HELPFUL BOOK
A need is met.
(Thanks to Cat Conner)
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A need is met.
(Thanks to Cat Conner)
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I have finally decided what to take to give to Dave, but I need everyone's help - I need a one liner from each of the MOATIES. So that I don't have to search through the MOAT, I'd appreciate it if you would post them here, so they'll all be in one place.
Thanks!
Posted by: ASK | April 17, 2006 at 09:15 AM
FIRST!
Posted by: Tamara Rhymes With Camera | April 17, 2006 at 09:21 AM
Ask not what your --- oh wait. I think that's been used before.
Posted by: slyeyes | April 17, 2006 at 09:24 AM
*grope*
Posted by: Leetie | April 17, 2006 at 09:29 AM
____________________________________
Is that what you meant?
*wide-eyed look*
Eleanor
Posted by: Eleanor | April 17, 2006 at 10:07 AM
"One-liners for Dave" wbagnfarb or maybe an inspirational book...
Posted by: insomniac | April 17, 2006 at 10:43 AM
I've just woken up from what seems like a zillion hours of sleep, so forgive me if this makes no sense:
"Boogers should be seen and not heard."
Thank you. I'll be here all night.
No, I am not drunk. That really is what popped into my head just now. I wonder what it means.
Posted by: Marie in Kourou | April 17, 2006 at 12:15 PM
i'd send you my love, Dave. but i left my heart in san francisco. or was it my teeth? *smek smek* oh, thit.
Posted by: cyn | April 17, 2006 at 02:17 PM
Is that your oosik, or are you just happy to see me?
*looks around*
*notices blank stares*
*walks away, backwards*
Posted by: DDi | April 17, 2006 at 04:09 PM
(this is not a final draft.. I will probably be back..)(Also, it's very long for a one-liner.. I'll work on that)
I asked the voices in my head what I should do today. They said "Read Dave Barry's Blog!" Then there was one little voice (from waaay down the back) that said "Dress your weasel in a tutu". Now I've got two things to do today.
Posted by: Kafaleni | April 17, 2006 at 04:16 PM
HA!! I like it, Kaf. :D
Posted by: Tamara Rhymes With Camera | April 17, 2006 at 04:36 PM
It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the booger
Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.
Just want to say, for the record, that I do NOT pick my nose. I couldn't, it's always runny, so I blow it a lot, but I know people who have picked their noses (my brother for one, he would pick and eat it, and once picked and ate a bogie from my sister's nose. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!)
Posted by: Sarah J | April 17, 2006 at 04:42 PM
*puts a sign on Sarah J's brother's back: "THIS MAN HAS EATEN SOMEONE ELSE'S BOOGERS. DISINFECT BEFORE USE."*
Posted by: Marie in Kourou | April 17, 2006 at 04:53 PM
Ask I think you should put together the you might be a Dave Barry Bloglit if...
list. What are you doing with these one liners so I can figure out what to say.
So far all I got is Dave Barry- the man, the myth, the booger.
Posted by: Mad "soon to be Weasel" Scientist | April 17, 2006 at 05:07 PM
I'll try to show you what I am thinking on the Y this evening - I couldn't get there from here today.
Posted by: ASK | April 17, 2006 at 05:19 PM
*grumble*
Posted by: just sayin' | April 17, 2006 at 08:49 PM
Still efforting. My net access disappeared for a few hours.
Posted by: ask | April 17, 2006 at 11:55 PM
ask, do you mean one-liners written by Dave?
(guess mine was funnier in my head:(
Posted by: cyn | April 18, 2006 at 12:28 AM
"Someone Else's Boogers" WBAGNFARB, then again, I wouldn't want to see the album art.
*tap, tap* Is this thing on?
Posted by: bbescuela | April 18, 2006 at 12:44 AM
No - written to dave by you. And I thought yours was hilarious!
Posted by: ask | April 18, 2006 at 12:50 AM
I asked the voices in my head what I should do today. They said "Read Dave Barry's Blog!" Then there was one little voice (from waaay down the back) that said "Dress your weasel in a tutu". Now I've got two things to do today.
Posted by: Kafaleni | 04:16 PM on April 17, 2006
*SNORK!
Posted by: kibby F5™ | April 18, 2006 at 03:37 AM
"I thought I was funny ... until I read Dave Barry's Blog. Now I know I'm in good company!"
