MEANWHILE
Frogs are missing in Hungary.
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Frogs are missing in Hungary.
They're all over Detroit.
Just wait until the Marines have to face Saddam's elite Republican gazelles.
(Thanks to Jeffrey Gordon)
...let us not forget what Easter is all about.
We have now added fact-filled explanatory captions to the photos in the slickly packaged "high tech" virtual tour of my office.
Got to keep track of those domain names.
(Thanks to PurpleLMS, I think)
You can have your NASCAR. Here is a sport for the real (burp) man.
(Thanks to John Lobert)
What, now it's illegal to make a little money traveling through time?
(Thanks to Mike Lindsey)
Here's a perfectly normal thing to think about.
(Thanks to Lane Closure)
I have no idea what this is all about. I'm only linking to it out of fear that it might turn out to be TRUE or something.
(Thanks to Stephen Clouse)
The lion poos tonight.
(Thanks to Lew Greer)
Let's all go here and see if we can't take our national productivity down a notch or two!
(Thanks to Sacha G)
For the really, really secure man on your list.
(Thanks to Ken Wheaton)
Here's a good guide to using the apostrophe.
(Thanks to Peter Hesse)
Also it's sweet.
(Thanks to Michael Greenspan and others whose names I have lost and I'm sorry so please don't cut off my head. Thank you.)
Here is another example of the kind of sick, not-funny story that I refuse to link to.
(Thanks to Roger Dooley)
The Rock Bottom Remainders continue to get massive publicity for our three-city tour next week to Seattle, San Francisco and Los Angeles. In this article, Amy Tan reveals why she dresses as a whip-wielding dominatrix. If you would like to see Amy strut around in black leather, and perhaps even strike Scott Turow on the buttocks, you can buy tickets here.
CLARIFICATION: In the post above, I don't mean YOU get to strike Scott's buttocks; I mean AMY does. If YOU want to strike Scott's buttocks, you will have to work that out privately with Scott. Thank you.
Today is National Columnists Day.
The Coast Guard rescues a turtle in distress.
Arrest him? I'd give him a medal for valor.
The New Zealand terrorist toadhunt may be over.
The French ambassador is not happy.
We can run our cars on turkey guts!
(Thanks to Bob Silver, who will be attending the Seattle performance of the semi-legendary Rock Bottom Remainders)
The Ghanian navy has freed a giant turtle that was rescued from a sorcerer. (You think I'm making this up)
Now this is funny.
Who wouldn't want a golden turd?
(Thanks to rcnotes)
When people ask me, "Dave, why on earth do you never cook pork chops next to your keg of gunpowder?" I direct them here.
(Thanks to Julia Kohn)
Here's a good thing to show to small children at bedtime.
(Thanks to B. Durbin)
"Hey baby... your MRI, or mine?"
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Here's your site.
(Thanks to "A," who "stumbled across it I swear")
Another store selling cat hats.
(Thanks to Mike Lindsey)
Amish buggies racing out of control!
(Thanks to Crystal Weaver)
Call me a sophisticate, but I really admire good singing technique.
(Thanks to Erin Lee)
Here's an eBay site for the whole family!
(Thanks to Gerret Swearingen)
NASCAR fans: a breed apart.
(Thanks to Trey Geiger)
More publicity for the legendary almost-all-author band the Rock Bottom Remainders in this story from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. Remember: The band will be playing next week in Seattle, San Francisco and Los Angeles, and if we sell all the tickets, we will be sold out. But we're not yet, so if you like good music, but you want to come hear us anyway, get yer tickets here.
This clears everything up.
(Thanks to Dan Koss)
If you want to see something that is very bad and not at all funny, click here.
(Thanks to Sarah John)
WE NEED TO SEND THE MARINES HERE
My superb and well-staffed Research Department, Judi Smith, has posted a photographic tour of my office. In it you can see, among other things, the legendary Bob the Bear, as well as the extremely tasteful Last Supper Painting and Clock. Also there are huge stacks of unanswered mail dating back to the French and Indian War. Rest assured that I will be getting to this mail any day now.
Her convoy is big news in Montana.
Police here have to receive special training in dealing with ritual animal sacrifice.
...check out the trailer.
And shouldn't it be spelled "Devastator?"
(Thanks to Dan Koss)
See how you rate!
"Black Tadpoles the size of Earth" would be a good name for a rock band.
"There is no difference between a poop in a cake and a poop in an icecream."
This, and more wisdom about Romanian soccer, can be found here.
I say we broadcast this at at the Syrians, as a warning of what could be coming.
(Thanks to Walter Schlech)
The legendary Rock Bottom Remainders almost-all-author rock band will be playing in Seattle, San Francisco and Los Angeles next week, and we are starting to generate massive publicity in the form of an item at the very bottom of this column. The item dates back to the time when Bruce Springsteen got on stage with us and sang "Gloria." That was in 1994, and afterward he became a huge star. Such is the power of the Rock Bottom Remainders. It is incredible that there are still tickets available.
You talk about tasteful.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)