Dave Barry's Blog

COME ON BABY

Light my fire.

(Thanks to Tom Geary)

YET ANOTHER FLORIDA DRIVER LICENSE

...will be arriving soon in this guy's mailbox.

(Thanks to Michael J. Ester)

CHICK MAGNET?

I got your chick magnet right here.

(Thanks to Barry Ritholtz)

SPORTS UPDATE

This basketball player is one tough... Well, he's just tough.

(Thanks to Thatd Humphries)

GOT LYSOL?

Let's take a test drive.

(Thanks to Roland)

BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE

BURP

(Thanks to 939 alert readers)

ATTENTION, SNEEZE PERVERTS!

We have just the site for you.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

MYSTERY DATE

Will it be a dream? Or a dud?

(Thanks to Tom Young)

OFFICIAL HOWARD DEAN CAMPAIGN VICTORY YELP

Here it is, as remixed by Mr. James Lileks.

WE THINK THIS KID SHOULD HOLD OUT FOR AT LEAST $100 MILLION

It's Microsoft vs. Mike Rowe Soft. Be sure to note the name of the law firm representing Microsoft.

(Thanks to alert photojournalist David Hobby)

CAMPAIGN UPDATE

We think the Dave Barry campaign juggernaut did pretty well in Iowa. We finished within two percentage points of Al Sharpton, Dennis Kucinich, Wesley Clark and Joseph Lieberman. We're feeling the momentum building, and, more and more, we're referring to ourselves in the plural. We're moving on to New Hampshire, where we intend to continue ordering from room service and honing our Vision for America's Future, which will include going over to Finland and hiring this guy to be commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service.

(Thanks to Maria Fanucchi and Theresa Hogue for the BBC story)

IF YOU SEE ONLY ONE LEAF-BLOWER-WAR VIDEO THIS YEAR...

I read the Dave Barry column about a leaf blower incident.

In 2002 I created a clip about a fabricated leaf blower "border skirmish" for my "2002 Extravaganza" video. I didn't suspect that nature (human) would actually imitate art in this form! Here is a link to the clip on my WWW site that you might find entertaining.

Regards,

Tim Bayer

This blog gives it nine thumbs up.

STREAKING IN A DENNY'S: A TERRIFIC IDEA

...until something goes wrong.

(Thanks to Leon Ford and about 2,000 othger people, according to the Stealth Bloggerette)

FINAL IOWA UPDATE

Here you go. Next election update will be Saturday from New Hampshire, unless I can't get a hotel room there, in which case I'll cover the New Hampshire primary from Jamaica.

IOWA UPDATE

Here's your Iowa update for today. One thing I didn't have room to include in this report was that, at the rally for Dick "Dick" Gephardt, his supporters chanted this chant:

WE ARE THE GEPHARDTS!
MIGHTY MIGHTY GEPHARDTS!

It's very catchy. The Miami Herald's political writer, Peter Wallsten, was with me at the rally, and we both find that we cannot get this chant out of our heads. We'll be driving somewhere in Iowa, and one of us will suddenly shout: "WE ARE THE GEPHARDTS!" And the other one will respond: "MIGHTY MIGHTY GEPHARDTS!" We need to leave here soon.

Also today I have a regular Sunday column, about art. Yes! TWO columns today! Mighty mighty columns!

WHEN YOU COME TO DES MOINES

You will surely want to chow down on a hearty intestine-filled taco.

(Notice I say "you.")

IOWA UPDATE

We got yer update here.

GREAT SONG

Makes me want to sing and dance, too.

(Thanks to Michael J "Id hoc jail camel" DiCola)

YOU JUST KNOW IT'S A CHICK MAGNET

Nothing geeky about this.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

I'LL TAKE A SIX-PACK

And I want a money-back guarantee.

(Thanks to Tiffany Oppelt)

SUPERGIRL

Has anybody seen my keys?

(Thanks to Brian (Ball Brine) Bell)

IOWA UPDATE

Want to know what's going on in Iowa? This probably will not help.

PSSSSSSST-- JUST SAY NO

Pass it on.

(Thanks to Jason Easterday and Mike Seidel)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now they're using soda.

(Thanks to COLLINS69S)

MORGAN MULENGA, FUTURE AUTHOR

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CANADIAN TREACHERY

They're trying to keep our ducks from migrating.

(Can't really blame the ducks, eh?.)

(Thanks to Brad Buset)

IOWA UPDATE

I have arrived in Iowa, which is cold and flat outdoors, but has beer indoors, so all is well.

Last night I attended a campaign rally. I'll be reporting on it in detail in the Miami Herald, although I will reveal here that the PETA candidate, Chris P. Carrot was on hand. Anyway, while we were waiting for the rally to start, a reporter from another newspaper interviewed me for about 10 minutes about blogs, and I am pretty sure that I did not give her one single coherent answer. So if you see an incoherent statement about blogs attributed to me in a newspaper, rest assured that it is accurate.

Meanwhile, I notice that Judi Smith -- no, wait, I mean the Stealth Bloggerette -- has been doing a fine job of putting random obscene things on this site. Thank you, Stealth Bloggerette!

Duh! (Thanks to erika zipser)

Duh!

(Thanks to erika zipser)

THE WAR ON VOTING

This explains a lot.

(Thanks to Benjamin Studtmann)

HOW TO WIN THE WAR ON TERRORISM

Take away their library cards.

(Thanks to many alert readers)

VACATION DESTINATION Sometime in August?

VACATION DESTINATION

Sometime in August?

I WONDER IF THEY HANDLE METALLICA

(Thanks to Tiffanie Luckett)

*BULLETIN*BULLETIN*BULLETIN*

I just recently discovered something important. Dave really does write his own blog! It never made sense to me how Dave has that much time on his hands to keep up with his blog. I was sure he had a staff of 12 sifting through all proposed off-color, nutty, wierd, creepy and silly sites and posting the very choicest. But apparently, there are times when Dave is busy and actually goes off blog duty. I am forced to the conclusion that during the rest of the year it is Dave and Dave alone who is doing all that blogging. That's scary.
Peony

Yep. Dave does the blog. We do the columns. The Staff of Twelve

LONG OVERDUE APOLOGY FROM CANADA

Dear Mr. Barry,

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for the crossing of Canadian leaves onto your soil. As a Canadian, I cannot understand how this happened. Up here we have a leadership vacuum. Logically the leaves should have come right back at us.

Rest assured come spring, I will send a team of highly trained, extremely excitable alcoholic beavers to clean up the mess before it turns into valuable compost.

Just to show how sorry we are, you can keep Celine Dion. Please.

Thanks,

Vaughan Reid

No, thanks, unless you're looking to trade.

HELLO?

Testing... testing... Is this thing on?

I am interrupting my hiatus here to alert you -- if there is anybody still out there -- that I'll be continuing my hiatus for a bit longer. I'm still working on some book stuff, and the Miami Herald is sending me to Iowa and New Hampshire, where apparently there is some kind of election or something (I will have more details on this as I make them up). I'll be starting my reports from Iowa at the end of this week, and will link to them on this blog. Also, there may be a guest Stealth Blogger coming on here from time to time to post items in a stealthy manner. So you might want to check in every now and then. when you get tired of viewing other web content.

Also: Happy New Year.