Posted by: kibby F5™ | April 18, 2006 at 03:41 AM
*goes to find a weasel tutu*
Posted by: kibby F5™ | April 18, 2006 at 03:49 AM
*insert witticism that won't get me slapped with a restraining order here*
Posted by: Kafaleni | April 18, 2006 at 05:36 AM
oooh.. bold colour choice, Kibbster
Posted by: Kafaleni | April 18, 2006 at 05:38 AM
whew.. n tnx!
(ginormous Snork @ "Dress your weasel in a tutu")
Posted by: cyn | April 18, 2006 at 05:58 AM
I think elfbrains wrote his own best line: "I can't get there from here."
It's definitely a mullet.
Posted by: Peri | April 18, 2006 at 09:25 AM
Clearly not original to me...but I don't see it here yet.
"Then there's the whole penis thing."
What? It's a line I've heard alot around he---ooooh something shiny--->
Posted by: Susan | April 18, 2006 at 10:28 AM
Dave, please help. These people are holding me hostage. It's not against my will exactly, but I find myself unable to escape the mighty hold that is the MOAT. I find myself punning, and double-entendre-ing, fearing the robot, snorking at Insom, dreaming about MOATaritas, and randomly yelling "FIRST!" at the most inappropriate moments, and...
Please give Amy Tan my warmest regards.
Posted by: KDF | April 18, 2006 at 06:23 PM
Dave - we just wanted to, like, you know, thank you so totally for all your, like, totally cool publicity bulletins bulletins bulletins.
You're, like, the ginchiest!
Posted by: Britney & Whathisname | April 19, 2006 at 09:25 AM
Dave - why don't you contact me before your show? I wrote a song about you that you could include. How about it?
Posted by: I Write the Songs | April 19, 2006 at 09:28 AM
Dave, you need to get yourself some hand lotion. Those callouses are killing me.
Posted by: Walter | April 19, 2006 at 10:36 AM
And keep your plunger to yourself!
Posted by: Your Low Flow Toilet | April 19, 2006 at 10:53 AM
Looks like mom and dad have been amusing themselves.
Posted by: ask | April 19, 2006 at 12:26 PM
My contribution: "WBAGNFARB"
Posted by: MOTW | April 19, 2006 at 01:01 PM
Not That There's Anything Wrong With That.
Really.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2006 at 01:05 PM
"you Neil Diamond fans out there can stop writing irate unsigned letters telling me tha I am not worthy to be a dandruff flake on Neil's head, OK?"
" '. . . song she sang to me, song she brang to me . . .' "
"Of course I think those lyrics are brilliant; however, they brang out a lot of hostility in the readers."
AND
"Likewise, there are boiling pools of animosity out there for Barry 'I Write The Songs' Manilow."
Posted by: The Bad Song Survey | April 19, 2006 at 01:25 PM
*tries to think of a funny one-liner*
*fails*
*tries to think of a funny many-liner*
*fails*
*tries to remember anything funny, ever*
dang. Sorry; I'm the non-funny, but dedicated moatie.
Posted by: neophyte | April 19, 2006 at 09:18 PM
Dave - rumors are spreading like wildfire that the band has been experimenting with a fourth chord. Is this true, and can you tell your fans whether it might be unveiled at the Dallas show?
*Counts lines*
*Scatological expletive*
Posted by: Meanie the Blue | April 20, 2006 at 07:28 AM
What about that raise, Dave? Huh?
Posted by: Meanie the Blue, on behalf of Judi | April 20, 2006 at 07:30 AM
From 4-20-2006: "Nothing like a wailing sax at 6 a.m., except maybe root canal."
Posted by: MOTW | April 20, 2006 at 11:49 AM
I swear I am not making this up. [ISIANMTU]
Posted by: MOTW | April 20, 2006 at 11:51 AM
Clarification:ASK wants one-liners that WE wrote to Dave, such as-
"Size doesn't matter - it's how you oosik."
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | April 20, 2006 at 08:12 PM
Ooops ... sorry, Annie. I blame myself.
Posted by: Reference Wench | April 21, 2006 at 11:47 AM
Rubber cement looks like boogers, even before you breathe the fumes.
Posted by: MOTW | April 26, 2006 at 09:31 AM
So how did it go, guys?
Posted by: Kafaleni | April 27, 2006 at 06:11 AM
All comments were printed, then cut&pasted onto index cards w/ bon-bons stapled to them. I presented them to Dave in a red bag with 'DAVE'S BON MOTS' in large letters on the side. He loved them.
Posted by: MOTW | May 04, 2006 at 05:09 PM