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February 08, 2004

NOT JANET JACKSON'S BREAST

Next year, maybe the Super Bowl folks should hire someone with actual talent, like folk/jazz/salsa musician Zoƫ Lewis, whose show last night was far more entertaining than anything on TV last Sunday. Think Smothers Brothers meets Ben Folds meets Ella Fitzgerald meets Nestor Torres. Add some spoons, a sheep, and a tear-away PVC corset.... no, just kidding about that last one. But it'd be one helluva halftime show.

(Thanks to Nancy W. for inviting the stealth bloggerette to see this fantastic performer. Next time we'll take the blog.)

February 06, 2004

COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU

A Worm Called Lisa
The dramatic story of a worm and the people who loved her. Also poodle droppings.

(Thanks to Jeff Peake)

MOLECULAR EXPRESSIONS

Now this is art.

(Thanks to Patrick Patterson)

MORE PROOF THAT GUYS ARE NOT THE BEST HOUSEKEEPERS

Right here.

(Thanks to Tom Preston)

FLY ME TO THE MOON

Really.

(Thanks to Collins69S)

GIVE THE MAN A BREAK

He probably had a hot date.

(Thanks to Jason Easterday)

JANET JACKSON'S RIGHT BREAST LINKED TO 9/11

Well, OK, not quite, but we are getting there.

(Thanks to many people, including Steve Richardson, who sent this link to the actual lawsuit on Smoking Gun)

CALLING ALL GUYS

It's time for a scientific experiment.

(Thanks to Fi Craig)

MORE TOILETS TO STAY AWAY FROM

The ones in Texas.

(Thanks to another, or possibly the same, million)

February 05, 2004

ATTENTION, BRITISH PEOPLE

Stay away from toilets. That is all.

(Thanks to Claire Martin, and, Judi has informed me, "a MILLION other people")

CUBAN TRUCKONAUTS STOPPED AT SEA IN BUICK

The Coast Guard got them again.

They'll be back, is our guess. Maybe in a Winnebago.

MIDWESTERN CRIME WAVE

Moo.

(Thanks to many people)

THIS FAD IS GETTING OUT OF HAND

Now 80-year-old-women are getting into it.

WHO SAYs

...people don't care about the issues?

February 04, 2004

JANET JACKSON BREAST UPDATE

This didn't take long.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

ANOTHER BOLD STATE

New York takes a stand on muffins.

They have plenty to choose from.

(Thanks to Hilary Roberts)

SHE'LL LOVE IT

The perfect gift, if your girlfriend is a lizard.

(Thanks to ruach13)

STILL TRYING TO FORGET

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... This might help.

(Thanks to Penny McCrea)

TRYING TO FORGET

....that last blog item, so here's another penguin-related productivity enhancer.

(Thanks to the Penguin Haters of the World.)

MORE FROM THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO CONCEPT WHATSOEVER OF HUMAN DECENCY

No, no, no. It's simply too gross to blog this.

(But Tom Liebe thought we should.)

IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING

Size does matter.

(Thanks to Charlotte Buckley)

A THOUGHTFUL REBUTTAL

If some people choose to draw a comparison between, on the one hand, wantonly posting links to every random penis on the internet and, on the other hand, posting -- as a public service -- news updates about an internationally famous, high-profile breast that is currently the subject of intense voter interest and a federal investigation, then some people, with all due respect, have mung beans for brains.

AHEM

Ted Habte-Gabr, Field Coordinator for the Surging, Throbbing and Wheezing Dave Barry for President Campaign Juggernaut, points out that we have a bit of a "pot calling the kettle black" situation, here in blogland. "You blog penises, but he blogs breasts an awful lot."

Thank you, Ted, for that unbiased opinion.

p.s. Please note that I'm taking the high road and not even mentioning the whole snake thing.

A STATE THAT IS NOT AFRAID TO TACKLE THE TOUGH ISSUES

Georgia now has an Official State Amphibian.

(No, it is not this one.)

ATTENTION, OWNERS OF REALLY LONG SNAKES

Here is your chance to win a trip to Daytona, Florida, and $1,000 worth of food (for your snake).

JANET JACKSON HEADLINE OF THE DAY

Right here.

MOTORING UPDATE

Remember the guys who tried to drive from Cuba to the U.S. last summer in a highly modified Ford pickup truck? The Miami Herald reports that they are trying again, this time in a Buick. They are doing this despite the fact that, according to a relative of one of the men, the Cuban government took away his driver's license.

We are confident that he will be issued a new one the instant he reaches Florida.

February 03, 2004

URGENT JANET JACKSON BREAST UPDATE

Turns out she is a borg.

(Thanks to Eric J. Spiegelman, Esq.)

ATTENTION, PEOPLE WITH NO CONCEPT WHATSOEVER OF HUMAN DECENCY

Here's a fun art project.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

JANET JACKSON BREAST UPDATE

A deep-thinking Canadian weighs in.

February 02, 2004

PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

For the coldhearted.

(Thanks to Todd Edmunds)

JANET JACKSON BREAST UPDATE

Now it is sparking a probe. (Sounds painful!)

(Thanks to John Dodds)

SUPER BOWL TRAGEDY UPDATE

Carrying out our responsibilities as a journalism professional, we have studied and studied this photo of the tragic Super Bowl halftime incident, and we are now convinced that what Janet Jackson is saying here is: "DARN this darned malfunctioning wardrobe!" While Justin Timberlake is saying: "Well, at least it is unintentional!"

(Thanks for the photo link to Lisa White)

CLONING UPDATE

How else could this have happened?

UPDATE: Then again, maybe this had something to do with it.

(Thanks to Myke Predko and Mike Zlotnick)

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT'S DUE

Somebody should do something.

(Thanks to Kjetil Aavik)

TRAGEDY STRIKES

I write the songs that make the young girls cry....

(Thanks to music lovers everywhere)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the bastards are using rabbits.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

IS THAT WHAT THEY'RE CALLING IT THESE DAYS?

"I am sorry if anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance at the Super Bowl."

-- Justin Timberlake


Wardrobe malfunction? Wardrobe malfunction?

February 01, 2004

READERS STRONGLY CAUTIONED

The following site contains an article that is not funny. Nor does it contain any references to penises. Nevertheless, in honor of the Super Bowl, and for the betterment of mankind: Facts about beer.

(Thanks to Tim Smith)

 
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