« October 2003 | Main | December 2003 »

November 18, 2003

WORLD TOILET DAY UPDATE

Steve Sindorf points out that the World Toilet Day people are running a contest.

Key quote: "Oh Yes! I've a new toilet invention!!"

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS!

Now they are using spiders.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

WORTHWHILE INTERNET UTILITY

The VCR clock.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

CRIME IN JAPAN

Otter smuggling.

(Thanks to Mark Hoerrner)

MEDICAL UPDATE

Where were these women when this blog was in college?

(Thanks to Mao) (No, not that Mao.)

THIS BLOG CAN BARELY CONTAIN ITSELF

Tomorrow is World Toilet Day.

(Thanks to pretty much everybody in the world)

FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES WILL BE MAILED

...to this motorist and this motorist.

(Thanks to Kennon "Ankle Bolo Nun" Ballou and Michael Greenspan)

WHAT YOUR MALE CHILD WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS

He wants Stink Blasters.

Key quote: "...designed to break wind up to 30,000 times on demand."

(Thanks to Tom Downer)

WE EXPECT TO SEE THIS TRIAL ON TV

...the man who allegedly stabbed Corky the python.

IT ALSO WORKS ON HUMANS

Tree scientists repel beetles with Swiss cheese.

(Thanks to Brad Buset)

SOME THINGS ARE JUST TOO CRUEL FOR THIS BLOG TO LINK TO

For example, this.

(Thanks to Blaine Thompson)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the bastards are using pitchforks.

(Thanks to Andy Tomlinson)

November 17, 2003

WHY WE LOVE DIGITAL TECHNOLOGY

It has all these cool features.

(Thanks to Lauren Kaufman)

THE BAD NEWS IS, THE EARTH IS DOOMED

The good news is: So what?

(Thanks to Taqi Jaffri)

YET ANOTHER THING TO WORRY ABOUT

According to this site, Big Razor is Watching You. This blog has NO idea if this is true, but this blog feels that one of the most important functions of the Internet is to make everybody as nervous as possible.

(Thanks to Joel Joslin)

IF THIS WERE TRUE

...no male sports team would ever win anything.

(Thanks to Mykel Pickens)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the bastards are using powdered doughnuts.

(Thanks to Ray Wright)

GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

The Naked Springboks

(Thanks to Gretchen)

November 16, 2003

AS IF THE WORLD WERE NOT TENSE ENOUGH

Now Holland has dropped a bomb on Norway.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

EXCELLENT NAME FOR A PROFESSOR

Travis Doom

(Thanks to Thad Humphries)

THIS BLOG SLEEPS BETTER KNOWING

... that police in Salem, Oregon, are using high-tech "Taser" technology to subdue... police in Salem Oregon.

(Thanks to Steve Rhoads)

WHEN THIS BLOG THINKS ABOUT TRAVELING BY AIR

...this blog thinks: Ah, Phuket.

(Thanks to Jeremy Cyr)

ATTENTION, VISITORS TO CHINA

Do not eat anything.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

A NATIONAL DAY OF MOURNING

This blog frankly does not know how it will go on.

(Thanks to Scott Hand)

ATTENTION, POSTAL WORKERS

Be careful.

(Thanks to Mary Behrendt)

INSECT PRODUCTIVITY UPDATE

What do you want to bet that these ants have discovered the ant equivalent of this?

(Thanks to David Campbell)

THOSE WACKY BRITISH VAMPIRES

...always fooling around.

Key quote: "....Rowberry has said that when the abuse started, he attempted a dialogue by posting letters addressed 'Dear vampires.'"

(Thanks to Michael Greenspan)

THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT IF YOU ARE THE PARENT OF A TEENAGED GIRL, NO. 45,873

You notice that, suddenly, she has started chewing gum.

(Thanks to Michael Greenspan)

WHEN THIS BLOG IS THIRSTY

...it reaches for a big old glass of Turkey and Gravy flavored beverage.

(Thanks to Mike Palmieri)

HOMELAND SECURITY ADVISORY

Be on the lookout for persons carrying canned peas.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

ART UPDATE

"It looks so... lifelike!"

(Thanks to Mike Bickerson)

November 14, 2003

ISSUE OF THE DAY

And our so-called "government" does nothing about it.

(Thanks to Michael Greenspan)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS!

Now they're using pork fat.

(Thanks to Jason Henderson)

ATTENTION, LONELY PEOPLE VISITING JAPAN

Do not kiss the carp.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the bastards are using fruit bats.

(Thanks to Matt "Akmtt" K)

COLLEGE SPORTS UPDATE

Students engage in good clean campus fun.

(Thanks to Jim Wynn)

SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT SINGAPORE

Over there, they know how to party.

(Thanks to many people)

EBAY ITEM OF THE DAY

This giant fiberglass bull is attractive AND practical.

Key quote: "...just the thing for a slow economy to wake up the imagination!"

(Thanks to John De Souza)

WHAT GUYS ARE DOING WHEN WOMEN ARE WORKING ON RELATIONSHIPS

Cheese Racing

(Thanks to JoAnna Wood)

SOMEBODY ALERT PETA

Nature is out of control in Germany.

(Thanks to Jim Brankin)

BARRY MANILOW BOBBLE HEAD: ANOTHER OPNION

I thnk the bobble head looks like former NBA player and hippie Bill Walton. -- Gordie Fall
A smiliar opnion was expressed by J. Schweers.

ATTENTION, GOLFERS

Be careful.

(Thanks to Corinne Marasco)

THANKS, SCIENCE COMMUNITY!

Just what we need: another virus.

(Thanks to Benajamin Studtmann)

FESTIVE RELEASE OF BUTTERFLIES: ANOTHER EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT

At my church for Easter one year they raised butterflies and planned it so that all the butterflies would be ready to fly away on Easter Sunday. So they opened the box to free the butterflies (the suspense was crazy-intense at this point) and...Nothing happened. All the little butterflies were confused and just sat there and looked around at the expectant crowd. One tentatively walked out of the box. It was very anti-climatic, let me tell you. -- Rebecca Ruth "A Better Czech Rum" Metz

TO THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK THIS BLOG IS KIDDING ABOUT WHAT KIND OF MOTORISTS ARE ISSUED FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Please read this.

(Thanks to many people)

November 13, 2003

WHY WE LOOK UP TO THE BRITISH

One word: Class.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE

What, kids can't even play with missile launchers any more?

(Thanks to Jason Easterday)

BARRY MANILOW BOBBLE HEAD: ANOTHER THEORY

That's not Barry. It's Joe (rhymes with Heisman) Theisman. -- mmurpm

THOSE BASTARDS!

Now they're using lunchboxes.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

FESTIVE MASS BUTTERFLY RELEASE: A FIRST-HAND REPORT

I once sang at a wedding and afterward was invited to release butterflies with the rest of the guests, and it was undoubtedly the creepiest thing I have ever done. The butterflies were kept in tiny, tiny boxes and we had to stand there looking cheerful as they frantically tried to escape those tiny, tiny boxes, practically flying away (box and all) in the process. Some, tragically, did not survive the attempt. And let me tell you, nothing says "I love you" like a dead butterfly. Needless to say, I will be sticking to something slighly less insect-like for my wedding (whenever that day comes), which probably rules out a mass release of Barry Manilow. (Do I make it into your blog just for that gratuitous name-dropping?) -- Katie "Maslanka
We are not that easy.
 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise