game with "Strider" from Lord of the Rings,and i shall worship thee forever and ever.

[judi]

you like strider better than legolas?!

[elfbrains]

Dave, you are still my hero. Nicely done.

But don't pose for a pong undressing game.

[Bangladeshi_gurl]

Legolas-cute.Strider-yummy.
given a choice,i'd take both.together.( on a water bed)

[surfbunny]

at least Aragorn's eyebrows match his hair color - lol!

mmm...Aragorn

[Bangladeshi_gurl]

Bangi_gurl smiles secretively,knowing no one can possibly know what evil thoughts she's just had.

[stash]

Johnny Depp? Johnny Depp... oh, yes! He's the guy who got his eyes gouged out at the end of "Once Upon A Time In Mexico!" Yes, that WAS a wonderful scene. And Antonio Banderas... now there's a good-looking guy.

[velvel]

Dave,
I apologize for abuse in your comments section. I'm a big fan, and I have been for a long time. I'm sorry you had to get involved here.

Everybody,
I'd like to thank everybody who has been so patient with me for my complaining (this excludes all the people who told me to piss-off because they didn't share my opinion. eadn, punky, I'm looking at you). Judi and Dave, you two were the most patient.

I was intentionally using other people's e-mail addresses, especially of those who I felt were attacking me unreasonably. I was doing it to get a rise out of them, and it worked.

I, personally, don't feel the need to report any kind of real e-mail address to a public comment section. But I will stop using those of other people.

Judi's posts are different from Dave's posts. It appears that I have to stop complaining in this forum, because it's apparent very few vocal people agree with me. I have learned that the comment section on Dave's blog is a bulletin board for commenting on male body parts, not for complaining.

It's still my opinion, that beefcake shots don't make good punchlines by themselves, but in the end...it's not up to me.

I'm still a fan of the blog and will read Dave's posts everyday.

Response from Dave:

That was a classy comment, velvel. You're welcome here any time.

[evil little pixie]

Since we're speaking of movie stars . . . I know this is old news, but for anyone still interested in making fun of nuns, check out Pedro Almodovar's movie Todo sobre mi madre (All About My Mother). Nuns on acid- need I say more? Also, if you want to see people killing each other mid-sex (and you do get to see it) check out Matador (Killer) also by Almodovar. It features a young Antonio Banderas, although sadly he's not naked.
What can I say? I'm taking a Spanish film class. :-)

[OtherDave]

Surfbunny: I swear when I read "mmm...Aragorn" above, it was Homer Simpson's voice I was hearing. God, make it stop.

[velvel]

Making what worse?

The e-mail thing is not a gag. It's fake. I admitted it. So what? Also, I'm not the only one. Why don't you inspect some others.

Why do you want to be a jerk about it?

[Dave Barry]

Can't we all just get along?

[elfbrains]

When we reach the point where I am a voice of reason, perhaps we are already in a black hole. If so, at least we are all incredibly thin (the engineers and sci-fi nuts are laughing, trust me). Anyway, I have not seen much in the way of opinion squashing going on here. It is fine with me if velvel doesn't like judi. I love judi's sense of humor, even if I don't care for naked guys, but that doesn't mean everyone has to. Posting opinions here is not necessarily bad, but look at the way it was done...telling her to "research funny" is not posting an opinion, it is launching an attack. One is okay, the other will get you toasted - unless you do it right.

For example:
Opinion (okay): D___(Name beginning with D but not Dave) is not funny.
Attack (will get bad response - though Doug will think it is funny): D___, you are obviously a blithering idiot and need to stop wasting bandwidth.
Attack (but with style): D___, step away from the computer, stop drooling on M__, and please have that lobotomy finished before you come back.

So, you see, it is entirely possible to express an opinion without drawing blood. Of course, Doug is an easier target.

Of course, if you haven't got what it takes to back your opinion with your own identification, then who really cares what you think? For that matter, why should any of us care what the others think? (but for some reason, I do - a little)

[Miklos]

Non sequitur:

Origin and Meaning of First Name Velvel

What is the ethnic origin? Yiddish
What does it mean? Wolf
What's the gender (commonly)? Male

I suspect Velvel would not fare as well on the message board that I frequent: ClusterHeadaches.com. You folks are way too kind.

I enjoy the commentary as well as Mr. Barry's posts, odd though they may be. Judi's posts would be frantically welcomed by some of the women on our board.

NRR

[eadn]

Firstly, elfbrains, Thank You for identifying the difference in a matter of style.

Lastly, velvel, Dave, Judi, and all The Blog commenters, I will hope that this unhumorous event is settled. Thanks

[OtherDave]

Nobody can grope just one.

[eadn]

Presuming ya mean the ladies, OtherDave, then I give your comment (and the ladies :-) my whole-handed support!

[elfbrains]

Damn, how did I miss that last "Doug" when I edited? Oops.

Like nobody knew.

And I'm all for the group grope! (with the previously mentioned gender preferences)

[eadn]

Hey alex! I hope you find my "netiquette" comment to you (somewhere in Dave's pizza line)

MeL, it does seem to me that Doug has got the cheese of our comments regarding his hyper-active capabilities.

Doug, personally, I think you're OK as a human being, just got a little...hell, A LOT more energy than I do.

And to ALL, I'm just gonna say: "C'est la me" and Thank You for your understanding!

[eadn]

Thanks, alex! Would you do yourself a favor and quit worrying about your typos? Even if I see them, I'm not going to call you on them unless I don't get the point of what you're saying. You're clear enough so far, so no problem.

A little story: I worked at bookstore once and was training a lass to shelve the new books. There's a company code we followed, but since I'd been there a while she usually just asked me. Once, I told her the wrong section, she pointed the right way, and we agreed. Then both of us realizing the gaffe, we laughed, and she shelved the books properly. No problem.

In short, You Are OK.

Let's see if the ladies will dance with us flaws and all, huh?!

[evil little pixie]

I'll dance with you, eadn! And alex too, provided he gives me a picture of his ass.

[eadn]

DELICIOUSLY evil little pixie ;-) Let the music begin! :-)

[evil little pixie]

alex, that article is rlaely naet! I'll accept it as a down payment, and grant you a dance now.

[Punky Brewster]

*taps pixie on the shoulder*

May I cut in?

[evil little pixie]

Of course, as long as you don't try to hog him. Not that you would, Punky; I just need to establish that I'm not a doormat. :-)

[eadn]

alex, ya done proved my point most clearly and thank you! Little known and aww, to Hell with it! Rather let You and evil little pixie dance! :-)

(Damn! Let my honorable romantic side out! ;-)

[eadn]

Lady Punky, I am late to the post-gate again, but would you honor me with this dance instead?

[Punky Brewster]

*kisses Alex gingerly on the cheek and takes hold of Eadn's hand*

"Of course, Eadn."

And Pixie, I will always share, dear. I promise never to hog our Blog men. Only Johnny Depp. Then it's every woman for herself. ;)

[evil little pixie]

Thank you, Punky, and I quite agree about Johnny Depp. I'll be glad to resume dancing with alex, unless MeL wants him. Although I may cut in on you and eadn later, just so he doesn't think I'm ignoring him.

[eadn]

Much Thanks Lady Punky!!!!

alex, like you, the only fruit I'll taste. A peach and a plum, Ladies of Most Delectable Respect :-)~

I hear a song to remember ;-)

Now I do hope Johnny Depp doesn't show up!!!!

[eadn]

Mmmph! If Sweet MeL does arrive, I will hope you Lovely Lasses will share alex and I.

Hey alex, rest assured I won't miss my grope for the ladies!

[evil little pixie]

We'll be glad to share; sorry if that last post come off as a bit selfish. And even if Johnny does show up, I won't completly abandon the two of you.

[eadn]

Nuttin' like a little friendly feelin' of abandon, evil little pixie ;-) As it is, Thank You, but my hour of midnight (dinnertime) is approaching and it strongly appears I will need my strength! :-)

Until the morrow with Anticipaation!

[evil little pixie]

I've had a lovely time dancing, but sadly I feel I must retire for the evening, as I'm sleep deprived and it would be nice to be awake during tomorrow's test. I hope that Punky and alex enjoy themselves, now that they appear to be the only ones left in the ballroom!

[JT]

Some belated replies:

"Oy Vey"
Anyone can use it. It's not really Jewish, but Yiddish. Since most people who speak Yiddish are Jewish, that's a common misconception. Thanks to Mike Myers and his mother-in-law, Yiddish has made a comeback of sorts over the last 20 years and is more popular. Which gets me all verklempt and vermished. I'm getting shpilkes in my ghonektegazoit. Schmooze amongst yourselves.

"Judi"
Love ya, girl. Keep on posting whatever the heck you want. You're a great counterpart to Dave.

"Beefcake"
Whoever said beefcake isn't funny has never seen Playgirl magazine, the singularly least sexy publication on the planet. And I say that as a rampantly heterosexual woman who loves guys and usually prefers their company.

"Other Mike"
A Mike posted in the Rude blog about Weiner Circle, and I wanted to applaud him if he's here. Weiner Circle (awesome hot dog place in Chicago) rocks. You haven't lived until some guy screams "What the fuck do you want, motherfuckers?" to take your order. Service with a smile!

And finally, every time I read "Johnny Depp naked" I picture it. Between you guys and the can of Coke at my desk and the lousy four hours' sleep I had, I'm all freaked out, cross-eyed and vaguely aroused.

But then I remember how much Johnny smokes, and think how he must smell. Which is probably not good. Which ruins the buzz.

I need a drink.
JT

[velvel]

JT,
Clarification:
"Yid" means "Jew" in Yiddish.
"Yiddish" means "Jewish" in Yiddish.
Yiddish and Jewish are the same thing.

[JT]

Yes, but are you describing a person or a language? Oh, now I'm confused.

[JT]

Yes, but are you describing a person or a language? Oh, now I'm confused. Nevermind.

[MK]

Hmm, I'll have to tell Pond that she has a Viggo request or so. :)

[Gayla]

Help, help, help!!! I can't see Johnny NAKED! I clicked on his name at the top but...zilch. I feel like I've been teased (wink).

Any other links?

[Kazz]

Is deadrockstar00@hotmail.com really Johnny Depp's emal address??

[annie]

Damn, its not working anymore. I was really excited, too.

[jump higher]

I am also reminded of the Randy Newman song,
"You Can Leave Your Hat On".

Read more: http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/2004/03/johnny_depp_nak.html#ixzz0wmlaaqI1